Feral
by opal aline
Summary: When Bella signed up for a summer archeology program, she thought she'd be exploring fossils and sedimentary rock. Little did she know, she would find herself the primary caretaker for a man with no verbal capacity or human interaction skills-a feral man
1. Chapter 1

**Pick A Pic Challenge  
Title: Feral  
Penname: opalaline  
Banner: #1  
Rating: M  
**

**Disclaimer: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**Summary: While exploring a cave, Bella runs across something she never expects.**

**To see all the stories that are a part of this contest please visit: www .fanfiction-challenges. blogspot. com**

**~XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX~**

**A/N: This is intended as a first chapter in what will become a multi chapter fic. I will be posting the next chapter after the contest is finished.**

**A/N: Thank you to my lovely and awesome beta, Justine...you are amazing! Big thanks and love to 'The Girls' for your constant love and support!**

**~xxxxxxx~**

**BPOV**

"No way! Why do I always have to be the one to climb into these caves?"

I glare at the other girls on my team.

"Come on, Bella. You're the only one small enough to fit," Rosalie tells me, nudging me toward the cave opening.

"Bullshit! Alice is the smallest!" I retort.

"Please, Bella! You know it freaks me out crawling into these nasty, damp caves." Alice makes a disgusted face.

I simply roll my eyes at Alice. We all know the only reason she enrolled in the summer archeology program is because of Jasper Hale - she would follow him to the moon and back.

"Fine! I'll go, but you all owe me big time."

Alice, Angela, and Rosalie give me a thumbs up. Leah and Jessica ignore me, which is totally okay with me - I hate those bitches anyway.

I fish my flashlight from my backpack, flicking it on before I begin my crawl into the cave.

The mouth of the cave is barely big enough for me and my large backpack to squeeze through and I know this will be tough going. My hope is that this will open to a larger chamber soon.

There are a dozen of us enrolled in the program, and today we split into two groups: guys in one, us girls in the other. Our professor, Doctor Carlisle Cullen, assigned each group a grid that we are to explore, looking for any evidence of previous occupants in the harsh environment of the Mojave Desert.

I enter the cave slowly, making sure to shine my flash light all around me - checking for obstacles. The air remains fresh as I make my way further inside, indicating an air shaft somewhere within. This is a good sign – even ancient peoples knew fresh air was essential in any dwelling. Maybe I'll get lucky and actually make a find.

I move along carefully, taking care with my surroundings – you never know what you'll find – when I happen along a chamber. I move my light along the wall, looking for cave drawings or any sign that someone once lived here.

To my disappointment, I see nothing but plain rock wall.

A soft noise draws my attention; it's nothing alarming, just curiosity inducing.

A scream catches in my throat when the beam of light falls on the source of the noise. Instead of the bat or other small animal I expected, I'm met with the most vibrantly green pair of eyes I've ever seen – _human eyes_.

I'm frozen, my eyes trained on this pair of eyes. They hold no hostility, merely mirroring the terror in my own. Curiosity wins out over my fear, and I widen the beam of my flashlight to get a better view of this mysterious creature.

I gasp in shock when my light reveals the hunched form of a grown, completely naked man. His skin is filthy, covered with a layer of dirt except for several spots where cuts and scrapes show. He is thin, but I can see he has muscle on him as well.

His hair hangs around his shoulders in knotted clumps. His features are chiseled and, if the dirt was removed, it appears he'd actually be quite handsome.

We are locked in a stare, neither of us moving.

"Bella! Hurry up!" Rosalie's voice pierces the silence.

The man startles at the sound, hunching further down and making a growling noise toward the mouth of the cave.

Rosalie's voice shakes my brain from its startled state, and I call out, "One of you radio Doctor Cullen, I need him here now!"

This man needs help. I don't know what to do for him, but Doctor Cullen will.

"Are you okay in there, Bella?" Angela asks, concern evident in her voice.

"I'm fine. I just need Doctor Cullen in here as soon as he can get here."

I don't know why I chose not to tell the girls about this strange man, I just feel a strong need to protect him.

Turning my attention back to him, I see he's still crouched low, watching me carefully.

Still unsure, I do the first thing that comes to my mind. "Hello. I'm Bella."

Everything about his face changes, the fear leaves his eyes, curiosity taking its place.

"Can you speak?" I ask him.

He tilts his head slightly, his eyebrows knit in confusion.

"Do you understand me?"

He continues to stare intently at me.

Very slowly I lay down my flashlight. He seems fascinated by the light, his eyes darting back and forth between the flashlight and me.

With extreme care, I stretch my hand out toward him.

His eyes lock on my searching fingers, and he immediately hunches further down, an almost hiss-like sound emitting from his throat.

For lack of a better reference, I treat him like I would a frightened animal. I show him my palm and speak in my most calm voice. "Don't worry. I won't hurt you."

He looks back and forth from my face to my hand.

With a suddenness that takes me off guard, he pokes my hand with one finger before pulling his hand swiftly back.

We stare at each other for a moment, like we are both waiting for something.

After the shock of the moment fades, I scoot closer to him...just an inch or so...my hand still held in front of me.

He watches me warily, his eyes cautious. Before I get a chance to touch him, he grabs my hand, holding it tightly between both of his.

I'm completely still as the man looks intently at my hand, turning it over and over in his own. His hands are rough – calloused and dirty – but there is a gentleness to his touch.

He holds my hand in his palm, his face inches from my hand, his long finger tracing the lines of my palm.

I'm spellbound as I watch him, and he appears to be fascinated himself. Back and forth his finger traces. Three times…seven times…ten times…

"Bella? Where are you?" Doctor Cullen's voice breaks through the silence in the cave.

I abruptly find myself pressed against the cold stone wall, the man crouched low in front of me, growling toward the direction of Carlisle's voice.

"Be careful! There is someone back here with me. He's frightened," I call to Doctor Cullen.

The man continues to growl, pushing me harder against the wall.

I place my hands on his shoulders and speak calmly to him. "It's okay. Doctor Cullen is a friend, he won't hurt you."

I have no way to know if he understands anything I said, but I continue to speak in a calm, even tone.

When Doctor Cullen makes his way into the chamber, his eyes widen at the scene before him. "Bella? Are you okay?" Doctor Cullen asks.

"Yes, I'm fine. Move slowly; he won't hurt you."

Doctor Cullen heeds my advice and moves as if in slow motion.

"Do you know this man?" Doctor Cullen asks me.

"No. I found him when I came in to explore the cave. We have to help him. I think he might be feral."

I can just barely see around the man's shoulder, but it's enough to see the concerned look on Doctor Cullen's face.

The man is still growling, but quieter now. Doctor Cullen is very kind man, I'm sure he can sense that.

"What do you think we should do?" I ask.

Doctor Cullen seems to consider his words carefully before he speaks to me. "He seems to have formed an attachment to you; he's clearly protecting you."

I know Doctor Cullen is right and, oddly enough, I feel the same need to protect this strange man.

He is calmer now and has ceased growling, though his body is still tense.

I take a chance and lay my hand gently on his shoulder, hoping the action will calm him further. His reaction is immediate. His head whips around till his eyes lock on my hand, and I find myself holding my breath, awaiting his reaction. Once again, he pokes my hand with one finger, watching me carefully. This time I smile at him and watch as his hand travels from my hand and pokes the corner of my mouth. He looks so perplexed, my heart bleeds for him. What must he have gone through to be in the state he is in?

"How involved do you want to be?" Doctor Cullen asks me.

"Whatever it takes."

Doctor Cullen gives me a look filled with pride, which doesn't really surprise me. He's my dad's best friend, so he's known me all my life. I've never been one to get really involved in things...always an observer, but something in me feels so compelled to help this man, I can't even explain it to myself.

"I think the best thing will be for you to see if you can get him to follow you to our camp. From there I can sedate him and we can transport him to my house," Carlisle informs me.

"How are you going to...?" I begin to ask, but Carlisle cuts me off.

"I keep my license up to date; I can easily obtain the sedative. I'm going to clear out the others before you come out. I'll leave my radio here for you. Call me when you are close to camp. Be careful." With that, Carlisle makes his way back out of the cave.

The man visibly relaxes as soon as Carlisle is out of sight and turns to face me.

He looks so innocent as he watches me. It makes me feel bad that he will soon be put through so many challenges. But Carlisle is right, his home is the best place for this man, and I intend to help as much as I can.

Once again, I reach out toward the man and, once again, he clasps my hand in his, turning it over, studying it intently.

I have no idea how long we sit like this, each studying the other. I'm finally pulled to reality by the sound of a growling stomach.

"You're hungry aren't you?"

Of course he doesn't answer me, but the uncomfortable look on his face and his growling stomach tell me all I need to know.

I pull my hand from his and slide my backpack off. The man looks on with interest, even poking at my backpack as I rummage inside for a granola bar. Finding one, I peel the wrapper back and hand the granola bar to the man. He just stares at the food in my hand.

"It's food. See, you eat it." I nibble the corner of the bar then offer it to him again.

He pokes it with one finger – this seems to be his preferred method of exploration.

I keep holding the food out to him, hoping he will take it. He leans toward me slowly, smelling the granola bar. He never takes his eyes off me as he grabs the food from my hand, retreating back as he greedily shoves it in his mouth. The snack disappears in seconds, but he appears to have difficulty swallowing it.

I pull a water bottle from my bag and take a drink before handing it to the man. He takes it from me with less caution. He seems to be growing used to my presence...trusting me more.

The look of wonder on his face when the cool water hits his lips makes my heart clench. My mind can hardly fathom what he must have suffered through to wind up in this state.

I try several times to get my water bottle back, but he seems oddly fascinated and attached to it, so I just let him hold on to it.

The radio's receiver crackles with static when Carlisle's voice sounds through the speaker. "Bella, we're all clear out here."

Now comes the tricky part - trying to convince him to follow me.

I get my backpack on and crawl toward the passage leading out. The man makes a low humming noise in his throat and grabs me by the ankle. His face is distressed when I turn to look at him. I reach back, grabbing his hand and try to pull him with me. He won't budge. He's amazingly strong for being so thin.

"Please come with me... I can't just leave you here."

Again he cocks his head to one side, his eyebrows furrowing.

I tug his hand again, but he still refuses to move.

I wrack my brain for anything I can use to bribe him from this cave. I suddenly remember that I have a bit of chocolate in one of the pockets of my backpack. Perhaps that will entice him.

I fish the chocolate from my bag, breaking off a small piece. He takes it from me eagerly as soon as I offer it, shoving it into his mouth. His eyes become wide as he chews, a twinkle lights his eyes, and, to my immense surprise(,) a small laugh erupts from him.

He scoots closer to me, one hand still on my ankle, the other held out in front of him. I see an opportunity. I try moving a little further down the tunnel. The man's strange humming sounds again. Slipping him another piece of chocolate, he pops it right into his mouth, following it with another laugh, and then he inches closer to me again. The bribe seems to be working as we make our way through the small opening.

I stand as soon as I'm able, taking full advantage of the ability to stretch.

Turning my attention back to the man, I see him still crouched on the ground near my feet.

I reach down and offer him my hand. He looks at me for a moment, confusion evident on his face. He finally sets his fingertips lightly in my palm. I give his hand a tug, hoping it conveys my wishes.

Slowly he makes his way to his feet. At first his posture is quite hunched, like he isn't used to standing up straight. He cautiously stretches his muscles to stand at his full height. When he does, I'm surprised to see how tall he is – a head and shoulders above me.

To my complete embarrassment, I realize he is still quite naked. Of course I knew this from the beginning, but it is so much more obvious now that he is standing next to me in the rose tinted light of twilight.

I avert my eyes from him, blushing furiously and begin the three-mile trek back to our camp - naked wild man in tow.

**~xx~**

"Well, we're finally here," I say to myself.

The man has followed me dutifully the entire way, his fingers still held in my hand.

Pulling the radio from my bag, I flip the switch on and listen to it crackle.

The man jumps beside me at the sound of the radio coming to life, the odd hissing coming from his lips again.

"Hey, it's alright. It won't hurt you."

He quiets, though still glares at the radio.

"Carlisle, this is Bella." I listen, waiting for him to respond.

"Are you close by?" Carlisle's voice crackles from the radio.

The man leans close to me, confusion written on his face.

"Yes, we're about a half mile out."

"Alright, I'll be there soon," Carlisle says before the radio goes dead.

After returning the radio to my back pack, I hand my last piece of chocolate to the man and watch as he munches it happily.

**~xx~**

Carlisle calls out to us from a distance; the man's response is immediate. He grabs me around the waist and pulls me underneath his crouched form, once again growling furiously.

Carlisle comes to a stop and lowers himself to his knees, making himself less threatening. We both start speaking to the man in a soft tone, and to my great surprise, he begins to calm quickly. He must remember Carlisle; hopefully that's a good omen.

The man moves to sit next to me, becoming docile. I feel slightly guilty, knowing he is soon to be drugged.

Carlisle finally reaches us and shows me the syringe. I nod slightly, letting him know I'm ready. I reach for the man's hand, trying to draw his attention away from Carlisle. To my relief, it works. He begins tracing patterns on my palm again, ignoring Carlisle as he inches closer.

Carlisle readies the needle, and, striking fast, he sinks the sharp metal into the man's arm.

I expect the man to lash out in anger at Carlisle, but instead he lets out a strangled cry and scoots closer to me. He lays his head in my lap, curls his long frame around me and begins to cry.

I look up at Carlisle, completely baffled. Carlisle merely shrugs and turns his attention to calling for help on the radio.

I do the only thing I can think of; I place my hand gently on the man's hair, stroking it softly. This seems to calm him and his crying lessens. His tears have made tracks down his face, allowing me to see his pale skin beneath the grime. I drag a finger along one of the tear tracks, following its path down his face.

His vibrant green eyes lock with mine for a moment and something passes between us.

I can't put my finger on the feeling, but it's real and it's strong.

His eyes glaze and flutter shut, the sedative taking effect.

I brush my hand once more over his matted hair, "Sleep well, wild man. You have a lot of changes ahead of you."

**~xx~**

"Now what?" I ask Carlisle as we stand in the door way of his spare bedroom, surveying the man as he sleeps peacefully.

It took three guys from the archeology program, plus Carlisle, to get our wild man into a jeep and then transported to Carlisle's house.

"I'm not sure. He can't really be left alone...not till we are sure how he will cope with the new environment," Carlisle tells me.

"I can stay here with him till he adjusts enough to be left on his own."

"I can't ask you to do that, Bella. He may never adjust. Who knows how long he has been out there alone."

"You don't need to ask, I'm volunteering. I'll be here as long as it takes." I tell him.

"Charlie won't be happy."

I sigh loudly, knowing the truth in Carlisle's words.

"No, he won't, but it's my choice. I want to help. Charlie will understand." At least I hope he will. I know my dad will be upset about me quitting the archeology program, but surely he won't be that mad... After all, I will be helping someone; he can't really fault me for that.

"I guess we can figure more of this out tomorrow. Goodnight, Bella."

I wave my goodnight to Carlisle and turn to go settle myself on the couch in the living room.

I don't realize my level of fatigue till I lie down. It has been a long day...sleep takes me quickly.

**~xx~**

I'm woken by a loud thud. It takes me a moment to clear my head and get myself into a sitting position. Carlisle is coming to a sliding halt in front of our wild man's room. I jump up from the couch as fast as my half-asleep state will allow, and run toward the guest room.

I peek in the door to see Carlisle talking calmly to the man where he is lying on the floor.

It appears our wild man has fallen out of his bed and is a bit stunned.

I tap Carlisle on the shoulder, making my presence known. "Now that we're all up, what do you boys say to some breakfast?" I ask.

Carlisle smiles widely. "I'll set the table." With that, he turns and leaves.

I approach the man, extending my hand to him. He grabs my hand with no hesitation, causing me to smile brightly at him. I guide him easily to the kitchen, motioning toward the small table in the corner where Carlisle is sitting. The man stares at the table, making no move to sit down. I pull the chair out and take a seat; the man follows my every move. I stand back up again and motion for him to sit down. He looks back and forth from me to the chair to Carlisle and slowly slides into the seat.

I watch the man as I begin to scramble eggs. He is pushing his fork across the table till it falls off and hits the floor, watching in fascination as it falls.

"How long do you think he was out there?" I ask Carlisle

"For a while. He seems to have very few civilized behaviors."

"You don't think he has always been on his own do you?" The thought of a tiny child being alone sends shivers down my spine.

Carlisle looks thoughtfully at the man before he answers me. "No, I think at some point he must have been around other people. Walking upright is not something he would have learned on his own."

I consider Carlisle's words. It makes sense that this man must have belonged to someone at some point. "We should try and find his family, Carlisle. There has to be someone."

Carlisle looks at me, sympathy shining in his eyes. I know we are in this together.

After an entertaining breakfast where our wild man grabbed eggs by the handful, Carlisle has decided to take on the monumental task of attempting to clean up our wild guest.

I get as much chocolate as I can find in Carlisle's house. I figure it worked well yesterday, and hopefully will help Carlisle now.

**~xx~**

Two hours after Carlisle started, I hear him call for me. I have been a nervous wreck, afraid that at any moment the man might become frightened and lash out, but thankfully that hasn't happened.

"Are you ready to see him, Bella?"

I jump up from the couch where I have been mindlessly flipping the pages of a magazine.

I'm completely unprepared for the sight that meets me. Gone is the naked man with the matted hair and scraggily beard. Before me now is a man of unspeakable beauty. Carlisle has cut and washed his hair – the bronze locks are in disarray atop his head. His skin has been scrubbed to a glowing peach, but it's his face that really draws my attention. His face is achingly gorgeous, chiseled and masculine, like a sculpture out of Greek mythology. I try to speak, but no words are forming, all I can do is stand and gawk at him. To further the effects of his devastatingly handsome face, Carlisle has dressed him in a blue t-shirt that clings snugly to the lean muscle of his torso.

I swallow hard, willing myself to speak. "He looks great, Carlisle."

Carlisle just gives me a nod and a smirk; he must think I've lost my mind.

"I'm going to clean up."

I nod in acknowledgement of Carlisle's words as he leaves the room.

My brain is recovering from the shock of this man. I want to find a name for him. I hate referring to him as "the man".

I guide him to the living room. He sits after I motion toward the couch. He remembers; that seems like a good sign to me – he is obviously intelligent. I look into his intense, wide eyes as he watches my every move.

"You need a name," I tell him.

Even though he never answers when I talk to him, I get the oddest feeling that he is listening, trying to understand.

I opt for talking out loud, hoping one of the names I think of will catch his attention. "Aaron...David...Greg...Jason...Steven…"

His expression hasn't changed. Perhaps something less common. "Blake...Francis...Henry...Nelson...Tristan."

Hmm, this could take a while. Maybe something more old-world and classic. I mentally sort through literary works for more old fashion names. "William...Philip...Edward..."

His eyes become even wider and excitement is written on his face.

"Edward?"

His lips turn up into the most enchanting crooked smile I've ever seen, causing my heart to flutter strangely in my chest.

"So you are Edward," I say.

But who is Edward?

**~XXXXXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you to my lovely and awesome beta, Justine...you are amazing! Big thanks and love to 'The Girls' for your constant love and support! **

** Thank you to ****Betti Gefecht whose awesome banner inspired this story. ****Also, thank you to everyone that voted in the Pick-a Pic contest!**

**~XXXX~**

**BPOV  
**

"Are you sure you'll be okay with him?" I ask Carlisle for the fourth time.

"Yes. I think Edward realizes I am no danger to him. You need some time away, can't be here for him every second."

I know Carlisle speaks the truth, but Edward is so needy and my presence seems to comfort him...I feel like I'm abandoning him.

"Really, Bella. We will be fine. Do what you need to do, take your time," Carlisle tells me, hugging me goodbye.

I take the hint and reluctantly wave to Edward, who is sitting happily on the couch, turning a baseball in his hands.

**~xx~**

"Bella! Is that you?"

"Of course it's me, Dad. Who else would it be?"

Charlie comes to the front door to greet me as I struggle with my backpack.

"I thought you still had a couple weeks left to your archeology program."

I cringe inwardly, hoping Charlie won't be too disappointed.

"I...umm...quit," I whisper.

To my surprise, Charlie chuckles. "Couldn't take the camping?"

"It wasn't the camping, Dad," I tell him.

Charlie looks at me with a furrowed brow, awaiting my response.

No point in delaying the inevitable.

I take a deep breath, hoping it will steady my nerves. "I found a man in a cave I was exploring. He is staying with Carlisle and I'm going to help care for him."

Charlie just stares at me like I've grown a second head.

"Dad?"

"What do you mean by _found a man_?"

Charlie is still looking at me like he is waiting for the punch line of a joke.

"I was out with my team and I went in to a cave and there was a man in there," I say.

"Bella, I think I'm missing something here. You say you found some strange man, and he is staying with Carlisle. My question is _why_? Why is he staying with Carlisle and why are you helping?"

Poor Charlie looks completely baffled, and I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm pulling his leg.

"He doesn't have anyone, Dad. He doesn't speak, he barely has any civilized skills...I think he is feral," I tell him quietly.

Charlie's face is serious as he speaks. "You should have called me. He could be dangerous."

"He isn't dangerous. He's sweet...and protective."

Charlie narrows his eyes. "What do mean he's protective?"

"Um…well, when I found him, I called Carlisle on the radio. He came to the cave and Edward tried to protect me from him – from Carlisle."

"You're calling him Edward?" Charlie questions. "Kind of a strange, old-fashioned name to pick."

"I didn't pick it. That's his name…he told me."

Charlie raises his eyebrows in surprise. "I thought you said he doesn't talk."

"He doesn't. I was saying names out loud and he reacted to Edward.

Charlie watches me intently, deep in thought. "So let me get this straight: you found this guy in a cave, and you plan to keep him at my best friend's house where you will take care of him?"

"Pretty much."

Charlie lets out a loud sigh. "You know I'm not happy about this, right?"

"I know, but I'm twenty, Dad. It's my choice. I'm kind of hoping you will help me."

Charlie looks as if I threw cold water on him – shocked.

"I don't think that is such a good idea, Bells. Why don't you just take him to a hospital or something? That will be a better place for him."

"No way. They would restrain him and study him. He would be frightened."

Another long sigh issues from Charlie's mouth. "What kind of help do you need?"

"Would you be willing to look through the missing persons cases and see if you can find anything that might give us a clue about Edward?"

"This is really important to you, isn't it?" Charlie asks.

"Yes. I really want to help him."

"Alright, I'll see what I can do," he tells me.

I'm so grateful, I throw my arms around Charlie, squeezing him tight.

"Thanks, Dad. You should come meet Edward sometime. I think you would like him."

Charlie responds with a grunt, so I drop the matter.

**~xx~**

After indulging in a long shower, I pack a bag with a few clothes and my favorite books, climb into my rusty old truck, and head back to Carlisle's.

**~xx~**

Growling meets my ears as soon as I walk in the front door. Carlisle is kneeling in the middle of the living room, talking to a chair in the corner of the room.

"Edward, I'm not going to hurt you."

As soon as Carlisle finishes speaking, a spoon flies over the chair and lands in front of Carlisle.

I can't help the laugh that bursts out of me – the whole situation is comical.

"What's going on?"

"I tried to give him a check-up...he didn't take it well," Carlisle informs me.

I feel bad for having left. The poor guy was probably frightened.

I approach the chair slowly, saying Edward's name quietly.

Thankfully no more spoons fly out, and I'm able to approach the chair and peek over the top.

Edward is hunched in the corner, distress clear on his face, spoons clutched tightly in his hand.

"What are you doing back here?" I ask.

Edward looks up at me from under his eyelashes, a smile crossing his face.

I can't explain why, but it gives me the best feeling to see him smile like that, to know he trusts me.

I squeeze between the wall and chair to crouch down next to Edward.

He immediately grabs my hand and, in a gesture of unexpected affection, he takes the palm of my hand and begins to rub it on his cheek.

My heart clenches in my chest with a feeling that's a cross between stabbing pain and glowing warmth.

My conviction to help him cements even more. No matter what it takes, I will find his family. He deserves to have a life, to have friends...to have love.

"Bella, can you try and get him to come out? I really would like to finish his check-up," Carlisle interjects from his spot on the floor.

Reluctantly, I shake myself from the spell that Edward seems to have me under. "Yes, just give me a moment."

I pull my hand from Edward's face and take a firm hold on his hand. He's hesitant to come out from behind the chair, but after a few minutes and some words of encouragement, Edward finally comes out.

I turn my attention to Carlisle, Edward still gripping tightly to my hand.

"So what did you find during his first, albeit short, check-up?"

Carlisle rises from the floor, picking up several discarded spoons. "I was able to get his measurements – six foot, two inches; a hundred fifty-five pounds."

"Is that normal?" I ask.

"He's on the thin side, but it's nothing regular meals won't cure. He was doing great till I tried to draw his blood. That's when he took position behind the chair and started throwing spoons. He has good aim by the way." Carlisle gives Edward a sardonic grin.

Edward is playing with my fingers, poking at them with one of the spoons still clutched in his hand.

"What's the deal with the spoons?"

Carlisle lets out a low chuckle, "He got tired of the ball pretty fast. The spoons caught his attention when I was emptying the dishwasher. They made him happy, so I let him hold onto them."

"Do you really have to draw his blood now? Can it wait for another day?"

Carlisle sighs quietly. "Yeah, it can wait. I would like to talk to you about something. Do you have time?"

Edward and I settle ourselves on the couch, and Carlisle takes the chair Edward had been behind.

"I would like to bring someone over to meet Edward," Carlisle tells me.

"Who?"

"Tanya Denali. She is a psychiatrist and specializes in post traumatic stress," Carlisle informs me.

"Is that what you think is wrong with him?"

"I honestly don't know, but something happened to him, and Dr. Denali is more qualified than either of us to help him."

"Is she nice?" I ask.

"Of course she is. I know you and Edward have some sort of bond, but I care for him, too."

I feel my skin burn in embarrassment. I didn't mean to imply that Carlisle doesn't care; I just want to make sure Edward gets the help he needs.

I nod my consent, grateful Carlisle asked my opinion.

"Great! I'll go call her now and see when she is available."

I watch Carlisle leave before turning my attention back to Edward.

He is still running one of the spoons over my knuckles, seeming quite lost in watching the spoon bounce from finger to finger.

"Do you want to watch television?" Of course I know he won't answer, but it feels rude not to ask.

I grab the remote, pressing the power button and bringing the television to life.

As soon as noise from the TV interrupts the quiet of the living room, Edward's head snaps up, his eyes focusing on the forming images.

For a moment I'm worried he may be frightened and try to hide again, but he makes no sound or move to distance himself from the source of the voices.

He sits, transfixed, staring intently at the screen.

I start flipping the channels, from news to sports to soap operas. Edward has no reaction to the differing programs, he simply sits and watches.

I flip the channel once more, landing on a cartoon. Before I can register what's happening, Edward is off the couch and kneeling on the floor in front of the television, his giggles filling the room.

Quietly I cross the room and sit cross-legged on the floor next to Edward. He is practically vibrating with excitement as he reaches for me, squeezing my hand hard and then pointing at the television.

"Is this something you have watched before?"

My question is met with silence, but the joy shining on Edward's face is the only answer I need.

"He seems to be enjoying himself." The suddenness of Carlisle's words give me a bit of a scare.

"Yeah...he is."

"I'm sure I still have some of Peter's toys around here. Edward might enjoy them."

"Oh, Carlisle, that's okay; I don't want to bring up painful memories for you."

"Somebody might as well enjoy them. Peter doesn't need them anymore." Carlisle's voice has dropped to a whisper, and I can see the tears glaze his eyes.

My heart breaks for Carlisle as I watch him silently leave the room. He is so different from the man I knew as a kid. He used to be so outgoing and full of life, not the quiet, reserved man he is now.

I still remember the day of his wife and son's funeral. It was clear to anyone there a part of him died right along with them. I heard him tell Charlie once that he blamed himself for their murder, that if he had been home instead of pulling a double shift at the hospital, then maybe they would still be alive. Charlie had told him it wouldn't have made a difference, they just would have killed him too.

The day of his family's funeral was the last day he ever stepped foot in a hospital.

**~xx~**

"Edward, do you want to come eat now?"

I gently placed my hand on his back as I spoke to him, so as not to startle him.

He didn't react to my touch or my voice, all his concentration was on the cartoon before him.

Edward was so enthralled with the television, I just let him keep watching while I made dinner.

I pick up the remote and turn the television off. Edward finally turns to look at me, confusion written on his face.

"Time for dinner, mister...let's go."

Edward stares at me, his expression blank.

Sighing, I gesture toward my mouth. "Food. Let's eat."

Still nothing.

I extend my hand to Edward. He takes it eagerly and, again, I'm amazed by how comfortable he is with me.

Edward is docile as I get him settled in his chair at the table.

Tonight's endeavor will be to teach Edward how to use a fork.

Before he has a chance to grab any of the Hamburger Helper I have set in front of him, I hold a fork out to him.

He looks back and forth between me and the utensil, his confusion evident.

I force the fork into his hand and grab one of my own. I wave my fork in front of his face to get his attention . Once I have it, I demonstrate how to stab the noodle and ground beef mixture and pop it into my mouth.

A smile crosses Edward's lips as he gleefully begins poking at his food.

He successfully gets his dinner scooped into his mouth, stopping to giggle between bites.

After an entertaining meal in which more food ends up on Edward's clothes than in his mouth, I bring Edward over to the kitchen sink to have him help me with the dishes. He isn't much help with the actual cleaning, but he is enjoying the bubbles.

**~xx~**

"Carlisle." I tap quietly on the door to his study.

There is no answer.

I tap a little louder. Still no answer.

I haven't seen him since he spoke of his son earlier today.

I take a chance and crack the door open. Carlisle is sleeping on the couch, an empty bottle of scotch on the floor. I cross the room to stand next to him, taking note of the photo he has clutched in his hand. I remember well the day it was taken, it was the last Christmas Carlisle spent with his family.

Taking the picture gently from his hand I survey the happy scene it portrays:

Carlisle and his wife, Irina, and their son, Peter, all smiling brightly as they stand in front of their Christmas tree.

Charlie took this picture of them right after he and I had arrived for Christmas dinner. We were always included in holidays at the Cullen house.

Irina was the closest thing I had to a mother, mine having died when I was a baby.

I miss both Irina and Peter deeply, but I can't even imagine the level of anguish that Carlisle must've experienced – and still feels now.

After placing the photograph on the desk and tucking a blanket around Carlisle, I pick up the empty bottle from the floor and quietly leave the room.

Upon returning to the living room, I see Edward is right where I left him - sitting on the floor, pushing the baseball around with a spoon.

"Edward."

He turns at the sound of my voice, a smile lighting his lips and eyes. My heart twists with unexpected pleasure at the sight of his beautiful smile.

I hold my hand out to Edward and again pleasure pulses through me when he takes it eagerly.

Now time to face the awkwardness of getting Edward ready for bed.

I pray that Carlisle covered the basics of using the toilet with him, because I'm not sure I can handle covering that.

I walk Edward to the bathroom and allow him to go in alone, closing the door behind him. Thankfully he doesn't seem to need me at all, so I just wait I'm the hall while he does his thing.

I guide Edward to the guest room after he exits the bathroom, feeling anxious about having to get him ready for bed.

I get Edward to sit down on the edge of the bed, motioning for him to raise his arms by raising mine first. He mimics my movements and, with butterflies in my stomach, I pull his shirt over his head with ease, though I have a considerably more difficult time keeping my eyes off his body.

Last time I saw him without a shirt, he was dirty and scared. Sitting here now, calm and relaxed, his skin a healthy peach tint, my mouth feels suddenly dry.

I allow my gaze to travel down his torso, over the fine hair that covers his chest, down along the contours of his stomach.

My fingers seem to have a mind of their own as they move to lightly touch the skin of Edward's chest, pressing into the nest of hair.

I can't help the sigh that escapes my lips at the feel of his skin under my fingertips.

I'm brought to reality when Edward once again mimics my movements, his hand reaching out to me, settling over my left breast. I feel as though an electric charge is running through my body, humming and pulsing with life for just a moment before burning guilt sinks into me.

I take a step back from him, color flushing my face. His face only shows confusion, causing me further disgust with myself.

Pushing aside my own discomfort, I quickly help Edward into some sweat pants and a t-shirt, keeping my eyes on the floor.

Carlisle had sedated Edward yesterday, making putting him to bed easy. With Carlisle now out cold, I have little choice but to try some other method to get Edward to fall asleep.

I pull back the blankets and motion for Edward to climb in. He just sits watching me, making no move to lie down.

Sighing loudly, I quickly lay my head on the pillow, curling into a tight ball for a moment, then hopping back up to make space for Edward to lie down.

He stretches his hand out slowly, laying it on the pillow, pushing his palm into the softness several times. He turns his gaze to me, flashing me a small smile before he scoots up the bed, settling his head on the pillow.

I help him get his feet under the blankets and pull the covers up to his shoulders.

"Goodnight, Edward."

As I turn to go I feel his fingers close around my hand, a whimper coming from him.

I turn to look at him, distress evident on his face, his grip tightening on my hand. I take a seat on the bed next to him, leaning back against the headboard. I'll stay till he falls asleep.

Edward lays his head in my lap, sighing contentedly as he does.

Again I'm amazed by how comfortable he is with me in such a short time.

I push my fingers through his hair, humming softly, my brain focusing on the past two days. So much has happened… It's a bit overwhelming.

It amazes me that Edward even survived out there alone at all; the desert is such a harsh environment.

I glance down at Edward's face to see his shining green eyes gazing back at me. Sleep is heavy in his eyes, but they still spark, watching me intently. I can't help the smile that crosses my lips as we watch each other. Something about him just calls out to me and I feel the strongest need to care for him, to protect him.

I wish I could explain why I feel this way. It makes no sense.

I find this man in a cave, he doesn't speak, he has no history that we know of yet, and I'm completely taken with him.

I want to know everything about him; where he came from, how he came to be in that cave, how long he was there.

I brush my hand through Edward's hair several more times, letting the silky strands slip easily between my fingers and watch as his eyelids flutter shut.

I wait till his breathing is deep and even before pressing my palm to his cheek, feeling the stubble that's beginning to form along his jaw.

I reflect on the moment we shared earlier - my brain tells me that touching him like that was wrong. Clearly, his emotional age is not equivalent with his physical age.

My heart, however, has different ideas... It can't help but be drawn to him.

I slide his head gently from my lap and kneel on the floor next to his bed. He is so beautiful and peaceful as he sleeps.

I lean forward and press my lips softly to his forehead. "Goodnight, Edward."

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you for reading, please review and let me know what you think.**

**Pictures pertaining to this chapter can be found on my blog at:****opalaline-purpletulip(dot)blogspot(dot)com**


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you to by beta and friend, Justine. I can't thank you enough for all the hard work and cheer-leading that you put into every chapter, your awesomeness knows no bounds! My girls, I have no idea what I would do without you all! Your encouragement, wit and laughter are balm to my soul...love ya!**

**Special thanks to Betti, who is making a lovely banner for this story! *HUG***

**Lastly, thank you to everyone that reads and reviews, I can't tell you how much it means to me! Digital hugs to you all!**

**~XXXX~  
**

**BPOV**

"How are you feeling about tonight?"

The suddenness of Carlisle's voice gives me a start, and I have to focus my mind to process his question. I turn away from the window where I've been watching tumble weeds blow across Carlisle's suburban Las Vegas neighborhood.

"Nervous, I guess. I'm worried Doctor Denali will want to have Edward removed from here," I confess.

Carlisle gives me an understanding smile. "She won't. I think you'll like Tanya. She is very caring...a lot like Irina was." Carlisle's voice is thick with emotion as he speaks his wife's name.

I hope this evening won't be too difficult for him...seeing his former sister-in-law and all.

He is quick to change the subject. "I need to get going. I've got the group running some field tests today, and I don't want to be late."

Carlisle hurries off without another word. My heart clenches painfully in my chest at his retreating form. I can't imagine the daily heartache he endures. I don't think I would do as well in his position.

**~xx~**

The day goes surprisingly fast. Edward and I have gotten into a good routine and he has proven to be a quick learner.

In the week and half since I found him, he has learned to take care of all bathroom and dressing necessities with Carlisle's help. I have focused my efforts on teaching Edward to use utensils while eating and trying to get him to talk.

So far I have had zero success in getting him to say anything.

**~xx~**

Edward and I are sitting on the couch when Dr. Denial arrives.

She reminds me a great deal of her sister, Irina – same height and poise, same peaches and cream skin tone, same icy blue eyes. The biggest difference I see is the hair. Irina's had been platinum blonde and straight as a stick. Dr. Denali's is a golden strawberry blonde, full of gentle waves.

"Bella, this is Dr. Denali; Tanya, this is Bella." Carlisle makes the short introduction.

She reaches for my hand, shaking it lightly, a polite smile on her face.

Edward seems uncomfortable with a stranger being near him; he has buried his face in my hair, refusing to meet Dr. Denali's eye.

"I assume this is Edward." Her voice holds intrigue.

I'm sure he presents an interesting case for her.

I nod in acknowledgement of her assumption.

There are a few moments of awkward silence as Dr. Denali, Carlisle, and I look between each other. Edward still has his face hidden in my hair, holding tightly to my hand.

Carlisle is the first to come out of the awkwardness. "Have a seat, Tanya. I'm sure you have lots of questions."

Dr. Denali shakes her strawberry waves, like she's clearing her mind. "Yes, I do. Thank you."

I watch Dr. Denali as she settles herself in the chair that, last week, was Edward's refuge. She pulls a legal pad and pen from her brief case and settles a pair of reading glasses on the bridge of her nose before turning her gaze on us. "First, let me say that whatever is best for Edward psychologically and emotionally will always be of the foremost importance to me. Bella, I would like to start by asking you and Carlisle some questions." I'm a little surprised to see how businesslike Dr. Denali is. I thought she would be more casual, considering Carlisle is her former brother-in-law, but I'm happy to see she is serious about helping. "Bella, can you please describe how you found Edward?" Dr. Denali asks, looking at me over her glasses.

I explain my cave exploration and the discovery of Edward.

"Can you describe for me how he acted toward you?" Dr. Denali interjects.

"He was frightened at first – he growled – but I was patient with him, showed him I meant no harm, and he warmed up to me pretty quickly."

Dr. Denali's eyes flash to my face, surprise mixed with curiosity on her own. "What do you mean growled?"

"I mean he growled at me," I tell her.

"Can you reproduce the sound?"

Is she serious? Does she really want me to growl at her? Judging by the way she is perched on the edge of her seat watching me expectantly, I'm going to say yes.

With color flooding my face, I give my best attempt at reproducing Edward's growl.

As soon as sound passes my lips, Edward looks up, his eyes scanning the room, ultimately landing on Dr. Denali. His eyes dart back and forth between the doctor and me, and with a swift movement, he crouches on the floor in front of my legs, growling furiously at her.

Dr. Denali seems unfazed. She looks on with extreme interest, but her pen never misses a stroke of its meticulous note-taking.

Slowly, I slide my fingers into the back of Edward's hair, speaking his name softly. His growling quiets as soon as I make contact with his scalp, but he continues to glare daggers at Dr. Denali.

Sliding down from the couch, I position myself in front of Edward and take his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me.

"It's alright, Edward. No one is in any danger."

His vibrant green eyes focus on me, like he is soaking in every word. I have no idea if he understands anything I say, but he seems to understand the tone. With one last look at Dr. Denali, Edward drops his gaze and slumps against me, returning his head to my shoulder.

During this entire interaction, Carlisle has remained silent; he knows I can handle Edward.

Dr. Denali, on the other hand, is watching us like a specimen in a Petri dish, something to be studied and analyzed. "That was remarkable. The way he was clearly protecting you, and how you were able to calm him...amazing."

Unsure of what else to say, I mutter, "Thank you, Dr. Denali."

"Please, call me Tanya, dear."

"Um...okay. Thank you, Tanya."

"How did you get him out of the cave?" she asks, pen at the ready.

A smile crosses my lips at the memory. "Chocolate."

Tanya's face clouds with confusion."Chocolate?"

I tell Tanya about how I got him to move, inches at a time, out of the cave by feeding him little bits of chocolate and how he giggled each time.

Tanya scribbles furiously in her legal pad, excitement oozing from her. "Fascinating," she says, mostly to herself. "He must have happy memories associated with chocolate."

"Do you think you can help him?" I ask the question I have been dreading.

Tanya looks at me thoughtfully, taking a moment to remove her glasses and set them in her lap.

"Yes, I believe I can, but..." My heart sinks a little; holding my breath, I wait for her to continue. "It could take a while. I'm going to need to observe him further. That will give me a better concept of what he is capable of and where we can go from there. Sound good to you?"

"What kind of observation?" Skepticism fills my voice.

"I would like to come back several times a week and observe Edward, see how he reacts to you and his environment."

"Of course. When?" Excitement fills me.

I can't wait to know what she thinks. I feel desperate to unravel the mystery that is Edward.

Tanya reaches into her briefcase, pulling out a Blackberry. She pushes several buttons with her manicured nails before directing her attention back to me. "Let's start with two times a week. Do Tuesdays and Thursday work for you?"

I nod enthusiastically.

Tanya places her legal pad, pen, and Blackberry back in her briefcase and rises from her seat. "Wonderful. I will see you tomorrow, Bella." Her voice turns soft now, less businesslike. "It was nice to meet you, Edward."

He doesn't look at her, only pushes his face further into my hair.

Carlisle walks Tanya to the door. I try not to watch them, but I can't help but overhear her words to him. "Don't be a stranger, Carlisle. We are still family." He says nothing, but I see how his gaze shifts away from her – he's been avoiding her. Perhaps she reminds him too much of Irina, but I can see in Tanya's face that she does care about Carlisle.

**~xx~**

It's Tuesday morning, and I'm up bright and early. I try not to wake up Edward as I slip his head off my lap. This isn't the first time I've fallen asleep as I wait for him to nod off; it's actually happened several times. If Carlisle has noticed, he hasn't said anything, for which I am very grateful.

Tanya arrives at nine a.m., as Edward and I are finishing up breakfast. He is becoming quite adept at using a fork, though he still has a great love of spoons...as a toy.

Tanya instructs me to act as though she's not here, for us to continue as we would any other day. Edward takes her presence in stride. He's not growling at her, but he stays as far from her as possible. For me, it's surprisingly easy to forget our observer; she has a way of blending into the background.

Edward and I carry on through the day, heading out into the backyard so he can throw rocks at the fence, coming in the house to watch cartoons, and having lunch. I wish there was something more exciting for Tanya to observe, but she told me to do what we would normally, so we are.

Throughout the day, Tanya interjects questions, usually asking me why I did something or what my opinion is to Edward's reactions.

When Thursday arrives, Tanya comes in bearing a large box. She doesn't volunteer to divulge its contents, and I don't feel right asking.

Edward is no worse for the wear with Tanya's appearance. He's still not overly friendly, but has refrained from defending me.

After our breakfast, we head out to the backyard like every other day, and Tanya follows us, box in tow.

She sits on a bench next to the door, ever-present legal pad perched on her knee. I turn my attention to Edward, leaving Tanya to her observations.

Edward and I sit a short distance from Tanya, reading a book. He is enthralled with the pictures, and I enjoy watching the delighted expression on his face.

A loud clanging interrupts my reading, and Edward jumps in surprise, his gaze darting across the yard to find the source of the sound.

Tanya is furiously scribbling, a pot and spoon beside her on the bench and a slight smile on her lips.

"What the hell?" I shout at her from our spot on the lawn, though I'm not really mad, mostly just annoyed.

A pink tinge colors Tanya's cheeks. "Sorry. I need to see Edward's reaction to different types of stimuli."

"A little warning would have been nice," I inform her, making no effort to keep the edge out of my tone.

She at least has the decency to look apologetic. "I really am sorry, but I needed your reaction to be authentic. I needed you to be startled as well. You calm him."

"So you want to scare him?" I'm finding her intentions very confusing.

Tanya sighs loudly. "I need to develop a baseline for Edward's reactions to try and figure out what is normal for him. The most authentic reactions are those with an element of surprise."

Well I guess that makes sense...sort of.

"May I assume you will be conducting more of these experiments?"

She gives me a guilty smile, nodding her head.

_Lovely_ - looks like I'm in for a long day.

**~xx~**

Over the next several visits, Tanya employs many different surprise tactics.

A few are them are abrupt noises; most of which cause both Edward and I to jump and look around, but nothing extraordinary.

It isn't till Tanya's fifth visit she gets an extreme reaction out of Edward.

Once again she comes at us while we are in the backyard, jumping out from behind one of the scrub oaks near the fence. My reaction is to scream – one hand flies to cover my mouth, the other covers my heart. Edward's reaction is more extreme – he drops immediately to the ground, hands covering his head. After my initial shock passes(,) I reach down to touch Edward's arm. One of his eyes peeks over the top of his hand, but instead of focusing on me, he is looking at Tanya, glaring intently at the plastic water gun clutched in her hand.

Edward reaches for me, his fingers digging roughly into my arm, pulling me down hard to the ground. He takes a defensive posture over me, growling in fury at Tanya.

Tanya seems quite surprised by Edward's reaction and slowly starts backing up, hands raised in surrender, gun still held in her hand.

I try to wiggle out from beneath Edward, but his knee is pinning me to the ground.

"Edward, it's okay," I tell him.

He doesn't respond to my voice, keeping his steady growl directed at Tanya.

For her part, Tanya is continually backing up, speaking calmly.

Edward reaches out, grabbing a handful of rocks.

"No!" I stretch frantically, trying to grab at Edward's arm.

Tanya's eyes grow wide as Edward's intent becomes clear, though she remains standing in front of us – as if frozen - not in fear as expected, but in fascination.

"Get down!" I yell at Tanya, hoping to break her from her trance.

The urgency in my voice breaks through to her, and she drops the toy gun in her hand before falling to her knees.

Edward's growling quiets, but he still grips tightly to the rocks, every inch of his body tense and focused on Tanya's next move.

I manage to get my fingers wrapped around Edward's hand. I'm not trying to force his hand open, I think that would only agitate him further, I just want to calm him and keep him from throwing the rocks.

"Edward, can you put the rocks down?"

No response.

I move my hand from his, reaching up to lay my hand against his cheek.

His eyes shift to me, locking on mine. His face softens when our eyes meet, rage melting from his features, replaced with sorrow. His gaze shifts back and forth between Tanya and I.

"It's alright, Edward. Let go of the rocks."

The tone in my voice finally relaxes him, and his grip on the rocks loosens.

All tension leaves Edward's body as he nearly tackles me while burying his face against my chest. His body quivers against mine and I feel his tears soaking my shirt.

I do the only thing I can think of; I wrap my arms around his shoulders, holding him tightly to me, my lips pressing to his hair.

Movement from Tanya catches my eye. She's making her way over to Edward and me.

"I think you should leave." My voice is hard and cold.

Tanya doesn't look surprised by my words. "We need to talk sometime, Bella."

"Fine. Not now. After Edward is asleep. Come back at nine."

I feel demanding and bitchy and ready to explode with anger. Tanya is unfazed by my tone or the death glare I'm giving her.

"See you then."

It takes me more than an hour to get Edward back into the house. He is still upset and a bit jumpy.

After a dinner of soup and sandwiches, I get him into bed. It takes him a long time to fall asleep, but I sit on his bed, combing my fingers through his hair till his eyes finally close and his breathing evens out.

Emotions swirl inside me while I watch Edward sleep. I still feel agitated about what happened with Tanya earlier. I'm also worried about Edward... I have seen him upset plenty of times since I found him, but never like today. One minute he was angry and protective, the next he was distraught and crying. Of course, underneath all this, my conflicting feelings about Edward still boil. I feel at war with myself. My body and heart want Edward...badly. I want to hold him and never let go; I want to love him. My mind, however, plagues me with guilt, telling me it isn't right to long for Edward's touch.

A soft knock on the door brings me from my internal rambling.

"Bella, Tanya is here to see you."

I slip quietly from Edward's room, following Carlisle out to the living room.

Tanya sits on the couch, her legal pad beside her.

Annoyance toward her stirs in me as I settle myself cross-legged on the floor.

For a moment we seem to be at a stand-off, each of us watching the other.

Carlisle breaks our silence. "How is Edward doing, Bella?"

"He is fine..._now_," I say pointedly.

"I'm sorry you were both upset, but it really was necessary." Tanya does sound sincere.

I give a small nod hoping it conveys my acceptance of her apology.

"I would like to speak with you both about some of the observations I have made."

This definitely piques my attention. I focus on Tanya, waiting to hear what she says next. "It doesn't take a professional to see that Edward has been through some severe trauma. Until I can get him to start speaking, I won't really know the extent of how he has been affected."

"Do you really think that will be possible?" I ask before clarifying, "Him, speaking, I mean."

"Yes, I do. His intelligence is evident and, at times, it seems like he understands what you are saying to him."

"How soon?" I ask, my voice filled with excitement.

"There is no way to tell. There are hundreds of variables that could be affecting his ability to speak, and that is one of the things I want to talk with you about.

There's a treatment I would like to try...it's controversial." Carlisle and I both stare at Tanya, expectation heavy in the air. "I believe Edward would be a good candidate for hypnotherapy."

"As in hypnosis?" I ask.

"Yes. I believe there is a chance hypnotherapy could help him with memory recovery."

My mind explodes with the possibilities of what something like this could mean for Edward. This could be the key to finding the answers about who he is.

"You mentioned there being controversy with this type of treatment. Can you explain?" Carlisle asks.

I'm grateful for Carlisle's presence of mind; it hadn't occurred to me to ask why this treatment is controversial.

"Some in the field believe that hypnotherapy isn't a real treatment, that there is too much room for suggestion and false memory placement with hypnosis," Tanya states.

"False memory placement?" I ask

"If the person doing the hypnotizing is unethical, it would be easy for them to plant a false memory in someone's mind."

The enormity of the trust we must place in Tanya really hits me. I have no reason to believe she would be anything but truthful and honest in her dealings with Edward, but it makes me nervous to think about his mind being that vulnerable.

"You're hopeful?" I ask Tanya.

"I am." To her credit, Tanya does sound extremely confident in herself.

"Do you mind explaining how the whole process will work with Edward's language barrier?" Again I am thankful for Carlisle's sharp mind in questioning Tanya about procedure.

"I don't mind at all. I'm actually glad you asked. Sometimes I forget not everyone understands all these procedural aspects. It would be best if we do the hypnosis some place Edward is extremely comfortable; it will ease the process. I will speak to Edward, but the words aren't as important as the tone. If he is able to relax and just focus on my voice, I think he will slip into a hypnotic state. From there I'm hoping, that with my suggestion, he will be able to unlock memories of speech."

"That simple?" I ask.

Tanya's face registers a bit of surprise at my question.

"There's nothing simple about it. For starters, the hypnosis may not work at all. Some people, regardless of any language barrier, can't be hypnotized. Secondly, even if I can get him hypnotized, this all hinges on Edward having been exposed to speech at some point in his life. It's my belief he has, but I have no way to prove that, just my gut."

I feel almost dizzy from the amount of information Tanya relayed. Between myself, Carlisle, and Tanya, we hammer out the details for the best time to do this. Tanya would like to spend several days with Edward and I first, not to observe, but to build up Edward's comfort level with her. I agree that it's a good idea, and we set a date to try the hypnosis in a week.

**~xx~**

I tiptoe to Edward's room now that Tanya has left and Carlisle has gone to bed. I crack the door open, hoping the slight creak of the hinges doesn't wake him.

Pale moonlight peeks between the slats of the blinds, illuminating his face. I allow my eyes to travel over his features, admiring the way the light bounces off his high, chiseled cheekbones; the way his pale skin shows off the bronze color of his long, curling eye lashes.

My fingers itch to reach out and touch him. I rub my hands on my jeans in a vain attempt to remove the memory of feeling his skin from my hands.

I don't want to wake him, but I need to touch him...just once before I go to sleep.

I watch the rise and fall of his chest as I move closer to him, remembering the feel of his chest hair against my palm.

Gingerly, I brush at the hair that curls against his forehead. He shifts...just a little, moving closer to me, a smile on his lips.

I could be fooling myself, but I like to think I'm the cause of that smile...that perhaps he dreams of me. A brief daydream plays before my eyes, unbidden, of Edward, speaking his first word – my name, falling from his lips.

Slowly shaking my head at myself, I bend to press my lips softly to his cheek before quietly slipping from his room to settle myself on the couch.

It takes a while for my mind to quiet; it has been a long day. So much information to go through. Still so many questions unanswered.

I punch my pillow into a more comfortable shape, sighing loudly as I flop back onto it.

I have no choice but to be patient.

My brain finally submits to exhaustion, slipping into the blackness of sleep.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you for taking the time to read, please review and let me know what you think.**


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER:ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you to my fabulous friend and beta, Justine, who despite illness and RL issues got this done for me! Love ya, Twiny! Thanks to my girls, with out you I would be lost and crazier then normal!**

**Special thanks to Betti Gefecht for the outstanding banner she made for Feral. Check out more of Betti's work at: ****banners-by-betti(dot)blogspot(dot)com,** ** also check out Betti's rockin' music at: ****audiofiction(dot)blogspot(dot)com.**

**~XXXX~**

**BPOV  
**

I haven't been so nervous about Charlie meeting someone since I was sixteen and he was meeting my first boyfriend, Mike. My dad interrogated Mike for thirty minutes, scaring him so effectively Mike hardly said two words to me the rest of the night.

I don't really think Charlie will question Edward, not that it would do any good, but he can be intimidating when he wants to be. I just want Charlie to meet Edward. I'm hoping it will help him understand why this is so important to me.

**~xx~**

Charlie arrives right on time, greeting me with his typical, "Hey, kiddo."

"I really wish you wouldn't call me that, Dad."

Charlie gives a smirk before pulling me into a hug.

"So where is this guy?" he asks.

"He's watching TV, come on." I pull from Charlie's embrace and lead him into the living room.

Edward is sitting on the floor, knees pulled up to his chest, eyes fixed on the cartoon images flashing across the screen.

"Edward," I call softly. He doesn't respond. Charlie and I step closer to him, and I lay my hand on his shoulder. "Edward."

He reluctantly moves his gaze from the television to my face, then quickly to Charlie. Edward scoots away from us, confusion on his face.

"Edward, this is my dad," I say slowly.

Edward continues to look back and forth between us until Charlie reaches out to put his arm around my shoulder. Anger flares on Edward's face, and he reaches for my hand, pulling me from Charlie's embrace.

I stumble awkwardly, landing in Edward's lap.

"What is going on, Bells?" Charlie asks, and I can see from his furrowed brow that Charlie is pretty annoyed.

Edward has wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly against him.

"I don't know, Dad, but would you mind backing up? I don't want Edward upset any more than he already is."

"I just want you safe," Charlie informs me.

"I'm fine, Dad. Edward is just trying to protect me."

"He's jealous," a voice interjects.

Charlie and I turn to gawk at Tanya. I'm so used to having her around I forgot she's here.

"Jealous? Of what?" I question.

Tanya sets down the magazine she's reading, her expression exasperated. "Of Charlie."

"Why on earth would Edward be jealous of Charlie?" I ask.

"Edward has had your undivided attention since he has been with you. I don't think he wants to share," Tanya states.

"He shares my attention with Carlisle everyday."

"And how often do you hug Carlisle?"

I'm sure Tanya can tell from my expression what my thoughts are. I can feel the surprise on my face when I realize I've never hugged Carlisle in front of Edward.

Is it really possible that Edward is jealous of my affection towards Charlie? I'm not really sure what to think of this.

I keep my question to myself for now and turn my attention back to Edward.

I'm still sitting in his lap, and he is still shooting daggers at Charlie.

I press my palm to Edward's cheek, forcing his eyes to meet mine. "It's okay, Edward. Everything is alright."

Anger fades from his face at my touch, replaced by a look I can only describe as adoration. A small smile graces his lips and his eyes sparkle. My heart beats wildly in my chest as I return his smile. He brings one hand to my face, his thumb brushing lightly across my bottom lip. My stomach is doing back flips and my breathing is shallow. I want so badly to lean forward and press my lips to his. Charlie clearing his throat stops me cold.

"I'm going to wait in the kitchen," Charlie tells me, pointedly avoiding my eyes.

"I'll join you," Tanya states, hurrying after Charlie.

Embarrassment heats my face as I watch my father's and Tanya's retreating backs.

Edward seems oblivious to what just happened. He simply begins twirling a strand of my hair around his fingers.

"What are you doing to me, Edward?" I mumble to myself.

I feel as though Edward has some secret power over me. One I don't fully understand, but it pulls at me...drawing me to him.

I throw my arms around his neck in a fierce hug, causing Edward topple backwards.

Giggles erupt from both of us as his back hits the floor.

With my body splayed across his, I don't feel like his caregiver.

My mind spins with questions as we lay looking at each other, both of us breathing a bit heavier than normal.

How much of what a person feels is learned or is it more basic...instinctual?

Would it really be so wrong if I kiss him? Will he understand? Will it confuse him? Will it confuse me?

So many questions – questions that seem to have no answers.

Sighing loudly, I brush my hand along his jaw and resign myself to drop a simple kiss pressed to his forehead. He rewards me with a brilliant smile, leaving my heart and body wanting.

**~xx~**

"Are you sure you don't want a sandwich, Dad?"

"I'm fine, Bells. I need to take off soon."

I swallow my disappointment at my father's words. I was hoping he would spend more time with me.

I take a quick moment to hug my dad while Edward is distracted eating his lunch. "Thanks for dropping by. Have you had any luck finding anything about Edward?" I ask.

"Yeah, I almost forgot. I found several cases that have the name _Edward_ attached to it. Two are from around here and one is from a case in Arizona."

"Do you think you will be able to narrow it down to just one?"

"I'm not sure. With no details besides his name, it's difficult."

"Are there any pictures associated with those cases?" Tanya adds.

Charlie shifts his focus to Tanya.

"There are several. I didn't bring them since Edward can't really identify them."

"He might be able to. I'm going to be trying hypnotherapy on him. Visual images are very powerful. There is a chance that photos combined with hypnosis could get him to speak."

I try to push down my excitement. If all of this works, he could be talking by this time tomorrow. I turn my attention to Edward, watching him munch happily on potato chips. I can't wait to hear his voice.

Movement distracts me from my inner musings, and I turn to find Tanya escorting my dad back into the living room. The last part of their conversation reaches my ears.

"Here's my card. Just email those pictures by tomorrow, and if you can think of anything else, give me a call anytime."

I watch in stunned silence as Tanya runs her hand along my father's arm, and, to my utter horror, Charlie blushes a deep red, making a sound akin to a giggle.

It's the nightmare of every child, watching a parent be human, something outside the sphere of caregiver, having a life.

I am the unfortunate witness of my father flirting.

Hurriedly, I make my way over to the table, taking a seat across from Edward, trying desperately not to think about my dad and Tanya.

**~xx~**

I'm up with the sun, excited for today – for Edward's hypnosis. All night long I tossed and turned, my brain rehashing the evening's events and wondering about all of today's possibilities.

I try not to let my nerves show during breakfast. I don't know how much Edward picks up on, but I want him as calm as possible.

Tanya arrives at nine, her briefcase and a laptop in tow. She has asked Carlisle to be on hand in case Edward has a panic attack and needs to be sedated.

Sitting in Carlisle's living room isn't what I was expecting for Edward's hypnosis. I'd been expecting Tanya and Edward to be shut away in his bedroom or Carlisle's office – a prospect I was none too happy about. So, the fact that Edward, Carlisle, Tanya, and I are all sitting in the living room together is a source of relief.

Edward and I are seated side by side on the couch. Tanya has also just asked me to be part of Edward's hypnosis session, telling me I could be crucial in keeping him calm.

"Bella, I want you to take Edward's hand. It's important that he remain comfortable and calm. When you feel he's ready, direct his attention to the laptop and we will start."

I throw a look at Carlisle. From where he leans against the wall, he gives me a small nod which I pass along to Tanya.

My hand is shaking when I lace my fingers through Edward's.

Tanya turns on the laptop, drawing Edward's and my attention the screen.

The image before us is one of a single drop breaking the surface of an unknown body of water, rippling waves starting small and spreading out larger and larger until they fade into nothing.

"Edward, I want you to concentrate on the screen. Watch the ripples in the water as each ring grows."

Tanya's voice is smooth and quiet. I appreciate how she is speaking to Edward like an adult, despite the fact that he doesn't understand her.

"Let your body relax. Feel the calmness wash over you, starting from your head and moving down through you."

Edward is watching the screen intently, all his attention focused on that drop of water.

The constant drip, drip, drip... The ever-widening circles are pulling me in, making my thoughts fuzzy.

"Bella!" Tanya snaps her fingers in front of me, getting my attention.

"Try not to watch the laptop. We don't want you hypnotized."

Shaking my head to clear my mind, I turn all my attention to Edward.

He is still watching the screen, but his body is tense.

"Edward needs to relax more. Any suggestions?" Tanya asks.

It's my turn to step up to and help with this hypnosis.

"Edward." I run my fingers along his jaw as I speak his name.

He turns his enchanting green eyes to me. My fingers trace the contours of his face...across his cheekbone, down his nose till they land on his lips. His staccato breaths brush past my fingertips, sending shivers down my spine.

Focus...I need to focus. It would be so easy to get lost in him, but I need to help him.

Taking a deep breath and focusing all my energy on the task at hand, I move my hand from his tempting mouth to pat my thigh.

Edward reacts immediately, scooting along the couch until he's able to rest his head on my lap.

Tanya taps her manicured nail on the laptop screen, drawing Edward's gaze back to the water droplet.

Edward visibly relaxes when I start combing my fingers through his hair, and Tanya picks up where she left off, her soothing tone filling the room.

In a matter of minutes Edward's breathing evens out, like he is asleep, though I can see his eyes remain open.

"Edward, I want you to reach back in your mind. Reach back to a time when you spoke. Let the words fill your mind. I'm going to start showing you different pictures on the laptop. Say any word that comes to your mind." Tanya's voice is still calm and low.

Anticipation hangs thick in the air. Will he speak? What will he say?

The water droplet disappears, replaced by the image of a baseball sitting in the grass.

Edward remains silent. I'm not sure what I expected to happen, but I was hoping for some reaction.

"Ball." Tanya says the word slowly, enunciating carefully.

There's no response from Edward.

Tanya changes the image again, to one of brilliant sunshine illuminating a tree.

Edward makes a low humming noise, but his lips stay shut.

"Reach, Edward. Find the word," Tanya encourages.

Silence.

"Tree," she tells him.

Tanya clicks to the next picture – a golden, floppy-eared puppy.

"Puh." Edward's voice is barely above a whisper and it isn't even a full word, but I swear it's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.

I want to hug him and cry and cheer, but Tanya keeps going. I feel a slight burn of anger at her for ignoring Edward's progress.

She clicks to the next image. This one is of a man in his mid-thirties with sandy blond hair and dark brown eyes. Edward has no reaction at all.

"This is one of the photos your father emailed me."

I acknowledge Tanya's comment with a nod, pushing my negative feelings aside and turn my focus back to Edward.

The next picture pops up, showing a cherry red lollipop.

"Kuh." Edward's voice is stronger this time.

I hold my breath, waiting for him to continue.

"Kuh...dee."

It's every thing I can do to not burst into tears – I'm so proud of him.

"Good j-"

"Shhh, don't disrupt him."

I'm a bit taken aback by her abrupt tone. I swallow the insults on the back of my tongue, forcing my brain to focus.

"Keep reaching, Edward, you're so close," Tanya says.

A new image fills the screen, a kind-faced woman with caring hazel eyes; wavy, light brown hair framing her heart-shaped face.

Edward sits up abruptly, body turned fully toward the laptop.

He blinks several times, his full lips parting and says, clear as a bell, "Mom."

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Yes, I know, I'm a cliffy bitch! I'm more then half way finished with the next chapter, so hopefully it will be out to you soon! Thank you so much for reading, please leave me your thoughts!**


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you to my beta and friend, Justine for all the work you do, despite being ill...love ya, babe! My girls, thank you for always listening to me rant like a loon, you all deserve an award!**

**Thank you to Betti for my fabulous banner!**

**~XXXX~**

**BPOV**

Mom? My brain is frozen in shock. Is this really possible? Can this woman be Edward's mother?

Edward is leaning forward now, his face inches from the laptop, his hand stroking the screen, _Mom_ falling from his lips over and over.

That one word has certainly gotten all of our attention. Tanya is on the edge of her seat, searching through a stack of papers she has pulled from her briefcase.

Carlisle is no longer leaning against the wall; he is looking at the picture of this woman Edward has called mom.

"Here it is. I printed out the names of the people in the photos Charlie emailed me. Her name is Esme Masen." Tanya's voice is full of excitement as she waves the paper she found.

"What happens now?" I ask.

"We call Charlie. Find out what he knows about this woman," Carlisle adds.

Tanya pulls a cell phone from her briefcase. "I'll put Charlie on speaker." I watch her press a single button before I hear ringing.

Oh, God, does she have my dad's desk number on speed dial?

I don't really like the idea of her getting cozy with my dad, but I suppose I don't really have a say in the matter.

"Officer Swan here."

"Hello, Charles, it's Tanya."

"Hey there. Wasn't expecting to hear from you again so soon." My dad's voice is light and casual; this is not his _cop_ _tone_.

I so don't want to hear this.

"Dad, you're on speaker," I blurt out.

A beat of uncomfortable silence passes before I hear my dad's voice again.

"Right, what's up?" His voice resumes its businesslike tenor.

"We've had a breakthrough with Edward. He spoke, and has identified Esme Masen as his mother," Tanya states. "Do you have more information on her?"

I hear the shuffling of paper coming through the phone.

"I don't have the full file in front of me. I can get it to you later this afternoon."

"Make it lunchtime, Dad. I'm making enchiladas."

Charlie gives one of his typical grunts of acknowledgment before the line goes dead.

I'm thankful to not be subjected to another round of flirting.

"I think Edward has accomplished enough for today, we don't want to push him too hard," Tanya says.

Carlisle and I both nod in agreement.

Tanya begins adding her things back to her briefcase, first her cell phone, then her large stack of papers.

Carlisle walks silently from the room, heading for his study.

Through all this Edward has remained motionless and relatively quiet. After his initial word and repetitive mumbling of _Mom_, he hasn't said a thing.

Seeing as we are finished, and I'm not really needed, I head toward the kitchen to start lunch.

I'm not in the kitchen for a minute before screams reach my ears.

"No! Mom!" Edward's voice is frantic and desperate.

I trip and fall in my haste to reach Edward, gashing my forehead on the edge of the counter. Staggering and nauseous, I make my way to the living room.

Edward is on his knees in front of Tanya, attempting to claw the laptop from her hands, screaming repeatedly for his mother.

I make my way to Edward as quickly as I can, throwing myself down next to him to wrap him in my arms. He struggles against me, and his arms reach around me still grasping for Tanya's computer.

"Mom! Mom!" The pleading in his voice makes my heart twist in pain.

Carlisle joins us, worry evident on his face. "What's going on?"

"Edward became upset when I closed my laptop," Tanya answers.

"Goddammit, Tanya! He thinks you took his mom from him." Tanya looks at Carlisle with wide eyes, like that concept never occurred to her.

"Email that picture to me now." I don't remember ever hearing this much authority in Carlisle's voice.

I'm vaguely aware of Carlisle leaving the room, mumbling something that sounds like _incompetent_, though I can't be certain.

All my energy is focused on Edward; I need to try to calm him.

My fingers follow the familiar path of his jaw until my palm is able to press against his cheek.

"Edward, try to calm down."

My words have no effect – I'm not even sure he hears me. I don't know how much longer I can keep trying to hold him back; he's a lot stronger than me, plus I'm feeling the effects of my run-in with the counter.

Without thinking, I press my lips directly to his. It's not the kiss I've been dreaming of, but his lips are warm and soft, and more than anything I want to keep kissing him...harder...deeper. I wrench my mouth from his. This is about what Edward needs, not what I want.

Edward is frozen before me, looking as if he is seeing me for the first time. His eyes are wide, tears beginning to pool in their green depths.

"Beh...Bel..." His brow furrows in his concentration. He takes a deep breath and tries again. "B...Bella." My name on his lips is the sweetest sound, so soft, deep, and clear, but his pleading tone twists my heart painfully. "Mom?" His question sends tears spilling down my cheeks. Edward drops his head to my chest, pushing his face against my breast. "Mom?"

I cradle him against me. "We'll find her, Edward. I promise."

Edward clings to me, sobs shaking his body. I wish I knew what to do for him, some way I could ease his pain.

A soft tap to my shoulder alerts me to Carlisle's presence. He is holding a sheet of paper out to me, the image of Edward's mother printed on the paper. I mouth, "Thank you," to him, noting the sad and sympathetic look in his eyes.

"I want to take a look at that gash on your head, when you get a moment," Carlisle tells me.

I nod, knowing my wound needs tending, but unwilling to leave Edward right now.

"Edward, look...Mom." He raises his head slowly, his eyes darting around the room.

He grabs the paper firmly as soon as his eyes take in the image of his mother, and hugs it tightly to him, still clinging to me.

"Bella." Relief fills his voice as he speaks my name, almost like he's thanking me.

I press Edward to me again, trying to convey as much comfort as I can.

**~xx~**

It feels like hours since Edward and I were holding each other on the living room floor, but in reality it's been about forty-five minutes.

Carlisle has just finished cleaning the gash on my head when the doorbell rings, and I hear Tanya welcoming my dad.

After a few moments of whispered conversation, Charlie enters the kitchen, Tanya following him closely.

"What happened to you, kiddo?" Charlie comes to stand behind Carlisle, wincing slightly when he sees my bruising forehead.

"The counter and I had a disagreement; I lost."

To Charlie's credit he tries to hide his smile, but his twitching mustache gives him away. He is all too familiar with my level of grace.

"Did you find anything, Dad?" I ask, intent on getting to the point.

Charlie holds up a large file folder, and I can barely contain my curiosity long enough for Carlisle to finish up.

**~xx~**

"I don't understand, Dad. How can this be a closed case?"

"The woman who kidnapped Edward and his father confessed." Charlie flips through the file. "It says here she shot and killed Edward's father, and when the detectives asked her about Edward, she said he was dead."

Pressing the heels of my hands to my eyes, I sigh in frustration.

"Well, the file has to be wrong. Look at the picture, Dad...this is Edward."

I push a photo from the file towards my dad. It shows a boy of eight or nine, same bronze hair and green eyes as the Edward I know.

Charlie picks up the photo looking back and forth between it and Edward.

"This does appear to be Edward, but that fact won't get this case re-opened. The suspect has been tried and sentenced, and, if anything, re-opening this now would lessen her sentence, from two murders to one."

I groan my frustration, lying my head down on my folded arms.

"What do we do now?" I ask Charlie.

"We find his mother. I have the last known whereabouts, but the information is seven years old. After the trial, Mrs. Masen sold their home in Flagstaff and moved to Washington, some little town called Forks. She opened a bed and breakfast there."

Charlie closes the file folder and reaches for his cup of coffee.

"Do you have a phone number where we can reach Mrs. Masen?" Tanya directs her question to Charlie.

"Yeah, I think there is one listed," he replies.

"No!" Carlisle's voice is firm and angry. "Mrs. Masen deserves better than to get this kind of news on the phone."

All of us look up at Carlisle. Even Edward glances from his lunch. Carlisle is always so quiet that his outburst is surprising.

"None of you understand what it's like to lose a child... It tears out your heart." Carlisle's voice cracks, tears visible in his eyes. My heart goes to him, and I start to rise from my chair, but he holds up his hand, motioning me back to my seat.

"It's been eleven years since she last saw her son – her son she believes to be dead. We can't just call her up and drop this on her."

Not once in all the years I've known Carlisle have I heard him speak with such conviction.

Charlie is the one that breaks the awkward silence hanging in the kitchen.

"I can see if Mrs. Masen is willing to travel here. I wouldn't have to tell her why...just..."

Carlisle cuts Charlie off. "I'll go. I would like to go and tell her personally."

If the subject wasn't so serious I would be in fits of laughter from the look on Charlie's face; his mouth is hanging open, coffee cup half way up to his mouth.

"Are you serious?" Charlie asks.

"Very. Mrs. Masen deserves to hear this in person."

Silence fills the kitchen again. For my part, my head is whirling, trying to process all the information I've received today.

This morning Edward didn't speak and had no family. Now he is speaking, and his mother is out there, with no idea that her son is still alive.

I rise from the table, taking Edward's and my plates with me.

Charlie and Carlisle head out to the living room, discussing Carlisle's plans for his trip.

I'm taken aback when Tanya comes and joins me at the counter as I put away the leftover food.

"Do you mind if we talk, Bella?" Tanya's voice is surprisingly soft, not her usual clinical tone.

"It's a free country," I tell her, submerging the dishes in the bubble-filled sink.

"You doing okay?"

Surprised by the kindness in her voice, I force myself not to stare, focusing instead on the dish in my hand.

"You're doing a great job, you know...with Edward."

Peeking at her out of the corner of my eye, I feel a blush crawl into my cheeks. While Tanya has always been polite, even professional, with me, this is definitely out of the ordinary. She seems caring, maternal even.

"Umm...thanks," is all I can manage.

"If you have concerns, feel free to talk to me."

Again, I'm unsure what to say, so I settle for nodding.

"This isn't going how I wanted." Tanya sighs, resting her elbows on the counter.

I stop washing dishes and turn to fully face her. "What exactly did you have in mind, Tanya?"

"Can we just talk? Woman to woman."

My gut inclination is suspicion; what does she really want? However, the look of vulnerability on her face sways me. I will give her the benefit of the doubt.

I motion her back to the table and slide into a chair beside Edward. She takes the chair on the opposite side, facing me.

"How are you feeling about Edward speaking?" Tanya asks.

Wow. Talk about a loaded question. I have a million feelings about Edward speaking. There is no way I can tell Tanya everything I feel, nor do I want to.

"I'm happy about it. Can I ask you some questions, though?"

"Of course," Tanya replies. "You can always ask me anything."

I try to keep my voice even and not let the fear seep in. "Why just one or two words? Does it mean the hypnosis didn't work?"

"Bella, the brain is a complicated thing; there's no key to unlock all it's secrets. I believe the hypnosis worked, but it's a process. I took a quick look at the case file your dad brought, and it looks like Edward was away from human contact for quite some time. I think he has probably blocked a lot of memories. That, combined with years of isolation, will make for a long road to Edward regaining his full speech ability."

I let Tanya's words sink in. I knew the hypnosis wouldn't be a cure-all, but I guess I was hoping for more answers instead of more questions.

"Do you think he will ever be...a normal guy?" My words come out in a whisper, and I pray Tanya thinks they are motivated by nothing more than idle curiosity.

"I don't know, Bella. We can hope and encourage. He has really come a long way already, but there is no way to undo years of neglect."

Tanya and I both fall into silence, each seeming lost in our own thoughts.

"There's something else I would like to talk to you about." Tanya is nervous, a concept that's utterly bizarre to me. She is twisting her fingers together on the table, not meeting my eye. "I—I mean, your dad has..." Tanya swallows hard. "He has asked me out on a date."

I feel like time has stopped as I stare unblinkingly at Tanya. "I would really like your okay before I give him an answer."

_Hell no!_ is the first thought that pops into my mind. I don't want my dad dating anyone, especially someone I see all the time. The second thought in my mind is my dad teaching me to ride my bike, holding firmly to the seat - never letting go. Other memories flash through my mind: Charlie teaching me to swim, bandaging my knee, buying me my first bra. For so long it has just been him and me. I don't remember my mother, Renee. She died of cancer when I was two. Charlie was all mine; he gave me all his attention, all his affection. I can't recall him going on a single date. Guilt burns inside me and, despite my own misgivings, Charlie deserves a companion.

"Be good to him," is all I can say while trying to hold back my tears.

**~xx~**

Edward goes to sleep quickly. As soon as I hear his even breathing, I slip his head from my lap and go out to the living room.

After some epic begging on my part, I got Charlie to leave Edward's case file here for me to read.

I settle myself on the couch, blanket wrapped around me, file folder spread across my lap.

The first things I find inside are some snapshots paper-clipped to the cover. The first photo is of Mrs. Masen – the same one Tanya used during the hypnosis. The next is of Edward as a little boy, his tousled bronze hair hangs over his forehead, almost touching his sparkling green eyes. The last photo is of a man, very handsome, clearly Edward's father. In fact, the two men are almost identical - except for the fact that Edward's father has brilliant red hair. I look away from the smiling faces of what was once, no doubt, a happy family to the initial police report filed by Mrs. Masen, reporting her son and husband missing. The two had been on a camping trip near the Grand Canyon, and they were reported missing after being more than a day late returning home. The rest of the report is filled with clothing descriptions and the license plate number of the car they were in.

The next report filed is from a detective. I have a hard time reading this one due to the macabre description of the discovery of Mr. Masen's body. He was found by hikers in some bushes along a deserted stretch of road. The accompanying crime scene photo nearly makes me lose the contents of my stomach. Not only are the multiple stab wounds to his chest and groin overly disturbing, but his son's resemblance to him rips at my heart, causing tears to spring to my eyes. Once I've composed myself, I scan the report further, looking for any information about Edward. The only things I find in the detective's report is a reference made to nine-year-old male child and dark green Chevy Suburban still missing.

My eyes fall to the next report, this one an arrest report for an Chelsea Afton. She had been stopped for a routine traffic stop. When the cop ran the plates, he found the car she was in was connected to Mr. Masen. Ms. Afton was arrested and, upon further investigation, blood from Edward's father was discovered in the vehicle as well as clothing from both Edward and his father.

Her conviction was all too easy, seeing that she confessed to killing Mr. Masen. Her only statement in regards to Edward had been the words, "He's dead."

A search had been conducted of her residence, turning up a locked room, clearly meant to keep someone prisoner - a child judging by the toys listed on the report. My stomach churns with nausea thinking of Edward being locked away in room for God only knows what reason.

There was never an explanation for this madness listed. The last entry is about a women's prison here in Las Vegas.

Sighing, I close the file, letting it drop to the floor with a thud.

So much is going on in my head it feels like a heavy weight on my brain. So much has happened to Edward, it baffles me he even survived.

A small noise draws my attention, and I turn to see Edward emerging from his room. His hair pokes out in every possible direction; black and white checked pajama pants and a white t-shirt hang loosely on his body; his eyes are heavy from sleep, and the photo of his mother is clutched in his hand. To my eyes he has never looked more beautiful.

"Bella?" His quiet, breathy voice sends shivers down my spine.

"What are you doing up?" He doesn't answer, but comes to sit on the couch by my feet, looking lost and alone. "Edward, are you okay?" I reach for him, laying my hand atop his.

His eyes are filled with tears when he looks at me. I scoot to his side and wrap my arms around his shoulders.

"Everything will be okay." I put as much conviction in my voice as possible.

"Ah...alone," he whispers.

A sob escapes my throat at the desolation in his voice. I recline back onto the couch, pulling Edward with me.

"Never! You will never be alone again. I will make sure of that."

Edward settles between my legs, his head resting next to my heart. I hold him tightly to me, our chests rising and falling in unison.

I don't know what the next several weeks will bring, a lot of changes no doubt, but at this moment there is just Edward and me, drifting to sleep together.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you so much to all of you that read and review, you have touched my heart!**


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you so much to my dear, sweet friend and beta, Justine, who beta-ed this while battling a double ear infection! Feel better soon Twiny, love you! Thanks to Alice and Kathie for your unconditional support and love and for giving me one of the best weekends of my life!**

**Special thanks to Betti Gefect for the fabulous banner, this story wouldn't exist without it! **

**And thanks to Salix Caprea for starting the Feral thread over in Twilighted!**

**~XXXX~**

**BPOV**

My finger hesitates over the send button on my cell phone, knowing once I push it there is no turning back.

_It's for Edward_ is the mantra running through my mind as I waffle back and forth between calling and hanging up.

Call it fate or coincidence, but Edward turns suddenly from where he watches cartoons on the floor and graces me with a brilliant smile. My mind is made up; I would do anything for this man-child.

With trembling fingers I finally hit send. It only takes two rings before the chipper "Hello?" of Alice Brandon hits my ears.

"Hey, it's me."

"Holy shit, Bella! I haven't heard from you in two weeks and all you have to say is 'Hey, it's me'?"

I knew Alice would be upset with me when I finally called her, but I have never heard this level of anger in her voice. Again, my courage wanes, and I wonder if I can actually go through what Tanya has asked of me. Taking a deep breath, I find my courage and my voice.

"Yeah, I know I'm a shitty friend, but I need your help, Alice."

"Do you have any idea how many things are wrong with what you just said?" Alice replies.

"Umm...I-"

"No way. I have some things to say. First, you should know I will always help you, no matter what. Secondly, I never said you were a shitty friend. I realize you must have some heavy stuff going on in your life right now, but it would have been nice to be kept in the loop."

I grapple for the right words, coming up totally blank.

"Bella, you should know Carlisle has been questioned by the dean in regards to your living with him."

"_What?_" I yell. "_Why?_"

"Oh, silly, innocent Bella, you're a student living with a professor, naturally everyone thinks you two are sleeping together."

"Oh, God," I groan loudly, my face burning with embarrassment.

"Come on, let's have it. Things have been all fucked up with you since that day at the cave. Spill."

I can see Alice in my mind, perched intently on the edge of giant, pink, cloudlike bed, elbow on knee, chin in hand.

"What did Carlisle tell you guys about the day at the cave?" I ask.

"Not much, just that we needed to leave and assured us you were fine. Jasper did tell

me about helping you and Carlisle transport some unconscious naked guy, so I'm all ears."

Wow, where do I even start?

"Umm...well, I sorta...found a man in that cave,"I tell her, my voice whisper-quiet.

"The naked, unconscious one?"

"Well, he wasn't unconscious at the time,"I inform Alice.

"Did you ask him why he was naked, 'cause that's pretty weird."

"He didn't speak."

"Was he all private and stuff?"

"No, Alice, I mean he didn't have the ability to speak. He's feral."

And for the first time since I've known her, possibly in her entire life, Alice says nothing.

After several moments, I break the heavy silence. "Alice? You still there?"

"Yeah. I just...wasn't expecting that."Alice lets out a whoosh of breath before continuing. "I figured he was just a drunk guy or something. What did you guys do with him?"

"He's here with me."

"Are you joking?" Alice asks me. "Why didn't you just take him to the hospital?"

"No! They would have locked him up and studied him; I couldn't do that to him." Just the thought of Edward shut in a small room makes me shudder.

"So you dropped out of your summer course to baby-sit some wild Tarzan man?" Alice sounds completely exasperated with me.

I find myself explaining, "Sort of. I take care of him, but he isn't wild. He's very sweet and childlike."

"This is all very strange, Bella."

"I know, but I think you would understand if you met him. Which brings me to the reason I called. I would like you and Jasper to meet him, maybe Angela, too."

"Are you sure he's safe?"

"Yes, but you have to remember he has no social skills. Approach him like you would a frightened animal."

"Okay, Bella, but I'm warning you, if your wild man bites me, it's gonna be your ass I kick."

"Agreed. How about Saturday at five? You all can come for dinner."

"So it's a dinner party, huh?"

"Not exactly. It's actually more of an observation session. There will be a psychiatrist present, seeing how he interacts with you."

"Great, observed by shrink... You sure know how to throw a party, Bella."

Despite the fact Alice can't see me, I roll my eyes at her anyway.

"She's not observing _you_. She thinks it will be good for him to meet some new people."

"Alright, Jasper and I will be there. You never told me this guy's name."

How could I have forgotten that? Just thinking his name is music to my ears.

"Edward."

**~xx~**

"Bella, I really think you should be the one to answer the door."

Glaring at Tanya, I grip Edward's hand tighter, feeling like a stubborn three-year-old defying her mother.

"No! Edward needs me."

I can see the irritation on Tanya's face, and the incessant door bell ringing, no doubt by Alice, isn't helping.

"Bella, I know you want to protect him, but he needs to learn how to be self-reliant."

"Edward is self-reliant! He survived all those years alone!" Anger surges through me as I interject my opinion.

She raises her hand in a calming gesture, taking a deep breath, eyes closed. I think I'm actually trying her patience.

"I'm not trying to be harsh with Edward, but you can't be there for him every second of every day forever. I'm trying to give him the tools he will need to be part of this world."

Dammit. Everything she's said has made perfect sense, and I hate her for it. I don't really want Edward dependent on me. I want him to have hopes and dreams and goals. I don't want him to simply exist, I want him to _live_. This is what the rational side of my brain tells me. The other side on my brain screams and thrashes in protest. It wants to hold tightly to Edward and protect him from every hurtful thing in the world.

I give Edward's hand the smallest squeeze, not daring to look into his eyes. I know if he caught the slightest discomfort in my eyes, he would panic, and I would call the whole thing off.

"I'm proud of you, B-"

"Don't!" I warn Tanya as I make my way to the door.

Alice nearly falls into me as I open the door, but Jasper's hand on her waist steadies her.

"Hi," I start, pulling the door tightly to my body, blocking Edward's view of our visitors. "Thank you guys so much for coming. If he becomes upset, please try to remain as calm as possible." I hope the pleading note in my voice conveys my seriousness.

Angela, Jasper, and Alice all give me encouraging smiles before I step back, allowing them to enter. My eyes go immediately to Edward once everyone is in the door.

His eyes widen at the sight of the others, equal parts fear and curiosity burning in them.

Edward's hands clench and unclench on his thigh, his eyes darting back and forth between me and his bedroom door. I can feel the panic starting to roll off him, so I take a step toward him.

Tanya quickly holds up her hand, and I pause.

In spite of everything within me straining toward Edward, I remain rooted to my spot.

Seconds pass, all of us silent.

I see tiny beads of sweat breaking out on Edward's forehead, his breathing audible from across the room; he's getting ready to run.

Giving no care to what Tanya might think, I all but run to Edward, knowing he is moments from bolting. His face finds my shoulder, burrowing into my hair until it falls around him, shielding him from my friends.

Tanya looks on in silence, her pen flying over her legal pad. I sigh. More observations. Alice, Jasper, and Angela still stand near the door, the awkwardness of the situation clear on their faces.

My arms slide around Edward's shoulders, cradling him against me.

"Edward," my fingers brush through his hair, "I would like you to meet my friends. Would that be alright?"

I'm fairly certain he understands at least some of what I'm saying. He pushes his face further into my hair, his grip around my waist tightening.

"See if you can try to draw him out." Tanya's voice breaks the silence.

I'm not entirely sure what else she wants me to do. I can't exactly pry him off me, nor would I even try.

"Hey, babe, I'll be right back." My eyes are drawn to Jasper.

"Where are you going?" Alice asks.

"I'll be right back, promise." Jasper gives Alice a quick peck on the cheek and then disappears through the door.

Alice, Angela, and I exchange confused looks. Tanya doesn't seem to notice Jasper's absence, and Edward hasn't moved.

Alice sits on the opposite end of the couch from Edward and me, and Angela takes a seat on the chair in the corner. Edward curls closer to me, almost climbing into my lap. I know he isn't comfortable with Alice's presence on the couch, but I'm hoping he will get used to her.

"Is he always like this?" Alice's question immediately makes me bristle, even though I know she doesn't mean anything offensive.

"No, he's just frightened."

"So he really doesn't speak at all?" Angela adds.

"He says a few words now." I start telling the girls about the process of Edward's hypnosis, about the water drop, all the pictures, and his first word.

"That's really amazing," Angela says, and I can see the telltale glisten of tears in her eyes.

"What do you know about him?" Alice quietly asks.

I go over the things we've discovered about him and watch the girls faces reflect the same sadness and horror that I often feel on my own face.

Silence surrounds us again. It appears all of us are lost in our own thoughts.

A sudden knock on the door causes us all to jump. Jasper strides into the room, not bothering to wait for anyone, a bright green tote of Legos under his arm.

With no explanation, Jasper opens the tote and turns it upside down, the contents raining down on the floor.

The clickity-clack of hundreds of plastic pieces fills the room with sound. Edward tenses briefly against me before turning his head on my shoulder.

Jasper is cross-legged in the middle of the floor, a sea of multi-colored blocks around him.

I glance at the girls. Their faces are all turned in Jasper's direction, curiosity written on their expressions.

Jasper begins fitting blocks together, a tower quickly taking shape in his hands.

I feel Edward's body loosening from mine. His head is off my shoulder, his eyes fixed on Jasper's every move.

Edward slides down from the couch slowly, landing on his knees. All eyes in the room turn to him, except Jasper's. He continues to fit blocks together like it's the most natural thing in the world.

I move from the couch to sit next to Edward, waiting for his next move. I watch him in awe as he slides his hands out in front of him and begins to very slowly crawl towards Jasper.

His movements are slow and stilted, caution filling the air around him. Once he reaches the perimeter of blocks, he folds his long legs till they are pressed to his chest, arms wrapped around his knees.

Holding my breath, I watch him reach toward a red Lego. His fingers hesitate for a moment before closing around the small rectangle. He looks intently at the block, turning it over and over in his fingers, running his thumbs over the small bumps that cover one side. Edward reaches for another block, this time choosing a blue one. He watches Jasper for another moment before snapping the blocks in his hands together.

I can't keep the smile from my face as I watch Edward grab more blocks and fit them together. Red, blue, green, yellow – repeat. Edward stacks block after block. I find myself inching toward him until I reach the scattered blocks and start snapping them together.

It isn't long before Alice and Angela join us on the floor. No one speaks, each of us absorbed in our own building.

"Hey, babe, what do you think? Should I drop archeology and switch to architecture?" Jasper holds up a crude house, and Alice squeals with laughter.

Edward looks up at the sound of Alice's voice, instead of causing him alarm, like I expect, I find his eyes intent on the couple.

Alice leans toward Jasper, admiring his block house before she kisses him quickly on the lips.

Confusion creases Edward's brow. He looks down at the tower in his hands then back at Jasper and Alice before turning and thrusting the plastic structure in his hand against my chest.

"Bella! Seh...see!" Edward's joy is infectious, and I smile broadly at him.

When he leans against me and his lips touch mine, my breath catches in my throat.

His lips are shy, hesitant, barely touching my own. His warm breath across my lips makes my insides melt, and my mouth reacts of its own accord, capturing his bottom lip in my own. Edward's fingers on my lips forces our mouths apart. I open my eyes, not even realizing I had closed them, to see Edward watching my mouth, his fingers tracing the shape of my lips. Awe covers Edward's face, his hand moving from my mouth to his, patting his lips gently with his fingers.

Oh, my sweet Edward, do you have any idea what you do to me? The things you make me feel?

Realization that we aren't alone finally hits me, and embarrassment burns hot on my skin.

I hop to my feet, keeping my eyes down, mumbling words I hope make sense and retreat to the kitchen.

I slump against the counter as soon as I'm alone, my head falling onto my folded arms.

What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking; that's the problem. The second his lips touched mine, my brain completely left me, and my heart took over.

"Bella?"

"Go away, Alice."

She begins rubbing small circles on my back. "Why did you run?"

"Are you kidding? You saw what happened. I kissed him."

"I did see, and actually, he kissed you first."

"Not the point, Alice."

"What is your point?" Alice asks.

I stand up and face her.

"I had no right to kiss him. I'm his caretaker, practically a fill in mother. It was wrong."

Alice takes me by the shoulders, her face serious. "You're being way too hard on yourself. Obviously I don't know Edward like you, but he wasn't looking at you like a mother-figure. Looked like affection to me."

"I don't know, Alice. I don't know what he's emotionally capable of."

"Have you considered asking Tanya?"

"Asking me what?"

My shoulders sag at the sound of Tanya's voice; I don't want to get into this now.

"Nothing. It's no big deal," I say, turning to face her.

"Is Edward capable of adult emotions? Like lust or being in love?" Alice asks.

"Alice!" I hiss, turning back to glare at her.

Tanya steps closer, a thoughtful look on her face.

"I don't see why not. Lust is an animalistic emotion, something very basic, and a part of human nature. At the end of the day, regardless of his emotional age, Edward is still a twenty year old man; his body will react like any other man."

"And love? What about that?" Alice asks.

"That's a bit more complicated. It appears Edward came from a loving family, and I'm sure he learned about love as a child, but love is something that grows and changes as we mature. My personal belief is every creature longs for affection and wants to have something or someone to shower their affection on. Edward was forced to delve into his baser animal instincts to survive. We are trying to reconnect him to his humanity, including love. So, yes, I believe he is capable of love. To what degree and in what form, I can't say. Edward's case is unique. We are all learning."

Tanya offers me a smile before grabbing a water bottle from the fridge and heading back to the living room.

"Does that help at all?" Alice interrupts my thoughts.

"I'm not sure, but thanks for being so subtle."

"Yep, that's me, Miss Subtle."

I burst out laughing. Alice hasn't been subtle a day in her life.

"And you do by the way," she states with a smug look on her face.

"Do what?" I ask, confused.

"Love him." A grin spreads on her lips. "It's all over your face. You glow when you look at him."

I don't even have a comeback for her. All I can do is stand and blink mutely.

Is that what everyone else sees on my face?

My head is swimming.

"I'm here if you want to talk about it."

I give Alice a weak smile, hoping it conveys my thanks and lets her know I'm not ready to talk right now.

Right now I just want to focus on making dinner for my friends.

**~xx~**

The cement of the patio is warm on my feet when I step out the back door. It's nearly midnight as I stare up at the black sky, marveling at the beauty of the stars.

"I know I don't talk to you, God...ever, but please help Carlisle tomorrow. Help him find the right words to say to Edward's mother. Amen."

I take one last look at the stars before heading back in, hoping there really is a God to hear my plea. Edward, Carlisle, and Mrs. Masen have all been through so much. Surely they are owed something good!

**~XXXX~**

**A/N:Thank you all so much for reading and for all your lovely reviews! Hugs all around!**


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THING TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you so much to my rockin' friend and beta, Justine, who got this to me in 1 day cuz she is that awesome! To my girls, what would I do without you! Big love!**

**Thanks to my super star banner maker, Betti for complete fabulous-ness! And congrats to my friend Nilla on 100 chaps of Loner!**

**~TISSUE WARNING~**

**~XXXX~**

**Esme POV**

Everyday I dust the frames holding the pictures of my boys, running my hand lovingly over their faces, longing to touch them again. My strong and loving husband - I miss his arms around me, the sound of his voice, his kiss...everything. And my son...my heart aches for my sweet little man. So much like his father; kind and gentle, always thoughtful of others, but then the horrible images of my husband's dead body invade my mind, and the unknown fate of my son. The possibilities of what may have happened to my little Edward.

The ocean of sorrow I carry inside me overflows, my bitter tears falling on the faces of my lost boys.

I hold the picture frames tightly to my chest – all I have left of them – mere shadows of a once happy life.

Drying my swollen eyes, I begin another day. Another day of busy-work, another day designed to keep me from thinking too much.

I make my way out to the gardens surrounding the vast house that is my bed-and-breakfast. I find the plants and flowers calming; they give the illusion of peace.

I have plenty of time to putter around outside today, the house is empty.

My business is pretty steady, never a rush. I don't run the romantic getaway type of place. I cater to the loners, those seeking solitude. Recent divorcees are my most frequent visitors, along with writers and the occasional painter.

I relish the lush environment around me, so different from the mountains and desert that surrounds Flagstaff. But that's what I wanted. I couldn't take the constant reminders of everything I lost. It was driving me mad to walk daily over the threshold my husband had carried me over as a bride, to sit in the living room Edward had taken his first steps in. The ghosts in Flagstaff were too many. At least up here in Washington they are only memories - not a lifetime haunting me.

**~xx~**

My fingers are cold and stiff as I run them under the warm water, removing all traces of dirt.

I move around the spacious kitchen, putting together a simple salad. With no guests tonight there is no need for a large meal.

A soft knock on the door pulls me from my meal preparation. It's most likely a lost tourist, since the roads around Forks aren't well marked. I've given many a person directions back to the highway.

My breath catches when I open the door. The man standing on my porch is achingly handsome. His white-blond hair pokes out from underneath a gray pageboy cap giving him a rakish look. I find my heart beating a little faster, and, for the first in years, I find myself worrying about how I look.

"Mrs. Masen?"

Oh, wow, his voice is beautiful.

"Yes. I'm Mrs. Masen. May I help you?"

The man looks uncomfortable, nervous almost.

"Would it be possible for me to come in and speak with you?"

Stepping back, I give the man room to enter. His jacket brushes my arm when he passes, wafting the smell of aftershave and leather past me.

He smells so good. It's been a long time since a man was this close to me, and it's a bit unnerving.

"I'm Carlisle Cullen," the man informs me as we settle ourselves in the living room. "I'm a professor of archeology at the University of Nevada in Las Vegas. I run a summer archeology program to give students practical hands-on experience."

Unless Professor Cullen wants to run his program from here, I have no idea what he's trying to get at.

"Recently, one of my students was exploring a cave, when she came across a man living there." Professor Cullen takes a deep breath before continuing. "It's our belief that man is your son, Edward."

Jumping up from my seat, I feel anger course through me as I face Professor Cullen.

"How dare you! Get out! Get out of my house right now!" My entire body quivers in rage, and he has the gall to look at me with sympathetic eyes.

"Mrs. Masen, please hear me out. I know this is unbelievable, but if you will let me explain-"

"Explain? What could you possibly say that will make a difference? I don't know what kind of sick con you're trying to pull, but I don't have any money, everything I have is tied up in my business."

"Please, just look at this picture. If it isn't your son, I'll leave and never bother you again."

I want to kick him or hit him...something. How could someone be so cruel?

He sets a photograph on the coffee table, and my world stops.

I can't breathe. I can't move. I can't think.

As impossible as it seems, I know this is my son. He always had the most unusual shade of bronze hair and vibrant green eyes...the same as the man in the picture. This is my Edward.

All those years...gone...my boy...my boy.

My world crumbles around me. My vision blurs, and my stomach churns. I have to get out of here before...before...

My stomach erupts without warning, spewing its meager contents on the entryway floor on my way to the bathroom.

My knees and hands hit the floor hard as my strength gives out. Dry heaves and wrenching sobs battle to escape my body, violently shaking me.

Warm arms pull me off the floor, and a soft voice speaks close to me.

"Shhh... Come lay down on the couch."

My head spins with dizziness. Black over takes my vision - there is nothing.

_I see him...my boy...my Edward. My little man is curled up, knees to his chest, crying, crying for me. "Edward, I'm here. Momma's here." He doesn't look up, just continues to cry. It rips at my insides. "Edward...Edward." He blurs before my eyes then disappears. "No! No!" _

I'm jolted into reality, my chest heaving with anxiety, hands shaking. Where is he? Where is my Edward? Glancing around, I find myself lying on the couch in the living room of my bed and breakfast. I don't even remember how I got here.

Movement catches my eye, startling me. A blond man is sitting in my living room watching me, concern clear on his face.

Everything comes rushing back like a freight train.

This man is Carlisle Cullen and my son is alive..._alive!_

I rub my hands over my eyes trying to remove the nightmare images of my Edward crying.

"Where is he? Where is my son, Mr. Cullen?"

"Please call me Carlisle, and he's staying at my house right now."

"How is he? Did he ask for me? Why didn't you bring him now?"

"Mrs. Masen-"

"Esme."

"Esme," he corrects. ""There are some things you should know about Edward."

Panic seizes me.

"What do you mean?" Is he hurt?"

Carlisle draws a deep breath before going on.

"When Edward was found, he was wild – feral, really. He didn't speak and had almost no concept of human interaction."

"He doesn't speak? What does that mean? How did you find me?"

Carlisle looks taken aback, and I realize I'm rapid-firing questions at him.

Dropping my head into my hands, I feel overwhelmed. This is all so much to take in.

"You should try and eat something, if you think you can."

I look up at the sound of Carlisle's voice, surprised to see genuine concern on his face.

I push myself up to a standing position, my legs shaking, the world whirling around me. I stretch my arm out in an attempt to steady myself, and Carlisle is by my side instantly, sliding his arm around my waist. Despite my dizziness, tingles explode across my skin at his touch.

He guides me gently to the kitchen, helping me into one of the chairs at the small table. I expect Carlisle to sit across from me, but instead he begins moving around the kitchen, filling the tea kettle and placing it on the stove.

Awkward silence fills the room. Clearly neither of us knows where to begin. The boiling water makes itself known with a piercing whistle. Carlisle looks at me questioningly, and I point to the cupboard to the right of the stove. Carefully he measures loose tea into a tea ball, adds it to a china tea pot, then pours in the hot water.

Before long, Carlisle has an impromptu tea party set out in front of me, complete with crackers, cheese, and grapes.

I welcome the strong, hot tea, sipping it slowly.

"How did you find me if Edward doesn't speak?"

Carlisle looks at me over the rim of his cup, his icy blue eyes full of kindness.

"My closest friend and father of the girl who found Edward is a police officer."

"I don't understand how he ended up in a cave."

"We aren't really sure ourselves, but Edward just recently began speaking, maybe someday he'll be able to explain."

I have so many questions, but I feel unable to voice them, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the idea of my son being alive.

My face must betray my scattered thoughts, because Carlisle reaches across the table, taking my hand, his expression sympathetic.

I listen in rapt silence as Carlisle begins to tell me about the discovery of my son.

He explains all about the girl, Bella, and how she is practically his niece. He tells me how it was Bella who advocated for Edward not to be taken to a hospital so he wouldn't be an object of curiosity, and I find myself being grateful someone like her found my son. Carlisle begins telling me about his sister-in-law, Tanya, and how she has been working with Edward to help him regain his speaking ability. When he tells me it's likely Edward was out there alone for years, overwhelming anguish fills my soul.

Hot tears course down my cheeks as loud sobs wrench themselves from me.

"I...I should have known. I should have felt it in my gut that my son was still alive."

I hear the scrape of a chair being pulled across the floor and then Carlisle's arms are around my shoulders. I put aside any thoughts about just having met this man, and sink into his comforting embrace.

"What...what kind of mother doesn't instinctively know their child is alive?" Coughing, gulping huge lungfuls of air, I struggle to continue. "I should have searched - there was never a body. I should..."

Crying screams rip from my throat, as guilt and pain flood my mind and heart.

"It's okay. Just let it all out."

Oddly, I don't feel uncomfortable pouring out my anguish to Carlisle. He has a soothing presence which puts me at ease, and it's a relief to have someone to cry with.

After my husband was killed and Edward was gone, there was no one to grieve with me, to comfort me; they were all I had. There were days when I felt the emptiness and loss would overtake me - swallow me up. I have thrown everything I have and everything I am into this bed-and-breakfast, just to be able to keep going.

Carlisle lets me cry and cry until my tears are used up and my breathing is close to normal.

My eyes ache, and I feel warn and wrung out as I calm and pull myself away from Carlisle. A half smile pulls at his lips when I raise my gaze to his. I'm a bit embarrassed by the amount of snot and tears that stain his shirt.

"I'm sorry about your shirt."

He merely shrugs. "Don't even worry about it, it'll wash."

I take a moment to sip my now cold tea before asking Carlisle a question that has been burning in my mind. "Why did you do all this? You could have passed Edward off for someone else to deal with, or you could have called... Why did you make the effort to come all the way up here?"

"If Edward was my son, I would want someone to look after him like he was their own child, and if my son was alive when I believed him dead - that would be news I would want in person."

There is a softness in Carlisle's voice when he says the words _If my son was alive_ that piques my curiosity.

"Do you have children?"

Carlisle's face goes ashen, and I regret asking as soon as the words leave my mouth. "My wife and son were murdered years ago."

I can't contain my shock, audibly gasping at his confession. Now I understand why helping Edward and coming here was important to him. He understands in a way no one else can, unless they have had their loved ones ruthlessly ripped from them.

"I...I'm so sorry." My words tumble awkwardly from my mouth. There is no appropriate condolence.

"How old was your son?" I find myself asking.

Carlisle visibly swallows, the memory still obviously painful.

"Nine."

Another shocking piece of news: our sons were almost the same age when we lost them.

Silence surrounds us again, each of us lost in memories.

"Peter, that was my son's name, he loved science...always bringing home rocks and bugs. He would study them for hours under his microscope." Carlisle almost seems like he's in a trance as he speaks, his eyes are fixed on the table, unblinking.

"The two of you must have had fun exploring together."

Carlisle blinks rapidly, and I feel certain he was lost in memories. "Sorry, what?"

I repeat my question, and confusion crosses his face momentarily before he answers.

"No, not as much as I should have."

"I didn't mean to imply anything, I just assumed your son was taking after you."

"It's alright. I wasn't an archeologist when my family was living. I used to be a doctor."

Something in his tone and the look on his face tells me I shouldn't ask anymore questions.

Carlisle begins clearing the tea things, and I join him. I find myself being oddly pleased at having someone help me after all these years.

"How soon can we leave?" I ask. I'm already mentally packing my suitcase and wondering if I should bring Edward a gift.

"My flight back isn't until the day after tomorrow; I wanted to give Bella a little time. She and Edward are quite close, and they need time to say goodbye."

I try to hide my disappointment, but I suppose it would be foolish to rush out the door right now. Of course I want to drop everything this instant, but I do have some things I should put in order. I feel bad that I will be taking Edward from their lives, but they will always be welcome to visit.

"Sounds fine. If you give me your flight information, I will try and book a flight at the same time as yours" I tell him.

"I already bought you a ticket. I figured you would want to get to Edward as soon as possible."

Gratitude surges inside me, and in a move that surprises even me, I hug Carlisle Cullen.

Though he held me earlier when I was crying, this embrace has a different feel to it.

"Thank you for everything. You've given me back my life."

Carlisle says nothing, merely squeezes me a bit tighter.

"Are you staying someplace in town?" I ask, pulling myself from his arms.

Carlisle looks slightly embarrassed, and I can't help but giggle.

"I was kind of hoping I could stay here."

Smiling widely, I motion for him to follow me and head up the stairs to one of my more masculine rooms.

This has been the most surreal day. I can still hardly believe my Edward is alive.

**~xx~**

My mind is still whirling as I lay in bed, sleep evading me. I think of the possibilities of Edward coming home: all the things we will do, which room I will fix up for him, the years stretching out before us.

A smile pull at my lips as sleep begins to take me. My son is _alive_.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you so much to all of you that read and review! Your kind words touch my heart!**


	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you so much to my fabulous beta and friend, Justine, who put in hours of work talking me through this one! Love ya , Twin! My girls, what would I do without you all! Love Ya!**

**Thank you to Betti for her outstanding banner making skills and her lovely voice, checker her out at: audiofiction(dot)blogspot(dot)com !**

**~XXXX~**

**BPOV**

"Bella! Carl!" Edward's enthusiastic voice reaches my ears. I look up from my book to see Edward's handsome face looking down on me, his hand held out, the telltale sound of the _Indiana Jones_ theme song coming from between his fingers. Edward is a big fan of playing with my cell phone, and I'm just glad he brought it to me this time. Last time it rang while he was playing with it and he ended up hanging up on my dad.

"Carl," Edward says again.

I'm so proud of Edward's progress; I'm trying to teach him to say _Carlisle_, and I think _Carl_ is a pretty good start.

"Thank you, Edward," I tell him, taking my phone and smiling at the picture of Carlisle on my screen before pressing the talk button.

"Hey, Carlisle."

"Good morning, Bella. How's everything going?" He sounds tired.

"Fine here. What about you? Were you able to talk to her?"

"Yes, I spoke with Mrs. Masen."

"And?"

"She's coming back with me tomorrow. You should probably start preparing yourself to let Edward go." His voice is almost a whisper.

"How can she do that? Just rip him away—doesn't she care about what Edward wants?"

Carlisle sighs loudly before continuing, "Esme is his mother. She just wants her son back, and none of us knows what Edward wants."

I'm so angry right now I can't speak. A hard lump is forming in my throat, and hot tears are running down my cheeks.

I want Carlisle to be angry and indignant along with me, but at the same time I know it's unfair of me. I really have no one to blame but myself. I was the one that pushed to find Edward's family. Honestly I never thought it would all happen so fast; I thought I would have more time – maybe get him to a point where he's more vocal so he can express his wants.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Bella."

No words come. I only manage a tiny squeak before my phone goes dead.

I know Carlisle isn't intentionally trying to be cold. I'm sure this trip was hard on him, dredging up memories of his own son, but it still doesn't squelch the hurt and fear that boil inside me, bursting from me in choked sobs.

"Bella?" The tremor in Edward's voice draws my attention. I look up to see him watching me in confusion.

He curls himself next to me on the couch, his hand reaching out to touch the tears on my cheek. "Bella sad?"

I'm amazed with how quickly Edward is picking things up. He's amazingly perceptive.

Placing my hand over Edward's, I press his palm tighter to my cheek.

"Yes. I am sad, Edward."

I don't know if I should tell him why I'm sad or if he would understand if I did. I opt for remaining silent. If this is my last day with Edward, I want us to have a memorable day.

Moving his hand down to my lips, I kiss his palm lightly.

Before I end up burying my face in Edward's chest and bawling my eyes out, I pull him from the couch and we settle ourselves on the floor.

Edward immediately grabs the tote of Legos, dumping them all around us. He clicks blocks together one after another until he's formed a small square four bricks high.

"For Bella," Edward says, proudly holding out his little house to me.

Tears spring to my eyes. How will I get through this day?

Again Edward's confused gaze falls on my tears. He looks back and forth from his house to my tears, and I can see the wheels turning in his mind - he thinks the house made me sad.

I take action quickly, snatching his gift and pressing it to my heart. "It's beautiful, Edward. Thank you."

I try to control my tears, brushing them from my face while forcing my lips to smile.

Edward's thumb sweeps across my cheek, brushing away the tears that still fall. "Bella sad."

How do I explain? How do I tell him he makes me so happy it hurts and the thought of losing him devastates me?

I'm glad no one else is here to witness my scattered emotional state.

"No. Edward makes Bella happy," I tell him before sliding my arms around him and burying my face in the crook of his neck.

Edward's arms hesitate slightly before wrapping firmly around me. I think I've taken him by surprise.

We sit holding each other for a few moments before I pull myself together and wipe my tears with the back of my hand. His embrace is so comforting, I could easily lose myself in him. Hurriedly I scramble to my feet before I do something stupid.

"You want some lunch, Edward?"

His eager smile is the only answer I need.

I'm only in the kitchen a few minutes before tears are in my eyes again. Edward has left a pile of spoons on the kitchen counter, and I burst into sobs.

Sinking to the floor I rest my head on my knees and just let my grief come.

I have no idea how long I sit and cry before Edward finds me. His hand is gentle as he pats my hair. I do my best to wipe away the remaining tears before I raise my eyes to look at him. His face is a mixture of confusion and worry as he lowers himself next to me, placing his arm around me.

I lean my head against his shoulder, taking what comfort I can from him.

"Thank you, Edward. I needed that."

Several more deep breaths and a few sniffles later, I present Edward with his lunch and he presents me with one of his adorable grins.

Oh, Edward, what will I do without you?

**~xx~**

It's late in the evening when Edward and I head toward the neighborhood park, picnic dinner in hand.

I thought it would be nice for us to get out and do something, but I knew he wouldn't be up to anything where there are lots of people.

We walk in silence, his hand held lightly in my own.

This is the first time Edward has been anywhere outside of Carlisle's backyard, and I hope this won't push him too much, I want this to be fun.

The park is deserted when we arrive – a relief to me as I'm not sure how Edward would react to children.

I spread our blanket on a small patch of grass and begin setting out our simple meal of sandwiches and pretzels.

Edward digs into the food hungrily. I wonder if he misses being outside all the time or if it's a comfort to him to be inside?

I unenthusiastically nibble a pretzel while absent mindedly tracing patterns on Edward's knee. I don't have an appetite, and I can't help but let my mind wonder to thoughts of losing Edward. I glance up at him while he eats, studying his beautiful profile. I can't wrap my mind around the idea that he might be gone tomorrow. I will miss seeing his face everyday, but more than that, I will miss his presence in my life. Edward has become such a part of everything I do, it makes me wonder if I can just go back to school and live as I did before? Or if I even want to? The worst thing is not knowing if his mother really just whisk him away tomorrow.

I need to stop. Not only am I driving myself nuts, but I'm cutting into my time with Edward.

I refocus my attention from my unanswerable questions back to Edward.

He's just finishing up his sandwich, the perfect time to lure him to the playground.

Standing up, I extend my hand to Edward, smiling when he eagerly takes it.

Once I've pulled him to a standing position, I lead him over to the swings. After a short demonstration on how to sit on a swing, Edward sits down. I take the swing next to him and watch a look of wonder cross his face as his swing begins to move. I reach for his hand, push my feet against the ground, and set us both in motion.

Edward's laughter fills the evening air as we move back and forth. It's infectious, and I find myself laughing with him.

To my surprise Edward begins pumping his legs back and forth, back and forth. Unrestrained joy is playing across his features and I can see that he remembers - he remembers swinging. Jumping from my swing, I stand behind Edward and give him the biggest push I can. He doesn't go very high, but only because he is quite a bit heavier than I am. But the look on his face... I feel like I've given something back to him.

When it seems Edward has had his fill of swinging, I motion for him to follow me as I make my way to one of the slides. Mirth sparkles in Edward's eyes, and he chases me up the stairs and down the long plastic chute.

Round and round we go...up the stairs, over the bridge and down the slide, sometimes Edward chases me and sometimes I chase him.

We are both breathless and shaking with laughter when we collapse back onto our picnic blanket. Edward's hand seeks mine. "Fun," he says. His voice is soft, a note of awe to it, but full of sincerity...he really did have fun.

**~xx~**

It's late when we arrive back at the house, almost ten o'clock. Edward heads straight for his room - to get ready for bed, I assume.

I head to the kitchen, quickly put away the remainder of the picnic, and make my way to the bathroom to change for bed.

I tiptoe out of the bathroom and move toward Edward's room, peeking in the door.

He is standing in front of the window, blinds open, looking at the moon. I would give almost anything to know what he is thinking.

"Edward?"

He turns to look at me, his beautiful smile flashing across his face.

Edward climbs into bed and waits for me to take a seat - he usually rests his head on my lap until he falls asleep.

Tonight, though, I lie down on top of his blankets and rest my head on the pillow, inches from Edward's.

I turn to my side, lay my hand on his cheek and watch him as he watches me.

"Goodnight, Edward." I press my lips gently to his forehead for a moment before pulling his head down to rest on my shoulder.

My fingers brush through his hair, relaxing us both.

"'Night, Bella." His warm breath on my neck sends chills down my spine.

**~xx~**

_Pale moonlight shines down, illuminating the world around me. The soft grass of the meadow I walk in tickles my bare feet._

_Strong arms encircle my waist, and warm kisses trail down my neck. "I love you, Bella." _

_The unmistakable sound of Edward's voice fills my ears._

_He loves me...he __**loves**__ me! _

_I turn to face him only to have his lips capture my own, kissing me hard._

_His hands hold me tightly, leaving no space between us, allowing me to feel every inch of him._

_Warmth flares across my skin when his lips move down my neck to my shoulder, nudging the strap of the dress I wear. His mouth moves along my collarbone until it reaches my other shoulder, nudging the strap there as well. My dress pools around my feet and I am bare before him. I look up, expecting to see his lustful eyes gazing at me. Instead I see his features fading before me; clouds hide the moon, covering everything in inky blackness. Edward fades into the darkness._

My heart beats wildly in my chest, my hand grasping for Edward, and I touch nothing.

It takes a few moments for my mind to adjust to my surroundings and realize where I am. I'm in Edward's bedroom, in his bed, and he's snoring softly next to me.

A dream...it was all a dream, wonderful and horrible all at once. I long for Edward to touch me that way, to hear him speak those words; things that will never happen.

Edward has moved from my shoulder in his sleep, granting me a look at his slumbering face.

The truth of Alice's words hit me as I lay here watching him sleep: I am irrevocably in love with Edward.

Tears fall silently on the pillow as I attempt to regain my previous state of slumber.

No matter what tomorrow brings, I know my life is changed forever.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you all for reading and for all the lovely reviews! *HUG***


	9. Chapter 9

**DISCLAIMER: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N: Thank you to my amazing beta, Justine - I flove you big time! To my girls, all my love, what would I do without you! Thank you Betti for your lovely banner and your fabulous music!**

**Lastly, thank you to everyone that reads and reviews, you have all blown me away with your kind words! I hug you all!**

**~XXXX~**

**BPOV**

The knot in my stomach winds itself ever tighter, making me teeter on the edge of nausea.

"You should sit down, Bella. There is still a little bit of time before they get here.

I know Tanya means well, but for the time being, I don't want to hear her voice.

I suppose it's a good thing Carlisle called Tanya and asked her to be here when he arrives with Edward's mother. Lord knows it never occurred to me.

I check the window again before continuing with my pacing.

Edward is watching cartoons, though not with his usual glee. I think he knows something is going on.

I need to find something to do before I wear a path in Carlisle's carpet. Excusing myself, I head for the kitchen; I'll try working out my angst cleaning the oven.

**~xx~**

The sound of the garage door opening sends me into a state of panic.

Heading out to the living room, I see Tanya is looking expectant.

The television remains on, but Edward isn't watching. His eyes dart back and forth between Tanya and me, his face showing concern. I'm sure he is picking up the nervous vibe around here.

I join him on the couch, trying my best to keep my inner sobbing lunatic under wraps. The world slows around me, tension thick in the air – the moment of truth.

I strain to hear every possible sound: Carlisle's car pulling into the garage, the engine cutting, and the slam of car doors. Grabbing Edward's hand, I steel myself for what's next.

The sound of the door opening and footsteps on the floorboards causes my breath to catch in my throat and my hand to grip Edward's tighter.

"Try to stay calm, Bella." Tanya's voice seems distant, and I merely nod mutely in response.

Carlisle steps into view – he looks almost as nervous as I feel.

A few steps behind Carlisle is a woman, the woman from the picture, Edward's mother.

She is lovely, despite a gray pallor - her eyes expectant, full of hope, and fixed on Edward.

My eyes shift to Edward as he studies his mother, a curious look on his face.

Silence permeates the air, all of us collectively holding our breath.

Edward's mother steps around Carlisle, affording her a better look at her son. Tears now glisten in her eyes; one hand clutches her heart, the other beginning to stretch out toward Edward.

Edward shifts his body away from her, setting his head on my shoulder and begins twirling my hair around his fingers – not the reaction I expected. He is neither excited nor fearful. He appears genuinely disinterested.

A strangled sob catches in his mother's throat, her entire posture sagging. My heart goes to her immediately; she looks so crushed. I glance back and forth between Carlisle and Tanya, desperation in my eyes. Carlisle shrugs. He looks as lost as I feel. Tanya, on the other hand, motions toward the coffee table, an encouraging smile on her face. My gaze travels in the direction Tanya indicates, falling on the picture Carlisle printed of Edward's mother. Maybe this will help him make the connection.

"Edward...Mom."

His eyes shift from my hair to the picture of his mother.

"Edward, this is your mom," I reiterate, pointing toward his mother.

His eyes follow the motion of my hand until his gaze locks with his mother's. He only looks at her for a moment then back at the picture on the table, confusion settling on his face.

"No...Mom." Edward grabs the picture from the table, pressing it to his cheek.

Pushing my fingers through Edward's hair, I wait for him to look at me. When he does, I gently pull the photograph from his face. "Edward, this is a _picture_ of your mom," I say, pointing to the picture. "This _is_ your mom." Edward's eyes follow my extending arm as I gesture toward his mother.

He looks at her for a second before turning back to me, snatching the picture back from my hand and rubbing it against his face. "Mom."

Crushing defeat crosses his mother's face, and I wish I knew what to do to make Edward understand.

Once again I move the photo from his face, trying to see what he sees. I look closely at the photograph in Edward's hand, and then turn my gaze to his mother.

I see a woman whom sorrow has taken a toll on. Gone are the golden caramel highlights, replaced by streaks of gray. Her once smooth skin now shows wrinkles around her eyes and mouth, and she must be at least twenty pounds thinner than the picture clutched in Edward's hand.

I understand now. Edward has preserved the memory of his mother as she was when he was a little boy, and her aging is something foreign to him.

I let go of the picture, allowing Edward to pull it to him once again, and I glance up at his mother.

She is weeping, her hands covering her face, her shoulders shaking. Carlisle steps to her side, gently putting his arms around her trembling frame.

Guilt begins to gnaw at my insides. This poor woman has been through so much, and I should be doing everything in my power to help her rebuild a relationship with her son.

Edward has gone back to twirling a piece of my hair around his fingers, the picture pressed to his cheek, ignoring his mother completely.

An idea comes to my mind. "Mrs. Masen, did you have a song you sang to Edward when he was young?"

She looks up at me, tears still making rivers down her face. Our eyes lock for a beat and it's almost like she is seeing me for the first, her mind has been focused on Edward.

She straightens her posture, clears her throat, and quietly begins to sing. _"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you, so please don't take my sunshine away."_

Her voice cracks on the last few words, but I barely notice because I can hardly pull my attention from Edward. His face is like the rising sun, bright and shining.

The photograph falls from his fingers when he turns to face his mother. His eyes widen, and he looks at her with wonder. She takes a step toward us, leaving Carlisle's embrace and starts the song over again.

Edward's face breaks into a brilliant smile, sending a new stream of tears cascading down Mrs. Masen's face. She continues filling the room with her lovely voice, stepping ever closer to where Edward and I sit on the couch.

Once she reaches the couch, she stops singing, her fingers stretching out then retreating. It's clear she wants to touch him.

Edward, on the other hand, has no such desire. Now that she has stopped singing, he is eyeing her, a mixture of emotions on his face, equal parts fear and curiosity.

Keeping her eyes on Edward, she lowers herself slowly to the couch.

Edward's reaction is immediate; he scoots so close to me I'm not entirely sure he won't climb into my lap. His eyes never leave her as huddles closer to my side.

"Edward, this_ is_ your mom."

"No!"

Mrs. Masen looks as though she has been doused in ice water, shock and intense hurt heavy on her face.

I move myself from Edward's grip with difficulty. He is reluctant to let even the smallest amount of space between us. Once I've managed to wiggle my way to Edward's other side, I'm able to reach for Mrs. Masen's hand. Her red, tear-filled eyes meet mine at my touch.

"Mrs. Masen, I'm Bella. It's nice to meet you."

A small appreciative smile crosses her lips. "Esme, dear. Just call me Esme."

I turn my attention back to Edward, lacing the fingers of my other hand through his, brushing soothing strokes across his knuckles with my thumb.

"Edward, _this _is your mom. She would like to hold your hand, is that okay?"

He looks at our entangled fingers then back to my face. I can see the apprehension in his eyes. Slowly I uncurl my index finger, forcing Edward's to move with mine and carefully, never taking my eyes from his, I lower our joined hands to Esme's, lightly brushing his finger against the back of her hand.

Esme drags in a ragged breath, and I don't have to see her face to know she is having a hard time holding it together.

Edward doesn't allow his skin to touch hers for very long before pulling his hand away.

"Edward, it's okay. This is your mom. She just wants to know you."

He looks down at the photo now sitting in my lap. "Mom?" He questions.

"Yes, Edward. Mom."

Turning his gaze to Esme, he asks, "Mom?" and I can see he is trying to understand.

"That's right," I tell him, smiling widely.

"Mom?" he asks again, still looking at Esme.

Her returning smile is brilliant. "Yes, I'm Mom."

Slowly, I bring Esme's hand over Edward's, easing both trembling hands together.

I slide my hands away and wait, breath held. Esme is crying again, but her face shines with a different light – barely contained joy would be my guess.

Edward's face is a wonder to me. He still looks a bit confused, but I also see acceptance there.

**~xx~**

**Esme POV**

Before today, I had a textbook knowledge of what _feral_ means. Now that I have seen Edward, it has a whole new meaning. Carlisle had told me Edward doesn't communicate, and I tried to prepare myself, but Carlisle was wrong. Edward communicates quite well. Not so much verbally, but his eyes speak volumes. His eyes spoke clearly when he first saw me; he had no idea who I was. It was salt in the already open wound of my heart. I don't blame him, there are days I barely recognize myself…so different from the woman he knew as mom.

It's difficult for me to see someone else caring for my son, to see the way he clings to her. Though I find myself being oddly at ease with Bella. She has a nice way about her, and I can see how much she truly cares for him.

It is with great reluctance on my part that I release Edward's hand. He seems impatient, like he wants to get up, and he does as soon as our hands separate.

I could have sat all day and held Edward's hand and looked at his beautiful face. I want to pull him to me, touch his face, and hug him close, but regretfully I'm unable to.

**~xx~**

I've had the most surreal day. I'm not sure I can wrap my head around everything.

It's odd to be standing in the doorway of a bedroom watching my grown son be lulled to sleep. I had wanted to sing to Edward when he went to bed, but he wanted no part of that, holding tightly to Bella.

So here I stand, watching Bella slide her fingers through my son's hair, his head in her lap, with a content smile on his face.

Turning from the door, I notice Dr. Denali watching me. Other than introductions, we haven't really spoken.

"Would you like to talk?" she asks.

Despite not knowing this woman, I really do want to talk with her, hear her insights about Edward.

Her eyes are sympathetic as I lower myself into a chair, heaving a weary sigh.

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm okay. I think. This is all so much."

Dr. Denali looks at me thoughtfully. "What has been the most surprising aspect of meeting Edward?"

I'm not even sure where to begin answering, everything has been surprising.

"Seeing how childlike he is. I knew he couldn't speak, but I didn't expect this level. I don't understand how he forgot so much."

"He didn't forget, Mrs. Masen. Everything Edward knew is still there, just buried," she tells me.

"I don't understand. Why is it buried?"

"The mind has an amazing ability to protect itself. It also has an amazing ability to heal itself. The fact that Edward is doing as well as he is, is a testament to that. My hypothesis about Edward's memory is post traumatic stress-induced amnesia. That, coupled with extensive isolation, could easily put him in survival mode and lead him to a more animalistic state. Amnesia is a tricky thing...there isn't always rhyme or reason to what a person retains or what is blocked. It's different for everyone. Hopefully with your help, and Edward's ever growing progress, we can start making sense of this puzzle. If it isn't too personal, do you know how long you are going to be here?"

"I feel like I'm in over my head. When I got here this morning, I had every intention of leaving tomorrow with my son, but seeing all the care he needs... How can I possibly do all that on my own and run my business?" I cradle my head in my hands, trying to calm my thoughts, I feel as though my head will implode. "Not to mention Edward's attachment to Bella. What kind of mother would I be if I just ripped all that away from him? So, to answer your question, Dr. Denali, I have no idea how long I will be here. I want my boy home with me, but I don't know how to be his mother anymore."

Dr. Denali surprises me by reaching over and squeezing my knee. "You are going to need to re-learn how to be his mother. He isn't the little boy you knew, nor can you treat him like any other man. You need to get to know this Edward, the man he is now."

I look up at her with skepticism. "Any suggestions on how I should do that?"

"Follow Bella's lead; she is extraordinary with him."

We fall into silence for a few moments before Dr. Denali speaks again.

"You don't have to figure this out alone, we all care for Edward and we want to help."

I smile in what I hope is an appreciative way. I have a lot of things to think about and a lot of decisions to make.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you all so much!**


	10. Chapter 10

**DISCLAIMER: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N: Thank you so much to my fabulous beta and friend, Justine for all the work she does! To my girls, your support means everything to me! Also thank you for the nominations over at The Sunflower Awards - Feral has been nominated in 5 catagories!**

**~XXXX~**

**Esme POV**

It's odd for me to be sitting here at the table watching someone else hurry around the kitchen - that's usually me.

Bella appears to be quite capable in the kitchen, so, for the first time in years, I sit enjoying a hot cup of tea, waiting for someone to serve _me_ breakfast.

"How do you like your eggs?" Bella's question brings me from my musing and I shift my attention to her.

"However you're fixing them for everyone else is fine with me."

"The guys like theirs scrambled, is that okay?"

I nod. It doesn't matter to me what I eat, simply being able to sit here and look at my son is enough.

**~xx~**

The sun is giving me a bit of a headache. It's been years since I was in sunlight this bright. I move to the meager shade that hugs the side of the house, easing myself into one of the patio chairs.

Edward and Bella are sitting in the tiny patch of grass that makes up the backyard. Edward picks through the rocks that surround the island of grass, selecting ones that catch his eye and placing them in a pile. I'm intrigued by the interaction between Edward and Bella, and the way they move around each other, like the moon with the tide – when one moves the other follows.

It bothers me slightly to see how often they touch one another. Through the day they hold hands and touch each other's hair or arm.

I suppose I shouldn't feel that way; I owe Bella such a debt of gratitude for taking care of my son, and, from what I understand, being instrumental in finding me.

I can't seem to help myself, though. Every time he reaches for her hand or she brushes her fingers through his hair, it sends a little stab of jealous pain through my heart.

I'd like to be able to sit down and talk with Bella sometime, to find out her thoughts and feelings about Edward...if she's willing.

**~xx~**

**BPOV**

It took Edward a long time to fall asleep tonight. I guess having his mother around is going to take some getting used to. At least that's how I feel.

I let my fingers linger a moment longer before slipping them from his soft hair and placing a gentle kiss to his temple as I ease myself from his bed.

I'm not surprised when I tiptoe out the door and almost bump into Esme. All day I've felt like she's wanted to say something to me.

"Bella, do you mind if we sit and talk a bit?"

"In the kitchen?"

She nods and follows me.

"Can I get you anything? A snack...cup of tea?"

"No, thank you. I'm fine."

Esme and I sit in silence, her eyes shifting nervously around the room, while I pick at the placemat in front of me.

"Do you...always sit with Edward while he falls asleep?" Esme's question cuts through the stillness of the room.

"Yes."

She looks directly at me. "Do you ever stay all night with him?"

My face burns with embarrassment. "I have. Sometimes I fall asleep while I wait for him to doze off." I'm not comfortable with this at all. Does she think I take advantage of her son?

The silence falls around us again, heavy this time.

Esme opens her mouth to speak several times, but closes it again before she says a word.

I can't take this silence.

"I don't take advantage of him, if that's what you're thinking."

"Bella, I..." Her voice trails off, but her reddening face tells me it's at least crossed her mind. "I'm sorry, Bella. I...just...this is all so difficult to process. There aren't a lot of people in this world that would take on a challenge like Edward, so I'm trying to understand."

"Did you accuse Carlisle similarly?" My tone is harsh, and I mean it to be.

Esme looks taken aback by my question, and the color crawling across her face is all the answer I need – she has had no such thoughts about Carlisle.

"When I found Edward, he was alone and scared. I couldn't leave him there! My dad is a cop, I know what the process would have been if Carlisle and I had contacted authorities. He would have been taken to a hospital where he probably would have been restrained to a bed. Of course that's providing anyone could have gotten him from his cave without tranquilizing him. He would have been on the news, nothing more than a novelty story - nobody to actually _care_ for him. I didn't want any of those things to happen to him. I care about Edward as a person." By this point I have risen from my chair and am speaking quite forcefully.

Esme is looking at me with a thunderstruck expression. I drop my gaze, fall back into my chair and go back to fidgeting with the placemat.

When I feel her hand on mine, it takes me by surprise.

"Bella, I didn't mean to sound ungrateful; I can never thank you enough for everything you've done for Edward, and for me. I didn't mean to question your integrity...I'm sorry."

There is no doubting the sincerity in her voice; she is really sorry.

Taking several deep breaths to subdue my annoyance, I raise my gaze to hers. Her face holds nothing except repentance, and I can't help but push my annoyed feelings aside. I suppose her line of thinking isn't incomprehensible; we're not exactly in a normal situation here.

"Don't worry about it. I think I can see where you're coming from."

"You and Edward seem to have a real bond with each other, and I guess I'm feeling a little jealous."

I'm not really surprised by her confession. I admit that if Edward shifted his affections to his mother from me, even after the short time we've known each other, I would be jealous.

Empathy wells inside me. I want to help Edward and Esme be a family. "Is there anything you'd like to ask me?"

"Do you mind telling me about finding him?"

Even though Edward's situation was horrific, the memory of his discovery makes me smile.

"I'm sure Carlisle told you why I was out there." A nod of her head confirms my words. "I was so shocked when my flashlight first caught his eyes; I was frozen - he was the last thing I expected to find."

Esme's eyes are bright with tears. "How did he react?"

"He was scared - made a sort of growling sound. I thought it best to approach him like a frightened animal - slowly, showing him I meant no harm, so that's what I did."

Esme's face betrays her sadness. I can only imagine how hard it must be to hear that your child was living like an animal. I leave out the details of how filthy he was, all the scrapes and bruises on his body, his long, matted hair and move onto his delight over the bits of chocolate I gave him.

"He has always loved chocolate." Esme laughs. "When I would bake chocolate chip cookies, Edward would always sit in the kitchen and sneak the chocolate chips. He always thought I didn't know... I'll never forget those little chocolaty smiles. I haven't made chocolate chip cookies since...well, in a long time." Her trembling voice tells me how difficult it must be for her to share that memory.

"Maybe it's time you make them again."

Esme looks at me, confusion in her eyes.

"Edward might respond to that...just a thought."

Her tears flow freely now, and she grips my hand tightly.

Any annoyance I felt earlier fades as we form a silent alliance.

**~xx~**

**Esme POV**

I never thought I would be so nervous standing in a kitchen. I spend most of my days in the kitchen, but today I'm terrified.

Bella's suggestion last night was like a gift...a way to connect with my son, but now that I'm here I fear it could all backfire.

"The sugar is in the canister in the cupboard next to the stove."

Bella's instructions remind me of the task at hand and pull me from my fearful thoughts.

Edward and Bella sit on stools at the counter, watching me work. Bella instructs me where to find the remaining ingredients, and Edward watches my every move - holding Bella's fingers between his hands.

T-he last thing I set out is the bag of chocolate chips.

"Edward, would you like to help me?"

His eyes drop from watching me, studying Bella's fingers intently. Taking a deep breath, I try not to let his actions discourage me.

I mix one ingredient after the other until only the chocolate chips are left. Edward's head snaps up, his eyes going straight to the bowl where the chocolate chips tumble over each other as I pour them in.

Wonder lights his face, his eyes wide, and, unless I'm hallucinating, there is recognition there.

I pinch a few of the chocolate pieces and stretch my hand toward Edward. Slowly, he moves one hand from Bella's and inches his fingers, exposing his palm underneath my out stretched hand. Dropping the morsels into his hand, he closes his fingers around them and pulls his hand back toward his body, popping the chocolate right in his mouth.

A joyful smile crosses his face, and his hand shoots back out for more. Placing a few chocolate chips in his hand I'm surprised when he turns to Bella and presses his palm to her lips. She seems equally surprised, but opens her mouth as Edward tips the sweets in.

Their interaction is easy and familiar and as I watch them I can see that they both have a great affection for one another. This creates new worries in my mind: will he ever be willing to leave her? I fear he won't. Maybe she would be willing to come to Washington with us. I could offer her a job. A conversation for later I think.

It doesn't take long till the first batch of cookies is on the cooling rack. Edward's eyes are filled with anticipation, and I know that without Bella's warnings he would already have popped one of the piping hot cookies in his mouth.

Once the cookies are cool, I set some on a plate and move to place it in front of Edward.

I stand watching him in fascination as recognition dawns on his face, and I can see he remembers – a miracle, a true miracle.

Shoving the remainder of the cookie in his mouth, he turns to Bella, eagerly pulling on her sleeve. "Bella, Bella - Mom!"

"I know, Edward. That's your mom."

Enthusiasm shines on Bella's face as Edward turns toward me. "Mom."

It's not a question this time, it's a statement – he knows me.

With only a moment's hesitation, and keeping one hand on Bella, Edward leans forward, placing his head on my shoulder.

Looking over him, Bella gives me an encouraging smile and a nod.

Slowly, not wanting to frighten Edward, I wrap my arms around his shoulders, pressing him to me.

My boy...my boy. So many nights I longed to hug you again, to see your sweet smile, to hear your voice. Please let this be a second chance for us; I know you can't be my little boy again, but I hope we can rebuild some of what we lost.

All these thoughts swirl in my mind while overwhelming emotions fill my heart. Through my tears of joy, Bella and I catch each other's gaze, and I mouth a _thank_ _you _ to her. She smiles widely at me.

The moment is perfect.

**~xx~**

**BPOV**

This is the first time since Esme got here a week ago that we have all been able to sit down and talk – Carlisle, Tanya, Charlie, Esme, and myself – a serious talk about Edward's future.

It feels weird to be sitting here helping decide the fate of another adult, especially when said adult is sitting right next to me. Thankfully Tanya seems to be quite at ease and jumps right in to get the ball rolling.

"Esme, I'm sure you must be getting anxious to get Edward home, have you thought about the steps you will need to take to do that?"

Esme smiles weakly at Tanya. "I have a bit, but honestly, I'm at a bit of a loss. Do you have any suggestions?"

"I would like to do another round of hypnotherapy on him. I'm hoping you can provide some details that will help recover even more memories."

Esme nods. "I have some family photos with me, will those work?"

"Perfect."

Charlie clears his throat, drawing everyone's attention.

"Mrs. Masen, I need to talk with you about a few things...about Edward's case, anytime that's convenient for you."

I don't like the sound of that. I know my dad, he is cop through and through, I know he'll want to update Edward's case file, report him as found. I hate thinking of the possibility that the action could lessen the sentence for the perpetrator of the crime against Edward.

Esme acknowledges Charlie's words, stating that she will stop by the police station tomorrow to speak with him.

"Do you have any family that could help you out with Edward for awhile?" Tanya asks.

Esme looks slightly nervous. "Actually there is something I wanted to ask Bella." She turns her attention from Tanya, looking me in the eye. "Bella, I have given this some thought, and at this point I just can't bring myself to separate you and Edward. Would you consider moving up to Washington with Edward and me?"

I feel my eyes widen and my mouth fall open, all eyes but Edward's on me. I'm in such shock, I can't even process her question. "What?"

"I have plenty of room. I can clear out one of the guest rooms for you to have, or if you prefer there is a small stone cottage on the property." Esme's voice is pleading.

Charlie gets to his feet. "Wait just a minute here, Bella, you're still in collage, and this is your home." Emotion is starting to creep into Charlie's voice; he is visibly upset.

Carlisle motions him back to his seat before turning expectant eyes back to me.

"I...can I think about..." I start, but movement from Edward catches my eye. He is running his fingertip over the back of my hand, following the veins. He is completely intent on his task, his tongue peeking out between his lips in his concentration. My heart constricts. How can I possibly just let him walk out of my life?

All eyes are on me.

"Yes." "I'll move with you."

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Yes, I know...I'm mean. I can't thank you all enough for the amazing response to this story, you have all truly touched my heart!**


	11. Chapter 11

**DISCLAIMER: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N: Thank you to my beta, Justine, you totally rock and I floves you! Thanks to my girls to talking me through this one - love ya! Also thank you to the gals over at Twi-Muses for the write up and lovely interview!  
**

**To all my readers, thank you so much for all your kind reviews - I'm overwhelmed by your heart felt words! **

**Feral has been nominated for several Sunflower Awards, thank you to those that nominated me and those who have voted!  
**

***ps* You may want a tissue!**

**~XXXX~**

**BPOV**

"What the hell are you thinking, Bella? What about college?"

"They have schools in Washington."

I haven't seen Charlie this upset in a long time; all the same, I really wish he wouldn't yell.

"I want you to graduate, to have a future..."

I stop him right there. "So you think my helping Edward is throwing all that away?"

Charlie looks at me with a mix of emotions – a bit of anger, but mostly sadness. He rises from his chair where we sit on the privacy of the patio and places his hand on my shoulder.

"Bells, I know you have feelings for this guy, but don't put all of your hopes into him."

My dad and I have always had an amicable relationship. Very few times have we actually been really upset with each other - this is one of those times.

"I just want to know why," he says heavily.

"I don't know. I...I just...it feels right, in my heart."

He exhales deeply. I know my answer isn't what he wanted to hear.

"I just want what's best for you, kiddo."

"What exactly are you trying to say, Dad?"

Charlie has never been good with direct, and his discomfort is visible. His hand is no longer on my shoulder; he's pacing back and forth, smoothing his mustache - his nervous habit.

"I don't want to see you hurt, and I'm not blind. You're falling hard for Edward, and I don't know if he has the capacity to return that."

His words cut deep, maybe because there is truth to them. I don't know what Edward is emotionally capable of. I know he has affection for me, but whether or not it will ever be more than as a care taker, I have no idea.

I wish I could make my dad understand... Hell, I wish I understood.

I've always been a compliant person - never forcing my opinions or desires on anyone. This time is different. I won't just stand idly by and watch Edward leave my life. I won't put that kind of hurt on him, or on myself, for that matter.

"Please understand, Dad. I need to do this. All my life I've read about people who've had that moment in their life where a big decision had to be made. I think this is my moment - my leap of faith. I'm going no matter what, but I'd really like it if you were on board."

"Sorry, Bells. I can't do it."

Charlie scrubs his hand across his face before turning and going back in the house.

I remain on the patio in stunned silence, the warm night air taking on a sudden chill.

**~xx~**

**Tanya POV**

I'm surprised Charlie still wanted to keep our date. I saw his face when he came in from talking to Bella, and he didn't look happy. Yet here we sit in a dimly lit restaurant, acting like everything is fine.

Dinner is delicious and Charlie is talkative tonight, regaling me with tales of some of his stranger arrests.

It's not until our dessert and coffee arrives that I broach the topic I feel has been hanging over the entire evening.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

"Don't be obtuse, Charles. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Not much to say; Bella is dead-set on going."

I see talkative Charlie is gone – back to one-liner Charlie.

"And you're against her going?"

"Of course. She isn't thinking."

"What makes you say that?" I ask, honestly curious about his thoughts.

He takes a large gulp of his coffee before answering.

"I want her to finish college, and she barely knows Mrs. Masen or Edward. She isn't thinking logically. She's letting her emotions take over." Charlie is matter-of-fact, and I can tell in his mind everything is cut and dry.

"Is that such a bad thing?"

"I should have known you would take her side."

His words sting a bit, but I know they are spoken out of anger and hurt and not malice.

Taking his hand I wait until he makes eye contact. "I'm not taking sides, Charlie. I'm trying to get _you _to think. Do you have any idea the number of people I get in my office who are ridden with guilt from disagreements that have driven wedges between family members?"

Charlie looks completely exasperated. "You don't understand. She's my kid. I love her. I don't want her making a mistake that could affect the rest of her life."

Poor guy. I see this everyday; parents that struggle with letting their kids make their own choices.

"Charlie, I don't have to be a parent to get how difficult it is to stand by and watch someone you love make choices that might hurt them. You need to let Bella make mistakes _because_ you love her. Besides, I think you're giving Bella and Edward far too little credit. Bella is a smart girl. Following her heart is not equivalent to rash, and Edward is making amazing progress. I think he'll surprise us all with what he can achieve."

I try not to do this with people outside of work, especially ones I'm dating, but I think Charlie really needed to hear this. I'm hoping he will take it at face value and not read this as interference.

"You've given me some things to consider."

**~xx~**

**Esme POV**

"Do we really have to do this?"

"I'm afraid so, Mrs. Masen."

"Please, Officer Swan. Does it really matter if Edward is reported found?_ I_ know he is, and I don't see how it matters to anyone else." I use my most pleading tone, hoping it will sway him.

"I would love to not have to report this, but if you want to file for insurance for him, if he wants to get a job some day - anything that requires documentation – he will need to be able to prove he's alive."

Pinching the bridge of my nose provides very little relief for the headache that's starting to pound in my head. I'll forever regret my decision to have Edward declared dead. It was the day I had given up. It had been six years - how could I possibly know he was still alive?

"Do you have any idea what effect this will have?"

"I don't know. I've never heard of a case like this before - suspect confesses, refuses legal counsel and seems perfectly content in her cell."

I nod in acknowledgement, the memories of the officers and judge on the case bubbling to the surface of my mind. No one ever figured out the motive for the kidnapping and murder. She never said a word in her defense, just looked eerily pleased that my life was destroyed.

"I'll let you know if I hear anything," Charlie adds.

His tone makes me feel dismissed, but I still have something I need to say to him.

"I know you must be feeling some animosity toward me right now, but I promise you I'll look out for Bella like she's my own."

Charlie looks around his computer, his serious brown eyes meeting mine. "I'll hold you to that."

I'm taken aback by his cold tone, and I decide rather than try and plead my side, it's best to leave.

I knew when I asked her Charlie would be upset, and I guess I can see why he would blame me for that. Perhaps he will come around before we leave. I would hate to be the cause of a rift between father and daughter.

**~xx~**

**(two days later)**

"Come in." Carlisle's voice carries easily through the closed door of his den.

Cracking open the door, I poke my head in to see Carlisle browsing through a large book.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to intrude. I can come back later."

Carlisle jumps to his feet, sending books scattering to the floor."No. I'm…please, Esme, come in." I was just reading up on a few things, nothing important."

Stepping into his office I feel suddenly nervous, wondering if I can actually go through with asking him my intended question.

Carlisle looks a bit...rumpled, for lack of a better word. His normally tidy hair looks like he's been running his fingers through it, and I can't help but wonder if he isn't sleeping enough.

"Is everything alright?" he asks me, genuine concern on his face.

"Oh, yes. I just have something I want to ask you."

Expectant silence falls between us as I summon up my courage. "I would like to see the cave Edward was found in." Carlisle just stares at me, mouth slightly agape. "Would you be willing to take me?"

He falls back into his chair looking like I've knocked the wind right out of him.

After several moments of heavy silence he answers me. "Are you sure you want to see that?"

"No, but I'm sure I need to."

Carlisle looks me up and down several times. "You ready now?"

Now it's my turn to be surprised. I figured I had a fifty percent chance he would consent to taking me. I had no idea he would be willing to drop everything and take me this instant.

"Umm...sure. Let me change first."

"I'll let Bella know. Is fifteen minutes enough time?"

After a quick nod I hurry from the room.

**~xx~**

Even after the couple of hours it's been since we left the house, I'm still thinking of the look on Bella's face. When Carlisle told her what we were doing, her already pale skin turned a deathly shade of gray, and she clung tightly to Edward's hand resting on her leg. I honestly thought she might pass out.

Her voice was barely above a whisper when she asked me why in the world I would want to see that cave. I tried to explain to her the best I could that I needed to see with my own eyes exactly where Edward was. To my complete astonishment, Bella had given me a fierce hug before we left. Edward even shuffled to her side and gripped my fingers in his, warming my heart.

I feel fairly certain Bella doesn't really understand why I'm doing this. I think only Carlisle can understand. I need to see this cave - this place my son existed when he was dead to me.

Comfortable silence fills the car as we bounce along the packed dirt road, each of us seemingly lost in thought.

When Carlisle finally stops the car, we are still a distance from any rock formations. I guess we'll be walking the rest the way.

As we begin walking, it isn't difficult to see how Edward remained hidden all those years. The landscape is desolate, sparse vegetation dotting the ground; small tufts of dry grass, various cacti, and the occasional Joshua tree.

The terrain soon begins to make a steady climb, and I find myself heaving huge gulps of air. It's been awhile since the last time I did any type of hiking and I'm feeling it now.

Carlisle easily climbs up and over the rocks we are scaling, always mindful of me, frequently offering me a helping hand - which I gladly take.

When Carlisle comes to a sudden stop, I run right into him. He turns to me, his face etched with sympathy. "We're here."

Behind Carlisle I notice a crevice in the rock wall. It looks barely big enough to fit through, and I admit to being nervous about squeezing inside. But I remind myself both Carlisle and Edward have fit through here, so clearly I can too.

Carlisle flips on the light of his headlamp before leading us into the cave.

Crawling is the only way to make it through the narrow mouth of the cave and into the equally constricting passage inside.

Carlisle is extremely patient, encouraging me along.

It isn't long until I feel the confines of the passageway open up and I find myself crawling into a small chamber.

The first thing I notice is the air, it's not as stagnant as I expected.

I sit back, taking a moment to sip from the water bottle Carlisle handed me, while he shines his light around the cave.

I'm extremely proud of myself for holding up so well, no emotional break down so far. That is until Carlisle's head lamp catches something. Crawling across the floor, I make my way to where Carlisle has directed the light. In an alcove at the furthest part of the cave from the passage is a heap of dried grass.

Emotion chokes me immediately as I realize this must have been Edward's makeshift bed, an indentation in the middle still marking where he would have lain.

I feel compelled to touch this spot, almost as though it were hallowed ground. I suppose in a way it is. Against all odds my boy managed to survive - a true miracle.

My hand caresses the curve in the grass that held my son for untold years. I fight the images in my mind, Edward scared and alone, huddled on this little bed of grass.

Gingerly, I lie down, fitting myself into the same spot Edward once occupied. So many thoughts and emotions flood me I soon find myself shaking with sobs. Carlisle's arms lift me gently from where I lay, pulling me tightly to him where he kneels on the stone floor. My face presses into the soft material of his shirt, soaking it with my tears. His touch is tender as he brushes the hair from my face, lingering on my cheek.

"I hope these are your last tears of sadness."

He's right, and I want nothing more then to let these be my last tears of mourning. It's time to let go of the sadness that has been my life for ten years. It's time to move forward.

When my tears are spent, I raise my head from Carlisle's chest to find his face inches from mine. I'm mesmerized when I feel his thumb begin to stroke my cheek. His breath is warm on my face and my heart beats so loud I'm certain the sound is filling the cave.

His face moves closer to mine until his lips are gently brushing against my own.

It's not like the deep, passionate kisses you see in the movies, but soft and tender.

I feel a tingle starting, deep and warm in my chest, a new hope blooming in my heart.

Carlisle settles my head on his shoulder, and we each embrace the other. No words seem necessary. We are each testing feelings long forgotten.

Perhaps there is more in my future than a renewed relationship with my son.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: I know, not enough Edward, he will be back next chapter! Thank you all for continuing to read!**

**Fic Rec: Little Green and Easybella by Betti Gefect. This story is absolutely beautiful...as is the author!**


	12. Chapter 12

**DISCLAIMER: All things Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**A/N: Extra big thanks to my wonderful friend and beta, Justine, who stayed up late last night to get this done for me - you are amazing! Kisses to my girls for keeping me close to something resembling sanity! Also thanks to What the Fun for the interview featured on Twi-Muses!  
**

**Thank you to all my readers for your patience, real life has been very real lately.**

**~XXXX~**

**BPOV**

"Listen to my voice, Edward. Reach back. Pull out the memories."

Tanya's voice is the smooth, even tone she used for her last therapy session with Edward. It's a very effective technique; I feel my own body relaxing, my own mind reaching into my memory bank.

I'm feeling too relaxed, like I could fall asleep any moment. Sitting up straighter, I force my brain from its murky state.

Edward is beside me, cross-legged on the floor, his eyes shut in concentration. I take the opportunity to admire his profile. He has a tiny bump on the bridge of his nose, and I wonder how he got it. The morning light filtering through the blinds highlights the angles of his face - his high cheek bones, the edge of his jaw.

I have honestly never seen anyone as handsome as Edward. He really takes my breath away.

"Edward."

The sound of him happily saying his own name reminds me that I'm sitting here none-too-subtly checking him out.

Zoning in, I see Tanya has moved past the relaxation stage of this session and Edward is now holding an old photograph of himself.

This is the first therapy session Esme has witnessed, and Tanya requested she bring some personal photographs to help jog Edward's memories.

Leaning toward Edward and taking a closer look at the picture in his hand, I find myself smiling. I'm guessing he's about six years old in this picture, judging from his lack of front teeth.

He looked much the same then as he does now: same mind-of-its-own hair, same vibrant green eyes, same smile, though his teeth are no longer missing. I bet he had all the little girls giggling on the playground. It occurs to me I have never asked Esme about what Edward's personality was like when he was a little boy. I'll have to do that sometime.

"That's right, Edward. It is you," Tanya encourages.

Leaning forward from her spot on the couch, Esme hands another photo to Tanya who turns the picture for Edward to see. The photograph is one of Esme and Edward, splashing each other in a pool.

"Edward, do you know who is in this picture?"

He immediately drops the photo of himself in his lap and grabs the picture from Tanya's hand. His eyes roam the photo, a smile spreading across his lips.

"Mom. Edward."

His voice is excited, eyes glowing, making me wonder if he remembers this event.

"Esme, would you like to tell Edward about this picture?" Tanya asks.

Touching his arm lightly, I draw his attention to his mother.

Esme leans forward until she can easily look over Edward's shoulder. "This is your eighth birthday. Your fa-" Tanya clears her throat abruptly, cutting Esme's words short.

I know we are supposed to be broaching the subject of Edward's father today. Tanya believes seeing a photograph of him might trigger memories for Edward.

Tanya talked to me briefly this morning, giving me a heads-up about her intentions for this session. Of course she didn't know I had overheard part of her conversation with Esme last night.

Esme fidgets with another photo in her lap before passing it to Tanya. Edward is still happily looking at the picture of himself and his mom. I wish we didn't have to upset him while he's happy, and seeing a picture of his father is bound to upset him.

Scooting closer to Edward, I link my arm through his, giving it what I hope is a comforting squeeze.

The next few moments seem to happen in slow motion.

Tanya slides the next photograph over the one in Edward's hands.

I watch the emotions play across his face, from happy, to confused, to utter horror.

The photo he holds now is one of Esme, Edward, and his father.

Edward's eyes glaze, and I can't help but feel he is somewhere else in his mind.

With a strength and a suddenness I don't expect, Edward pushes the coffee table in front of us with such force it tips over.

Wrenching from my grasp, Edward claws his way across the floor – gasping and trembling, terror evident on his every feature.

Scrambling after Edward, I reach for his leg as he moves around the back of the couch. The moment my skin touches his clothes, he lets out a bloodcurdling scream, like nothing I've ever heard before. Like a wild animal - a truly feral sound.

"Run, Dad! Please run!"

I can't even react at all. My brain feels numb. He has never spoken so clearly.

I try again to grab Edward's leg, but he is kicking so hard, trying to crawl away.

"Edward! Edward, stop!" My words fall on deaf ears as he continues to kick, trying to stand to run.

I'm afraid to let Edward leave my sight in this state. I reach for him again as he finally makes it to his feet. Unfortunately in his hurried attempt, his shoe connects with my face, sending me tumbling backward.

Through my tearing eyes, I see Edward running through his bedroom door, loud bangs emanating from within.

Time snaps to fast forward. Tanya is kneeling at my side in a second, and Esme is rushing to Edward's room.

"Bella, are you alright?" Tanya's face is close to mine, genuine fear and concern in her eyes.

I shake off the ringing in my ears as I make an attempt to stand. Tanya catches me when I sway on my feet, keeping me from falling.

"I'm okay. Just give me a second."

"Do you want to sit down?"

"No, I need to get to Edward before-" my sentence is cut short by crashes and the sound of Esme pleading with Edward to let her help.

Again I hear a loud bang from Edward's room and see Esme quickly slip out the door.

Rushing the best I can with a swimming head, I move past Esme to enter Edward's room. The entire room is torn apart and Edward is no where in sight.

The bed has been stripped of sheets and blankets and the mattress is propped against the closet doors.

"Be careful, Bella." Esme's voice trembles slightly.

One of the framed pictures that used to hang above the bed is now smashed, glass sprinkled across the carpet, and, judging from the dent in the wall, I'm guessing the cause of the broken picture is its collision with the wall.

I hear Edward's gasping breath coming from inside the closet. He has made himself quite the barricade, leaving only a small space to squeeze through.

"Edward? It's Bella. I'm in your room. Is that okay?" I hear nothing except Edward's continued heavy breathing, but seeing as no picture frames are hurtling my way, I'm taking that as a yes.

I take another step further inside the room, listening for any sounds of movement from inside the closet. I can see in the cracked-open closet door now, but there's no sign of Edward. He must be further inside.

"Edward, may I come into the closet?" I'm met with silence; even Edward's breathing is quieter.

With caution I approach the small opening, stretching my arm out, and I slip one hand in first. When nothing happens, I allow the rest of my body to squeeze through into the darkened interior.

It takes a few seconds for my eyes to adjust, even though the mid-morning sun brightens the bedroom, the inside of the closet is quite dark.

When I'm able to see, I gasp and tears fill my eyes at what's before me.

At the opposite end of the closet, curled amongst a nest of sheets and blankets, is Edward. His eyes are open and fixed on the opening I just came in, yet he hasn't reacted at all to my presence. His eyes don't hold the fear and curiosity mix they had when I found him in the cave. They look entirely different - haunted and distant, like he's in a different place in time.

"Edward?" My desire to go to him claws at my insides, but I fear if I move too quickly I would only traumatize him more.

I sink to the floor, curling myself to mirror Edward and listen to the hushed voices coming from the hallway.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" Esme's voice is edged with anxiety.

"I don't really know; it appears he is having some kind of flashback."

"Has he had a lot of flashbacks since you've been working with him?"

"No, this is actually the first one I know of," Tanya responds.

"Is there something else we should be doing for him?" I can hear the yearning to help in Esme's voice.

"I don't think so. Bella is probably the only one who can reach him right now."

"Why do you think that is? Because I did a little searching on social neglect and it said most people who experience social isolation tend to spurn affection and can't deal with people touching them. Edward seems to be the opposite."

My ears perk a up a bit. I'm actually very interested to hear Tanya's response and being that Edward still hasn't moved, I sit up and lean my head against the cracked door to hear better.

"Edward is such a unique case there is really no model to draw from. You can't compare him with other cases of social neglect. Many of those types of cases are from abusive parents shutting their children away, or from kids who are bullied or made into social pariahs. Cases like that cause people to shun affection and interaction because of the negative association they have with it. Since Edward's case is more neglect due to circumstance, I believe that greatly changes his perception of attention and affection. It's actually not uncommon for people that have been deprived of affection to crave it desperately. When Bella found him, she offered him affection freely and he snatched it right up."

If Esme responds, it's too quiet for me to hear.

Tanya and Esme fall silent and I wonder if they have moved their conversation elsewhere.

I turn my attention back to Edward. He hasn't moved at all.

Tanya sounded so confident that I am the one to help Edward; I hope she's right.

I curl myself back on the floor, fractionally closer to Edward. His eyes are still open, staring unblinkingly at the sliver of light coming in the closet door.

Still lying, I start moving my hand along the floor, inch by inch. When my arm is stretched as far as it will go, I scoot my body closer to his and wait for his reaction.

Nothing happens.

Starting over, I slide my hand slowly across the carpeted space between us, shifting closer once my arm is fully extended.

I'm now mere inches from Edward and he has yet to acknowledge my presence. He is so still, like a statue. The only sign of life is the slight movement of his chest as he breathes.

Taking a deep breath to steady my nerves, I reach for him, allowing my fingertips to brush gently against his cheek, whispering his name.

His eyes close as soon as my skin touches his, a ragged breath passing through his lips.

Relief washes over me. At least he reacted.

His hand moves over mine, pressing my palm flush to his face.

"Bella." Edward's voice is barely audible, but the sound brings tears to my eyes - he knows me.

I was so worried he wouldn't let me near him, wouldn't let me touch him.

His eyes open and find mine. I see sadness in their emerald depths.

"Hurt," he mumbles.

"Are you hurt?" My hands move frantically over him, checking for signs of injury. "Where, Edward? Where are you hurt?" I find no scrapes or cuts on him, and surely he has no internal injury.

"Dad hurt." The desolate tone of his voice makes my heart feel like it's being squeezed.

His eyes search my face, waiting for an answer. As much as I would like to shield him, protect him, I know it does him no good.

"Yes, Edward, Dad was hurt." My mind flashes to the gruesome crime scene photos. It was obvious the killer wanted to inflict maximum pain. I can't imagine wanting to hurt another person that badly.

"Dad gone." His voice holds the innocence of a child, but his eyes reflect the horror I fear he must have witnessed. He isn't asking me, he knows.

The only thing I can manage to choke out is the word, "Yes." My overwhelming emotions won't allow me to say more.

A strangled sob leaves Edward's lips as his arms encircle me, pulling me tightly against him. He buries his face in my hair at the crook of my neck, tremors passing through his body.

_Oh, Edward, I wish desperately I could do something, say something that would take this pain from you._

Doing the only thing I can, I hold him fiercely to me, combing my fingers through his hair and murmuring words of comfort.

I don't know how long we lie that way before we fall into a deep sleep.

**~xx~**

I don't want to be here.

Even though it's been a week since Edward's episode, and he seems to be doing better, I still don't feel comfortable leaving him.

"You could try and pretend to have a good time. Humor me a little." Alice is giving me a pointed look. She knows I'm fretting about Edward.

I can't believe Carlisle totally sold me out and helped Alice plan this little surprise going away party for me. He knows how much I hate this kind of crap.

Putting on my best fake smile, I surge into the crowd of students gathered in Carlisle's classroom. Scanning the faces around me, I'm thrilled when I see Angela's friendly smile and eagerly make my way to where she is chatting with Jasper.

"Hey, Bella. How have you been? How's Edward?" Her concern for both Edward and me is touching, and it dawns on me how much I will genuinely miss her.

"We're both good. How have you been?"

"Great! Jasper has just been sharing some news with me." I turn my attention to Jasper; he does seem to have an excited vibe to him.

"I've finally declared a major: psychology."

"You'll be great at that! You seem to have a good sense of how people feel, and you have a calming manner. Makes you easy to talk to," I tell him. Even though I've known Jasper for several years now, we have never talked much. But I have always found myself being comfortable around him. Some people just have that knack I guess.

"Thanks. I'm eager to get started on my classes; it will be fascinating to study the reasons people are the way they are.'

"You're braver than me. I don't want to know why some people do the things they do. There are some real sickos out there." I nod my head in agreement with Angela. It's definitely not a field of study I would pursue.

From the corner of my eye I see Alice weaving her way through the partygoers, our friend Rosalie and her boyfriend Emmett in tow.

Once the trio reaches us and Rosalie gives me a quick hug, she wastes no time on idle chit chat. "So where is this _Edward_ guy Alice has told us about?"

Clearly Alice hasn't told them a lot about Edward if Rosalie is even asking that question.

"He really isn't up for something like this. All of this would make him nervous," I say quietly.

More people have taken notice of my presence and gathered around us. Many curious eyes are awaiting my response. It sets my mind to wondering exactly what they have heard.

"Alice and Dr. Cullen haven't really told us much; do you mind filling in some of the blanks?" Rosalie asks.

With a slight feeling of awkwardness, I begin to tell the small crowd around me about finding Edward in the cave and a little bit of how I'm helping him learn to communicate.

The unmistakable whiny voice of Jessica Stanley sounds behind me. "So he's like stupid or something?"

Turning to face her, I find that she is closer than expected, almost right in my face.

"No!" I try to keep the anger surging through me under control, there is just something about Jessica that irks me, always has from the moment I met her.

"Then why doesn't he talk?" Her tone holds a challenge.

"Speaking doesn't indicate intelligence. You seem to have no trouble speaking without it." I know Jessica is just trying to goad me, and I shouldn't let her get to me, but I can't help myself. The words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself.

Several snickers sound through the crowd and Jessica's face turns impossibly red.

"Are you saying I'm not intelligent?"

"If the shoe fits." Normally I'm not this quick with a comeback; I guess I'm on my game today.

Open laughter is spreading through the party now, and I can almost see the smoke rising from Jessica's head as her angry glare meets mine.

"Whatever, Bella. You're the one who's dropping out of college to follow some guy that doesn't even leave the house."

Charlie was never one of those parents with a steady stream of wisdom to impart. His lessons were always short on words but big on effectiveness and practicality. And one thing Charlie stressed was never start a fight, but know how to finish one. For the first time in my life I utilize this advise. I pull back my fist and let it connect with Jessica's face, right on the bridge of her nose.

Punching someone isn't like you see on television. You don't just shake your hand and walk away. This shit _hurts. _

Jessica's face is a study in disbelief. Tears fill her eyes and her hands are pressed to her nose. I can see blood starting to squeeze between her fingers.

Without another word, she turns and hurries from the room and my friends close in around me.

"That's badass, Bella," Emmett tells me, a huge smirk on his face.

"Are you okay?" Angela and Alice ask at the same time.

"Yeah," I say, though my knuckles are throbbing.

Alice wraps her arm around my waist, pulling me toward the front of the classroom while I cradle my hand against my chest.

"Don't pay any attention to her, Bella. Come on, we got you a cake and a few gifts."

Even though I'm not really a party person, and I definitely don't like being the center of attention, it is kind of nice to see that people care and will miss me.

Alice decides to really embarrass me by turning me to the room full of people and giving a little speech about how much I will be missed.

To complete my humiliation there is a small stack of gifts, and I am surprised to find a photo album full of pictures from our summer's field research. There is also a camera which Rosalie informs me is for the express purpose of keeping all my friends here informed about my new home.

Lastly there is a light blue raincoat, a pair of navy blue rain boots with little whales on them, and a blue umbrella with white polka dots.

I'm told all of the gifts are from the entire class, though I have a sneaking suspicion Alice is behind them all, especially since everything is coordinated in my favorite shade of blue.

After eating way too much cake, many hugs and promises to stay in touch and even a few tears, Carlisle and I head back to his house.

There are still lights on when we pull up to the house and I find myself feeling anxious to get inside and hear how things went with Edward.

It was so hard to leave him, even though Carlisle, Esme, and Tanya all assured me he would be fine, and Edward himself seemed to understand that I was going but would be back. Despite all that, I still felt a hint of guilt for being away. I don't ever want him to think I've abandoned him.

Silence greets us when we walk in, but only for a moment.

"Bella!"

Edward hurries to me, throwing his arms around me and pulling me tightly to his chest. I work my arms around his waist, giving him an equally enthusiastic hug.

"Miss Bella." Edward's words make my heart ache - the good kind of ache, the kind that warms you up.

"I missed you too, Edward."

**~xx~**

Edward and I sit on his bed for a long time - his head on my lap, my fingers in his hair.

His eyes are closed, though I know he isn't asleep. I think he's just enjoying our time together, and I more than understand that, I am too.

"Bella ouch."

Immediately I move my hand from his head, thinking I must have pulled his hair, but when I look down at Edward's face he is studying my bruised knuckles, a deep furrow on his brow.

"Oh, yeah. I have an ouch."

I'm taken completely by surprise when Edward presses his lips very gently to my fingers. It's one of the tenderest gestures I ever experienced, and his sweetness brings tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat. Sliding down the bed, I place a kiss on Edward's forehead. We lie here each watching the other, and that's how we fall asleep – face to face, hand in hand.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing, I read every review and your kind words touch my heart!**

**Fic Rec: Impact by Nise7465 - this story has some of the richest characters I've come across.**


	13. Chapter 13

**DISCLAIMER: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N: Thank you to my fabulous beta, Justine...give her some love - she is JustineNicole on here, facebook and Twitter. **

**Let me take a moment to tell you what is going on in my life right now. Firstly, I'm sorry for the posting delay - a respiratory bug has grabbed me and is holding on tight. Secondly, I will be moving across the country soon. Feral is not on hiatus, nor will I be flouncing, but I may be a bit slow with my posting. Please bear with me and I will get back to more regular posting as soon as I can. Thank you all for your patience, your touching reviews and your pimping, all of it means more then I can tell you!**

**~XXXX~**

**Carlisle POV**

I don't even bother to look up when I hear the door to my office open. Students are always popping in with some kind of question.

It isn't until I hear an abrupt cough that I look over the stacks of books to see Charlie Swan standing in my doorway.

"Charlie, nice to see you. What brings you all the way out to the university?"

He steps inside and offers me his hand before taking a seat across the desk from me.

"Do you have a few minutes to talk?"

I've known Charlie for thirty years and I don't remember him ever asking if we could sit and talk. This must be a big deal.

Pushing my books aside, I give Charlie my full attention. "What's up, Charlie?"

He distractedly pulls at his mustache, setting my mind to worrying about what he's come to say.

"I want to talk with you about Bella."

I have been expecting this. Charlie is unfailingly protective of his daughter, and I know trying to understand Bella's need to help Edward has been a challenge for him.

I nod at Charlie, letting him know I'm listening. He looks down at the floor for a moment before meeting my eyes. "I'd like you to go to Washington with Bella."

The suddenness of his statement surprises me more than his actual words.

"I don't know if- "

Charlie interrupts, his eyes and voice pleading. "_Please_, Carlisle. As someone who is like a brother to me, I'm asking you to do this for me. I know Bella would be furious if I tried to tag along, but you've got a rapport with Edward and his mother. Your company would probably be more welcome."

I'm not sure what I should say. I've grown quite fond of Esme since she's been here, and Edward too, but I don't know if I feel comfortable tagging along on their journey home.

I think Charlie can tell I'm hesitant, so he speaks up. "I just need to know she's safe."

"Charlie, I've seen Esme's place. It's clean, it's safe, I think she'll like it there."

He looks unconvinced.

"It's the trip that worries me more than Mrs. Masen's home being safe. Bella hasn't traveled much, and I don't know a lot about Edward's mother. I did check her driving record - no tickets or accidents, but still...I just...she's my kid."

How can I say no? I know Charlie, and he isn't one to ask favors, which tells me he's more worried than he's letting on.

"I'll see what I can do," I tell him.

He shakes my hand and thanks me several times before leaving.

I'm not sure how I will broach the subject with Esme. Hopefully something will come to me.

**~xx~**

It's late when I finally get a chance to speak with Esme, and Edward and Bella are already asleep. I hate to bother her when it looks like she's headed to bed. I have let her take over my bedroom and I've been sleeping on the couch in my study.

"Have you thought more about what day you are going to leave?"

Esme turns at the sound of my voice. "I've been meaning to talk with you about that. I was thinking in a week. But I haven't spoken yet with Bella, to see if that works for her. I also need to look into renting a car."

"I would like to offer to go with you and give you a hand with the transition."

Surprisingly, Esme looks relieved. "That would be so great. I've been kind of nervous about making the trip. I worry about how Edward will do."

This conversation is going better than I thought it would. I didn't expect Esme to be completely okay with me tagging along.

"We can take my car; that will save you a lot of money, and we can split the cost of hotel and food." Esme nods her agreement and we have the beginnings of a plan.

**~xx~**

**BPOV**

I'm not really surprised when Esme tells me that Carlisle will be making the drive to Washington with us. The timing really works out perfectly. Carlisle has three weeks from the end of the summer program until the fall semester begins. Plus, I'm pretty sure he has a thing for Edward's mom.

**~xx~**

It's two days until we leave, and I don't have a thing packed, not that I have much to pack. I've never been a clothes horse. From what I hear of the weather, in Washington I will be in need of a new wardrobe anyway.

Esme, Tanya, and I have been trying to prepare Edward for this trip, talking with him about riding in a car, and even showing him pictures of what Washington looks like.

It's difficult for me to tell how much he understands, but he doesn't seem frightened or nervous, so hopefully everything will be fine.

**~xx~**

"No! Bad! Hurt!" Edward rushes back in the house, shouting the same words over and over.

Following him inside, I find him sitting on the couch, twining his fingers together.

Sinking onto the cushions next to him I take his hand, prying his fingers apart and slipping my hand in his.

"Edward, are you scared?" His eyes betray the truth as they flick up to the door then back to me. He is frightened. Rising to my feet, I tug gently on his hand, hoping he will rise, too. But he remains seated.

"I know you're nervous; I am, too. Will you walk out to the car with me? I feel braver when you're with me."

Edward studies my face. I know he understands more than he can communicate, and I have the feeling he gets the gist of what I'm saying.

He still looks a bit unsure, so I try a move I hope he will understand, and I give him my best puppy dog eyes.

"Bella scared?"

"A little bit," I tell him truthfully.

Edward rises slowly from his spot on the couch pulling me toward the door. "Edward help Bella."

Once we're back outside, Edward slows his pace, but still keeps moving toward the car.

Carlisle and Esme watch our progress, each with looks of deep concern on their faces. I know they both want to help, but there really is nothing they can do. At least he's back outside.

After what seems like hours of encouraging words, I'm able to get Edward to climb into the backseat with me. He's hesitant at first, constantly throwing worried glances at the front seat, like he's waiting for something terrible to happen.

Within minutes of getting settled, Carlisle and Esme join us in the car and our journey is underway.

Carlisle wants to reach the outskirts of Los Angeles today. He opted to drive up to Washington along the coast, following interstate one oh one from Los Angeles to Forks. I'll admit I'm pretty excited. I've never seen the ocean before.

The first day passes quietly. Edward spends much of it with his head in my lap, only looking up on occasion to see the parched landscape turn into urban sprawl.

During the drive we stop several times for bathroom breaks or snacks, and each time Edward stays in the car. No amount of puppy eyes will to move him, though he did show interest in watching people through the window. Small steps, I tell myself.

When we stop for the night, it takes me some time to get Edward out of the car and into the hotel, but once inside he is easily distracted by the television. Esme, Edward, and I share a room, while Carlisle has one to himself.

The next day is nearly perfect. I get my first glimpse of ocean as we make our way north along the California coast. Carlisle stops at one of the many beaches, and, with a little chocolate persuasion, I manage to get Edward out on the sand with me. He seems as taken with the water as I am, and we simply stand hand in hand watching the push and pull of the waves. We stop for the night just north of San Francisco, exhausted from a long day in the car.

The following day is another long one, and the road is more inland so there are no views of ocean today, until we reach Eureka, California. Carlisle informs me that from this point on we will be near the coast. I enjoy watching the scenery pass us by, and it seems Edward is as well. He's been really quiet, not that he's ever very loud, but he seems contemplative. I would love to know what he is thinking.

The next day passes much the same as the previous ones, though sitting in the back seat and endlessly staring out the window is losing some of its charm.

It's dark when we finally arrive in Forks, Washington. A steady rain makes it impossible to get a real look at the town. Despite the rain, I can tell Forks is very small - a stark contrast to the hustle of Las Vegas.

Esme's place is settled just off the highway. The only thing I can tell about the property is the house is white and quite large. Carlisle and Esme exit the car almost as soon as it comes to a stop in the garage. Edward, however, is more reluctant to leave the car. He has been acting a bit odd since it started raining, and it makes me wonder how often he has encountered rain. I'm betting not often. I know this trip has been stressful for him - sleeping in strange beds, eating different food, though we have all tried to lessen the shock. I have slept in Edward's bed every night, and all of our meals have been eaten in the car or in hotel rooms to ease his discomfort with strangers.

"Edward, we're here. Do you want to get out?" He shakes his head, burrowing it further in my lap. "This is our new home. Will you come with me and take a look around?"

I hope this strategy works as well as it did for getting him in the car in the first place. He raises his head slightly and I can see from his expression he is surprised we are no longer in the downpour.

Being able to finally stretch feels wonderful. I haven't moved in hours. Edward grabs a hold of my arm as soon as I begin to move, his eyes filled with worry.

"Hey, everything's okay," I tell him, pressing my hand to his cheek and watching a look of peace come to his face.

Taking his hand in mine we slowly exit the car. "Bella, c...cold."

He's right, the moist night time air is cold, definitely colder than we are used to. With teeth chattering I hurry into the house, pulling Edward behind me.

The interior of the house is bright and warm,and homey, immediately putting me at ease.

We're standing in Esme's perfect kitchen while she bustles around, preparing tea for us. Watching her in this pristine atmosphere, I already know I'm going to enjoy cooking here.

From behind me I hear the telltale sounds of Carlisle bringing our luggage in.

Poor Edward is looking completely overwhelmed.

"I'm right here. It's all okay," I whisper, hoping it reassures him. His grip tightens on mine and he pulls me closer to him.

"Looks like your mom made us some tea. Do you want something to eat, too?" Edward nods his head slowly, still looking around the kitchen with a bewildered look on his face.

After some strong tea and a small snack, Esme shows us to our rooms. She puts Edward downstairs in a small room next to hers and Carlisle and me upstairs. Before I can complain, Esme addresses my concerns. "Bella, I figure you will want to stay near Edward, so I have a cot you can put in his room. I just thought you might like your own space for your clothes and stuff. Tomorrow we can do some rearranging of rooms and figure out a more permanent arrangement."

Once I've changed into my pajamas, washed my face, and brushed my teeth I tip toe downstairs to find Edward in front of the television. His eyes are heavy; he is fighting to stay awake, and I feel bad that I took so long.

I curl myself into the corner of the couch, and it's only seconds before Edward wraps himself around me.

I don't realize I've fallen asleep until I feel Esme pulling a blanket over Edward. We have shifted considerably in our sleep, ending up in a rather intimate position. Edward is nestled between my legs, my stomach his pillow, his arms wrapped around my waist.

Esme gives me a small smile and whispers, "Goodnight," as she drapes a second blanket over Edward. A smile crosses Edward's face in his sleep, bringing a smile to my lips.

My mind wanders over future possibilities as my eyes close. I'm excited to see what the next few days hold. For now, though, I'm content to fall back to sleep, warm and comfortable, underneath the man-child who's changed my life.

**~xx~**

I'm woken by a tickling sensation on my side, causing me to giggle in my half awake state. My eyes flutter open to see Edward is no longer on top of me, and the blankets are twisted around my legs, and my shirt is pulled up, showing off a significant portion of my torso. Edward is cross-legged on the floor, leaning over the couch, fascination and wonder in his eyes, trailing one finger along the dip of my waist.

His hand moves again, making a gentle pass over my skin, sending shivers up and down my spine, and causing goose bumps to pop up all over my flesh.

A sigh escapes my lips, breaking the spell Edward is under, his eyes moving to my face.

"Soft," he murmurs quietly.

My face burns hot with color at his observation, and I hurriedly right myself, adjusting my clothing and mumbling about getting something to eat.

**~xx~**

"Would you like to take a walk with me, Edward?" He turns at the sound of my voice, shifting his attention from the pendulum of the grandfather clock in the sitting room.

His wide smile and eager nod is the only answer I need.

The air is chilly and fog is still thick among the trees when Edward and I step outside. The grounds around the house are tidy - neatly clipped lawn, every bush and flower bed free of weeds and dead leaves.

The yard is wide and open, ringed by a sea of evergreens, begging to be explored. I'm excited to set out and get a good look at the place that's to be my home.

My shoes are wet after just a few feet. I guess I should have dug out that pair of boots from Alice, I think to myself.

We head straight into the woods - Edward gracefully stepping over roots and ducking branches, me tripping over every blade of grass and running into every pine needle-bearing limb.

Esme said there's a small stone cottage in the woods not far from the main house, and I can see the smooth gray stone walls in front of me now. In my excitement to get a look at it, I quicken my pace. My toe catches on a large root, and I reach for Edward to gain my balance. In reaching for him, my body turns, causing me to come down hard, a sickening snap sounds in the air and searing pain shots through my ankle before my whole world goes black.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Hugs to you all!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N: Thank you to my lovely beta, Justine for always giving me 100 percent! ILY! My girls and Bad Ass Bob...thank you so much for keeping me smiling!**

**To all my readers, thank you so much for your patience with me! The packing is going well and soon I will be making the 3,000 mile drive from coast to coast!**

**~XXXX~**

**EPOV**

"Bella?"

Bell asleep?

Poke her.

No move.

"Bella?"

No move.

Why?

"Bella?"

Hurt?

No blood.

Mom.

Bella need Mom.

Edward help Bella.

Bella small. Edward big. Edward carry Bella.

Careful. No bump. Walk slow.

Bella small. Easy to carry.

Bella to mom. Bella to mom.

Between trees. Careful. No drop.

Bella quiet.

Scared.

Hurry, Bella need mom.

"Mom! Mom!"

Mom comes.

"Oh my goodness! What happened? Is she alright?"

Find words. Help Bella.

"Bella fall. No...no wake."

Mom touch Bella face. Mom touch Bella hand.

"Come inside, Edward, and lay Bella on the couch. I'm going to find Carlisle."

Bella on couch. Careful. No hurt.

Watch.

Bella still.

Carlisle come. Mom come.

Bella wake up.

Bella scream.

Bella hurt.

Edward scared.

**~xx~**

**BPOV**

Blinding pain shoots up my leg from my ankle, bringing a scream from my lips. Carlisle is kneeling next to the couch, his nimble fingers probing my ankle, sending jolt after jolt of pain.

"It's definitely broken. You're going to need to go to the hospital."

I groan loudly, causing Edward to bring his face close to mine. "Bella okay?"

"Yes, I'll be fine," I tell him, giving my best brave smile. I can tell I'm not fooling him; his eyes are full of worry.

I try pushing myself up to a seated position to show him I'm alright - big mistake.

The pain from my ankle is so intense I feel the blood drain from my face and the bile rise in my stomach.

Edward's arms encircle me, lowering me back to the couch. "Bella no move."

It feels strange, but nice, to have Edward caring for me. It sets my mind to wondering exactly how I got back to the house.

"How did I get back here?" I ask, directing my question at Esme.

"Edward carried you back."

I'm sure my face must betray my surprise. He found his way back and clearly didn't panic. Pride wells inside me.

"Thank you, Edward."

I look into his eager-to-please face, feeling a surge of love for this man-child that makes my heart light.

A sharp pain brings me out of my reverie.

"You ready?" Carlisle asks me.

I nod, though I'm not really ready. I've had broken bones before, having them set is no picnic.

"Edward, do you mind carrying me to Carlisle's car?"

Without a word Edward scoops me up. He's stronger than he looks. He's still on the thin side, but he's bulked up considerably since I found him; three square meals a day will do that to you.

He carries me out to the waiting car so gently, causing no additional pain.

Edward settles us in the back seat, keeping me tucked against his side, my legs stretched across the seat.

Carlisle hesitates outside the car.

"Aren't you coming with us?" Esme asks.

"I haven't been in a hospital since my family..."

Esme reaches for his hand, taking it gently. "I understand, if it makes you to uncomfortable, don't worry about it, we'll manage."

Carlisle seems to be concentrating on Esme's hand, and I see him give it a little squeeze. Without another word, he releases her hand, climbs into the driver's seat, and we are on our way.

The drive doesn't take long; I suspect Carlisle is pushing the speed limit.

Forks Community Hospital is small compared to the hospital I'm used to. Carlisle pulls to the emergency entrance, parking close to the doors.

Edward lifts me in his arms again, moving me with ease.

I'm surprised to see how readily Edward follows Esme and Carlisle inside, and how calm he remains among the few people seated in the waiting area.

I can tell he's nervous. His heartbeat is loud and fast in my ear from where my head rests against his chest.

For the first time I wish I could speak with Tanya. I'm curious about Edward's lack of reaction, or rather his lack of negative reaction. Is it possible his desire to help me has pushed back some of his fears? It seems like such an advanced response when he's still relearning the basics of human interaction. I'm sure Carlisle has her number, perhaps I'll call and ask her about it sometime.

For now my wondering will have to wait as the throbbing in my ankle is making it difficult to think.

Carlisle is speaking with the triage nurse, telling her about my injuries.

"Miss Swan, can you tell me your pain level?"

"Ten," I tell the nurse through clenched teeth.

The nurse pokes her head out of the triage room and I hear her calling for a wheelchair.

A young man with black hair cut to his chin brings a wheel chair to Edward's side.

"Young man, you can put Miss Swan in the wheelchair," the nurse says to Edward while looking over her glasses.

Edward, however, acts as though she didn't speak; his grip on me doesn't wane a bit. He has no intention of setting me down.

The nurse takes notice of Edward's silence. "Don't worry about your girlfriend, hon. We'll take good care of her."

Carlisle addresses the nurse now. "It would be better if he holds her for now. They're very...attached."

The nurse gives Carlisle an incredulous look before she turns her gaze to Edward and me. I can't be certain, but I swear I see her roll her eyes as she looks away from us. "Please follow Eric to the x-ray room," she tells us, motioning to the guy still standing near us with the wheel chair.

Once in the x-ray room it takes several moments to convince Edward to set me on the x-ray table, though he won't leave my side. He's holding my hand tightly. Lucky for us the x-ray tech is very cool and agrees to let Edward stay with me as long as he's willing to wear a lead vest.

He is quite intrigued by the vest actually and is hesitant to give it back when we are finished.

Shortly after we are shown into an exam room, Doctor Banner strolls casually in, barely lifting his eyes from the chart in his hands. "Your entourage may wait in the seating area, Miss Swan."

I'm immediately put off. This man has the bedside manner of a cactus.

"I would rather they stay," I inform him.

He doesn't say a word, but his disapproval is clear from his expression.

Doctor Banner slides the x-ray film onto the light box, studying it for only a few seconds before turning to me. "You're in for a cast."

I groan inwardly. I came to Washington to help Esme with Edward, and now she will be forced to care for me.

"Looks like a Jones Fracture, Bella. That means -" Carlisle starts before quickly being interrupted by Doctor Banner.

"I'll take care of my own patients." Doctor Banner's tone is harsh, and I can see a spark in Carlisle's eyes that tells me he'd like nothing more than to give Doctor Banner a piece of his mind.

Carlisle holds his tongue, but I see him lean into Esme, whispering something in her ear, causing Esme to give a slight smirk and nod in agreement to whatever Carlisle told her.

With no explanation as to what he's doing, Doctor Banner none-too-gently begins cutting my shoe off my foot.

Even if someone was being particularly gentle this would be painful, and Doctor Banner is nowhere close to gentle.

Though I try my hardest not to, a yelp escapes my lips when the shoe is peeled from my foot.

Edward's reaction is immediate, pushing Doctor Banner's hands away, a low growl sounding from his chest.

"I will not put up with this kind of behavior!" Doctor Banner shouts as he storms from the exam room. I can hear some banging coming from the hallway, followed by some excessive swearing.

Edward has returned to holding my hand, rubbing my fingers between his own, trying to comfort me in his own way.

"Wow, that guy is a pretentious ass. How are you holding up?" Carlisle asks, stepping closer to me, studying the x-ray film still hanging on the light box.

"Just in a lot of pain. What were you saying earlier about the type of fracture I have?"

Carlisle points out a spot on the film. "There is a crack on the fifth metatarsal; it doesn't appear to be displaced, which is good. That means you won't need surgery."

"What your father is trying to say is your pinky toe is broken and you are in luck, I think an air cast will take care of this."

All eyes turn to see a man only a few years older than me stride into the room.

"I'm Doctor Uley, and I'll be taking care of you today. Sound good?"

This man is the polar opposite of Doctor Banner. His manner is warm and friendly, and he reminds me more of beach bum college boy than a doctor, and I find myself liking him already.

I nod at him. Anyone is better than Dr. Butthead.

"Let me go grab an air cast for you, and I'll be right back."

Doctor Uley steps out for just a moment before reappearing, air cast in hand.

"So, Mr. Swan, I'm judging from your familiarity with x-rays that you have some experience in this field." Dr. Uley directs his statement at Carlisle.

"It's _Doctor_ Cullen, actually, and I'm not Bella's father."

"That's cool. Where do you practice, man?"

"I don't anymore. I teach archeology at the University of Las Vegas," Carlisle tells Dr. Uley as he begins fitting the air cast to my foot.

"If you ever change your mind we could always use good doctors here."

Carlisle doesn't speak, only nods in acknowledgement, but I'm sure I see light of possibilities shinning in his eyes.

Through this entire process Edward has remained calm - one of his hands clasping mine, the other settled on my knee, standing over me like a sentry. He's been my own personal hero today.

After one final adjustment Doctor Uley offers me his hand to help me off the table. Edward, however, sweeps me back into his arms before Doctor Uley's hand can even touch mine and takes a step back from him. I get the distinct feeling Edward may be jealous again.

"Wow, you've got one protective boyfriend there." Dr. Uley looks a bit surprised, but not offended, and I see no point in correcting the boyfriend statement. How could I possibly explain our complicated situation?

"I'll write you a prescription for some pain killers. Keep off your foot as much as possible, and come back in a month and we'll see how you're doing."

**~xx~**

The drive back to Esme's is quiet and much slower than the drive to the hospital. Edward still holds me close to him. I would give almost anything to know what's going on in his head.

Once back at the house, Edward has me out of the car, in the house, and settled on his bed before anyone tells him anything.

Esme gently places a pillow under my injured foot, and Carlisle hands me a glass of water and my pain pills. After Carlisle and Esme leave Edward sits down on the bed next to me, taking my hand once again.

Turning myself the best I can I look up to Edward's face. "Are you okay, Edward?"

His eyes shift down to my face; they are full of worry. "Bella hurt."

His hand comes to rest near the edge of my cast.

"Yes, but this will help make me better," I tell him, picking up his hand and touching it to my cast.

I watch his brow furrow, his gaze fixed on my foot. "Bella mad?"

I'm stunned he would ask me that. I know I wasn't at my best today, and perhaps he mistook my pain for anger.

"No! Not at all."

"Bella fall. Edward no...no..." His frustration is clear. He can't figure out how to say what he wants, but I have a pretty good idea what he's getting at.

I push my shoulder against him to gain his attention. "This isn't your fault, Edward. I fell, it was an accident." I give him the brightest smile I can, hoping he realizes I'm not mad.

"I think you were really amazing and brave today. I don't know what I would have done without you."

His only answer is to lay his head on my shoulder, whispering the words, "Bella okay."

I think he understands the intent of my words.

**~xx~**

I wake to the smells of cinnamon and coffee, and it makes my stomach rumble almost painfully. It occurs to me I haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday. None of us ate lunch, and I missed dinner as well. The pain pills made me so sleepy. The last thing I remember is Edward laying his head on my shoulder.

Sitting up is miserable.

My head swims, probably from lack of food, and my entire body aches, a product of the fall, I'm sure.

"Edward, let me help you with that." Esme's voice is quiet through the closed door, Edward's is not. "No! Edward do!"

I stifle my laugh. Whatever he's doing he sounds very determined.

I hear the squeak of the door opening just as I get myself to a full sitting position.

Edward's head appears through the cracked door, a huge smile lighting his face when he sees me.

"Bella!" His enthusiasm is infectious and I return his smile.

As soon as he's in the door I understand the reason for his excitement.

Edward is very carefully bringing me a tray loaded down with delectable breakfast foods.

Esme is shadowing Edward, a sparkle in her eye. "I hope you're hungry."

There's enough food on the tray for at least four people.

When Edward reaches the bed I can see he realizes he has a dilemma - how to sit down with a loaded tray.

"Edward, hand me the tray, then you can sit on the bed with Bella."

After trying it his way once more, Edward relinquishes the tray to Esme and scoots across the foot of the bed until he reaches the middle and crosses his legs beneath him.

"Edward, would you like to tell Bella the new words you learned this morning?" Esme asks, setting the loaded food tray down between us.

Edward's face is the picture of concentration, eyebrows knit together, bottom lip captured between his teeth.

"Bed pic...picnic."

Esme smiles widely at me. "This was all his idea. He got me up this morning saying 'Mom, Bella eat. Bella eat.' I thought he was telling me you were up and eating, but when I came to the kitchen you weren't there. It took me a few minutes to figure out he wanted to make you breakfast."

I'm overwhelmed by Edward's sweet gesture and Esme's hard work.

"This looks wonderful. Thank you so much."

"Anytime," she tells me before she turns to leave.

"Aren't you going to stay and help us eat all this?"

"I'm going to go see if Carlisle would like some breakfast." With that, she steps out the door, shutting it quietly behind her.

There are no plates. Esme has set everything up so Edward and I can eat right from the tray. Grabbing a fork I sink it into a cinnamon roll, popping a gooey, frosting-covered bite into my mouth.

This is, hands down, the best cinnamon roll I've ever had - warm with bursts of spicy flavor, and the cream cheese icing is positively sinful.

"Bella like?"

In my enthusiasm over breakfast I realize I haven't said anything to Edward.

"Yes. This is wonderful. Thank you, Edward."

Pride radiates off him, and I can tell he's thrilled to have done something for me.

We eat in relative silence, and it occurs to me as I sit watching Edward how truly lucky I am. I shudder to think what would have happened if Edward hadn't been with me when I fell. How long would I have lain there before someone found me? Or worse still, what if Edward hadn't risen to the occasion like he did? What if he had run away? The thought makes tingles run up and down my spine.

"Bella okay?" Edward has taken notice of my shivering no doubt.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I reply, looking to his concerned face.

I pull my mind from its pointless rambling, turning my attention once again to Edward.

Smiling, I reach for him, and he quickly takes my hand. Words can not express how proud I am of him. He helped me when I needed him most, and it awes me to think of the limitless potential he has. I think Edward will surprise us all.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you all for reading! *HUG***


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N: I'm back! I have a ton of thank yous this chapter, so bear with me for a second. First off, thank you so much to my fabulous beta and friend, Justine - I literally could not do this without you. Thanks to Alice and Kathie for your support and encouragement. **

**To all of you on Twitter, Facebook, Twilighted forum, Wordy Bitches, Twi-h00rz and Robsten Love - thank you so much for you pimping, encouragement and kind words, it really does mean so much!**

**To each of my readers, thank you for sticking with me during my move, I can't tell you how much I appreciate each of you!**

**~XXXX~  
**

**Carlisle POV**

I walk into my empty house, feeling the loneliness like a crushing weight on my psyche. I'd forgotten just how quiet an empty home can be.

It's been three days since I left Washington, needing to be back at work.

I miss Bella, Edward, and Esme more than I thought I would.

Their presence is everywhere - from a hair band Bella left in the bathroom, to a pile of plastic spoons Edward left in the kitchen, to the subtle smell of Esme's lavender perfume hanging in the air.

Going about my evening routine is mundane in the extreme. I feel much as I did after Irina and Peter died - the same emptiness, the same longing.

Sitting alone in my house, I find myself wondering what I'm doing. Everything was so alive with Esme, Edward, and Bella here. Laughter and companionship rang through the rooms. Now the silence presses in, mocking me, reminding me I have no one.

Day after day passes in silence, each one seeming longer than the one before it. I've spoken to Esme a few times on the phone, but haven't had the courage to tell her I miss her.

Doctor Uley's words keep playing in my mind, about Forks needing more doctors. Could I really go back to that life?

I always felt being a doctor was my true calling, but just couldn't bring myself to go back to it after the loss of my wife and son. My busy schedule kept me from home when they needed me most, and I've never fully forgiven myself for that.

Something about this offer feels strangely right. There is a peace in Forks I haven't felt in a long time. Perhaps it's the small town where life moves at a slower pace. Perhaps it's the majestic forests of the Pacific Northwest, exuding a calm over the world around them. Or perhaps it's the people. Life felt good with Esme, Edward, and Bella around. I felt good...I felt whole.

Within a week I find myself on the phone with the Washington State medical board, finding out their licensing requirements. Even with as many years as it's been since I practiced, it won't take me long to get my license.

I have some major decisions to make now. Do I move to Washington on the hope of having a future with Esme? Or do I stay here and try to forget them? I don't think I could forget them if I tried, but will Esme welcome me there?

**~xx~**

**BPOV**

"Are you sure there's nothing I can do to help?" I ask Esme again.

"No, dear, you and Edward have already been such a help to me."

In the weeks since we've been in Washington, Edward and Esme have grown closer, due in part to my little mishap. I'm able to walk a little but I'm still a bit slow, so Edward is the one helping Esme in the kitchen - setting the table, getting ingredients from the refrigerator and running errands.

For the first time since coming here the house will be full. Besides Edward, Esme, and myself, there will be a family of four joining us tomorrow. This will be our first experience with Esme's customers. I'm kind of excited to see how Esme runs things and slightly nervous to see how Edward takes so many strangers in the house where he is just beginning to become comfortable. Though judging from how he did at the hospital, I think he'll manage just fine.

Esme has also had the additional duty of trying to find a speech therapist for Edward, as recommended by Tanya. So far she hasn't had any luck finding the right person.

All of us are feeling Carlisle's absence, Esme I think more than she would like to admit. On several occasions I have noticed her going into the room Carlisle stayed in, and I know a relationship between them would be difficult, but I'm rooting for them. I think they would be good for each other.

**~xx~**

Today the house is a flutter of activity. Esme seems to be everywhere at once; she was up before dawn baking. Edward and I are giving her a hand in getting the rooms ready, making sure everything is perfect.

When the guests arrive, we are a little surprised to see more people than expected. Mr. and Mrs. Aro and their two teenage children, Jane and Alec, had made reservations two weeks ago. Now they have arrived with Mr. Aro's brother, Marcus and his children Heidi and Demitri, who appear to be roughly the same age as their cousins.

Mr. Aro apologizes for the inconvenience, but Esme assures him that it will be no problem - the four large bedrooms upstairs will hold everyone, as long the children are willing to share rooms. Unfortunately that isn't going to happen. Heidi and Demitri are somber, not saying a word, but Jane, however, has plenty to say and blatantly refuses to share a room with anyone.

I feel truly sorry for Esme in this moment; she has already agreed to host this family and, though it was rude of them to bring extra people, I know she needs the money.

Turning to me, desperation clear in her eyes, she asks if Edward and I would be willing to stay in the stone cottage a short distance from the main house.

"Of course. Whatever we can do to help," I tell her.

After a short discussion with the guests, it's decided that Mr. and Mrs. Aro, Jane, Alec, and Heidi will use the four bedrooms upstairs, and Marcus and Demitri will share the room Edward and I use.

Through all of this exchange Edward has remained silent, his fingers toying lightly with mine.

"I have brunch prepared for all of you, if you'll follow me into the dining room."

Everyone turns to go, trailing Esme from the room, all except Jane. She stands, head tilted slightly, gaze fixed on Edward for just a moment before turning to go. Once she reaches the doorway she looks over her shoulder, throwing us one last look before disappearing. I'm glad to see her go; she's been eyeing Edward since she arrived and frankly, I just don't like it. What kind of person tries to catch the attention of a man holding a woman's hand?

Edward and I make quick work of removing our stuff from our shared room and readying it for Marcus and Demitri.

I pull Esme aside to let her know we've finished the room and will be heading outside to take care of our belongings. "We'll be back in a little bit."

"Thank you so much," she says. "I really appreciate it."

"It's no problem, Esme. I'm glad to help. Let me know if you need anything else."

The sound of bickering girls meets my ears and I give Edward's mother a rueful smile. She gives me a wave and heads off to see if there's anything she can do for her guests.

I had only glimpsed the stone cottage through the trees on the day of my fall. Edward is watching my every step as we carefully make our way toward the little house.

The rough stone walls are topped with a green metal roof and four stone steps leading to the door; it's like something straight out of a fairytale.

The cottage is equally charming on the inside - like a dollhouse, leaving me smiling.

The living room and kitchen are together, each small, but adequate enough to meet our needs. Off the living room are two bedrooms, one all in green and brown, making me think of the forest; the other all in blue and white, bringing the ocean to mind.

It doesn't take us long to put the few things we have in the cottage and return to the main house. As soon as we walk in the door I'm wishing we would have stayed at the cottage.

Jane is loudly expressing her disdain about being in Forks and how she hates everything here...everything except Edward. I'm surprised – and disturbed – by her vulgarity.

We creep into the kitchen unseen by the guests to find Esme furiously scrubbing pots and pans. She startles when I place my hand on her arm. "Need some help?"

She sighs loudly, wiping her soapy hands across a frilled apron. "That girl is revolting. Keep Edward as far from her as possible. I don't trust her."

I take in Esme's words with a nod.

This has been a worry of mine concerning Edward for awhile. He has so little experience with people, I fear someone could take advantage of him.

Esme turns from us back to her scrubbing but not before expressing her desire for this next week to go fast. I second her sentiments.

Our first night in the cottage is nice and quiet. Edward takes to the tiny house with ease. He chooses the green and brown room and like every night I sit with him until he falls asleep, but unlike most nights I don't fall asleep with him. My mind is restless, sleep evading me. I keep thinking of the things I heard Jane say earlier. Obviously I know Edward is a very handsome man, but hearing a girl of no more than seventeen talk about the way the size of his hands must relate to the size of his penis and how she would like to test that theory, fills me with dread and rage. Will she really try anything and how would Edward react if she did? My head reels with all these questions, nagging at me, taunting me with all the possible answers.

When I was at the hospital, everyone assumed Edward was my boyfriend, why didn't Jane? Or does she just not care? Why didn't her parents say anything about her inappropriate comments? Do they tune her out, or are they fine with her behavior? Each _why?_ drives me a little crazier, pecking at my brain like a woodpecker at a tree.

Giving up on sleep entirely, I slip from the bedroom and wander around the house - it doesn't kill much time. Bundling up in a blanket, I step outside and sit down on the doorstep. It's otherworldly quiet outside; the only sound coming from the light breeze shaking the towering pine trees all around us. I listen to the calming silence and breathe in deeply of the cool, moist air filled with the fragrance of pine. A three quarters moon shines its brilliant light on the small clearing in front of the cottage, bathing the dew laden grass with light. It's one of the most beautiful things I've seen, like stepping into a painting, and I feel calm and order returning to my mind. I need to let go of all the questions. There is nothing I can do but wait until tomorrow comes and see what happens then.

I return to Edward's bedroom, hoping sleep will find me. Not wanting to wake him by climbing on the bed, I curl up in the recliner in the corner of the room. My eyes are heavy as I sit and watch him, so peaceful and so beautiful.

His soft breathing fills the room, and I find myself counting each breath as sleep closes in around me.

I wake to the gentle touch of Edward brushing his fingers up and down my arm.

"Hey. How long have you been up?"

He only smiles his beautiful smile at me and shrugs.

"You hungry?"

His eyes light up at the mention of food...Edward is always hungry.

I stretch, releasing the kinks in my muscles from a night in a chair. Next time I feel the need to watch Edward, I'll do so from the bed and risk waking him.

It doesn't take us long to dress and head over to the main house - we didn't bother to bring any food last night.

It's refreshingly drama free when we walk into the house. Esme appears to be the only one inside.

"Where is everyone?" I ask as she serves us steaming plates of biscuits and gravy at the breakfast bar.

"In town, I think."

Fine with me. Hopefully we won't have to deal with Jane at all today.

After helping Esme with a quick clean up of the kitchen, Edward and I head outside.

It's a gorgeous day, just warm enough to be comfortable, and the sun is playing peek-a-boo with the clouds.

I take advantage of the lush landscape and throw myself in the warm, thick grass of the yard. Edward is a short distance from me looking for pinecones - his new favorite thing.

Lying back with my arms behind my head, I watch the clouds dance and swirl overhead, making me relax, my eyes feeling heavy from the lack of sleep.

**~xx~**

"No! Yuck!"

Edward's distress brings me from a sleep I didn't realize I was in.

Sitting up quickly I scan the yard for Edward and find him across the yard, face pressed to the trunk of a tree, wiping furiously at his cheek, Jane standing close beside him.

Hurrying to Edward, Jane takes a step back as I approach, a huge fake smile plastered across her face.

"Edward, are you okay?"

Jane answers for him, her voice sickly sweet, "Edward and I were just getting better acquainted."

I eye her with suspicion; something is up here. Leaning into Edward, placing my hand on his shoulder, I whisper in his ear, "Are you alright?"

He continues to scrub his hand across his cheek saying, "Yucky girl! Yuck!"

What in the world is going on here? My eyes dart back and forth between Jane and Edward. Jane is still smiling, but her eyes hold a mischievous delight.

"It was nice spending time with you, Edward."

Edward makes no move to acknowledge Jane as she turns and walks back to the main house.

Determined to get to the bottom of this, I move my hand to Edward's face, hoping to get him to meet my eyes.

"Hey, what happened?"

After one final brush to his face he finally looks up at me. To my horror I see a pink mark on Edward's cheek.

"Oh my gosh, Edward, did Jane hit you!"

Confusion settles on his brow.

He shakes his head no then points to his mouth, a look of disgust on his face. Now it's my turn to be confused. Reaching up I run my fingers across the mark on Edward's face and feel the undeniable tackiness of lip gloss. All the pieces suddenly fall into place - Jane kissed Edward. The sleep stupor on my brain must have kept me from coming to this conclusion earlier. Now that I know, it's so obvious.

Whatever it takes we are staying away from that girl for the duration of her stay.

I wait several minutes to ensure Jane's inside before taking Edward's hand and heading into the main house.

After a brief explanation to Esme, she agrees to let me borrow her car to drive into town and reflects my sentiments about being eager for Jane's departure.

**~xx~**

Forks isn't overly impressive as far as towns go. Most of the buildings are old and have a rather waterlogged look. The day that promised to be so beautiful this morning has turned dark. Storm clouds are gathering - threatening rain, adding to the general gloom of Forks.

To avoid any further confrontations with Jane, I decide to head to the grocery store so we can just stay holed up in the cottage and wait out the next few days until the Aros leave.

The grocery store is small compared to what I'm used to, but it will definitely fill its purpose.

Heads turn as we make our way inside. Guess I better get used to the interest; this is definitely a place where newcomers are noticed.

Edward follows me placidly through the aisles as I push the cart and every now and then he adds an item - cookies, Cracker Jacks, marshmallows. He clearly has a sweet tooth.

We encounter a few people. Most just stare like we are from another planet. One says hello, but it's not till we reach frozen foods that anyone really engages us.

"Can I help you?" A tall teenage boy with long black hair pulled back in a ponytail stops his stocking to approach us. His face is round and friendly and the name-tag on his apron reads _Jacob_.

"I'm fine, thanks."

Unfazed by my dismissal he steps closer. "You're Bella Swan, aren't you?"

My face must reflect the shock I feel as Jacob begins to chuckle softly. "Not a lot of people move to Forks. The whole town knows about your visit to the hospital."

I guess privacy laws don't mean as much in Forks as they do in Las Vegas, no secrets here.

"Umm, yeah, I'm Bella. You must be Jacob," I tell him, pointing to his name-tag.

"Yep, that's me. I've lived here my entire life, so if there's anything you want to know or if you're looking for something to do, I'm your man."

Nodding slightly at him, I go about my shopping, taking a bag of frozen chicken from the freezer and then proceed to drop it right on the floor.

As soon as my hand closes around the bag, I feel a large warm hand close around mine, and it's not Edward's, it's Jacob's.

"Let me give you a hand with that."

Before I can respond, Edward is pulling me backward into him, loudly declaring "Mine!"

Jacob stares wide-eyed at us for a moment before backing away, hands raised in a surrender gesture. "No worries, man. I was just trying to help."

I can feel the tense rigidity of Edward's body behind mine, holding me tightly against him.

Jacob doesn't say another word, just watches us as Edward continues pulling me back to the cart, I have a feeling this will be gossip fodder.

Once I free myself from Edward's grip, I continue my shopping, though Edward remains glued to my side, one hand planted firmly on my lower back.

**~xx~**

It's raining heavily by the time we get back to the cottage. A quick text from Esme lets us know not to even stop by the main house to drop off her car. Apparently Jane is in a particularly obnoxious mood. By the time we're inside we are both soaked to the bone and the lights are blinking on and off.

After sending Edward to the bedroom for dry clothes, I quickly put the food away and light a few candles. With the increasing fierceness of the storm, I'm worried we may lose power.

Hoping I've given him enough time to change, I slip quietly into the bedroom for my own dry clothes. Once I step through the door, my breath catches in my throat. Edward is standing before me in only his jeans, little trails of water running from his wet hair down over his broad shoulders and the middle of his back.

Every logical thought in my brain ceases, and I can't stop the motion of my body. I'm pulled to him like a moth to a flame.

His skin glistens and is tantalizingly warm when I press my hand to his back, running it up the length of his spine. Desire churns in my blood when he turns, my name falling softly from his lips. His chest is more enticing than his back, and I find myself kissing my way through the damp hair and up to his neck, feeling encouraged by his shallow breathing and his arms closing around my waist. When I stretch up on my tiptoes to kiss his face our eyes meet and all my action ends.

Though his body is responding to mine like a typical man, the confusion on his face reminds me that his mind and body aren't in the same place. Waves of guilt encompass me. What am I doing? I take a deep breath to try and clear the lust burning through me.

"What are you doing to me, Edward?"

Pressing my hand to his cheek and placing a kiss over his heart, I turn and snatch up my clothes and beat a hasty retreat to the bathroom.

Closing the door, I allow my back to slide down the door, curling myself on the floor. My mind rebels against everything I just did, but my heart and body want to rip the door open and tackle him. I feel like I have a swirling mass of energy inside me and I don't know what to do with it. I know it was foolish to touch Edward like that, but his stunning physique and bold declaration that I am _his_, not only called to body, but to my heart as well.

One...two...three deep breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth, calming the emotions warring inside me. I can't hide in here forever, and like he can read my mind, I hear a soft tapping on the door and the muffled sound of my name.

"Just a minute, I'll be right out."

I hurriedly splash cold water on my face, hoping to clear my thoughts further and swap out my sopping attire for dry.

Edward is right outside the door as soon as I step out.

"Bella okay?"

Oh, Edward, what a loaded question.

"Yes, I'm fine. Are you ready for some dinner?"

He nods enthusiastically - always hungry, this one.

Edward follows me dutifully to the kitchen, and I don't even have time to decide what to make before the power goes out. Well that makes things real easy. There's only one thing I can make on the little wood stove in the living room - soup.

It's not long before vegetable beef soup is filling the room with a savory scent. Edward and I eat in relative silence with only occasional inquiries about my wellbeing. I continue to reassure him that I'm fine, but I don't think he believes me. He keeps eyeing me, concern on his brow.

I'm sure he must think I lost my mind earlier and is just concerned.

After our simple dinner, I decide Edward might enjoy a marshmallow roast. Finding a long handled meat fork I load it up with marshmallows.

Edward is utterly fascinated watching the sugary pillows puff in the flames. Once I have several a nice golden brown, I blow on them just a little and gently pull them from the fork.

Edward opens his mouth without hesitation when I press the marshmallow to his lips. A look of pure joy dawns on his face, lighting his eyes and bringing a smile to his lips.

"More," he tells me around a mouthful of marshmallow.

I oblige him happily, forking two more marshmallows and holding them over the fire.

My eyes are heavy after the fourth round of marshmallows. Edward is leaning against a pile of pillows, his face drowsy. Moving from my place by the fire I snuggle into Edward's side. He seems a bit confused when I lay my head on his chest – usually his head is resting on me. After a moment, I feel his arm come over my shoulder, hugging me to him. In our own way it almost feels like we are a couple, and I admit it's a nice feeling. However I do wish we could talk more. Edward has made amazing progress, but there are so many things I want to ask him. I want to know how he survived all those years alone, but more than that, I want to know what he thinks, what he feels, especially what he feels for me.

I rise up on my elbow to see his face.

"What do you dream about, Edward?"

His eyes are soft as he looks at me. "Bella," he tells me.

Heat gathers under my skin and I would give almost anything to know what he dreams about me.

For now I'm content, but as I let sleep claim me, my dreams turn to something more.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you all so much! 33**


	16. Chapter 16

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you to my wonderful beta, Justine for all the fabulous work you do! It was so good to finally meet you can't wait to see you again! Flove you!**

**Thanks to my girls for your unending support! To each reader, thank you so much for sticking with this story!**

**~XXXX~  
**

**BPOV**

It has taken me several weeks to settle my nerves over each new guest. Every time someone comes to stay, I worry there will be another Jane incident.

The last few days of her visit were hell. I felt like we were in a cat and mouse game, hunted at every turn. It got to the point where I was expecting her to pop out at any moment. Esme finally had to say something to Mr. and Mrs. Aro, though it did little good. They had a very kids-will-be-kids attitude. Marcus at least had the decency to be appalled when he learned about Jane's behavior, and apologized for his niece and the added burden of his family.

Esme has assured me numerous times that she will be more choosey with her guests. I'm impressed with how she was able to keep a pretty cool head about everything. Though I know she must have been on the war path inside, her face never betrayed her.

**~xx~**

Esme and I have found an easy routine with each other, and it's like we've been working together for years.

We also felt it might be better for me to have my own space, so Esme moved her office stuff into her bedroom and turned it into a room for me. Edward seems to be fine with the change, though I still sit with him while he falls asleep.

I find myself missing the cottage a bit. I enjoyed being with Edward alone. Though after my little lust-induced episode, perhaps some space is best.

**~xx~**

We've had success in finding some people to work with Edward. A husband and wife team, Eleazar and Carmen Vegan. Eleazar is a psychologist who will continue to work with Edward on memory recovery. Carmen is a speech therapist, and she will work with Edward to improve his communication skills.

Today is Edward's first formal appointment with Carmen and Eleazar. We met with them a week ago for a brief consultation to discuss Edward's unique needs. Esme was very impressed with their kind nature and their willingness to confer with Tanya on Edward's case history, effectively making a team devoted to helping Edward.

Though he has met them both before, I find myself being nervous as Edward enters the office alone, leaving Esme and me sitting in the waiting room. I had been against Edward going to his first appointment alone, but Carmen and Eleazar insisted it is an important step in Edward finding his own voice and being more independent. I hope Edward understands what's going on. I feel guilty not being with him, but he has already proven how capable he can be, so I'm sure he will surprise me again and do great.

**~xx~**

**EPOV**

No Bella. No mom.

Room warm. Room quiet.

"Hello, Edward. Please come in and sit down."

Brown hair lady points to couch.

Couch soft. Like it.

"How are you today, Edward?" Man talking. "Are you happy?"

"No."

"Can you tell me why you aren't happy?"

"No Bella."

Man smiles.

"Ah, yes. Miss Swan is right outside. You will see her soon."

Miss Bella.

"Let's get down to business. Edward, Carmen is going to talk with you for a bit while I observe."

Man smiles at brown hair woman.

"Edward, is it alright if I sit next to you?"

"Yes."

Brown hair woman sits.

"Edward, I'm going to talk with you a bit. I've spoken to Tanya and she tells me you understand more than you can speak, but we're going to work on that, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm going to start you on speaking in sentences. Is that something you are willing to try?"

"Okay."

"Do you remember meeting me last week?"

"Yes."

"And do you remember my name?"

"No."

"My name is Carmen. Do you think you can say that for me?"

"Car...men."

"Wonderful. Now tell me your name."

"Edward."

"Try telling me in a sentence, like this: 'My name is Edward.' Now you try."

"My...name...is...Edward."

"Great job."

Carmen smiling. "Now, tell me about Bella."

"Bella pretty."

"Bella _is_ pretty. You try."

"Bella...is...pretty."

"Very good. Tell me something abut your mom."

"Mom is hugs."

Carmen has big smile.

"Are you trying to say your mom gives good hugs?"

"No."

Find the words.

"Mom...is...warm. Hug...is...warm."

Carmen talks quiet. "You are a very sweet boy, Edward. What do you think of Washington?"

"Wet."

"Try a sentence for me, please."

Hard. Want to stop.

"It...it...is wet."

"Do you like it better here, or do you miss the desert?"

"Like with Bella."

Carmen and man laugh.

"Let's bring your mom and Bella in and we'll chat with them for a bit."

Carmen opens door.

"Please join us, ladies."

Mom comes in. Bella comes in. Missed Bella.

Hold Bella hand.

Warm.

Happy.

Bella smile.

Like.

"Edward did a great job today. I started him on the concept of sentences. You can easily help him with that at home. I concur with Dr. Denali: he understands more than his speech would let on. That alone gives us great hope for his future abilities."

Carmen talks a lot.

Wanna go home.

Hungry.

Man talks. "I observed Edward today and I will continue to do so until he communicates more easily. Dr. Denali and I have spoken at length, and I will not be attempting the hypnotherapy. It's not something I have experience with. Dr. Denali offered to come here and do another session with Edward if we feel he needs it."

Mom shakes head.

"Encourage him to speak in sentences. He's picked up a lot of words, but the structure isn't there. I think he'll start showing fast improvement once we lay down some basics. Don't hesitate to call us anytime, and if there are aren't any questions, we'll see you next week."

Mom shakes head. Bella shakes head.

Carmen stand.

Man stand.

Mom stand.

Mom touch hands with Carmen and man.

Carmen touch shoulder. "Goodbye, Edward. We'll see you soon."

"Goodbye, Car...men."

Bella squeeze hand.

Bella smile.

Happy to go home.

**~xx~**

Car go fast.

Like fast.

Watch trees.

Like trees.

Watch Bella.

So pretty.

"Bella...is pretty."

Bella smile.

Bella pink.

**~xx~**

Home.

Like home.

Mom make lunch.

Mom cook good.

"How did things go at your appointment?" Bella talks quiet.

Like Bella voice

"Okay."

"Only okay?" Bella voice upset.

"Miss Bella."

"Oh." Bella pink, voice high.

**~xx~**

Bed is warm. So tired.

"Goodnight, Edward." Bella kiss cheek.

Grab her hand.

"Stay."

Move over. Bella sit down.

Pull Bella.

"Lay."

"Okay, but just for a minute."

Bella look tired.

Kiss her cheek.

"Bella okay?"

"Yes, you are just so sweet and irresistible." Bella pink again.

"Don't...don't..."

"You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"No."

"Don't worry about it, Edward. Try and get some sleep."

Don't like.

"Bella mad?"

"What? Why would you think that?"

"Don't know."

Bella touches face, "Edward, nothing you could ever do will make me mad. I just have a lot on my mind, but being with you always makes me happy."

Smile.

"Happy with Bella."

**~xx~**

**Esme POV**

Each day seems to be flying by at lightning speed. We have been entertaining a regular stream of customers. I'm so thankful for Bella's help; she is an absolute Godsend. Her willingness to tackle any task at hand has really impressed me.

Right now I'm not sure I could run my bed and breakfast without her. Not only am I dealing with my regular business obligations, but I'm going through the difficult process of having Edward declared alive.

When I first filed a petition with the court I thought that would be all it took. Boy, was I wrong. Come to find out I have to file a truckload of paperwork. It's become more than I can handle, so I've hired a lawyer to assist me, which increases my need for customers, to cover the added expense.

Today is a particularly busy day. Not only do we have a full house again, but I've been on the phone most of the day. My newly acquired lawyer, Mr. Laurent, has called me several times. Once to inform me that he has all the necessary paper work ready for me to sign, and then a second time to let me know that Bella, Charlie, and Carlisle were going to need to give statements. He also let me know that Edward and I are going to need to submit DNA samples to verify he's my son.

All of this feels like a crushing weight, and most days I'm so emotionally taxed it's all I can do to make it through the day without crying.

When my phone rings again I'm ready to toss it out the window, sure it's Mr. Laurent with something else I need to do.

"Masen House Bed and Breakfast, how may I help you?" I say out of habit.

"Esme?"

I feel the telltale signs of embarrassment warm my face as soon as I hear Carlisle's voice. I don't usually answer the phone like that when he calls, but in my stress and haste I didn't check the caller ID.

"Yes, sorry. I was expecting it to be someone else."

"I can call you later if this isn't a good time."

"No, it's fine. I just thought you were my lawyer calling again."

"Ah yes, I spoke with Mr. Laurent earlier about giving a statement."

"I'm sorry you have to deal with all this. I had no idea it would be this much work, and now Edward and I have to have a DNA test." I let out a frustrated sigh, immediately feeling guilty for taking out my woes on Carlisle. "Didn't mean to unload my annoyances on you."

"Don't worry about it, Esme. Believe me, I've had way more unloaded on me for far less valid reasons. How are things going with your guests? No more troublemakers I hope."

I had sent Carlisle a brief email when we were having our troubles with the Aro family, he advised me to confront the parents about their daughter's behavior.

"No. No more troublemakers, just really busy."

I'm met with a moment of silence before Carlisle speaks again. "I won't bother you with my request right now; we can wait for another time."

"Please don't worry about it. I'm more than happy to help you if I can." I try not to let the anticipation seep into my voice, wondering what Carlisle could be requesting of me.

Again there is a brief pause before he speaks, amping my curiosity as to what he could possibly have to say.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking since I left Washington, and I'm feeling pulled to get back into medicine."

"That's great." I'm truly happy for him, he's a natural healer.

"I want to be back in a place where I feel like I'm doing some good, where I feel wanted. I've put my house up for sale, and I already have someone interested in buying it."

"Wow, that was fast. So have you quit the university or are you going to teach medicine now?"

"I have tendered my resignation at the university and have applied for a job at Forks Community Hospital. I had a phone interview last week."

My brain seems to be having trouble grasping the meaning of his words. He's coming here…to live?

"I haven't had a chance to find a place to live, and I'm wondering if you would allow me to rent that stone cottage from you until I find my own place."

Absolutely no words come to my mind; I'm completely speechless and slightly light headed from the wild beating of my heart.

"Esme? Are you alright? You aren't saying anything."

"Yes." The word flies from my mouth before my brain activates. I scramble to gather a few of my scattered wits before Carlisle begins to think I've lost my mind.

"Yes, of course. You're always welcome here."

"Are you sure? I don't want to be an inconvenience to you or your guests." His voice has a nervous tone to it and I find myself really wanting to remedy that.

"Carlisle you are the least intrusive person I've ever met, you won't be an inconvenience. When do you think you'll be here?"

"Is two weeks too soon?" he asks.

"No, that's perfect. I'll see that either Bella or I get down there and make sure everything is ready for you."

"I don't want you to go to any trouble..."

"It's no trouble, really," I tell him, cutting him off.

"I also need to tell you Charlie is coming out with me, just to visit. He misses Bella, wants to make sure she's settling in well."

"You mean he wants to make sure I'm taking good care of his baby girl."

Silence hangs between us before Carlisle stutters out a few words. "I...I'm sure..."

"Believe me, I understand. If I was in his position I would do the same."

I can almost feel the relief coming through the phone. For a moment there I think Carlisle was legitimately worried he offended me.

"Do you mind not telling Bella, Charlie wants to surprise her."

"Sure, I'll keep your little secret. I hate to cut this short, but I have tons to still do today."

"Of course. Sorry to hold you up. See you soon."

"Goodbye, Carlisle."

I find myself smiling widely as soon as the phone goes dead. It will be nice to see Carlisle daily again.

**~xx~**

It's late in the evening before I get a chance to really see Bella and Edward and have the time to talk with them.

"Carlisle called me today."

"Oh yeah? How is he doing?" Bella asks me, barely taking her eyes from the book she is reading.

"Well, he's going to be starting a new job soon," I inform her, trying to keep my voice casual.

Bella's eyes widen as she turns them from her book to look at me. "What? Where?"

"Forks Community Hospital."

I can't help the laugh that bubbles from me when Bella lets her book fall to her lap and her mouth drops open.

"Why...why didn't my dad tell me?" Bella's question seems less directed at me as it does just a general query.

"I'm sorry, I..." My voice stops suddenly when I see fat tears running down Bella's face.

Edward wraps his arms gently around Bella's shoulders, pulling her to his chest.

"Is okay, Bella. Is okay." His words are spoken softly into her hair, and I almost feel as if I'm intruding on a private moment between them.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize it was that big of a deal to you," I tell her quietly, placing my hand on her shoulder.

Bella's brilliant smile meets my confused gaze. "I'm not upset. I'm so happy for him. I'd almost given up hope that he would ever get to this point; he's been through so much."

I certainly wasn't expecting tears of happiness, but I suppose it makes sense. I know it must be hard to stand by and watch as someone struggles internally.

Bella wipes the tears from her eyes and turns her full attention to me after patting Edward's leg, assuring him that she is fine.

"How soon will he be here?"

"Two weeks. Do you mind giving me a hand with the cottage sometime? Just want to make sure everything is clean and tidy."

"Of course not, just let me know what you want me to do."

Bella's eyes turn soft as she gazes out the window, a long sigh issuing from her. "My dad is going to be so lonely now. First I leave and now Carlisle."

"He's still seeing Tanya isn't he?" I ask, trying not to be too intrusive.

"Yeah, I really should call him more...see how things are going between them, make sure he's happy."

I admire Bella's attitude, I know she has struggled with Charlie and Tanya's relationship, and I'm glad to see that she has his happiness in mind.

**~xx~**

My mind is still spinning when I finally climb into my bed. I still can't believe in two short weeks Carlisle will be living here. You would think it wouldn't faze me considering the time I spent at his house, but things are so different now. When I stayed with Carlisle, I was so caught up in the emotion of having my son back I didn't put much thought into my feelings of attraction for him. I don't think I'll ever quite get over the shock of my son being found, but I'm getting used to having him back in my life, and the re-establishment of our relationship is coming along. Now that my mind isn't so overwhelmed, I can examine my feelings for Carlisle. There's no doubt I find him attractive. His icy blue eyes and soft smile send tingles down my spine each time I see them. The thing I have to consider is if I want to take this attraction any further. Even though Carlisle hasn't said anything, it's fairly obvious he's attracted to me as well, and even though it's been awhile, this isn't my first trip around the block... He wouldn't pick up and move here if he wasn't looking for something. Carlisle is a sweet and kind man, who already cares for the most important thing in my life, my son.

As much as I wish I could lay here and dream of future possibilities, I know morning will arrive much sooner than I would like.

Snuggling into my pillow with new determination, my last thought is for the next two weeks to pass quickly.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: I know there may be some questions over the length of Edward's appointment with Carmen and Eleazar, it is meant to be a brief look, I'm sure you would all be bored out of your minds if I wrote out an hour long appointment. Also in regards to the process of having Edward declared alive, I took some creative license there. There is very little information about that process, especially in the case of a missing child.**

** As always, thank you all for reading!**


	17. Chapter 17

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THING TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you so much to my lovely beta and friend, Justine for everything she does for me...you're the best! Special thanks to my fabulous husband for helping me with the fishing details(zzzzzzzzzz!) And thank you so much to each of you that reads and reviews, I can't tell you how much I appreciate each and every one of you!**

**~XXXX~**

**BPOV**

Sitting on the porch, I listen to the creak of the wood as I rock back and forth in an old, comfortable rocking chair, waiting for Carlisle to arrive. The crunch of tires on gravel draws my eyes to the black Mercedes pulling up the driveway. Who's that in the passenger seat with him? I look more closely and am floored to see my father. Charlie? Why didn't he tell me?

I'm quivering with excited energy as I wait for the car to stop. As soon as the vehicle pauses, Charlie hops out and has me held in a tight embrace before my mind can even catch up to the fact that he's actually here.

"Dad! I can't believe you're here! Why didn't you let me know you were coming?"

He releases me and holds me at arms length. "Wouldn't be much of a surprise if I told you."

A giggle behind me draws my attention and I turn to see Esme with hands clamped over her mouth, fighting a huge smile.

"How long have you known?"

"Two weeks."

I can't hide my grin; I'm thrilled my dad is here.

Edward shuffles to my side, his hand finding a resting spot on the small of my back.

"Hello, Charlie."

My dad's surprise at Edward's greeting is clear on his face.

"Hello, Edward. Nice to see you again."

When Edward offers nothing in return Charlie gives me a questioning look, to which I simply respond with a shrug. Even though Edward is making excellent progress with speaking in sentences and picks up new words daily, there are still many social customs that elude him.

After of moment of awkward silence, Esme ushers us into the house for dinner.

Conversation is easy once we are all settled around the table. Charlie and Carlisle tell us about the nerve wracking passes of the Sierra Nevada and Cascade mountain ranges, and Esme and I fill them in on Edward's progress.

"So they have him working on reading?" Carlisle questions, seeming truly in awe.

"He just started on the alphabet this week and some simple word recognition, like his name. Carmen wants us to start having him watch television with closed captioning to give him context for the words. She believes that will be more helpful to him than beginner reading books," Esme explains.

"Have you tried that yet?" Carlisle asks her.

"Not yet, but I'm hoping to this week."

"How long are you going to be here, Dad?" I jump in.

"At least a couple of weeks. Got plenty of vacation time. Shoot, can't even remember the last time I took off."

I'm excited by the idea of spending some time with my dad. It's been awhile since we've just hung out.

"What's there to do around here, Bells?"

"I'm actually not sure. I haven't gotten out and about much."

"What do you say to exploring with your old man tomorrow?"

"Sounds great(.) Can't wait," I tell him with a smile.

**~xx~**

Charlie opts to stay in down in the cottage with Carlisle. That way we're leaving all our guests rooms open. Luckily there are just the five of us right now, a welcome respite from the hustle and bustle around here recently.

**~xx~**

Charlie has asked for the day to be just the two of us and reluctantly I agree.

Edward isn't happy when I tell him he will be staying with Esme and Carlisle. I do my best to explain to him that it's important for me to spend time with my dad.

"Bella is leaving?" The tone of Edward's voice damn near kills me, and I almost beg my dad to let him come with us.

"No, no," I rush to explain. "I'm just going to spend the day with my dad. I'll be back before you go to bed. I promise."

His eyes are so troubled it twists my heart to look at him.

"Bella be back?" Edward's hands tighten around mine, his gaze lowered, concentrating on our entwined fingers. Pulling my hands from his grip, I place them on his cheeks, forcing his eyes to meet mine.

"Edward, I will be back. My dad misses me, and he just wants to spend a little time with me. Okay?"

"Edward miss Bella."

Moisture glistens in his eyes and it takes everything in me to swallow the lump in my throat and speak to him. "I know and I'll miss you too, but it will go fast."

"Bells, let's go." Charlie's voice sounds abruptly behind us.

"Gimme just a minute, Dad," I call over my shoulder.

Shifting my attention back to Edward, I pull his head toward mine until our foreheads meet. His watery gaze meets mine and I put every ounce of conviction I posses into my voice. "I will never leave you. Okay?"

"Okay, Bella."

"You'll have a great day with your mom and Carlisle."

He pulls me to him in a tight hug.

"Hey, I bet if you ask real nice, your mom will bake those chocolate chip cookies you love."

I see a small smile cross his lips as I move from his embrace.

"You going to be alright?"

His bright eyes gaze at me, a little red rimmed, but no traces of tears left. He takes a deep breath, and I get the feeling he is trying to put on a brave face.

"Bella come back fast."

His simple words bring a huge smile to my face. "I will. Have a good day."

Stretching up on my toes, I press a quick kiss to his cheek and hurry off to join my dad, not daring to look back.

**~xx~**

Charlie doesn't say much on the way into town, and right now I'm kind of lost in my own thoughts, trying not to feel guilty for leaving Edward behind.

I'm not paying any attention to where my dad is driving until the car comes to a stop.

"Why are we at Forks Outfitters, Dad?"

"Fishing licenses and a few supplies. Thought we could do a little fishing today."

Ugh, when I told my dad I was fine with anything, I should have stipulated anything except fishing.

"I'm not sure where to fish around here. Maybe we should try something else," I suggest, hoping I'll get out of a day on a lake.

"I got it covered, Bells. Did a little recon on Carlisle's laptop last night. Turns out Forks is a prime area for salmon and steelhead fishing."

"Lucky me."

My dad gives me a bright smile, my sarcasm completely lost on him.

After getting a license for each of us and a boxed lunch, we are back out on the road. I'm surprised how easily Charlie finds his way around. Must be a cop thing.

As we head back out of town it dawns on me we have no fishing poles or tackle, and it sets me to wondering what Charlie has up his sleeve.

It isn't long before I see exactly what he has in mind. Charlie brings the car to a stop in front of Three Rivers Resort and Guide Service. Since we clearly don't need a place to stay, we must be here for the guide services.

"Really, Dad? A guide service?"

"Sure. I found this place online last night. They provide the gear and a guide and they guarantee a catch."

Well, if my dad is happy, I'm happy. I promised him a day together, just the two of us, and if this is what he wants to do, then this is what we'll do.

I climb from the car, determined to have a good day, despite my personal dislike for fishing.

We are met by a friendly faced girl about my age when we walk into the resort. She introduces herself as Rachel and hands us several brochures on types of area fishing while she goes to find a guide for us.

When Rachel returns, she is accompanied by a man roughly the same age as my dad with long jet black hair streaming from underneath a black cowboy hat.

"Hello, I'm Billy Black. My daughter tells me you are interested in doing a little fishing."

Mr. Black's warm smile lights his entire face, and I have the feeling he and Charlie will get along really well.

"Hey, I'm Charlie Swan and this is my daughter, Bella."

"So you're Bella. My son mentioned meeting you."

Charlie looks back and forth between Mr. Black and I, crooking an eyebrow in my direction, my only response is to shrug.

"Jacob Black. You met him in the grocery store."

Ah yes, Jacob. Mr. Overly-Helpful...I knew our encounter with him would become town gossip. I give a little nod, acknowledging I remember, hoping the subject will drop.

After a brief conversation, it's decided that we will be heading out to the Sol Duc River to do a some salmon fishing.

"What kind of pole do you want, Bella?" Charlie asks, while looking the gear over.

"Ummm, one that works."

Charlie rolls his eyes and continues testing various poles.

**~xx~**

"Bells? You ready?" Charlie's voice pulls me from my thoughts, and I turn from the window to face my dad.

"Yep, let's do this."

Surprisingly we don't get back in the car, but instead head out across the property along a small path into the woods.

The moist ground squishes under my boots as I follow behind the guys. I hear the rush of the water from the river long before I lay eyes on it. When we finally step from the trees we find ourselves on a small rock outcropping next to the fast moving water.

"Okay, I've set you each up with a spin cast rod and a drift marabou jig. Charlie, I've got you on a ten pound test line. Bella, you're on a fifty." I know all that was for my benefit as Charlie helped him pick all the gear and knows exactly what he's fishing with. However, I'm going to need a fisherman to English dictionary to have any clue as to what Billy just said to me.

My dad and I fall into an easy silence, and Billy walks a short ways from us, presumably to gives us some privacy.

"How's work going?" I ask as I untangle my line for the third time.

Charlie takes my pole, untangling the line and casts it into the water before handing it back to me.

"About the same. Busy as always, and wishing things weren't so crazy."

I know his job is hard on him; he doesn't like having to deal with drug dealers and prostitutes. He had never wanted to live in Las Vegas. That was my mother's idea, but when she passed he already had a good steady job in the Las Vegas police department, and with a toddler to raise on his own, he couldn't afford to leave. Knowing my dad, I think he would be perfectly content in some little hole-in-the-wall town where the most action is busting teenagers drag racing on main street.

"How's Tanya doing?"

A small smile pulls at the corner of his mouth. That's a good sign. "Really good."

I glower at my dad and his vague comments.

"Wow, Dad, don't put yourself out there too much."

"Sorry, Bells. I'm not used to talking about this kind of stuff with you, or really talking about this kind of stuff at all."

Yeah, that's a huge understatement. The few boyfriends I've had I never discussed with my dad, and if he dated anyone before I never knew about it - this is definitely new ground for us.

"How...how are things going with you guys?"

Charlie starts reeling in his line...slow and deliberate.

"Really good."

I know I'm not the easiest person to get information out of, but talking to my dad is like pulling teeth.

"So, you have fun together?" I ask.

Charlie's gaze shifts sideways to me, an unreadable look on his face.

"Yeah."

"Does she enjoy outdoors stuff?"

"Seems to," is his only reply.

"Come on, Dad, I'm trying here. You could put out a little effort."

"What?" And his face betrays that he really is clueless.

"We're supposed to be spending time together." My frustration comes out with a whine.

"We are. We're fishing."

"Dad...I was kind of hoping we could talk."

He finally gives me his full attention. "Is everything alright, Bells?"

"Yeah, Dad. I'm just...just worried about you."

Charlie looks completely baffled. "What are you talking about? It's my job to worry about you, kiddo."

"I'm not eleven. You don't need to worry about me all the time."

"Just because you're grown up doesn't mean I don't worry."

"And just because you're my dad doesn't mean I don't worry about you."

I know I have his full attention now and judging from his expression he doesn't like the idea of me worrying about him.

"With Carlisle and me gone, I just worry about you being lonely."

Charlie's face turns unexpectedly soft. "I miss you everyday, Bella," he tells me, closing me in a crushing hug. "And try not to worry too much. Tanya is taking good care of me."

**~xx~**

**EsmePOV**

"Edward, would you like to come inside with me?" I'm hoping I can take his mind off Bella being gone.

"No. Wait for Bella." His hands are shoved deep in his pockets, his posture hunched as his eyes stay glued on the gravel driveway.

"Bella will be gone for hours, sweetheart. The day will go faster if you we go find something to do and stay busy." I can't tell from his expression if he doesn't understand or if he thinks I'm full of bull...either way he slouches into the house behind me.

After several shoulder shrugs and a few no's, Edward finally opts to help me in the yard. I have a sneaking suspicion it's so he can keep an eye on the driveway, but at least we're doing something.

It's not long after I start Edward on raking leaves that I see Carlisle emerge from the woods. I try my hardest not to watch his smooth gait as he crosses the yard. I fail miserably. Carlisle looks sharp today, the light blue of his sweater enhancing the color of his eyes and the still chilly morning putting a hint of color on his cheeks. His smile brightens under my scrutiny, and I find I can't even be ashamed of myself for openly ogling him - he's simply too handsome for me to take my eyes from.

"Could you use a hand?" Carlisle asks once he reaches us.

"Yes, that would be wonderful." I smile at him.

He sets to work helping Edward bag leaves, showing him how to scoop the largest amount of leaves into the bags.

I take a moment from my bulb planting to watch them work. They are very at ease with each other...natural...effortless.

Carlisle's manner with Edward brings a smile to my face. He definitely has a father's touch. My heart squeezes at the word father. Not the painful twinge of the past, but a hopeful, happy twist.

"So what else do you think we should do today, Edward?"

The boys are helping me return the yard tools to the shed. Extra hands have made this a short job, something that used to take me half a day.

"Cookies."

"Sentence please, Edward." Even though he is making daily progress, he still needs frequent reminders.

After a deep breath he starts again.

"Mom and Edward bake cookies."

I smile brightly to encourage him. Carmen will be tackling the use of I next.

"I think we can arrange some cookies. Would you like to join us, Carlisle."

"I remember your cookies. They're delicious - wouldn't miss them."

Edward hurries around the kitchen as soon as we enter the house, setting out everything I'll need. He makes me laugh. So much a boy in a man's body.

In a few minutes we have our dough mixed and the first batch in the oven. Edward steps to the small television on the counter and flips it on.

"How is that working for him?" Carlisle questions. When I look at him with confused eyes he points to the closed captioning that's on the screen. My eyes shift to Edward and a smile crosses my face watching him. His brow is furrowed and his lips move as he tries to follow along with the words ticking across the screen.

"Carmen just introduced this approach to him this week, and he's doing well so far. I don't think he is recognizing words yet, but he is getting faster at repeating after the dialogue."

"It's an interesting approach...very creative."

"Eleazar felt it would detrimental to Edward's self esteem if they started him on a program intended for children."

Carlisle looks thoughtful for a moment before speaking. "That makes sense; they are trying to awaken what's already there, not teach a new concept. Does Edward get along with them?"

"He does. Carmen is such a free spirited person; she really thinks outside the box when it comes to the best ways to help him. Eleazar is a very kind and gentle soul, and he has a real natural way about him - a lot like you." It's not till the words leave my mouth and Carlisle tinges the slightest bit pink that I realize I just complimented him. I offer him a smile before quickly looking away. I need to engage my brain more when I speak, not that I want to take back what I said...I meant it, but I didn't intend to blurt it out like that.

**~xx~**

It's late when Bella and Charlie make it home. Edward is almost dozing on the couch and despite my suggestion that he go to bed, he continues to stay up.

"Bella come, Edward wait."

When Bella stumbles in the door she looks exhausted and damp.

"Don't ask," is her only explanation for her disheveled appearance.

Edward all but jumps off the couch and tackles Bella as soon as she's in the door.

"I told you I'd be back." Bella's voice is muffled against Edward as he hugs her tightly.

"What did you do today?"

"Cookies," is his reply.

"Ah, so you talked your mom into making cookies."

"I think I managed to hide a few from Edward for you and your dad."

"Charlie went ahead to bed. He's going out early again tomorrow...more fishing."

"We'll miss you."

Bella turns from Edward to face me. "Oh, I'm not going. He made friends with our guide, and he's going to join him and some of his friends tomorrow. I think I'll save cookies for later, I just want to go to sleep."

Bella and Edward head toward the bedrooms. I know she will probably end up staying in his room. It doesn't bother me anymore. I've come to trust Bella, and I know she would never betray that trust.

"I guess I'll turn in now as well."

I can't help but feel disappointed at Carlisle's words.

"Oh...alright."

"Unless you want to talk for a bit longer."

"That would be nice. Did you want to stay in here or sit on the porch?"

"Outside, please." Carlisle's voice sounds a bit tight, I hope everything is okay.

I'm very aware of him as he follows me out into the cool night. Pulling my cardigan tightly around me and leaning on the rail, I look out into the newly raked yard. Carlisle and Edward did a good job.

"Beautiful night." Carlisle's voice startles me as he comes to stand beside me.

"I want to be honest with you, Esme. Getting back into medicine is only part of the reason I moved to Forks."

I watch and listen with baited breath as Carlisle steps even closer to me, only inches away, close enough to feel the heat rolling off his body.

"I...have a strong attraction to you, and I know moving here is pretty presumptuous, but..." I press my fingers to his lips to stop what sounds more like inner monologue rather than words for my ears.

"I'm attracted to you too, Carlisle."

His eyes grow wide at my confession and he seems to be searching for words.

In a bold move that surprises even me I move my hand to his cheek and caress his face.

"It's been a long time since I was in this position, where do we go from here?" Carlisle's voice cracks slightly as my hand moves around the back of his head, gripping firmly.

"One day at a time. Let's just play it by ear." I tell him.

My hand grips tighter on him, pulling him toward me until my lips brush against his.

Carlisle's breath catches and his hands hesitate near my waist, just barely touching the fabric of my sweater.

I pluck at his lower lip with my own, hoping to encourage him. His hands circle my waist, pulling me closer, and now it's my turn to catch my breath.

His lips are soft and warm against mine, giving and taking in turn. The tingles running through me threaten to bring me to my knees. It's been ten years since I kissed a man.

Carlisle's eyes are slightly glazed when he pulls away, reflecting my own overwhelming feelings.

There seems no need for words in this moment, as each of us simply gazes at the other, lost in the awe of the moment.

A shiver passes through my body. I'm not sure if it's from the chilly night air or Carlisle's intense gaze, either way it breaks the moment.

"I should..."

"Ummm, yeah...me too. Goodnight."

He leans back in brushing a soft kiss on my lips before quickly turning and slipping into the night. I stand watching his back as he crosses the yard until the blackness swallows him up.

I feel as if I'm floating on air when I turn back to step into the house only to notice a pair of warm brown eyes watching me from the kitchen window.

I step quietly in the house, wondering what Bella will say. She is standing in the doorway of the kitchen, a smirk on her face and a twinkle in her eye.

Joy bubbles inside me, and I feel like a teenager again, giggling loudly as I wrap Bella in an enormous hug.

She doesn't ask any questions, just returns my hug and whispers, "I'm so happy for you both," before she slips into her bedroom.

As I slip under my covers, I can still feel Carlisle's lips on mine. My mind turns to thoughts of the future and, for the first time in years, not a single nightmare invades my mind.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: For those wondering, neither Carlisle or Esme have dated anyone since the death of their spouses...so this is a big deal for them!**

**Fic Rec: If you haven't read In Your World by solostintwilight, you should! It's wonderful!**


	18. Chapter 18

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you so much to my fabulous beta and friend, way could I do this without you!**

**To all the pimpers, tweeters and other supporters - thank you so much for all your encouragement!**

**~XXXX~  
**

**BPOV**

"Bella, you okay?" Edward's hand reaches for me as I make my hundredth pass in front of him.

I take comfort in his touch, steadying my breathing.

"Yes, I'm just anxious."

I can't even explain to Edward why I'm anxious. I know he'll understand, but I don't want him anymore nervous than I'm sure he already is.

"Please sit down; you 're driving me batty." That's the harshest I've ever heard Esme speak, and I can't say I blame her. We are both on edge today.

"Sorry," I tell her, throwing an apologetic smile over my shoulder.

I perch on the chair next to Edward, bopping my knee to channel my nerves.

After Edward's appointment last week, Carmen spoke with Esme and me, wanting to arrange a longer session...one we attend with him.

It's been two months since Edward started seeing Carmen and Eleazar, and his speech is improving daily. They feel he has come far enough to begin exploring some of his memories. Eleazar warned us not to get our hopes up, everything won't come at once. He told us it's a process, and some things may never come back to him, but he believes Edward is ready to start telling what he can.

"You may go in now." The receptionist's voice breaks the silence of the room.

I jolt up, rubbing my sweaty palms over the legs of my jeans before following Esme into the office.

The interior is more colorful than I expect. I had assumed Eleazar's office would be calm and understated, reflecting his personality. Instead I see Carmen's influence everywhere - from the rich, warm of the burnt orange walls to the worn Mexican rug on the floor.

"Please sit down, Edward, ladies. Would anyone like anything to drink before we start?" Carmen welcomes us graciously into the office.

Esme and I both wave off Carmen's query, and Edward requests a glass of milk and a candy bar, setting us all to laughing, taking the edge off my nerves.

We settle onto the overstuffed couch, Edward in the middle content with his snack.

"How are you today, Edward?" Eleazar asks from his chair over tented fingers.

Edward takes a bite of his candy bar, chewing slowly, chasing it with a swallow of milk before answering. I can see from the look on his face that he is considering Eleazar's question. Edward has come so far in the time he has been working with Carmen, but he still has times where finding the right words evade him.

"I am good."

It took several weeks of constant reminding to get him to use _I_, and there are still times, like today, I can see he struggles using it.

"Could you tell me a little more? Are you happy? Tired? Cold?"

Carmen has mentioned to us that we should try and engage him in more thoughtful answers, not just generic ones.

"I am sleepy...and happy."

Carmen smiles widely from where she observes, a look of almost maternal pride on her face.

She and Edward have worked hard to drill the concept of first person into his head.

"Tell me about your typical day, Edward."

"I like...to help Mom and Bella."

Esme gives him an affectionate pat; Edward is great at running errands around the house.

"What kinds of things do you help with?"

"Take out trash, water plants, get mail."

"Have you always enjoyed helping your mom?"

Edward looks at Eleazar with a confused expression.

"Did you enjoy helping your mom when you were a little boy?"

Edward's eyes shift to Esme's face then off to the distance, I feel like he's trying to take his mind back...trying to remember.

"I...I helped make cookies. I...I..." Edward's face freezes for a split second before his eyes light up and he turns to look at Esme.

"We...we had a dog!"

He looks excitedly back and forth between Esme and me, bouncing in his excitement.

"Bella! Bella! I remember! I...I fed her – Trixie. And...and Mom...we walked her. I helped."

Large tears streak Esme's face, though she is smiling brightly.

"Mom. Mom. Where is Trixie?"

Esme's shining face drops immediately, her gaze falling to the floor. When her eyes rise to meet Edward's, the tears are still present, but this time an entirely different kind. These are tears of sorrow.

"I'm so sorry, honey. She died a few years after...after..." My heart squeezes as Esme's hand comes to her mouth, trembling slightly. Swallowing down a sob, she starts over. "She died a few years after you disappeared."

Edward's face is horrorstruck. I wish I had the words to ease his sorrow, but there are none. I wrap his hand in mine, offering the little comfort I can.

Esme takes Edward's other hand and the three of us sit quietly, Edward breathing deeply, trying to process this loss.

"Are you okay?" I ask him, leaning in so only he can hear me.

He shrugs, eyes cast down and he moves a bit closer into my touch.

Carmen and Eleazar watch this unfold in silence, each with a look of sympathy on their face.

After several minutes where the only sound is Edward's deep breaths and occasional sniffles, Eleazar breaks in. "Are you feeling up to continuing on, Edward?"

"Yes."

"Just let me know if you need a break," Eleazar tells him.

"What other things do you remember from being a little boy?"

I can see the wheels turning in Edward's mind once again, searching for answers.

"I...had a blue room." His eyes are squeezed shut in concentration; he's putting everything in trying to remember.

"There were...trains on the wall." He looks to Esme, brow furrowed in a question.

Esme, however, has no question on her face, she is excited.

"That's right! Your bedroom was blue with a train wallpaper boarder."

"Excellent, Edward. What else can you tell me about the room?"

Edward is starring off in the distance, like he is seeing something else.

"Two windows. I...I could see swings. We had swings. I helped make the swings. I helped...D...Dad."

The room is deathly silent. I think we are all waiting to see what else Edward will say.

After several moments of silence, Eleazar breaks the now awkward quiet.

"Would you like to tell us about your dad?"

Edward raises his gaze from the floor to Esme's face. "Sorry, Mom."

Esme's eyes reflect her confusion. "Edward, honey, what on earth do you have to be sorry for?"

"Dad...I...I couldn't help."

His posture slumps and I hear the telltale sniffles of him tearing up.

Esme brings her hands to his face, forcing him to meet her eyes again.

"What happened to your dad is not your fault. You were a little boy, there's nothing you could have done to save him."

She wraps him in a hug, pressing his head to her shoulder.

I feel a bit unsure of what to say or do, so I just end up rubbing my hand lightly over Edward's back, hoping it brings him a small measure of comfort.

"Edward?" Eleazar's voice startles me; I was so focused on Edward I almost forgot Carmen and Eleazar are sitting here with us.

"Let me know if it's too much, we can stop. There is no need to rush anything."

Edward moves his head from Esme's shoulder, though never taking his eyes off his shoes.

"There was blood. Lots of blood."

I'm surprised by Edward's words, not the content – I saw the crime scene photos – but to hear him speak of it is a bit unexpected.

Esme's face is almost void of color. Carmen comes to stand beside her - giving her arm a gentle pat.

"Do you remember what happened to him?" Eleazar asks quietly.

"She shot him." Edward's voice is so low I can barely hear him and his grip on my hand tightens significantly.

"Do you want to talk anymore about this today?"

"No," is Edward's curt reply.

**~xx~**

"Do you want me to stay?" Edward has been distant all day, and I'm unsure if he wants company.

"Yes."

He hasn't even taken off his shoes from earlier. As soon as we came home, he went straight to his room, didn't eat, didn't watch TV. It was hard for Esme and me to keep our distance, but he seemed like he wanted to be alone. He didn't cry at all, just spent the afternoon sitting on his bed staring out the window.

I approach him slowly, gauging his reaction. He's still gazing out the window, though his eyes have that unfocused look of someone not seeing what they are looking at.

"Is it alright if I sit next to you?"

His nod is barely noticeable. I sink onto the bed next to him, unsure what to say.

Without a word Edward slides down, resting his head in my lap, his eyes fixed blankly on the ceiling. It hurts deeply to see him like this; the last several weeks he's been so lively and talkative. Carmen's work with him is helping so much it's become a lot easier to communicate with him...until today. I can understand why he really doesn't want to talk, I just wish there was something I could do to help.

I brush my fingers through his hair as I watch his face, hoping he will respond to my touch. His eyes close slowly, his head pressing harder into my thighs. At least I can do this for him.

"I miss him."

I'm so surprised to hear Edward speak it takes a minute for me to figure out who he's talking about. I have no idea how to respond, so I say the first thing that pops in my head. "I'm sure he misses you too."

Edward opens his eyes and finally focuses his gaze...right on me.

"Where do you think he is?"

Of all the questions to ask me...I'm not even sure what my own beliefs are.

"I don't know," I whisper, opting for a completely honest answer.

His eyes are thoughtful as they take me in, studying my face to an almost unnerving degree.

"He's in heaven."

Again, he takes me completely by surprise, there's such conviction in his voice.

I realize there's so much I don't know much about how Edward grew up. Until now he hasn't been able to have much of a conversation and asking Esme always seemed a bit intrusive.

"Did you go to church when you were little?"

He looks at me with confused eyes, so I rush to clarify.

"Did you learn about heaven in church or TV or your mom?"

Edward's eyes take on a gleam...a knowing gleam.

"I just know it."

Edward's faith completely intrigues me, and I find myself really wanting to know his reasoning.

"How can you know that?"

"I saw an angel."

My first reaction is to be sad for him; he's clearly confused.

"Where do you think you saw this angel?"

Edward cocks his head slightly, a look of innocence on his face. "In the cave."

Now it's my turn to be confused. "What?" I ask.

"You."

"Wh...what?"

He sits up and takes my hand in his. "Bella is an angel."

Heat floods my face, making me feel a little dizzy.

"No, Edward, I'm not."

He is undeterred, as a matter of fact he almost looks a bit smug, like he knows something that I don't.

"Angels help people. You helped me."

Part of me melts at his sweet words, such an innocent uncomplicated view of the world.

"No, Edward, I'm not."

"Yes. I had dreams that an angel would rescue me, and you came."

His fingers twirl a strand of my hair as he speaks, mesmerizing me.

"Wh...when did you have that dream?" The soft look on his face and his gentle touch are making it difficult for me to think, let alone speak.

"When I was lost."

I can feel the tears stinging my eyes. How can one man be so amazingly sweet? And this is no line. He's not trying to get in my pants; this is how he honestly views me - as his rescuer, his angel.

Despite my conflicting opinion on the existence of heaven and angels, I am touched beyond words. I wrap my arms around Edward's neck and pull him into a tight hug. His hands glide smoothly up my back, holding us together.

I never expected the conversation to take this turn when I walked in tonight, but if there is one thing I've learned about Edward, he is full of surprises.

**~xx~**

"About time you actually answered your phone!"

"Hello to you too, Alice."

"So, you don't answer your phone anymore, or what?"

Ahhh, the Alice inquisition, I've almost missed it...almost.

"Yeah, I answer it. I've been kind of busy here."

"Fine, fine. How's everything going?" she asks.

"Pretty good."

"Really, Bella. I haven't seen you in months, haven't talked to you in weeks and '_pretty_ _good__'_ is what you're going with? I need details, please."

I can't help but chuckle. Same old Alice. I'm glad the distance hasn't changed things between us.

"How are things between you and Edward?"

I debate for a moment about exactly what to say, but it would be really nice to have a little girl talk. Those kinds of talks would just be too weird with Esme.

"Fine. He...umm...thinks I'm an angel."

"Okay. Explain."

Alice is silent while I tell her about Edward's dream and how it relates to me.

"Makes sense to me," she tells me.

"Really?"

"Yeah! I mean, here he has this dream when he's in dire straights, and who knows how long he had been having it, and he was missing for years. Then you come along, rescue him, help him. Seems pretty natural that he would think that."

"I don't know; it seems wrong for me to let him put me on that kind of pedestal."

I'm more then a little startled when Alice lets out a loud laugh.

"You just don't see it do you?"

"See what?" I ask.

"That boy has had you on a pedestal from the moment you entered that cave. He's totally in love with you, Bella."

Even though I'm alone in my bedroom it doesn't stop the blush from crawling across my skin.

"I don't think he knows what that means, Alice."

"Maybe not, but that doesn't change that he feels it. He'll get there."

"How is Jasper?" I ask, eager to change the subject.

"Busy! I feel like I hardly see him. I'm really not liking his new major. He's loaded down with case studies."

"Is he enjoying his classes?"

"Are you kidding me? He absolutely loves them. It's the only thing that makes it worth it. So what day are you getting here?"

"What are talking about?"

"Don't be weird, Bella. When are you coming for Thanksgiving?" she asks.

"Umm, I'm not."

"Are you freaking serious? What about Charlie?"

"He's coming here, actually."

"Wow, he must really like it there. It hasn't been that long since his last visit."

"You can say that again. He likes it enough he's moving here."

"No fucking way!" Alice doesn't curse often, but when she does she goes all out.

"Yeah, I pretty much thought the same thing, but he said he fell in love with the area."

"Is he retiring? I thought Charlie loved being a cop," she asks.

"Oh, he does. The police chief here is retiring and Charlie is replacing him."

"Wait, isn't the Chief of Police an elected position?" Alice asks, and I'm actually a little impressed she knows that. Alice isn't known for paying attention to anything even remotely resembling politics.

"Yes, it is, but Charlie made friends with the current Chief of Police when he was here before - I guess they bonded over fishing. Chief Clearwater backed him and he won the election hands down."

"Crazy. So when is he moving?"

"Supposed to be here next week. Found a house here and everything."

"So what's the deal with him and Tanya? Is she moving out with him?"

"Not yet, but I think it's coming. She's coming out with him to get him settled."

"Wow, that's going to be pretty weird for you, huh?" she asks.

"It is. I'm still not used to him being with someone, but he says he's happy, so what can I do except be happy for him."

"How are you liking the bed-and-breakfast business? Is Esme easy to work for?" Alice questions.

"Its very feast or famine around here - we're either really busy or it's completely dead. We only have one guest over Thanksgiving and he said he won't be joining us for dinner."

"That's cool. What are you all doing to stay busy on your downtime? Doesn't sound like Forks is the most happening place on the planet."

I can't help but laugh at Alice's assessment of Forks.

"No, it's definitely not. Edward and I like to walk in the woods and of course we talk. It's a lot easier now that he's speaking more. And Esme has been spending a lot of time with Carlisle."

"Oh yeah? What's up with that?"

"Umm...they're dating."

"You totally suck. You know that, right?"

"What?" I ask her, knowing full well why she thinks that, but it's fun to goad her.

"Why didn't you tell me? This is huge!"

"Guess I just didn't think about it."

"_How?_ I want details! Are they serious? Are they sleeping together yet?"

"Oh my God! You did not just ask me that, did you? I have no idea the extent of their relationship, nor do I want to. They go on dates, I've witnessed one kiss, and of anything else, I'm blissfully ignorant."

"You are such a stick in the mud, Bella."

After a few more tidbits of gossip and promises from me to call more often. I end our phone call.

**~xx~**

"It's very...quaint, Charlie. Are you sure this is exactly what you want?" The note of distaste in Tanya's voice is unmistakable.

My dad asked Tanya and I to come on the walk through of his house before he signs the paper work to buy it.

"Yeah, this is perfect. Close to work. Close to the fishing. Got an extra room for visitors. Has everything I need in a house. What do you think, Bella?"

I look all around me, assessing my surroundings. "I think it suits you, Dad."

I can tell from Tanya's face she is disappointed. I wonder how this will affect things with them.

**~xx~**

After my dad signs all the housing papers, he treats us to lunch at The Forks Lodge. It's a simple place with good food, and I have a feeling Charlie is going to be a regular here.

"So, how long will you be in town, Tanya?" I ask, trying to make conversation.

"Just five days, but I wanted to see Charlie's place and at least get a start on the settling in. I wish I could stay longer."

With those words, she turns to Charlie and takes his hand and the two of them gaze at each other, lost in their own world.

I poke at the mound of potatoes on my plate, feeling completely awkward. Luckily it's only a few moments before they notice they're ignoring me, and they refocus their attention, though each of them has a look in their eyes I don't even want to think about. Some things are better left unknown.

**~xx~**

"Thanks for dinner, Dad. I'll see you on Thursday."

"Are you sure there is nothing Tanya and I can bring?"

"Don't worry about it, Esme and I have everything under control."

"Okay, but if you change your mind, let us know."

"I will. Love you, Dad."

"Love you too, Bells."

I watch my dad drive back down the gravel driveway till the last cloud of dust disappears. It will be nice having him here.

The house is silent when I walk in, and I wonder if Esme and Edward are already asleep.

When I walk into the kitchen I find the answer to my question. Edward is leaning on the counter whispering along with the closed captioning. He has gotten a lot faster at following along since he started this method and the rapid increase in his vocabulary is amazing.

"Bella!"

I will never get tired of seeing how happy he is every time he sees me. It never fails to make me smile.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"Practicing."

"You're getting really good. I'm very proud of you."

His answering smile is nothing short of heart melting, leaving me scrambling to pick up the pieces of my brain.

"Where's your mom?" I ask. Esme is usually in the kitchen.

"Coffee with Carlisle."

"You ready to go to sleep?"

Edward turns off the television, smiling and nodding.

He heads to his room to change, and I head to my own. I'm in the middle of brushing out my hair when Edward steps into my room. I think he's only been in here once or twice. He hesitates right inside the door, like he's unsure where he should be.

"You can sit down. I just want to finish brushing my hair."

He sits silently on my bed, watching my every move.

I'm surprised when I feel his hand stroke down the length of my hair while I'm setting down my brush. I didn't even hear him come up behind me. He sinks his fingers deep into my hair, running them down its length, and I can't help the low moan that escapes me.

"You have pretty hair."

His words couldn't be more simple, but they heat me to the core. His fingers continue to comb through my hair, all the way from my scalp to the ends just past my shoulder.

Just when I feel I'm on the verge of falling asleep, Edward's voice breaks into my relaxed haze.

"Bella? Can I sleep here?"

I turn to look at him, and he's wearing his trademark grin, making it difficult to concentrate on what he just asked me. Lately I haven't been falling asleep in his room. I still sit with him for a few minutes every night, more out of habit than necessity. I'm curious if something is bothering him.

"Are you okay? Have you been having nightmares?"

"No." His fingers go back to my hair, twirling some strands near my face. "I miss you."

"What do you mean? I'm right here."

He moves a little closer, leaning over until his face brushes against my hair.

"I miss your smell."

I can feel his nose skim along the top of my head and I hear the intake of his breath.

"Makes me feel..."

Even with his amazing progress he still struggles to find the right word at times.

"Safe. I...I feel safe when I sleep by you. When I can smell you."

Does he have any concept of how sweet he is?

"Of course you can sleep here," I tell him softly.

Edward nudges me gently toward the bed, keeping his body close to mine.

My throat feels dry and my stomach quivery. I have to keep chanting in my mind that he doesn't understand how his actions are affecting me.

Once we are snuggled under the blankets, Edward scoots close to me, spooning himself around me. A contented sigh leaves him as his arms close around me and it's only a few moments before his slow, even breaths signal he has fallen asleep.

My eyes are heavy and I give into the weight, allowing my eyes to close, warmed by the heat of Edward's body and his sweet, endearing ways.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: I know I skipped some time in this one, but I think you would all be bored out of your minds in I detailed everyday! Thank you all so much for reading!**


	19. Chapter 19

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you to my fabulous beta and friend, Justine for always being there with a willing hand and an open ear! Love you! Thank you all so much for your lovely reviews, I read every single one and I will respond...I'm just running a bit slow lately.**

**Happy Breaking Dawn release to you all! Hope everyone is meeting up with other Twi lovers and having a wonderful time!**

**~XXXX~**

**EPOV**

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

The rain is loud. I can't sleep.

Bella is still sleeping. She is warm. Makes me feel warm. Warm on the inside. Makes me feel tingly and dizzy. Makes me want to snuggle closer to her.

I sleep with Bella every night now. I feel like this every morning.

Taking a shower helps. Helps me feel calm.

I don't want to wake her.

She is so pretty in her sleep.

My chest is achy when I look at her.

I will get up and let her sleep.

**~xx~**

"Morning, Mom."

"Edward! You're up bright and early. Couldn't you sleep?"

The kitchen always smells good, like pancakes today. I like pancakes, and syrup…and bacon.

"Would you like some hot chocolate, sweetheart?"

"Yes, please."

Mom gives me a big, red mug of hot chocolate. Bella made me coffee one time - yucky! I spit it back in the cup; Bella laughed.

"Are you going shopping?"

Mom stops flipping pancakes.

"Yes. I still have several things I need to get. I think I'll head down to Port Angeles, they have a larger selection there."

"Can I come?"

Mom looks at me funny.

"Umm, I guess so, dear. We can go as soon as Bella is ready."

"Can we go alone? Just you and me?"

Mom drops her flipper. She picks it up fast and brushes back her hair.

"Of...course, dear. I'll leave a note for Bella. We can leave after you finish eating."

I eat breakfast quickly. Mom keeps watching me from the corner of her eye.

**~xx~**

"I've got a few more small gifts to pick up, then how about we grab some lunch and we'll pick up the ham on the way home."

"I like turkey."

Mom smiles at me.

"I know, but we just had turkey for Thanksgiving."

I like Thanksgiving—lots to eat.

"Is there something on your mind?" Mom asks.

"Bella will be worried."

Mom pats my knee

"I think she knows you are perfectly fine. Maybe you're worried about her."

I feel nervous. I don't like being away from Bella.

"Is there anything else you want to do while we're in town? See a movie? Anything?" Mom looks at me quickly then back to the road.

Mom drives slow. I like going fast. I like driving with Carlisle. He drives fast.

"I want to shop."

Mom looks at me again. She is confused.

"I need a gift."

"Okay?"

She is still confused.

Deep breath.

Remember what Carmen said, _Explain __what__ you__ mean,__we__ can__'__t__ see__ inside__ your__ head_.

"For Bella. I need a gift for Bella."

Mom smiles. She understands now.

"Any idea what you want to get?"

I feel upset now. I didn't think about what to get. I just want to get something.

"I don't know. What do you think I should get?"

"Well, Bella enjoys reading. You could get her a book."

"No. That's not special. I want something special."

"Okay. I need to go to the mall, anyway. I'm sure we can find something special there."

**~xx~**

I do not like the mall. There are lots of people. People that bump. People that stare.

Mom wants to look at the book store. She is getting Bella a book.

I like the smell of the books and the smooth pages.

I got a book for Carlisle; Bella helped me pick it. She called it a journal, and she helped me pick a fancy pen to go with it.

Mom goes to a candle store next. Too many smells. This store hurts my head.

"Do you see anything you like, Edward?" Mom asks.

She picked out two candles. They smell like apples. I like apples.

"Not a candle. That's not special."

"Okay, let's try somewhere else."

Mom pays and we go.

We go in a clock shop next. I like this shop.

I like the clocks with the little birds.

A clock is not right for Bella.

"You are starting to look frustrated, dear. Let's take a lunch break."

I follow Mom to the eating area; she calls it a "food court." While she gets our food, I watch all the people around me.

Everyone has bags, lots of bags. People are smiling and laughing and talking loudly.

Everyone seems excited. I don't understand.

Mom and Bella are excited, too.

They have been baking lots of cookies. Makes the house smell yummy.

Mom told me I can't eat them all, but I sneak some when she isn't looking.

Bella told me it is almost Christmas and that you buy gifts for people you care about.

Bella has helped me buy gifts for Mom, Carlisle, Carmen, Eleazar, Charlie, and even Tanya, but we did not give them. Bella wrapped them in shiny paper and hid them in her closet. Christmas is confusing.

Mom brings hamburgers and fries, and that makes me happy. I really like hamburgers.

"Why do we buy gifts?"

Mom looks up from her food; her eyes are big.

"It's a way to show people we care about them"

"You can tell them."

Mom smiles.

"Yes, that is always a good thing. Some feelings are hard to put into words, so we give gifts as a way to better express what we feel inside."

I think I know what she is talking about. I don't have a word for the achy feeling in my heart when I look at Bella.

"A gift can do that?"

"Sometimes," Mom tells me.

**~xx~**

"I like these!"

Mom comes to look where I am pointing.

"They're Willow Tree Angels. Each one means something different."

"Where is the face?" I ask.

"The artist didn't give them a face. She wants their body and gestures to express their feelings."

"How do I know which one to get?"

"I'll read you the names and you can pick the one you think fits best."

"Okay."

Mom picks up an angel of a girl holding a puppy.

"This is the angel of friendship."

"No. Not that one."

Mom picks up another one. This one is holding a teapot.

"This one is angel of the kitchen."

I shake my head.

I look at the shelves and notice an angel way in back alone. It looks like it's watching all the others.

I pick it up slowly, careful not to drop it.

"What about this one?" I ask, handing it to mom.

She takes it from me and looks at the name on the little card attached to it.

"Angel of caring - always there, listening with a willing ear and an open heart."

"I want this one. This is Bella."

**~xx~**

I like the lights. I could sit and look at the lights on the tree all day.

"What are you thinking about in here all by yourself?"

Bella steps up behind the couch and rests her chin on my shoulder.

"I like looking at the lights, and the or...ornaments. I like the red balls. They seem happy."

Bella walks around the couch and sits down beside me.

"I like how you see things. Never complicated, just as is. It's nice."

I'm not sure what she means, but she looks happy, so I'm happy.

**~xx~**

I do not like this shirt. It's itchy and tight. Mom said I need to dress up and Bella agreed. There are too many people in the house. Mom called it an open house. She said it was something we always did for Christmas Eve when I was a kid.

I like it better when it's just Mom, Bella, and me and sometimes Carlisle.

Carmen and Eleazar are here. They don't bother me, I like them. They are calm.

Charlie is here, too. He makes me nervous. He keeps watching me. I don't like it. When Tanya is here he watches her. She won't be here until tomorrow.

Mom has invited other people, too. People I don't know. Some of them talk to me. I don't know what to say after hello. Some of them don't talk, just stare. I don't like that either. I wish I could hide behind Bella.

Sam from the hospital is here, too. I don't like him. He watches Bella too much.

Bella looks like a movie star tonight. She's wearing red, and it's the first time I have seen her in a dress. She should wear more dresses. Her hair is curled and it bounces when she walks. I want to touch her hair. See if it feels different when it bounces.

Bella looks more than pretty tonight. Looking at her makes me ache all over, from my chest to my stomach and lower. I feel wound up. I don't understand why.

I will be glad when everyone is gone.

**~xx~**

"Merry Christmas, Edward."

Hard to open my eyes. I still feel tired.

The light is bright when I open my eyes. I don't like it.

There is no light through the window, it's still dark.

I don't want to wake up. Christmas can wait.

Bella bounces onto the bed when I pull the blankets over my face.

"Hey, you. No hiding. Time to get up."

"No. I don't want to."

Bella pulls back the covers.

"Get up, sleepy head."

Bella looks really happy. Her eyes are sparkly and her cheeks are red.

"Okay, okay."

Bella bounces off the bed and I push back the blankets. She hands me a long sleeved shirt to go over my t-shirt and kicks my slippers to me. She's pushy today.

I can hear voices in the living room. Why is everyone up so early?

The Christmas tree lights are the only lights on in the living room. Mom and Carlisle are sitting in front of the tree, a huge box in front of them.

Mom jumps up when I come in. "Merry Christmas, Edward."

Mom hugs me tight.

"Merry Christmas, Mom."

Mom grabs my hand and leads me to the large box.

"This is for you, from Carlisle and me."

I don't know where to start.

Bella sits on the floor next to my gift and pulls me down next to her.

Mom sits by Carlisle.

"Start with the bow," Bella whispers in my ear.

She always knows when I need help.

The bow comes off easy. I grab an edge of the paper and pull.

There is some sort of box under the paper.

In the box is a...a..."A puppy!"

It is asleep until I pick him up.

"It's a boy. What do you think?" Mom asks.

"He is mine? I get to keep him?"

"Of course." Mom tells me.

He is soft and warm when I hug him, and very wiggly.

It tickles when he licks my face and neck.

Bella is giggling.

"What are you going to call him?" she asks.

"Max."

"Max is a good name," Carlisle tells me.

Mom taps my shoulder and hands me two red socks.

"One is for you, one is for Max."

I look from her to the socks. I remember.

I remember Christmas.

I remember helping Dad put lights on the tree.

I remember helping Mom cut out cookies.

It's like a movie in my head.

I remember.

"Stockings. These are stockings. I remember."

Mom's eyes are shiny, like she going to cry, but she is smiling.

She leaves the stockings in my lap and sits by Carlisle.

Max wiggles free and goes to Bella.

He licks her face, too.

He likes Bella.

Smart dog.

I pick up the stocking and peek inside then look at Mom.

"These are from you. There is no Santa. I saw you and dad when I was eight. You put together my bike."

Mom looks surprised. "You never said a word. You acted surprised - why didn't you say anything?"

"You looked happy. I didn't want to ruin your day."

Mom brushes at her eyes and sniffles a few times then gets up quickly and grabs three more stockings. She hands one to Bella, one to Carlisle and keeps one.

In the small stocking is a bone, and a toy.

Max jumps off Bella and grabs the bone. He lies down under the tree and starts chewing.

Inside mine is a pair of gloves and lots and lots of chocolate.

Bella has a pair of blue earrings in hers, Mom a new apron, and Carlisle has gloves too.

"Who wants to open theirs first?" Mom looks back and forth from Bella to me.

"Edward should go first," Bella tells mom and she pushes a present into my hands.

This time I know right where to start. First the bow, then the paper.

Inside the paper is a wooden box. It fits in both my hands. My named is carved on to the lid.

"It's for you to keep things that are special to you or that you want to save. I hope you like it."

It's from Bella - I like it.

"Thank you, Bella." Hug her tight.

Carlisle hands me a gift. Inside is a blue leash and collar for Max.

"Thank you, Carlisle."

He shakes my hand and pats my back.

Mom hands me a gift in shiny silver paper.

There is a book inside the paper. I open the book and see pictures...pictures of me.

"I thought this might help you remember," Mom tells me. Her voice is quiet and wiggly.

I get up and walk to mom and hug her. "Thank you."

She holds me tight.

"I'm so happy to have you back, Edward."

I don't know the right thing to say, so I don't say anything and hug Mom tighter.

I let her go and return to Bella.

"My turn," I tell everyone.

Bella hands me the gifts for mom and Carlisle.

"This is from Bella and me," I tell Carlisle.

He opens it slow and smiles when he sees the journal and pen.

He thanks us both. I'm happy he likes them.

Mom opens her gift and gasps when she sees it.

"Edward...how? How did you know?"

"Carlisle told me."

Mom had told Carlisle she asked my dad for years for a cameo and hadn't gotten one. When Bella took me shopping she called Carlisle for ideas, and he told her about the cameo.

"Do you like them?" I ask.

"Oh, Edward they are beautiful."

Mom puts her earrings on and comes over to kiss me on the cheek.

I hand Bella her gift last.

She turns pink when she opens her gift.

"Edward, this is beautiful."

Bella picks up the angel and holds it up. She reads the card that tells the meaning. Her face gets pinker.

"Thank you, Edward."

Bella hugs me and kisses my cheek. I like Bella's kisses better than Mom's. Bella's kisses make me feel warm.

**~xx~**

I like Christmas dinner even better than Thanksgiving dinner. My favorite is the potato with cheese, mom calls it twice baked.

Charlie and Tanya come for dinner. Charlie doesn't scare me today, he is busy with Tanya. They whisper and laugh a lot. Carlisle smiles at Mom often.

Bella doesn't look at anyone but me.

**~xx~**

"Have a wonderful time." Bella hugs Mom.

"I feel bad leaving you two alone on New Year's." Mom is fancy; she is wearing a purple dress.

"Go. Have a wonderful time," Bella tells mom.

Mom kisses me and hugs Bella again.

She gets in Carlisle's car and they drive away.

I'm confused.

"What's a date?" I heard Mom tell Bella this is a date.

Bella stops walking inside and looks at me. She looks surprised.

"Umm, well, it's something people do when they like each other."

Bella keeps walking inside. I follow her.

"Can we go on a date?"

Bella turns around fast.

"What?"

"I like you. We can go on a date."

Bella looks down. "It's a little more complicated than that."

"Why?"

"Let's talk about this later, okay? Are you hungry?"

Bella walks away quickly into the kitchen.

I am hungry, and I still don't understand.

**~xx~**

"Why are there so many people?"

"To celebrate New Year's. It's a tradition; they do this every year in New York City, just like the parade at Thanksgiving."

I nod. Bella and I watched a parade on TV; I liked the balloons.

"Why do they keep showing a ball?"

"It counts down the time to midnight," Bella tells me.

I don't understand, but I'm happy to be sitting on the couch watching TV with Bella.

"Ten…nine…eight…" All the people are watching the ball. Bella scoots closer to me.

"Seven…six…five…" Bella's hand moves up my arm.

"Four…three…two…" Her hand is on my face. I stop watching the TV and look at Bella.

"One! Happy New Year!"

Bella kisses me on the mouth. I like it.

She moves away. I hold onto her waist. I want her to stay.

I kiss her on the mouth.

I like her soft lips.

I kiss her again.

She moves her hands to my neck. Her lips press harder.

I feel warm all over.

I hold Bella tighter.

Her hands move down my chest.

I like her hands on me.

Bella moves away again.

She is breathing hard. So am I.

She leans her head on my chest. "Happy New Year, Edward."

"Happy New Year, Bella."

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you all so much for reading and Happy Thanksgiving!**


	20. Chapter 20

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Huge thank you and a million kisses to my awesome beta, Justine, who got this beta-ed for me so quickly despite her own RL drama! You are the best, babe! Love you!**

**To my dear readers - thank you so much for your abundant patience with me! It has been a heck of a month for me, I won't bore you with details, but real life decided to totally take a crap on me recently and kept me from my beloved writing. Things are calming down now and I assure you that your lovely reviews and messages have kept me going - I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate each and every one! You are all amazing! I hug you all!**

***P.S. - You may want a tissue for this one.**

**~XXXX~**

**BPOV**

"Are you serious, Alice? This isn't a joke?" I ask, unable to hide the disbelief and excitement in my voice.

"No joke; Jasper and I are moving to Washington."

I'm so shocked I can barely think what to say next.

"How? Why? Are you going to be here in Forks?"

"Slow down there, Lois Lane. One question at a time."

I have missed Alice-isms, and I'm ecstatic at the prospect of having her here.

"Okay, don't be mad, but Jasper is completely fascinated by Edward. He would like to know him better."

"Alright," I tell her.

"Don't worry; he doesn't want to study him like a lab rat. He's interested in how Edward sees the world. I think he would like to be Edward's friend."

"Jasper was really awesome with him. Are you going to live close?" I ask.

"You can't be serious, Bella. I can't live in Forks, there's nothing there. Besides, it's too far from the university. Forks to Seattle would be a heck of a commute," Alice states.

"I'll just be happy to see you anytime you feel like visiting," I tell her, trying to keep the sappy tone from my voice.

"You can come to the city too," Alice informs me.

"I assume you aren't living in the dorms."

"Absolutely not! Dorms are gross. I did some high level begging and Daddy caved and rented us an apartment near the campus."

Satisfaction rings clear in Alice's voice. Alice has always had both of her parents wrapped around her little finger.

"You are such a brat, Alice."

"I know, but you love me anyway."

Alice never fails to make me laugh; she is utterly ridiculous.

"You never answered me. Please say you'll come visit."

"I promise I will come up and see your place sometime."

There is a beat of silence before Alice speaks again, her voice holding a note of concern.

"How are things going with you and Edward?"

"Oh, about the same, I guess," I say with a sigh.

"You don't sound convinced. Spill."

Alice knows me too well, and she can tell there is more then I have let on.

"I kissed him on New Years," I confess.

"So, you kissed him...big deal. You've kissed him before."

"It was different this time, Alice. Last time he didn't respond, but this time...he pulled me to him and kissed me back."

"Oh!"

"Yeah. Any advice?" I ask.

"Sorry, not really. This isn't my area of expertise. Why don't you talk to Eleazar - surely he'll have something for you."

"Yeah, I guess I could. I didn't even think to ask him." I pause for a second, thinking. "Hey, you never said how soon you will be here."

"Next week."

"Wow! That's quick!"

"We've had this in the works for a bit," Alice says.

"And you just forgot to tell me until now?"

"I didn't want to tell you till everything was definite. Believe me – it was killing me not to spill the beans."

Alice and I both break into laughter. I know how hard it must have been for her to keep that secret.

**~xx~**

"Okay, Edward. Have a good day and we'll see you next week." Carmen waves to Edward as he steps from her office and to my side.

With nerves in my stomach I rise from the couch, approaching Carmen before she closes the door.

"Bella, is there something you need?" Carmen asks when she notices my hesitation.

Taking a deep breath to steady my nerves, I ask my question. "Would it be alright if I speak privately with Eleazar?" Carmen appears a bit surprised, so I rush to explain myself, fearing she'll say no. "It's about Edward."

Carmen casts a quick glance over my shoulder, concern in her eyes.

"Of course, dear, please come in." She steps aside, allowing me to walk past her.

"Bella." Eleazar seems genuinely surprised to see, increasing my nerves.

"Umm, would it be alright if I spoke with you for a few minutes? I...I have some questions about Edward," I manage to ask, swallowing down the butterflies beating in my stomach.

"Of course. Please come in and make yourself comfortable." Eleazar motions me to the couch across from his desk.

Sitting down offers little relief for my nerves and I find myself manically tracing the pattern on the fabric.

"Bella," Eleazar comes from around his desk, taking a chair closer to where I sit, "you can tell me anything. Whatever you say stays in this office, I assure you. I will start off telling you, I can't talk with you about anything Edward has talked about in here - those are his choices to make, not mine."

"Of course. I just...just have some questions, or really, maybe more of your opinion on Edward's abilities."

Eleazar's expression is neutral, betraying none of his thoughts. "Start whenever you're ready."

Taking a deep breath, I decide to just dive in. Hemming and hawing won't make this an easier conversation.

"I'm wondering…what is Edward capable of emotionally?"

Eleazar leans forward as he speaks to me. "You're going to have to give me a little more than that. What context are you speaking of?"

The blood feels like it will burst through my head as it rushes upward, heating my face.

"I...umm...is...is Edward capable of adult emotions?"

"Are you speaking of things he desires? Love? Lust?"

"Yes." My voice barely squeaks out of my constricting throat. I haven't felt so embarrassed since Charlie gave me the birds and bees talk.

An almost paternal look of understanding crosses Eleazar's face, bringing me a wave of relief - no more explaining myself.

"First let me ask you what your feelings are concerning Edward?"

Talk about a loaded question. I'm not sure I can put the things I feel for Edward into words.

"I care deeply for him."

To my surprise, I see a smirk cross Eleazar's face.

"May I be very candid with you?"

I nod, not knowing what to expect.

"It is fairly obvious there is a connection between you and Edward—anyone would be able to see that. If I'm not mistaken, your feelings for Edward go far deeper than just care. I would venture to say that you love him, possibly that you're _in_ love with him. Is that a fair assessment?"

I feel the color in my face deepen; there is no sense in denying my feelings any longer. I know I love Edward.

"Yes. I...I do."

"Seems like that was difficult for you to admit. Why is that?" Eleazar asks.

"I'm worried," I admit. "Worried Edward won't be able to love me like I love him. I suppose it's been easier to deny it than deal with it."

"And why do you think that is?"

"To keep from being hurt," I admit.

"You think Edward could hurt you?"

"Not intentionally, but if I thought he could never return my feelings, it would be pretty devastating."

"You spend all day with him everyday, what do you think he is capable of?"

I'm starting to feel a bit annoyed, I was hoping for more answers than questions.

"I don't really know, that's kind of why I'm here...I was hoping you could tell me."

Eleazar leans forward, his elbows on his knees. "In my opinion, I think Edward does love you, in his own way. How deep that feeling goes and how effectively he can express that, I'm honestly not certain. If you're being honest with yourself, I think you already know Edward will never quite be like everyone else, and that's okay. Don't compare your interactions with him to what they would be with other people his age; otherwise you are setting yourself up for disappointment."

"And what about his mental maturity and the way I interact with him...I'm not sure what to do."

"You mean about being sexually attracted to him?"

This conversation is taking a mortifying turn.

"Yes," I manage to whisper.

"Given time and more opportunity to interact with people his age, I see no reason why Edward wouldn't respond with you on a sexual level."

I can't help the smile that crosses my face, my heart feels so light. I know it won't happen tomorrow, but just the hope that I could have a real relationship with Edward has me feeling almost giddy.

"Edward could really benefit from that...friends his own age, particularly male friends. It would be a good thing for him if perhaps you could help him with that."

Alice and Jasper immediately come to mind. Their move here couldn't be more perfect, especially with Jasper's interest in Edward...almost serendipitous.

**~xx~**

**EPOV**

There are too many people here. I don't like it.

Mom says it's a welcome party for Bella's friends.

I remember her friends Jasper and Alice - I like them. Alice smiles and giggles with Bella a lot. Jasper is easy to be around. He is quiet - I like quiet.

There are other friends of Bella's here, ones I haven't met before.

They surprised Bella, but she laughed and hugged them. I guess it was a good surprise. Rosalie and Emmett scare me. Rosalie stands very close and looks right at me when she talks. I don't like it - it makes my stomach bouncy. Emmett is very loud. Bella says he's a joker - I don't know what that means. I just try and stay away from him.

Charlie is here, too, but not Tanya. He is watching me a lot. I wish he would talk with Carlisle, but he just watches.

I'm dressed up again. I don't like shirts with buttons. They're too tight and itchy. And I don't like shiny shoes. I don't really like any shoes, but the shiny ones are the worst.

Mom has made a big lunch. I like that part. Everyone looks at me less.

Bella is different with her friends; she doesn't stand as close or hold my hand. I don't understand. Is she mad at me? She doesn't look mad. She smiles when she looks at me. I want the quiet with just us, that is my favorite.

Everybody is talking so loud no one hears the knock except me and Max. He runs toward the door howling and barking. Now everyone hears. Mom looks surprised and says, "Excuse me," before leaving the table.

Carlisle is the only one who follows Mom with his eyes when she leaves. Everyone else goes back to eating.

Something is different with Mom and Carlisle. I'm not sure what it is - they have been happier around each other since their date. Something else I don't understand…

"I want you to leave now!" Mom's voice is loud. It stops everyone talking.

"Absolutely not! You aren't welcome here."

Carlisle and Charlie leave the table. Carlisle looks upset, Charlie looks mad. I will go, too.

Bella's hand is pulling mine as soon as I stand. Her eyes have questions.

"Max," I tell her before going for my dog. He is really barking loud.

"I just want to ask him a few questions."

I don't know this voice.

I peek around the corner. There is a man standing outside the door talking to my mom. Carlisle has his arm around Mom's shoulder. Charlie is standing behind them; his arms are crossed in front of him.

"I'm the police chief here in Forks, and Mrs. Masen asked you to leave."

The man isn't looking at Charlie, he looks right past him - right at me.

"Edward! Edward! How do you feel about the prospect of Chelsea Afton getting a new trial?"

Charlie steps out the door and blocks the man.

I don't see anything anymore.

I don't hear anything anymore.

_Chelsea,__Chelsea,__Chelsea_ repeats in my mind.

I remember.

I remember everything.

I can see it all.

Mom, Max, the entire house melts away.

I see that day.

_The sun in my eye, through the car window._

_A woman pulled over on the side of the road._

_Dad stops to offer her a ride._

_The sun glints off the gun as soon as she climbs in the car._

_"Hello, Eddie. I've missed you."_

_Her voice is like needles piercing my spine - I don't like her._

_"Chelsea? What on earth are you doing?"_

_"I've come for you, my love. You don't think I would let your marriage to that whore keep us apart do you?"_

_She looks at me._

_Her eyes are like a nightmare._

_She touches my face, and I want to scream._

_I want my mom._

_"Look at you, beautiful boy, just like your father. I'm going to be your new mommy."_

_No._

_I look at dad, he is really mad._

_"Leave my son out of this. What do you want?"_

_She looks back at Dad._

_I try to wipe the feel of her skin off my face._

_She reaches for Dad, touching his leg._

_"I want what should always have been mine. I've prepared everything for us – the three of us. You will love our house, it's perfect, everything we ever wanted. Little Edward has his own room, and I've filled it with toys for him."_

_Dad brushes her hand off him._

_She raises the gun and points it at him._

_"You will let me touch you, Eddie."_

_Dad drops her hand. She keeps touching him._

_"This is insane, Chelsea. We haven't been together for thirteen years."_

_"Dad? I'm scared. I want to go home."_

_She looks at me again. This time she smiles. It doesn't help, I'm still scared._

_"Oh, dear boy, you don't need to be scared of Mommy."_

_"You aren't my mom."_

_She smacks me hard across the cheek._

_Dad grabs her arm._

_"You don't touch my son."_

_"He left me no choice, Eddie. I can't have him being disrespectful to his mother."_

_Dad is yelling now. "Enough of this farce, Chelsea! Get out of my car now!_

_"This is no farce, Eddie. You are both coming with me."_

_She raises the gun again - this time at me._

_Dad looks scared._

_"Please don't point that at Edward. Put it down and I'll do what you want."_

_She is looking at dad, but the gun is still pointed at me._

_"Prove it. Let me touch you."_

_Dad nods._

_"Close your eyes, Edward."_

_Dad is upset. His eyes have tears._

_I close my eyes._

_"Oh, Eddie. You feel as good as I remember."_

_"I'm proving it, aren't I. Put the gun down now, please."_

_"Perhaps...I need more convincing."_

_I hear shuffling. I peek through my eyelashes._

_She still has the gun, but it's not pointing right at me._

_She isn't looking at me; she is climbing on dad's lap._

_I move to the floor and crouch between the seats, maybe she won't see me._

_"Stop it, Chelsea. I can't do this. I love my wife."_

_"Forget__ her.__ I'm__ your __wife__ now,__you __will __love_ me_."_

_"No, I won't"_

_The gun is loud when it goes off. It hurts my ears._

_"Run, Edward! Run!"_

_I move so I can see better._

_Dad is trying to get the gun from Chelsea. They are both yelling. Dad has blood soaking through one of his sleeves and running down his arm._

_I can't look at anything but the blood. It's dripping off Dad's fingers and making a spot on the carpet._

_"Edward!"_

_I look up at my dad. His eyes are red and his face is white._

_"Run! Run until you can't run anymore. I love you, son."_

_I fall as soon as I get the door open. I can feel the blood run down my leg, but I run just like dad told me._

_I can't see._

_The sun is too bright and I have too many tears._

_My legs hurt._

_My lungs hurt._

_I keep running._

_It's almost dark._

_I need to hide._

_There are rocks in front of me, I can hide there._

_The rocks cut my hands and knees when I climb, but I don't stop._

_I find a hole in the rocks, a cave maybe. That would be a good hiding place._

_I have a flashlight in my pocket._

_The cave isn't big, but I don't care I'm so tired._

_I curl up against the wall and cry._

_Everything hurts...my legs, my feet, my chest._

_My throat is dry and I'm hungry._

_I miss my mom - I want her._

_I know my dad must be dead otherwise he would follow me, wouldn't he?_

_Maybe tomorrow._

_I cry till my eyes burn and I have the hiccups._

_My flashlight flickers, the batteries are dying._

_I watch the flickers till they stop and the blackness swallows me._

**~xx~**

**BPOV**

I can't believe everyone kept me in the dark about Rose and Emmett. What is everyone's deal with surprising me lately? Apparently it's the new sport of choice.

I really am lucky to have such awesome friends. Who has friends like this – that move on a whim so we can all be together? They are all nuts, and I love them for it!

All of them seem genuinely surprised by Edward, but then the last time Alice and Jasper saw him he really didn't speak, and Emmett and Rose haven't met him at all.

I feel a little bad making Edward go through all this. I know how uncomfortable he is around this many people, especially ones he doesn't know, and Emmett and Rose aren't exactly the most subtle of people.

I can tell he wants to hold my hand, but I feel a little weird showing him affection in front of my friends. I know Alice and Jasper get our unique situation, but Rose and Emmett aren't as much in the loop. The last thing I need is Emmett making some crude joke – his regular jokes are bad enough. And there's Charlie, he has been eyeballing Edward since he got here. I wish he would cut it out, I know it makes Edward nervous. You would think he would be used to Edward by now, but I think he still views him as not good enough for his girl. Kinda makes me want to kick him.

Esme has outdone herself with the lunch she fixed. It's more food than Thanksgiving and Christmas combined.

I'm really glad Carlisle could make it today, he has been working a lot recently - I know Esme has really missed him. They both look so happy, makes me happy just to see them.

I barely notice when Esme excuses herself from the table. I think there is someone at the door, but I can't be certain that's what she said.

It isn't until Esme's raised voice sounds through the house that I shift my attention away from my friends.

Carlisle and Charlie immediately get up. I push out my chair to stand, but a stern look from Charlie tells me to stay put.

I look at his retreating back, wondering what's up until movement catches my eye.

"Max," Edward tells me as way of explanation when I grab his hand after he gets out of his seat.

I guess Max is barking a bit more than normal. I watch him disappear around the corner, my hand hanging in the air after him.

It's only a moment before I hear someone yelling Edward's name.

I knock my chair to the floor in my hurry to get to Edward.

I turn the corner from the dining room just in time to hear a man at the door yell at Edward.

"Edward! Edward! How do you feel about the prospect of Chelsea Afton getting a new trial?"

Edward freezes at the question. I have never seen him so still, like he's made of stone.

"Edward?"

He doesn't even make the slightest movement at the sound of my voice, he doesn't even blink.

I'm vaguely aware of Charlie forcing the guy off the porch. He's in full on cop mode now.

"Edward?" Again no reaction.

Carlisle and Esme are now watching Edward closely.

"Is he alright?" I ask Carlisle.

Carlisle looks him over from a distance, his brow furrowed. "I can't say for sure, but it would appear he's in shock."

Edward's eyes have a glass like quality, unfocused, unmoving.

"Is there something we should do for him?" I'm starting to feel really worried; this can't be good for him to be still like this.

"Let's leave him for a little bit, see what he does." Carlisle is hugging Esme tight as he speaks. She looks as terrified as I feel.

"Do you think we should call Carmen and Eleazar?" Esme asks quietly, her voice tense.

"That might not be a bad idea." Esme hurries to the kitchen phone the second the words leave Carlisle's mouth.

"Is he alright?" Alice's voice is soft beside me. Jasper, Emmett, and Rose are trailing behind her.

"I'm not sure," I tell her, taking comfort in the hug she offers.

"Have you tried shaking him?" Emmett asks.

Honestly, I've been afraid to touch him, afraid of what that could do to him.

Rose elbows Emmett hard in the ribs. "What is wrong with you? We don't know what that could do - he could punch you right in the face."

Emmett looks to Edward, a smug look on his face. "I could take him."

Rose rolls her eyes dramatically. "You are an idiot."

Emmett scoops her up with ease. "Yeah, but you love me anyway." And he places a small kiss on her nose.

"Bella," Jasper whispers. He has been silent through all this interaction and, while I allowed my eyes to stray toward Emmett and Rose, his have been trained on Edward.

He's motioning toward Edward.

Shifting my gaze, I hope to see some life back in his face.

There is only a small change. His posture is the same, so is his face. Only his eyes are different, they are closed now.

His eyes move rapidly beneath his eyelids, like he is dreaming.

"Carmen and Eleazar are on their way," Esme says as she hurries back into the entry hall.

It's such an odd situation, all of us gathered watching and waiting for Edward to do something.

Charlie slips quietly back into the house, a look of satisfaction on his face. I'm guessing he sent that guy packing.

The silence is heavy as we wait, so when Edward's breathing increases audibly, it gives us all a bit of a start.

Esme and I lock eyes, both of us concerned. Edward is clearly upset. His eyes snap open for just a second before squeezing shut again.

His posture is also changing. You can see the tension building in his body, like a cat ready to spring.

Nervous glances are exchanged and everyone backs up just slightly, no one knowing what to expect.

Edward's hands clench at his side as his breathing continues to increase.

"Are you sure there is nothing we can do?" Esme's voice is on the verge of tears.

"I'm more concerned with what could happen if we interfere with whatever is going on in his mind." Carlisle is quiet, but sure.

I second Esme's emotions. I wish so much that I could wrap my arms around Edward, bring him whatever comfort I can, but I heed Carlisle's words and keep my arms securely folded across my chest.

Sudden movement from Edward startles me, a small scream escaping my mouth. With no warning, Edward's eyes open, a wild, frantic look in them and then he's gone.

He went from statue to on-the-run so quickly, my mind is having a hard processing what just happened.

With the same suddenness that Edward moved, Carlisle springs into action.

"Follow him, make sure he doesn't get hurt." His comments directed at Emmett and Jasper, knowing they can run faster than any of us girls.

Emmett, Jasper, and Charlie take off after him, and I do my best to trail them. I'm unsure if anyone else is following, my entire focus is on finding Edward.

I can't see Edward; he took off pretty fast. I'm following Charlie the best I can, but it's slow going. We are headed into the woods and tree roots and undergrowth are slowing my progress, as is my natural clumsiness.

I'm praying as I run, beseeching whatever powers there may be that Edward is okay, that he won't run so far and so fast that he is lost again. I can't lose him, especially not now that I have finally admitted that I love him.

I'm feeling frantic the further we go into the woods. I can barely make out Charlie in front of me anymore.

My legs are aching and my lungs burn when the trees abruptly end and I find myself on the edge of a small meadow. It's one of the strangest things I've ever seen, an almost perfect circle of tall grass sprinkled with small purple flowers completely surrounded by thick pine forest.

It would be truly beautiful but for the scene playing before me.

Edward has finally stopped running. He's crouched low in the middle of the meadow looking more feral than I have ever seen him.

He has the appearance of a caged animal, screaming incoherently at Jasper, Emmett, and Charlie who've formed a kind of triangle around him, not too close, but obvious enough that Edward views them as a threat.

Jasper is talking to him in a soft, even tone, but it seems to be having no effect. Edward is turning from one to the other, yelling furiously at their slightest movement.

"Bella, stay back," Charlie warns when he sees me emerge from the trees.

There isn't a chance I'm going to listen to my dad. Edward needs me.

"Back up, you guys. Give him some space," I say as I begin to advance slowly.

"Bella! Stay put, he's dangerous."

"He's just scared, Dad. I'll be fine."

Charlie makes a move toward me...too sudden of a move, bringing a violent reaction. Edward hurls a decent sized rock toward Charlie.

"Charlie! Heads up!" Carlisle steps from the woods just in time to warn Charlie.

My dad, however, has dodged way more dangerous things than rocks and is undeterred. He keeps coming towards me.

Carlisle steps out further into the meadow, walking slowly but confidently to Charlie's side.

"Let her go. She's probably the only one who has any hope of getting close to him without anyone getting hurt."

Charlie looks doubtful as he looks back and forth from me to Edward. I can read the disapproval on his face.

Finally, he gives a small nod, a credit to the high regard he has for Carlisle's opinion.

Charlie and Carlisle begin to slowly back up, back to the tree line, Jasper and Emmett follow suit.

Once all the guys are a distance behind me, I start to move forward, never taking my eyes from Edward. He is still periodically screaming in the direction of the guys, but it has calmed considerably since first arriving in the meadow.

"Edward, it's Bella." I use the same voice as when I first found him – soft, even – and begin to lower my posture.

Edward's body is still tense, his gaze fixed on the guys, and as yet he hasn't looked in my direction. Hopefully that means somewhere inside him he knows he can trust me.

"Edward, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm going to keep walking toward you, is that alright?"

The loud crack of a stick beneath my foot finally brings Edward's attention to me. His eyes are wild and frightened, and eerily unseeing, almost like what he's seeing before him is not what's really there.

He's aware enough that he knows people are around him, but I get the feeling he has lost all sense of who we are.

I take another step towards Edward, crouching down even further until I'm almost crawling through the grass. His eyes remain on me, but with no recognition.

"Edward, I know you're in there and I know you can hear me. Please, trust me."

He doesn't acknowledge me, but he also doesn't hurl a rock at me so I'll take that as a good sign.

"I don't know what's going on in your head and I know you're scared, but I'm not going to hurt you."

Dropping all the way down to my knees, I start crawling toward Edward.

"Try and remember, Edward. Remember chocolate and the playground."

Forward, just a little more.

"Remember cookies and the ocean."

A little closer.

His body has lost some of its tension, but he is still on alert. He still has no recognition on his face, but I do think he is listening to me.

"Remember how you helped me when I fell and roasting marshmallows in the cabin."

A little closer.

He's only a few feet in front of me now. His face is starting to show a flicker of something...confusion, maybe.

"You can do it, Edward. Don't let whatever is going on steal your memories. Remember Max and your mom...and…and me." My voice cracks a bit. I'm trying to hold it together...surely he hasn't forgotten.

Edward's body has relaxed considerably since I first arrived. He is no longer hunched and screeching like a wild animal, he is now on his knees sitting back on his heels, watching me inch to him.

When I reach him, I rise to my knees to look him in the eyes. Nothing wild is left in his face. Now all I see is fear and confusion and his large frame is trembling slightly.

"Edward?"

His eyes meet mine, they look clear again, like his eyes and I know he sees me.

Bringing my hand to his cheek, I stroke his face gently.

His eyes close and he leans into my touch. "Bella," crosses his lips in a breathy whisper.

I can't help but giggle nervously – he remembers.

He opens his eyes and there it is...what I've been hoping for – recognition.

His arms wrap tightly around me pulling me flush to his body. His breath is warm in my hair as he whispers, "Bella, Bella" against me.

His hands are stroking my back, my arms, my hair and finally my face. His touch feels desperate, like he's trying to soak me into his skin.

He begins rocking us back and forth, continuing his chant of my name and stroking me wherever he can reach.

"Are you okay?" I ask him, pulling from his embrace enough to see his face.

He's trembling more fiercely now, his face anguished. "I remember."

It's my turn to look confused now. His eyes are pleading with me, begging me, but I don't know what he means.

"My…my dad. I remember."

He buries his face against my shoulder with such force it knocks us both to the ground and he sobs, gut wrenching, soul shattering sobs.

His tears soak my shirt and then my skin, my own tears running down my face, mixing with his.

I have no idea how long we lie like this before the telltale crunch of feet on grass alerts me to an audience.

Edward is still wrapped securely around me, his sobs quieted to occasional sniffles.

"Bella, may I approach you?" Carlisle's voice is soft and still a distance away.

"Edward, is it alright if Carlisle comes over?"

I feel his head nod against me.

"It's okay." My voice muffled by Edward's body.

Carlisle moves slowly toward us, clearly paying heed to Edward's fragile mental state.

"Edward, I'm coming up to your left side. I just want to take quick look at you, make sure you're okay. Do you think you can sit up for me?"

Edward complies slowly, all the intense energy he possessed a short time ago is gone; he seems lethargic now.

Carlisle looks into his eyes, takes his pulse and checks his reflexes. I take the opportunity to look and see where the other guys are. All three are at the far end of the meadow. Emmett gives me a thumbs up and I can't help but smile. Jasper looks oddly fascinated and a bit impressed. Charlie on the other hand looks upset. I put it out of my mind. I'll deal with whatever's eating Charlie later. Right now my focus is Edward.

"How is he?" I ask, turning my attention back to Carlisle.

"He's in shock right now. We need to get him back to the house as soon as we can."

"Shock? Why?"

"I think that is a conversation best left for later, I don't want to upset Edward further."

"Of course," I tell him, wondering at myself for not already realizing that.

Carlisle gently puts his arm under Edward's elbow, and I do the same on his other side with no results.

"He's too weak, we're going to need help," Carlisle says quietly.

Before I even have to ask, Emmett and Jasper are at Edward's side lifting him to his feet.

"Bella?" Edward's voice is raspy, drained of all energy. I step in front of him so he can see I'm still here.

"I'm right here. Jasper and Emmett are going to help you back to the house so you can get some rest."

A very faint smile crosses his lips for a moment, but it seems to be a great effort for him.

I cast a worried glance at Jasper and Emmett; Edward appears to be dead weight in their arms.

"No worries, Bella. We got your boy," Emmett assures me.

It's a tedious journey back to the house, the thick underbrush and abundant trees make walking three abreast difficult at times, but somehow Emmett and Jasper manage it. They're my heroes right now.

"Oh my God! Carlisle, is he alright!" Esme's voice is frantic as she runs toward us as soon as we come into view of the house.

Carlisle hurries to Esme, scooping her into a tight embrace. "He'll be fine. He's in shock right now. He just needs some rest."

Rosalie and Alice are standing on the porch along with Carmen and Eleazar, all of them with anxious eyes.

"We need to talk, Bells." Charlie brushes my arm as he leans in to speak quietly to me.

"Not now, Dad. Edward needs me." And with that I follow the guys in the house, leaving Charlie standing on the porch looking annoyed.

The guys get Edward settled in bed, leaving Esme, Carlisle, and I in the room.

Edward is quite visibly shaking now and I can see the goose bumps everywhere his skin is exposed.

"We need to get him warmed up. Do you have an electric blanket?" Carlisle turns to Esme with his question.

"Upstairs." She hesitates for only a moment before hurrying out the door.

"Quickly, Bella, let's change him out of these jeans and into some sweats or something."

Carlisle and I work as fast as we can, but Edward is difficult to move. He keeps dozing off.

When Esme shows back up with a large fluffy blanket and wires in her arms, we have just managed to get Edward into some fleece lounge pants and a sweatshirt.

Carlisle gets the blanket all hooked up and tucked around Edward. Esme and I are almost perfect mirror images of each other, each wringing our hands, pensive looks on our faces.

"He should be alright. He needs to warm up and he needs sleep, and when he wakes up, make sure he eats."

There's an awkward shuffling of feet as we all glance at Edward, who looks to be sleeping peacefully, and begin filing out the door.

"Bella." His voice is barely a whisper and I wonder if he is dreaming.

When I turn to look at him, one eye is peeking at me and his hand is poking out from the blanket, beckoning to me.

Turning back towards Carlisle and Esme, I catch a look of longing on Esme's face. I feel sorry for her, but there is no way I would deny Edward's request.

Carlisle seems to understand the situation and hurries Esme from the room, telling her he could use a cup of tea.

Edward takes my hand as soon as I approach the bed.

"Stay," he whispers.

"Are you sure? You need to sleep."

"Stay." His voice is quieter...weaker. He's already falling back to sleep.

Climbing onto the bed as carefully as I can, I settle in next to him, opting to remain sitting up.

He looks so peaceful, no sign of the earlier drama on his face.

Feeling spent myself, I scoot down until I'm lying beside him.

I hope today hasn't set him too far back on all the progress he's made and I wonder if he will ever tell what exactly what is he remembered.

I run my fingers over Edward's face as my eyes close and say the words that have been burning in my mind and racing in my blood all day, "I love you, Edward."

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you all for sticking with me! Have a wonderful and safe holiday season!**


	21. Chapter 21

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N:Thank you to my fabulous beta and friend, Justine none of this would be possible with out you! Love you wifey! Thanks to Justine and Echo for talking me off the ledge with this chapter, you girls are awesome! Special thanks to my tweethearts over on twitter and everyone on the Twilighted forums for keeping up the #FF's and conversations despite my MIA status - you all ROCK! Thank you all for your amazing reviews, I read and love them all! I wish I had the time to answer everyone, but with limited time I don't have time to write and answer reviews and I assume you all would rather have chapters! LOL! :) Oh...you may want a tissue!**

**~XXXX~**

**Esme POV**

"Here's one more box. Are you sure you really want all these, hon?"

Edward nods. He's been so quiet lately, not that he's ever really been noisy, but he's been communicating so well - it feels off to have him go back to nonverbal communication. Ever since his episode, which Eleazar classified as a psychotic break, he has been virtually silent.

The words _psychotic_ _break_ sent me into a near panic state until I looked up its actual meaning. Apparently, it's merely a generic psychiatric term for any loss of contact with reality. I would say that is a more than fair assessment of what happened to Edward.

Today he's been a little more talkative; he asked me early this morning if I had any of his father's stuff he can look through. I was a bit surprised, but maybe it's part of the process he needs to go through.

"Well, that's the last of it. Not sure what all is in them. I know there are some letters, newspaper clippings, possibly some music."

Again not a word. It's odd, but I don't get the feeling he isn't talking due to a set back. I get the feeling he's trying to figure things out. He seems deep in thought. I just hope his dad's old things can help him, give him whatever it is he's looking for, and not be another painful reminder of what he doesn't have.

**Edward POV**

Mom looks worried when I ask about Dad's stuff. I think me remembering scared her a lot. It scared me, too. I can't get it out of my mind. I keep seeing it.

Everyone is watching me a lot. I don't like it. It feels like they are waiting for me to...to...freak out. Eleazar told me all about what happened, but I don't really remember very well.

I have been seeing Eleazar more. I like talking with him. He is calm.

He told me not to feel bad about not talking a lot, and just talk whenever I'm ready.

After Mom finally gets Dad's boxes of things from the top of her closet, I go into my room to look at them alone.

Today is the perfect day to look through this stuff, since Bella is with Charlie. I know if she was here she would want to look with me and I wouldn't be able to tell her no. I could never tell her no.

Bella hasn't been different; she has been quiet, too. When we are alone, I get the feeling she wants to say something. She'll open her mouth, then turn pink and look away.

The box has lots of papers. I pull out a stack with a rubber band around it. It kind of looks like a bunch of letters. Carmen has just started working on my reading. The more we work on it, the more I remember. But, there are big words on these papers - bigger than I can handle. I set the letters aside and reach for the next thing in the box. It's a paper in a frame. I try and sound out the words on the paper, but it's hard. They aren't making sense. Maybe doing this alone was a bad idea.

I wonder what Jasper is doing today. He has been here to visit several times since moving. Sometimes he brings Alice and sometimes he just comes alone.

Maybe I can get him to come today and help me with these letters and papers. Jasper gave me his phone number and said I can call him anytime.

I make my call to Jasper quick; he says he can be up in a couple hours. Until then I go back to my room and look through the boxes.

There are some CDs - s...saw...songs of the one-nine-eight-zeroes. I'm not sure what that means, these must be songs my dad liked. There is plastic on the case. He never opened it. I rip the plastic and open the case. It's hard to get the disc out. I've never used one of these. Bella always puts on any music we listen to. I do exactly what I've seen Bella do many times - and it works, the stereo starts making sound. The music is loud and fast. Too loud. I turn it down. Now I can hear the words better.

_Whooah, we're halfway there, livin' on a prayer. Take my hand, we'll make it - I swear, livin' on a prayer._

I go back to looking through the box while the music plays in the background.

I find several pictures tucked in one corner. They are faded and some of the corners are ripped. Familiar faces look back at me—my dad is in the picture in a green gown with a funny looking hat, and my grandparents. I remember them. Papa and Nana...I remember. Papa liked model airplanes and Nana liked to knit...I remember. Papa died when I was seven and Nana...Nana is in a nursing home with Al...Alzheimer's...I remember.

The song changes while I think of Papa and Nana, remember their house...their laughs.

_Pour some sugar on me. Ooh, in the name of love. Pour some sugar on me. C'mon, fire me up. Pour your sugar on me. Oh, I can't get enough._

This song makes no sense, why would anyone want sugar on them? I push the button to make the next song come on. I like the sound of this one, makes me want to move...to dance.

_Billie Jean is not my lover - she's just a girl who claims that I am the one, but the kid is not my son. She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son._

I find another picture of my dad. This one is him standing in front of a car with a big smile. I don't know anything about cars, but it's pretty with the black paint and a gold bird on it.

The next picture is my dad as a little boy sitting on red bike; it makes me smile. I find another picture; this one makes my throat feel tight and my eyes sting. It's my dad and mom together, they are wearing fancy clothes...his are black, hers white. It's their faces that make me feel choked up. They look so happy and…hopeful.

I spread the pictures across the floor in front of me, looking at each one. Closing my eyes, I let the memories fill my mind.

**~xx~**

"You've gone old school on us, Edward."

Jasper's voice startles me, and I think maybe I fell asleep.

He's standing in the door, a grin on his face.

"Good choice of tunes, man."

_Welcome to the jungle. We've got fun and games - we got everything you want honey, we know the names. We are the people that can find whatever you may need - If you got the money honey we got your disease_.

I jump up and turn the music off.

Jasper picks up the pile of letters from my bed. "This what you need help with?"

I nod and pick up the pictures off the floor.

"I'll see if Esme needs any help and leave you boys to it."

I didn't notice Alice was here until just now.

Jasper turns to watch her go. He has a smile on his face...a certain smile, I've seen it before. I remember Dad looking at Mom like that, and Emmett looks at Rosalie like that. I wonder if they feel the same thing I do when I look at Bella, aching chest and wiggly stomach.

"You want me to just start with the first one?"

I nod again and take a seat on the floor. Jasper sits down on my bed and starts to read.

_Hon, I'm so sorry that I'm missing our first anniversary. Spending the night up to my eyeballs in spread sheets is not how I envisioned this night. Promise I will make it up to you. Love you so much! Your Ezzy_

_Love you so much_. Mom has said that to me - I know it's something good, but I'm not exactly sure what it means.

"Want me to keep going?"

"Yes...please," I tell him.

Jasper unfolds the next letter and begins reading.

_Ed, Thank you so much for the pictures of little Edward, he is such a dear. He looks so much like you, your hair used to stick up the exact same way. Tell Esme good luck with that. I'm proud of you son; you've grown up to be a fine young man, and I know your mother feels the same. Looking forward to meeting that fellow of yours. Love ya, boy. Pop_

That was about me. My grandfather wrote that to my dad about me.

"Keep...keep reading. Please."

Jasper laughs and keeps reading. He reads letter after letter. Lots are from Mom. There is even one from me. Jasper hands it to me. I can read this one myself.

_Daddy, I love you. From Edward_

Jasper opens the last letter. He looks at it and hands it to me.

"This one is to you."

Me?

I look at the paper Jasper hands me. It has curly writing on it. I can only read straight writing.

"I can't read curly letters," I tell him and hand him back the paper.

He clears his throat and begins reading.

_Dear Edward, Today is Father's Day - my first as a dad. I'm writing you this letter today in hopes that you will read it someday and know what I was feeling today. You are an amazing little man, even at only a week old. I feel I can't watch you enough or hold you enough. I'm so excited to get to know you, to see how your personality will turn out, and honored that I will have a part in shaping it. I can't promise I will always be the best father in the world, but I can promise you I will try the hardest. I can't wait to teach you things, like how to throw a ball and how to ride a bike. I hope someday you will be privileged enough to be a father. I love you, my son_.

My throat feels like it has a rock in it and my eyes burn. Jasper is wiping at his eyes and looking away from me.

I move from the floor and go look out my window.

"It's okay to be sad, Edward." Jasper's voice is quiet, he sounds sad.

I don't feel sad. I feel...mad. Really mad.

"_Why?_" I yell, turning from the window.

Jasper looks surprised and confused.

"I'm not sure wh..."

I don't let him finish.

"Why did she do it? I'm angry with _her_!" I yell loud, it hurts my voice.

"It's okay, man. You should be angry. It's a horrible thing she did to your family."

I can't talk anymore. My whole body is shaking. I look away from Jasper and stare back out the window.

I feel...feel..._cheated_. I think that's the right word. I never got to know my dad or my mom. I didn't make friends or learn to drive. _She_ took all that. She _stole_ it.

My fingers hurt from squeezing my hands shut.

"Would you like me to stay or do you want to be alone?"

"Alone."

Jasper understands. I like that.

"I'm going to find Alice. Holler if you need anything," Jasper whispers before stepping out the door. Max runs in past Jasper and paws at my legs.

I sit down on the floor and let Max climb in my lap. It feels good to hug Max tight and feel his warm kisses. I feel less mad. It's still there...the anger, but not as strong. I feel like I can think now.

Max stops wiggling and lies across my legs and goes to sleep, but only for a few minutes. Max wakes up and runs from the room barking. He isn't mad, it's his happy bark. I look out the window to see Bella pulling in front of the house. Max jumps around the car till Bella gets outs and picks him up. She hugs him tight, pushing her face into his fur.

I am ready for her to be back. I missed her.

**BPOV**

This day sucked. Definitely up there in one of my worst days ever.

"Hey, buddy." I couldn't think of a better welcome home from my shitty day than energetic puppy love...well expect for Edward. I can really use an Edward hug right now. I scoop up Max eagerly and bury my face in his soft, warm fur. Puppies have magical qualities, I'm sure of it. They have a way of making you smile no matter what.

"You're back early. Esme said you would be gone till after dinner." Alice's cheerful voice greets me from the porch.

With reluctance I set Max down and watch him run across the yard after a squirrel.

Grabbing my purse and slamming the car door, I make my way to Alice.

"Wow, that's quite the long face. Bad day?"

Alice knows me well, and I'm sure the strain of the day is clear on my face.

"You have no idea."

Alice wraps her arms around my shoulders and I allow myself to sink into her offered comfort, even allowing a few tears to fall.

"Let me run in and tell Jasper what's up. He can keep Edward occupied and we'll take a walk, and you can tell me what happened."

Alice is only gone a few minutes before returning with a bottle of water and a box of Kleenex.

We're a short way from the house before Alice inquires about my day.

"It was awful. Charlie has completely stepped over the line and possibly lost his damn mind. I thought it was just going to be the two of us today, but _no_. He had friends there. Young, single, male friends."

Alice stops us both in our tracks, looking at me with a stunned expression.

"You are joking? He didn't really try and set you up, did he?"

"Believe me, I wish I was joking. It was a nightmare."

I tell Alice the details of the day, how I've been avoiding Charlie ever since Edward's breakdown, but finally gave in and agreed to a quiet dinner at his house so we could talk.

I tell her how surprised I was when I arrived to find him in a chipper and talkative mood. That alone should have tipped me off to the fact that he had something up his sleeve.

As soon as I walked in the kitchen and saw the table set for four I should have run out the door.

Sam Uley and Jacob Black pulled up in front of Charlie's house a minute apart.

"Wait, who?" Alice interrupts and I quickly fill her in on how I am already acquainted with these guys.

To his credit, Sam seemed genuinely surprised to see me here. Jacob on the other hand came strutting up to the house with a cocky grin.

"Why didn't you just leave right then?" Alice asks.

"I don't know...I should have. I guess I wanted to give Charlie the benefit of a doubt that this wasn't what it looked like."

We wonder over by the stone cottage and take a seat on the steps.

"Dinner was the most uncomfortable thing ever."

I tell Alice how Charlie kept making little remarks about me - how good of a cook I am, how easygoing, how smart...like I wasn't even there. I felt like a cow at a livestock auction, and despite me repeatedly kicking him under the table and whispering "Dad" in mortification, he seemed oblivious to my humiliation.

It wasn't until dessert when the shit really hit the fan. Jacob asked about Edward, or as he put it, "that guy." And before I could answer, my dad piped in with, "She's just his caregiver."

That was it for me. I informed Jacob and Sam it was time for them to leave. Sam was very gracious, looking almost as mortified as I felt. He apologized several times and told me to give Edward his best. Jacob didn't take the hint as easily, asking me several times if I would like to meet him for coffee later. I tried being polite, but he is either stupid as hell or just a super cocky son-of-a-bitch...maybe both. I finally just told him Edward and I are dating. He seemed to take the hint, at least I hope so. Either way, he left.

"Did you confront Charlie?" Alice asks.

"Oh yeah, you can say that."

I laid into Charlie the minute Jacob's car was out of sight. "What the hell were you thinking, Dad?"

His eyes went wide at the sound of my voice. "I...I...just wanted to help," he stammered.

"And you thought this was the best way to do that?" I was screaming by this point.

"You're floundering, Bells. I think you need to do something real with your life."

Charlie might as well have slapped me in the face, the hurt was about the same. Judging from Alice's gasp she is thinking the same.

"You know swearing usually isn't my style, but this was one time to make an exception _'What the fuck is that supposed to mean?' _ I asked him."

"You actually swore at your dad?" Alice seems a bit impressed.

"Yeah, though I regret that. It just pissed him off. 'Don't you talk to me like that, young lady. You may be an adult, but I am still your father.' Charlie's eyes were serious. I had never seen him this mad, not at me anyway. And he went on, 'I think you need to see what else is out there, Bella. You don't go to school, you don't have a job and I don't know what's up with you and Edward, but it doesn't seem like its going anywhere.'" When I finish speaking, I'm breathing quickly, my irritation showing through once more.

Alice, like the true friend she is, is absolutely furious - she calls Charlie every name in the book and a couple others I'm sure she made up.

"That's not all," I tell her. "I gave it right back to him. I said, 'Thanks for the vote of confidence, Dad. Esme pays me, you know, so I do in fact have a job. I'm going to go back to school; it's only been a semester! I fumed at him. What is the deal with Edward all of sudden? I thought you liked him.'"

Alice interrupts me in the form of a raised eyebrow. Apparently she had the same idea.

"Just wait," I tell her. "He said, 'Bells, I do like Edward. I'm still concerned you are investing too much in this boy. I've been watching him the last couple times I've seen him and he just isn't like other guys. I just want what's best for you.' I rolled my eyes at him and called his bluff. 'You tried to set me up with two different guys today. That's not concerned, that's crazy.' Charlie at least had the decency to look ashamed." I shrug and tell Alice I told him that even though he doesn't agree with all of my decisions, he doesn't have to. If I make a mistake, it's mine to make. I also tell her exactly what I said to Charlie, "It doesn't matter to me that Edward isn't like everyone else. It's one of the best things about him. I can't define what he is to me, but he is important."

She nods in understanding, laying a hand on my shoulder.

"I also said that if he has anymore concerns about my personal life to talk to me and not make an attempt to set me up."

Alice quietly pipes in, "Please tell me he apologized."

"Oh yeah, but he kind of spoiled it by trying to justify his actions again. I just left at that point. He wasn't happy about it, but if he's still making excuses, then he doesn't really get it."

Alice leans in and pulls me into a hug. "He'll come around."

"I hope you're right. I don't want this to cause a rift between us."

"You need some cheering up," Alice informs me. "What do you say to a movie night?"

I nod my head, feeling my heart lighten as I watch Alice bounce to her feet.

**Edward POV**

"Oh, Alice, not this one, it makes me bawl."

Bawl? What is that?

"Come on, Bella. This is my favorite. Please, please, please!"

Bella falls next to me on the couch and waves her hand at Alice.

"Fine, put it in. But I'm holding you responsible for my blubbering."

Bella is using a lot of words I don't know.

Bella curls up next to me and I am happy. I don't care what movie we watch, I would rather watch Bella.

She sees me watching and points to the TV. "The movie is starting."

I guess I can watch her later.

Words come on, and I try to figure them out. "A Walk to Re... Remem...Remember."

"Good job," Bella whispers, taking my hand.

I feel warm inside, but make myself watch the people on the TV. There is a girl and a boy - they don't seem to like each other. I don't think the boy is nice.

Mom, Alice, Jasper, and Bella seem to like the movie. Bella has laughed a few times, but she is sniffling now.

I squeeze her hand and whisper, "Are you okay?"

Bella wipes her nose and looks at me. Her eyes are red. "Yeah, just being sappy."

Sappy? I don't like not knowing what people are talking about, especially Bella.

The girl and boy look like they are friends now. I don't understand.

"You have to promise you won't fall in love with me," a girl on the movie says.

"What does that mean? Fall in love?" I ask Bella.

She makes a little squeak and gets up and leaves the room. Alice follows quickly after her.

I get up to follow her, but Jasper catches my arm. "Let Alice get this one, man, trust me."

I turn to look at Mom, her eyes are concerned. I feel like I'm missing something.

I'm frustrated. If Bella is upset I want to help her.

Bella left when I asked about falling in love, did my question upset her?

"What does 'in love' mean?" I ask Mom.

"That's a complicated question. 'In love' is different things to different people, but it's basically a tender, passionate affection for another person."

"Does everybody fall in love?"

"If they're lucky," Mom says.

"Are you in love?" I ask, looking at Mom and Jasper.

Mom turns bright pink and looks away. Jasper has a big smile. "You bet I am. Alice is my whole world."

"What does it feel like?"

"Well, you're really happy. All you can think about is that person," Jasper says.

"You might feel tingles when you think about them or see them," Mom adds. "You might also daydream about them." Mom's voice is very quiet and her face is more pink, almost red.

"You would do anything to protect that person or make them happy."

I listen to Jasper. I feel all these things for Bella.

"What about an ache in your chest? Does that happen when you are in love?"

"Definitely," Jasper tells me.

My chest feels like it will explode. I have a name for all my feelings for Bella.

Love.

I love her.

I feel the smile on my face.

Jasper laughs out loud and slaps me on the shoulder. "Go ahead and tell her, I can see you are dying to. I guarantee that will erase those tears."

I leave as fast as I can. Mom and Jasper are both laughing. I don't know what's funny. I don't want to know, I just want to find Bella.

I hear sobs and Alice's voice when I get close to our bedroom.

"Shh, shh. You should just tell him," I hear Alice say.

Bella sniffles and hiccups. "You heard him, Alice, he doesn't know what it means."

"You are such a pessimist. Teach him what it means."

"That seems so wrong. I have an ulterior motive for wanting him to know what love is."

"You are making this more complicated then it needs to be. He loves you, Bella. Just because he doesn't know the words doesn't make it less true," Alice says.

She doesn't know I love her.

Eleazar said words are important, that it's important to tell people how I feel.

I didn't have a word for how I feel for Bella until now.

Alice is hugging Bella when I walk in the room.

"Bella." They both look up at me. "I love you."

Alice gives Bella a quick hug and leaves.

"Wh...what?"

I sit down where Alice was sitting.

"I love you."

"But...but you said..."

She stops talking when I kiss her.

"Jasper and Mom told me. I...I had all this inside me and I didn't know what it was. I love y-"

Bella kisses me hard on the mouth.

"I love you." She kisses my cheek and eyes. Each kiss she says, "I love you."

She sits on my legs, her knees next to my hips, and she kisses me again and again.

Her hands hold my face and I hold her waist, pulling her tight to me. She feels good against me. I want to hold her forever and never let go.

I fall backward onto the pillows. Bella slides off me and lies beside me.

"You are happy now?" I ask Bella.

"Happier than I've ever been." I look down at her and she is smiling, her tears are gone.

I will tell her I love her everyday, just to see her smile like that - it's her best smile.

"I love you, Bella."

Bella pushes up on her elbow, kissing me again. "And I love you, Edward...so very much."

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you all so much! Your love for this story delights me daily!**


	22. Chapter 22

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you so much to my beta, JustineNicole - couldn't do any of this without you! Thanks to each and every one of you that reads - your reviews, tweets and forum comments are so very appreciated! Hugs to you all!**

**~XXXX~  
**

**Esme POV**

"We really need to tell Edward about us." Carlisle's voice is soft in my ear as I lie against him, reveling in the feel of his bare skin on mine.

"I know. I just worry about how he'll react."

Carlisle rolls us until he is once again nestled between my legs and pushing back into me. My breath comes out in a whoosh. He feels unbelievable and I find myself having a difficult time concentrating on what he's saying.

"It's better we tell him ourselves than he find out on his own."

Carlisle is right of course, but that won't make telling him about us any easier.

"You said _us_ – you'll be there when I talk to him?"

He pushes in hard, bringing his face just inches from my own and making me moan in pleasure.

"Of course. I love you, Esme Masen, we're in this together."

A wave of ecstasy courses through me, a result of the combination of his words and actions. He's told me he loves me before, but there is something about now; his labored breathing, the sweat beading on his forehead that makes it so much more euphoric.

It's blissful being tucked back against Carlisle's side, listening to his heartbeat beneath my ear. I'm trying not to think of the fact that in a few short hours I will be sneaking back into my house, praying neither Bella nor Edward has decided to rise early. I can't help but find humor in the situation of our odd role reversal.

"What's with the chuckle?" Carlisle asks, his voice heavy in his half-asleep state.

"Just thinking about the irony of the situation, me sneaking down here to the cottage to be with you then sneaking back into the house...feel like a bit of a teenager."

Carlisle's soft laughter joins mine and I know he understands.

"We can remedy this, you know. Move in with me."

Carlisle shifts away from me until he can see my face.

"You mean that, don't you?"

"Of course," I tell him, giving a playful nudge.

"You don't think it's too soon?" he asks.

"No, I don't. At twenty, yeah this would be way too soon, but forty-five...I know what I want out of life and the people I want to share it with."

Carlisle pulls me into a long, slow kiss.

"I guess we'd better tell Edward soon then," he says once he pulls his mouth from mine, "because I can't wait to be shacked up with you, Mrs. Masen."

I can't help but laugh at this wonderfully ridiculous man.

**~xx~**

**Charlie POV**

"Charles Swan, you are the stupidest—" Tanya's angry words are interrupted with her purse hitting me square in the chest. "I can't believe you did such an idiotic thing!"

I knew I should have kept my mouth shut and not told Tanya about the thing with Bella. I knew she would be upset, but I didn't think she would be _this_ upset. "Honestly, what were you thinking?"

Yeah, really stupid of me. Note to self: don't tell women when you fuck up.

"I just wanted her to see what else was out there."

"And ambushing her with two men is the best you could come up with? How about a course book from the university? That never occurred to you?"

Hmmm, that would have been a good idea. I feel like a failure of a parent as I sink into my recliner.

"No, I never thought of that."

Tanya steps between my knees, resting her hands on my chest.

"It's hard to be mad at you when you're all sullen and cute."

Damn if she doesn't lower herself right onto my lap.

"Cute, huh?"

She leans back at the same time I lean in to kiss her.

"Don't get too cocky, buddy - you are still in hot water with me."

"You need to fix this, Charlie. I'm serious. Do you have any idea the number of patients I see that have unresolved issues with their parents? I would hate for that to be you and Bella. Fix it, before it's unfixable."

She's right...I know it.

"Any suggestions on how to do that?"

"You could start with an apology. After that, I suggest a gesture of some sort, perhaps take Bella and Edward for lunch; show her you respect her choices even if you don't like them." She gives me a pointed look.

This isn't going to be easy, but I can't lose my girl.

Tanya's lips brush across my neck, sending all thoughts of Bella from my head.

"Now that we're through with serious, I have a gift for you," Tanya purrs.

"A gift, huh? Did I miss an occasion?"

"No, not really, but I did make an important decision." She takes a deep breath and then, "I will move up to this soggy forest you like so much."

Excitement swells within me – she's moving here to be with me. I don't really have the words to express how much this means, how much she means, so I pull her in close, giving her a long, hard kiss.

"That's a great gift. I can't wait to have you here in Forks."

Tanya hums as she kisses me again.

"That wasn't your gift, and I can't live here in Forks. I'm moving to Seattle, and don't even give me that fake pout, mister, it's a lot closer than Las Vegas."

Tonya hops off my lap to rummage through her purse and sashays back to me brandishing a pair of panties.

"I'm not wearing those," I inform her.

"These are not for you to wear, they're for me. I just thought you would enjoy the view."

They appear to be a very basic white, cotton panty - I'm sure she'll look great in them, but nothing special. At least that's what I think until she holds it up and I can see it's a thong.

"I will definitely enjoy that view."

"Wait, there's more." She turns the panties and shows me the front. On the front is the letter I, a heart, and a mustache.

Grabbing Tanya, I pull her back to my lap. "You do, huh?"

She gives my 'stache a tug. "I do."

"Well, ma'am, prepare to be eaten alive."

Tanya is wiggling and giggling in my arms as I rise from my chair and head for the stairs – any worrisome thought I might've had simply disappears when she pinches my ass with a wicked laugh and darts up the stairs ahead of me.

**~xx~**

**Edward POV**

"Okay."

Mom and Carlisle look at me; they look a little...a little...anxious, I think that's the right word.

"Bella, anxious means nervous doesn't it?" I whisper in her ear.

She nods.

Mom, Carlisle, and Bella all watch me, not talking. Am I supposed to talk?

Carlisle clears his throat and speaks, "Your mom and I were hoping to hear more of your thoughts and feelings about us. Do you understand what dating is?"

"Yes. Bella told me. It means you like spending time together." Bella squeezes my hand and smiles. I guess that means Bella and I are dating, too. There is nothing I like more than spending time with her.

"It's a bit more complicated than that," Carlisle tells me.

"Why?" It's easy for me to be with Bella. I don't understand why it's complicated for Carlisle.

"That's probably a conversation best left for another time."

Mom, Bella, and Carlisle look back and forth at each other. I feel like I'm missing something. I don't like that feeling.

"Honey, what we are trying to find out is if it bothers you that Carlisle and I are together, that you aren't upset." Mom looks concerned as she speaks.

"Why would I be upset? I like Carlisle."

Bella leans in and whispers in my ear, "They are worried that you won't accept them because of your father."

Oh..._oh_, I understand now.

"Dad was happy when you were happy. Are you happy?"

Mom blushes. I learned that's what going pink means, though I still don't know why people do that.

"Yes, very."

"Then I am happy if you are happy." Bella kisses my cheek and giggles and I feel warmth and tingles spread through me at the smile on her face.

We help Carlisle move his things into the house from the cottage - it doesn't take very long.

"About time he moved in here," Bella tells Mom quietly.

Mom looks surprised. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, come on, you think I didn't notice you haven't been sleeping here," Bella says with a little laugh.

"How...how…?" Mom asks.

"Besides the fact that I wasn't born yesterday, remember I do the laundry, and you haven't given me any sheets for weeks. That, and you've been unusually happy lately."

Mom pushes Bella gently and they both start giggling - I'm not sure why. It's very frustrating to always feel like I'm missing something.

**~xx~**

"Your hamburger taste okay?'

Jasper is watching me.

"Yeah, it's good. I was just thinking."

Jasper looks up from his lunch and raises an eyebrow. "Could your thoughts be focused on a certain brown-eyed girl?"

"No...well, yes...sort of. I'm...I'm not sure. Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, ask me anything you want," Jasper tells me.

"Can you teach me to be like you?"

Jasper looks confused. "I'm not sure what you mean. Why do you think you need to be like me?"

"You and Alice love each other, right?"

"Of course," he responds.

"You are different with each other than Bella and I are. Am...am I doing something wrong?"

"Edward, every relationship is different. You can't judge how you and Bella are against how Alice and I are."

I feel frustrated. I don't think Jasper understands, and I'm not sure what to say so he will see what I mean.

Carmen has told me about picturing my actions and finding the words to match so people know what I'm trying to say.

"You and Alice go places and so do Mom and Carlisle. I...I want to go places with Bella. I want to be like everyone else."

Jasper smiles. "Being like everyone else is highly overrated. I assume by 'going places' you are talking about dates?"

"Yes. Bella said dating is doing things we like together. When Mom and Carlisle have dates, they go away. I want to go away and do something with Bella. What do you and Alice do on dates?"

"Different things, depending on our mood. Sometimes dinner and a movie. Sometimes clubs or concerts, and sometimes a picnic in the park. Think of something you really enjoyed with Bella and do that."

"The ocean. Bella and I saw it on the way here. I liked that. "

"That sounds great. Alice and I just went to this great place near Port Angeles last week. I bet you and Bella would love it."

"Okay. We go there and that's a date?" I ask.

"More or less. There is usually a fair amount of touching and kissing involved in dating."

That makes me smile. I like touching and kissing Bella.

Jasper is quiet and eats his lunch. I wonder if he is thinking of Alice like I think of Bella.

"I have another question."

"Ask away, man," Jasper says.

"I heard Emmett and Rosalie talking - what is a 'morning wood'?"

Jasper begins to cough, his face is very red.

The woman who brought the food asks if he's alright. Jasper takes a few drinks of water and says he is fine.

"I think that is a question for Carlisle - he would be much better at answering that than me. Oh, and don't ask him when your mom is around...or Bella."

I nod and go back to eating my food. I'll talk to Carlisle as soon as I can.

**~xx~**

"Are you comfortable, Edward?" Eleazar asks.

"Yes." It feels funny to be sitting outside. Eleazar said he wanted to do an exercise today and it would be better if we are outside.

The garden we are in is nice. There are trees all around, and I can't see any other people - just me, Eleazar, and something he calls a tackling dummy.

The dummy is strange looking. The top looks like a man, but instead of legs there is a post and a wide circle where the feet should be.

"We are going to do something a little different today. I'm glad to hear you have been talking to your friend Jasper about some of your feelings, and I was especially pleased to hear what he told you about being angry. Anger is a very normal reaction to loss and I want us to work today on expressing some of that anger," Eleazar tells me.

"I want you to pick up the padded training stick and stand in front of the dummy."

I do what Eleazar says.

"Now, Edward this will be difficult, but it's important that you do everything I ask you to do."

"Okay."

"I want you to pretend this dummy is Chelsea. Tell her how you feel."

My stomach feels tight, my knees weak. I can't move.

"Edward, tell her how you feel...what you think."

I can feel the shaking begin. It starts inside...in my stomach and chest. It moves down my legs and to my arms and face. My tears are hot on my cheeks. I can't swallow. I can't see.

"Edward, you need to speak. Tell her what's inside."

The words feel heavy in my mind; I don't know if I can get them out.

"Tell her, Edward. Tell her she's a thief and a murderer." Eleazar's voice is loud next to me.

"Angry."

"Good, Edward, but I think you are angrier then that. Say it louder. Say more."

"Angry!" I scream. "Angry!"

So much inside.

Too much inside.

"Can I see Bella?"

"I think it's better if you don't. I want you to focus on expressing these emotions, it's important that you learn to work through these on your own. You will see Bella after our appointment," Eleazar says.

My heart hurts. I don't want to do this without Bella.

"Give it another try, Edward. Think about everything Chelsea put you through, everything she took from you."

The anger feels like it will explode from my chest. My hand is sweaty; it makes the stick hard to hold.

"It's okay for you to strike the dummy, Edward."

The first hit surprises me - I don't remember swinging.

It feels...good to hit the dummy.

"You...you stole him." Another hit.

"Let it out, Edward. Let every thought and feeling out."

"_Why?_" I shout so loud it hurts. "_Why did you take him?_"

I hit the dummy in the chest.

"He...he was my hero." I swing as hard as I can. I feel the hit up my arms, though my body. "And you took him."

I can't see through my tears. I keep swinging until I feel the stick hit. "You took my mom."

My breath is coming fast and I keep hitting. "You took my home."

My arms ache. My chest feels torn. My stomach feels sick.

"You took everything!"

_Whack!_

"You took everything!"

_Whack! Whack! Whack!_

It hurts to breathe. It hurts to stand.

My knees hit the ground then my hands.

My stomach jumps.

My fingers dig into the ground.

I scream.

I scream until I run out of air, until my throat aches.

My body hurts - inside and out.

"You did very well, Edward. I know that wasn't easy, but I think you will find it easier to speak about your feelings and experiences with some of that pent up anger released." Eleazar's voice sounds blurry and far away. "You should be proud of yourself, Edward." I feel his hand on my shoulder briefly. "I going to go back inside - stay out here as long as you need."

I let the rest of my body fall to the ground. I'm so tired. I just want to be at home in bed with Bella by my side.

**~xx~**

Bella keeps looking at me sideways while we drive home. She is curious about my muddy hands and red eyes. She doesn't have to ask - I can see it in her eyes.

When we arrive home, I don't feel ready to go inside. Mom will be curious too and she will ask. There are also guests inside. I don't want to see strangers right now.

"Can we go for a walk?" I ask Bella.

Bella leans against me and kisses my neck, just a small kiss, but it makes me smile for the first time since leaving my appointment.

"Of course. Let me shoot your mom a text so she doesn't worry."

Mom waves from the window after Bella sends the message and we head off into the woods.

I don't have a place I want to go, I just need to walk.

We walk and walk until the trees stop and we are in a field.

"Do you want to sit for awhile?"

"It's okay, Edward, we don't have to stay here. We can keep walking."

Bella's eyes are worried. I don't understand.

"You don't like it here? I think it's pretty."

"I just thought it would make you uncomfortable being here. This is where you ran when you had your breakdown." She's quiet for a second. "You don't remember, do you?"

Bella moves her hand to my cheek when I shake my head.

"Are you sure you want to stay?" she asks quietly.

I lead her into the open space as an answer to her question.

The grass is cool when we sit down. Bella pulls her knees to her chest and hugs them. I fall back into the grass and watch the clouds. I keep thinking about my appointment. The anger made me so tired - tired in my body and my head. I don't want to think any more...not about that.

I stop watching clouds and watch Bella - her cheek is on her knee, her eyes are closed, and a tiny smile is on her lips. My heart thumps with the wonderful ache...the love ache. It makes me happy I have word for it now.

"Do you want to go on a date?" I ask.

Bella raises her head and opens her eyes. "Wh...what?"

"Do you want to go on a date...with me?"

Bella has a huge smile and stretches out on her stomach next to me, her face just a few inches from mine.

"You are too cute, you know. I would love to go on a date with you. Where are we going to go?"

"It's a surprise," I tell her.

She looks excited; that makes me happy.

She leans over me, her lips touch mine, one, two, three times, the last touch I feel something warm and wet brush my lip. Bella shifts closer to me and I feel it again. Everything inside me feels hot, like it's boiling. I turn so we're face to face and pull her against me until there is no space between us. Bella's lips move against mine, pulling on my lip and I feel the warm wet in my mouth. This is more than the boiling...hotter than the boiling and I want more. I don't understand why, but I feel the need to move, to press Bella to me. She moans in my mouth. I feel it in my chest and pull her even closer.

Bella is breathing hard when she pulls away from me.

I feel dizzy and warm all over.

"What was that?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

"In my mouth, what was that?"

Bella blushes and looks down. "It was my tongue. I'm sorry, Edward. I...I wasn't thinking."

Bella sits up, she looks upset.

I pull her back to me so we are face to face again.

"Why are you sorry?"

"I didn't mean to push you I -"

I put my fingers over her lips. Bella talks too much sometimes.

"I liked it."

Bella moves my hand from her mouth.

"I know you liked it, I can tell by your—" Bella clears her throat "—response. I still shouldn't have."

I don't understand.

"This is what people in love do?"

Bella's blush is very pink.

"Yes, but…"

"And you liked it?"

Bella looks up to my eyes. "Oh God, yes."

"I want to do it again."

She doesn't answer, just smiles.

I pull her close again until my lips touch hers.

I brush my tongue over her lip. I like how it feels.

I do it again and feel her mouth open.

I find Bella's tongue with mine, it's smooth and warm and I like how she tastes.

She is smiling when I pull my mouth away.

"Was that right?"

Bella hums and her smile gets bigger. "Very right."

That makes me smile.

I lean back in the grass again and hold Bella close to me.

I don't mind thinking now. Bella is all I'm thinking of.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: I know...you weren't expecting that! Parents need loving too! Thanks for reading!**


	23. Chapter 23

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Huge thanks to my fabulous friend and beta, JustineNicole - I couldn't do this without you, babe! Thank you so much to all of my readers and reviewers! I wish I could thank you all personally, but know that all of your kind words are very much appreciated!**

**~XXXX~  
**

**BPOV**

"Have you seen Edward? I can't find him any where." Esme looks up from the vegetables she's chopping, an innocent look on her face...too innocent.

"I haven't seen him since breakfast," she tells me with downcast eyes.

I'm not buying it for a second, but I can tell from the mischievous gleam in Esme's eyes I will get no answer from her.

A knock at the door interrupts the next question I was going to ask her.

"Do you mind getting the door, Bella?" Esme's smile is barely contained. What in the world is going on?

"Sure," I throw over my shoulder as I head from the kitchen.

"Okay, okay...keep your hair on," I say out loud when the knock sounds again.

When I swing the door open, I'm shocked to see Edward standing on the porch, a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

"Edward, what -"

"These are for you, for our date. Jasper said a lady should always be picked up at the front door, and Alice suggested the flowers," he tells me, gesturing behind him. Sure enough, there stand Jasper and Alice – Jasper wearing a smirk and looking a bit smug, Alice bouncing on the balls of her feet, her eyes filled with scarcely contained glee.

I'm overwhelmed; he's put so much thought into this. We agreed today would be a good day for our date, and I'll admit to being a bit nervous for what Edward has planned. I know whatever we do I'll be happy, but I can't even begin to imagine what he has in mind.

"Thank you," I say. "These are beautiful. Let me get them in some—"

Esme interrupts my words by offering my coat in one hand taking my flowers in the other.

Her smile is wide and her eyes dancing when my startled gaze meets hers. She was in on this from the beginning. _Obviously_, I think to myself, rolling my eyes.

Edward takes my hand as soon as I shrug into my coat, pulling me close to him and I swear I can feel the excitement radiating off him.

When we reach Jasper's car, I'm surprised when Edward opens the door for me and ushers me into the car. I catch a look of approval and a small nod from Jasper and I make a mental note to thank him later. Opening the door is a caring gesture I truly appreciate.

Casual chatter fills the car as we drive. Alice tells me about the classes she and Jasper are taking and how much they are enjoying Seattle, and how Edward and I really need to come into the city.

"We need to call Rosalie and Emmett and all go out sometime," Alice chirps excitedly from the front seat. I'm sure she's envisioning all of us going clubbing or something equally exuberant.

Jasper gives her leg a squeeze. "Maybe a nice, quiet dinner at that little place on corner."

I'm very thankful to Jasper in this moment – a quiet dinner is definitely more our speed.

The drive takes us winding along the cost, giving us glimpses of blue-gray water between the endless trees.

It's an hour since we left the house when Jasper slows and turns onto the road leading to the Salt Creek Recreation Area.

My curiosity is doubly piqued now. I look to Edward with questioning eyes, and a stunning smile is the only answer I receive.

When the car finally stops, we are parked along an overlook, the crashing waves sounding on the rocks below.

Edward hops from the car as soon as Jasper cuts the engine, pulling me along with him.

"What do you think?" Edward asks, motioning to the landscape around us.

The beauty around me is astounding; towering pines hug the edge of rocky cliffs that plunge down to the lapping water below.

"It's beautiful," I enthuse. "How did you know about this place?"

"Jasper told me about it. Do you want to look around?"

I nod, eager to explore the stunning landscape.

Edward turns to Jasper. "Thanks, I will call when we're ready to leave."

"Take your time, man. We're just gonna head into Port Angles for a bit."

Just as we turn to walk away, Alice bounces up next to us, a large picnic basket in hand. "Don't forget your lunch."

I recognize the basket; it belongs to Esme.

Alice skips back to the car throwing a, "Have fun, kids!" over her shoulder before she and Jasper speed away.

Glancing sideways at Edward, I find he is watching me, too. I wonder if he feels the same awkwardness I do. Even though we have been alone hundreds of times before, this feels different.

Edward reaches for my hand, lacing his fingers through mine.

"Do you want to go down by the water?"

My smile must be the only answer he needs as he begins leading me toward the edge of the cliffs. As Edward nears the edge, I start feeling nervous. It's a long way down, and I have enough trouble walking on flat ground, let alone slippery rocks.

"I don't know if this is a great idea, there's no path."

Edward continues on like I didn't say a word. To my surprise, there are in fact steps hidden among the rocks that I hadn't noticed - I was so busy worrying about the destination I didn't see what was right in front of me.

"How did you know about the steps?" I ask, paying special attention to each step - last thing I want is a fall to ruin our day.

"Jasper brought me out here a couple days ago. I wanted to see it before I brought you here."

I'm so touched and surprised by all he has put into this, though I shouldn't be. Edward always surprises me.

Once we are down the stairs I breathe a sigh of relief.

"You were frightened? Edward asks.

"A little bit - I didn't want to fall," I admit.

Edward pulls me close and lowers his head until his lips are inches from mine.

"I would never let you fall."

Before I have time to recover from the effects of his sweet words his lips are plucking softly at mine.

I return his kiss eagerly...perhaps too eagerly as I hear Edward groan quietly. I feel the excitement in his kiss and pressed against me. As much as I would love to keep going, I know I need to be the one to slow this down. I pull from him gently, just enough to separate our lips. His breath is still warm and heavy against my mouth.

"You taste good." His simple statement makes me melt.

"You are so good and you don't even realize it, do you?"

Edward gazes at me with innocent eyes, proving the truth of my statement.

I hug him tightly, enjoying the sound of his heart in my ear and the weight of his cheek against my head.

"Am I doing this right? The date."

I crane my neck and look up to his face to see genuine concern looking back at me.

"Of course. This is perfect."

"Do you want to see more?" he asks, the enthusiastic gleam returning to his eyes.

"Lead the way."

There are hardly words to describe the beauty around us. It's nothing short of breathtaking. Glistening beach stretches out before us, dotted here and there with tide pools and rock outcroppings.

Edward leads us to the edge of one of the pools, dropping the basket next to the shallow water.

Life is abounding in the clear water - muscles, limpets, sea urchins, and a brilliant red starfish cling to the rocks. I watch each tiny creature in fascination, all of them determined to live in this miniature ecosystem. It sets my mind to wondering once again how Edward survived all those years.

"Are you hungry?" Edward asks.

I'm not particularly hungry, but I know he is.

"Yeah, let's eat."

Inside the basket is a worn quilt. Edward and I walk a short distance and spread it on a dry patch of sand. The food Esme packed is delicious and once I start eating, I find myself feeling hungrier than I realized.

We don't talk during lunch, rather we watch, our faces intent on each other.

After we've eaten our fill and packed the leftovers away, Edward stretches out on the quilt, one arm tucked under his head, the other toying with my fingers.

"You look like you are thinking; what are you thinking about?"

I've been caught, and I feel myself blushing under his gaze.

"I was thinking about you, actually."

Edward's smile is dazzling and his eyes dance.

"Tell me. I want to know what you think about."

Edward pulls me down until I'm leaning against his chest.

I'm curious about the time he was missing, but I'm not sure how to ask. Perhaps the "Edward approach" is the best way—simple and direct.

"How did you do it all those years...when you were missing?" I ask quietly.

Edward's eyes are confused as he looks at me. "Do what?"

"Survive," I respond in a whisper.

His face clouds for a moment and I fear I shouldn't have asked.

"It...it was hard."

He appears to be thinking, maybe trying to find the right words.

My heart aches looking at his face, his eyes are so haunted.

"Cacti, bugs, snakes...I ate those."

"How did you know what to do?"

Edward lies back down, pulling me with him.

"Dad. We went camping a lot. He always talked about the things you could eat in the wild."

"Weren't you scared?"

"At first. I was afraid _she_ would find me. Being hungry made me leave the cave the first time."

"Why did you stay there? Why didn't you try and find help?" I question.

His fingers trail up my arm, making their way to the back of my neck. His fingers work into my hair, twirling it around and around.

"Dad always told me to stay put if you're lost...it makes you easier to find - so I did."

"Weren't you terribly lonely?"

He doesn't answer right away. His chest rises and falls steadily beneath my ear and I begin to wonder if he has fallen asleep. When I raise my face to check, I'm met with his open eyes.

"Very much," he whispers.

Years of isolation and hurt are evident in his eyes.

"How did you cope with it?"

"Stopped thinking...stopped hoping."

His words pierce my heart and I can't stop the tears that run down my cheeks.

Edward's fingers move from my hair to wipe the tears from my face.

"Don't cry, Bella."

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I attempt to speak. "Thinking of you alone like that...I just...just..."

Edward presses his lips softly to mine, hushing my cries between kisses.

"It's alright, Bella. Everything is fine. Don't cry...don't cry."

He cradles my face gently in his hands, his thumbs brushing lightly against my skin.

"I love you. Be happy."

His words bring a smile to my face.

"I am very happy, I'm just sad for everything you've been through," I tell him.

"I am happy now...here with you."

"I love you, Edward."

The words barely escape my lips before he is kissing me again - light at first but with increasing intensity, until I'm forced to break our contact for worry that I'll do something he is very unready for.

The rest of the afternoon passes quickly. We walk on the beach hand in hand, comfortable with silence, watching the waves lap the rocky shore.

**~xx~**

**EPOV**

"What is 'morning wood'?"

Carlisle stops chopping wood and turns to look at me, his face is surprised.

"Where did you hear that term?"

"Emmett."

Carlisle shakes his head and I think he says, "Why am I not surprised?" His voice is too quiet to be sure.

I keep watching Carlisle, waiting for an answer.

Carlisle swings the axe hard into a log, leaving it where it sticks. He wipes the sweat from his face and motions for me to follow him as he walks away from the house.

We are almost to the stone cottage when Carlisle speaks again.

"It's a slang term for an erection in the morning."

Turning to look at me, a smile crosses Carlisle's face. "You don't know what I'm talking about, do you?"

I shake my head and Carlisle chuckles softly.

"I assume you know all your body parts?" he asks.

I nod - I remember from when I was little.

"An erection is when your penis gets hard. 'Morning wood' is simply an erection when you wake up in the morning. Not even doctors know why this happens - but it's a normal, healthy thing that happens to all men. Have you had these before, Edward?"

I nod. I have lots of times.

Carlisle clears his throat and looks me in the eye. "Are there other times when this happens besides in the morning?"

"Yes. With Bella, when I kiss her. I feel warm and dizzy, and then it happens."

"That's very normal, Edward."

He's got a strange smile on his face...I don't understand why.

"Why does it do that?" I ask.

"It happens when you are sexually attracted to someone in preparation for intercourse."

I have no idea what he means.

"I've lost you, haven't I?"

I nod again.

"Do you know the female anatomy?"

"I...I think so."

Carlisle doesn't look so sure. "I think this needs a more in-depth discussion. Let's go talk at the hospital. I have some things there that will make all this easier."

Carlisle and I walk quickly back to the house. Mom is on the porch when we reach the house. Carlisle gives her a hug and whispers something in her ear. I don't know what he says, but Mom looks back and forth from Carlisle to me with an odd look on her face. I can't figure out what the look means.

Bella comes out the door as Carlisle and I are getting in the car. Mom leans over to her and tells her something. Bella blushes darker than I have ever seen and covers her face with her hands.

I have that feeling again...like something is going on that everyone knows but me. I don't like it at all.

**~xx~**

Now that we are at the hospital sitting in Carlisle's office he begins bringing in posters and small plastic models - tacking posters to the wall and setting the various models across his desk.

"Okay, I think this will give us a good start." Carlisle picks up one of the models. It looks like a person cut in half...I don't like it.

"This is a model of the male anatomy - there are some internal parts you should be familiar with as well."

Carlisle explains about testicles and semen and sperm and how when sperm meets the egg from a woman it makes a baby.

Something about this seems weird. I look at Carlisle and ask, "Like a chicken egg?"

He shakes his head, coughing like he's trying not to laugh, and he explains how they're similar to chicken eggs, but very different. Another question is rolling around in my head. If the sperm is in the man, then… "But how does the sperm get to the egg?"

"I'm getting to that." Carlisle picks up a different model; this one looks very different, on the inside and out. "This is the female anatomy. Here in the ovaries is where the eggs are kept." Carlisle points to a small oval on the model.

He explains how the egg travels to the uterus where it waits for sperm, and then he tells me about women having periods and how they bleed for several days.

"They bleed for _days_? Does it hurt? They don't die?" I really don't understand this, and it makes me panicky until Carlisle tells me more about it.

My brain feels packed with all this information. One thing still confuses me.

"I still don't understand how the sperm gets to the egg."

Carlisle sits on the edge of his desk, facing me.

"Edward, I know I'm not your father, but because I love your mother I feel that I should infuse some morality into this discussion. The sperm and egg meet by inserting the erect penis into the vaginal canal. When the male ejaculates, the sperm swim toward the egg. That is sexual intercourse, or sex. These are just the basic facts, though, there is much more to sex than that, or at least there should be."

This seems like so much already, how could there be more?

"What more should there be?" I ask.

Carlisle moves from his desk and sits in the chair beside me.

"There should be love. Entering into a sexual relationship with someone isn't something that should be taken lightly. It should be with someone you trust and, most importantly(,) love. Things don't always go that way, though."

"Why?"

Carlisle smiles and tries to hide a laugh.

"Well, sex feels good, and sometimes people don't want to wait or don't care if they love the person they have sex with."

"You love my mom. Is this something you do together...? Sex?"

Carlisle blushes and shifts in his chair.

"Umm, yes...we do."

He doesn't say any more and the silence feels...strange.

"Is that what people do when they date?"

Carlisle sighs loudly. "Typically, yes. Edward, I'm sure our discussion has you thinking of Bella a lot - is there anything you want to ask?"

"How do I...sex...I don't know..." I feel confused and a bit upset.

"Don't look so worried, there really is no right or wrong. It's a learning process. You are going to want to explore yourself and Bella too before you're ready for that next step. May I offer you my opinion?"

I nod, glad to hear any advice he has.

"I think you and Bella should consider sleeping in separate rooms." I start shaking my head immediately. "Now, hear me out, Edward, before you object. You and Bella are starting a more intimate relationship already and with the urges you've already told me you have it might be best if you at least sleep apart. The body is ready for sex long before the mind. I know you love Bella and she loves you, but both of you should be sure in your mind and heart that you are ready for a sexual relationship. Does all that make sense?"

I nod once again.

His words make sense, but I'm not sure how I feel about it. I like sleeping beside Bella...I don't want to give her up.

"You ready to head back to the house, or do you have more questions?"

I just nod. I am ready to leave, but I have hundreds of questions - my brain feels too full and my heart too sad to ask any more questions.

Carlisle touches my shoulder. "I know this was a lot to get at once. Here are some pamphlets that might help with any other questions you have."

I take the papers from his hand, but I don't look at them.

The drive back is quiet. I don't feel like talking; all the things Carlisle told me are swirling in my head.

When we are back at the house. Carlisle heads inside. I make it as far as the front steps before sitting down - I feel tired all of a sudden.

It's not long before I hear soft footsteps behind me...I know it's Bella.

She sits down next to me and leans her head on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

I shrug. I don't know what I am right now.

"A lot to take, huh?"

I nod. Bella always understands.

"You want to talk about any of it?" she asks.

"Carlisle thinks we should think about sleeping in separate rooms...he said my body is ready for sex but not my mind."

Bella lifts her head off my shoulder and turns so she can see me.

"He has a good point."

"You don't want to sleep with me anymore?"

Bella holds my face in her hands. "Of course I do -"

"If we have sex will you keep sleeping with me?"

"Edward, it doesn't work like that."

"You don't want to have sex with me?"

Bella takes a deep breath, her hands stroking my face. "More than I can tell you I want to, but it has to be right for both of us, and the way you are talking now tells me you are not ready. We are just talking about another room. I'm not moving away, we'll still see each other just as much. Maybe I can move down to the cottage...that could be fun. I could cook dinner for you and we can watch movies...just the two of us." Bella kisses me softly, her lips barely touching mine. "Don't look so worried, Edward, everything will be fine. We will take things slow and learn and explore and go from there...okay?"

"Okay," I tell her. I trust Bella, and if she says it's going to be alright then I believe her.

"You want to come inside? We can talk to your mom about the cottage."

Bella pulls on my hand as I get up, making me drop the papers in my hand - I forgot I had them. Bella grabs the pamphlets before I do, blushing very red when she hands them back to me.

_It's Okay to Masturbate_ is in bright red type across the paper. I'm not sure why Bella is blushing...I will ask her later.

"You...you should put that paper in your pocket, I doubt your mom wants to think about that."

After folding the papers and shoving them in my pocket, I follow Bella inside.

Mom and Carlisle are setting the table when we walk in.

Dinner starts quietly. Bella is the first to talk.

"Esme, I'm wondering what you would think if I moved down to the cottage...by myself."

Mom looks at me for a moment, giving me a small smile.

"That's perfectly fine, if that's what you would like to do."

Mom and Bella continue talking, but I don't really pay attention to what they say.

After dinner Bella goes to our room—_my_ room now—to pack her clothes. It doesn't take her long.

She steps between my knees where I sit on the bed and brushes her fingers through my hair. I like when she does that, it feels good.

"Please don't look so sad, love...I'm just right across the yard."

I pull her closer and press my face to her breasts. They are soft and comfortable and I can feel the thump of her heart against my forehead. I know she will be close, but I won't be able to feel her in my arms or smell her hair when it brushes my face. I pull her even closer, moving my face so I can kiss her neck and then her lips. I feel her fingers move up my neck and into my hair again, pulling me closer and sliding her tongue in my mouth. I take her in again and again, enjoying the way she brushes her tongue against mine and the sweet taste of her in my mouth.

When she pulls away from me, a big smile is on her face. "You want to walk me down?"

It only takes us two trips to get Bella's things to the cottage and by the time she unpacks her stuff it's dark.

"Hey, let's set a date for tomorrow. I can make dinner for us and we can watch a movie or play a game...something. Does that sound good to you?" Bella asks.

I pull her close to me again until I can rest my face on top of her head.

"That sounds great."

I know I need to go, but I don't want to...I don't want to sleep in the bed alone.

"You know I'm going to miss you, too," Bella whispers against me.

I feel her head tilt up against mine and feel her lips against my jaw. My lips seek hers and I find them waiting, eagerly sucking at mine.

I finally pull away, but still hold her close to me.

"Will you be alright here all alone? You could bring Max here with you, if you want, so you aren't alone."

Bella touches my face lightly. "It'll be fine, Edward, really. You should get some sleep, it's been a long day for you."

Bella kisses me on the neck and takes a step back. "Goodnight, Edward. I love you."

"I love you, Bella"

It feels strange to be walking alone into the house and even stranger walking into the bedroom, and it's quiet except for Max snoring in his basket.

I move to the window and I can see the light from the cottage, and I wonder if Bella is thinking of me like I'm thinking of her.

After I climb in bed, I stare up at the ceiling for a long time. I miss Bella's warm body beside me. I miss the sound of her breathing.

"Max...Max...up, boy."

Max jumps up happily on the bed and curls himself beside me. It's not the company I want, but it's something.

I listen to Max's even breathing and soon feel my eyes getting tired. Bella and Carlisle's discussions are the last things on my mind.

**~XXX~**

**A/N: Well, that was fun! O.o Not looking forward to that discussion in a few years! Thanks so much for reading!**


	24. Chapter 24

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you so much to my fabulous beta and friend, Justine - you are complete awesomeness!**

**To all of you that continue to read and review - thank you so much, I truly appreciate each of you!**

**~XXXX~**

**BPOV**

"Do I look okay?" I twirl to give Edward a full view of my outfit.

"You're beautiful," he tells me.

"You are biased," I inform him before placing a quick kiss on his lips. "And thank you."

I'm nervous about tonight; it's been weeks since I've spoken to Charlie, but he sounded apologetic when he called and asked Edward and me to dinner. I only hope he can behave himself.

A few more minutes of primping and we are out the door to meet Charlie at the Forks Lodge.

The drive to town is silent, Edward seemingly lost in his thoughts, as I am most certainly lost in mine.

Dad and Tanya are already seated when we arrive. I insisted she join us, hopefully help to ease an awkward and tense situation.

Edward and I settle into the booth across from Tanya and my dad. After brief hellos, strained silence settles in, and I focus my attention on the menu in front of me.

Edward squeezes my knee under the table. I appreciate his silent support more than I could ever tell him.

"How is everything going at the house?" Tanya asks, breaking the heavy tension.

"Good. We're staying busy. Esme started advertising in some travel magazines and business has really picked up. I've been encouraging her to start a website as well, expand her exposure."

"That sounds fantastic, Bella. Don't you think so, Charlie?" Tanya asks, giving my dad a pointed look.

"Sure," is his only response.

I refrain from rolling my eyes, despite the nearly irresistible urge to do so - way to really put yourself out there, Dad.

Another few minutes of agonizing silence the waiter comes to take our order, a small reprieve from the awkwardness.

"So...how's work going, Dad?" I figure I'll try and get this ball rolling.

"Fine."

I feel like smacking my head against the table. You'd think if he was going to stick to one-word answers, _sorry_ might be one of the words he would use.

Determined to get some kind of conversation going, I turn my attention to Tanya.

"How are you liking Seattle so far? Do you feel like you're settling in?"

Tanya flashes Charlie a look of disgust before turning her eyes on me.

"Great. I love my apartment, but I'm not sure I'll ever get used to all this rain."

Her sentiments make me laugh; I'm still not used to all the rain either.

Edward leans in, asking, "What's funny?" where only I can hear.

"I'll tell you later," I whisper back.

"Speaking of moving...how are things with Carlisle living in the house now? Everyone getting along?" Tanya inquires.

"We have all lived together before. Besides, I'm living down in the cottage right now."

Charlie perks up at my announcement, finally showing a real interest in the conversation.

"Trouble in paradise?" he asks.

Tanya's mouth actually falls open and she just stares at him.

"I give up. I'm done," I tell him, throwing up my hands in surrender.

I begin pulling on my coat and gathering my purse when Charlie speaks again.

"Don't leave, Bella. I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what, Dad?" I ask, my ire making my voice loud. "Sorry for ruining the evening? Sorry for being an incredible jackass? What is it you're sorry for?"

I've never been this angry with anyone before, especially not my dad and his surprise at my harsh words is evident on his face.

"Sorry for everything, I guess," Charlie mumbles.

"That's not really an apology, Dad. That's a blanket statement to cover your ass."

"I'm not sure what you want from me, Bells."

"I want a _real_ apology...for today, and for the crap you pulled a few weeks ago. I want you to treat me like an adult and give me some credit. I know what I'm doing. But the biggest thing you can do is treat Edward like a human being. You could at least make an attempt to talk to him when you see him and you could stop watching him out of the corner of your eye like he's some criminal."

It feels oddly good to chew him out and watch him squirm, and see the dumbfounded expression cross his face.

"Come on, Edward - we'll eat somewhere else."

Edward's expression is almost as stunned as Charlie's, but he slides out of the booth behind me, no questions asked.

Charlie grasps my hand as I walk by. "Bella, please…please stay. I'm sorry."

Pausing next to the table, I look into my father's eyes and finally see sincerity there.

"I..I'm sorry, to you both. I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings or disrespect you. I just...just - I'm sorry."

His eyes slide from me to Edward and then back...waiting.

I nudge Edward and he scoots back into the booth and I follow.

The dreaded silence creeps in again, none of us talking to the other.

To my surprise, and probably Charlie's and Tanya's as well, Edward is the one to break the silence.

"I promise I will never hurt Bella, Mr. Swan."

My heart swells with pride as I watch Edward speaking to my dad - sitting up straight and tall, looking him in the eye.

"I...I know, Edward. I know you never do anything on purpose, but -"

Edward stops him before he can say more. "No. I would _never_ hurt her. I love her."

No words can describe my feelings at hearing him say those words to someone besides me.

Charlie's gaze moves from Edward to me.

"So you're together-together?"

A nod is my only answer.

The waiter brings our food, saving us all from more strained silence.

The food is good and Charlie and Edward wolf theirs down like only men can.

The merciless quiet returns as soon as the last plate is cleared from the table.

Dad and Tanya sit separated on their side of the booth, and judging from the tight look on Tanya's face, he'll be in for another ass-chewing later.

Edward and I on the other hand are sitting hand in hand, legs touching.

"Can we go?" Edward's voice is soft in my ear.

A whispered "Yes" from me, and we start scooting out of the booth.

"Are you leaving already?" Charlie asks.

"Yeah, Dad. This hasn't exactly been a fun afternoon."

"I'm sorry, Bells, I really am. I hope I can see you again soon," Charlie says, a sad note in his voice.

"Yeah, I'll see you, Dad." Leaning in I give him a quick hug. "Trust me to know what's best for me."

He doesn't speak, but I can feel the motion of his nod.

Edward and I quickly walk from the restaurant; I think we're both feeling the strain of the uncomfortable lunch.

Once we are in the car, I turn to Edward. "Sorry that was so horrible, but I'm glad you were there."

Edward's smile and his fingers gently stroking my face are enough to erase the unease of the afternoon.

I'm glad Charlie finally apologized, though we still have a way to go in mending our relationship.

**~xx~**

"Are you alright, Esme?" I was pretty surprised to see her with her head down on the kitchen island. She's always on the go.

She raises her head slowly, an odd expression on her face.

"I think so...just a bit...stunned, really."

"Anything you want to talk about?" I ask, moving to stand next to her.

"I just got off the phone with my lawyer, Mr. Laurent. He called to tell me all the paperwork for Edward is filed and a new birth certificate has been issued. He'll be mailing it to me soon."

"What happens now?" I ask, anxious to hear her answer, terrified Edward's kidnapper could be given a lesser sentence.

"I'm not really sure. Possibly nothing."

"I don't understand. How can there be nothing? What about Chelsea? I assumed there would be a retrial." The questions tumble from my lips one after the other.

"I asked the same thing. Mr. Laurent told me he seriously doubts there will be a retrial."

I'm sure the confusion must show in my eyes as Esme goes on.

"During her original trial, Chelsea refused all legal counsel. She represented herself, not that she did much. She put up no defense, pled guilty to all charges."

"I still don't understand," I confess, feeling stupid at my lack of comprehension.

"Neither did I. I must have asked Mr. Laurent a hundred questions. Since she retained no counsel there is no one but her to petition the court for a retrial."

I'm beginning to catch on to what she is saying and I feel my own sense of shock start to settle in.

"And your lawyer doesn't think that will happen?"

"He sounded relatively certain that it wouldn't. He said he wasn't even sure if she is aware that Edward is alive," Esme finishes with a sigh.

"Wow, I guess I never really thought about how things differ if someone represents themself."

"It was such a bizarre case from the beginning; Mr. Laurent and the judge said neither of them had ever heard anything like it."

"So it's over?" I dare to ask, breathless.

"I...I guess so, unless she suddenly asks for the status of her case. But, like I said, my lawyer believes she thinks Edward is still dead."

It's difficult to wrap my brain around all this. Esme and I exchange a look, her feelings a reflection of my own - it seems to good to be true.

"Have you said anything to Edward?" I ask after a few moments silence.

"Not yet. I had just gotten off the phone when you came in. I'll sit down with him when he and Carlisle get back from town."

Esme begins moving around the kitchen, pulling mixing bowls and ingredients from the cupboards. "I better get a move on, we've got customers coming in tomorrow and I don't having any baking done."

"Yeah, I need to get all the clean linens upstairs."

"Thanks, Bella. Don't know what I would do without you."

Her words warm my heart as I head to the laundry room to gather freshly laundered sheets and towels.

**~xx~**

A soft tap on the door alerts me to Edward's arrival. I'm excited; I haven't seen him all day. This is the first time he is coming down for dinner since I moved in here and I want everything to be perfect. I spent the day cleaning, baking dessert, making dinner, and meticulously getting myself ready. Excitement flutters in my stomach as I pull the door open.

Edward is sharply dressed in olive green Dockers and a cream, rust, and brown plaid shirt, his clothes accenting his long, lean body.

"Hi. You look beautiful," Edward tells me as his hands slip around my waist.

He pulls me close and his lips seek mine immediately, parting my own eagerly but gently. He seems to have taken to heart the adage "practice makes perfect" and his efforts are definitely paying off. In fact, I'm having a difficult time pulling myself away to actually invite him in.

"You hungry?" I ask once he's in the door.

He nods, an angelic smile on his face and an eager twinkle in his eye.

It baffles me how he can look so innocent yet so come-hither sexy all at once. I'm thinking he is a natural at romance.

Once seated at the small table, we slip into easy conversation.

Even though we see each other daily, Edward has been spending more time with Jasper and Carlisle, so portions of his day are a mystery to me.

"Have you been doing anything interesting lately?" I ask him between bites of chicken Marsala.

"Eleazar and Carmen would like me to try and get a job...after I get an ID card."

"You do lots of work here, did you tell them that?"

"I did," he informs me. "Eleazar said it would be good for me to be out with other people...on my own."

As much as I dislike the idea, I know Eleazar is probably right. Edward can't grow without experience, though the knowledge won't stop me worrying about him.

"Carlisle has been taking me to different places I can apply when I have my paperwork in order. It's frightening."

"What else have you been up to?" I ask him. "You and Jasper have been spending a lot of time together."

"I like talking to him; he doesn't make me nervous."

"Anything particular you talk about?"

I'm trying not to be too nosey, but I'm so curious about their conversations.

"Different things, but you and Alice a lot."

"All good, I hope." Knowing Edward would never say anything bad about me. I'm just kidding with him.

"I always say good things." His tone is serious.

When I look to his eyes, I almost choke on my food. He is confused, and worse, he's hurt.

Reaching across the table, I take his hand in mine. "Edward, I'm sorry. I know you would never say anything bad about me. I was teasing. Just a joke."

The hurt look leaves his eyes, but the confusion remains.

"It isn't funny, though." His voice is barely audible he speaks so low.

I feel like such an ass. I should have considered what I was saying before I spoke.

"You're right, it's not. I'm sorry."

Edward brings my fingers slowly to his lips, pressing a kiss to each tip.

"Okay," is all he says and I'm left utterly speech less by his sweetness.

After dinner and dessert of apple pie, we settle on the couch for a movie.

I opt for the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, one of my all time favorites.

We start out sitting side by side, my head leaning on his shoulder.

Halfway through the movie, Edward stretches out, pulling me with him until I'm snuggled by his side.

It feels wonderful to be lying next to him again...to feel his warm skin against mine and hear his heart beating in my ear. I've missed having him by my side as I drift to sleep.

Edward's fingers are combing gently through my hair and I have a feeling he's not watching the movie at all. When I look up to his face, my suspicions are confirmed; his gaze is fixed squarely on me.

"Don't you like the movie?"

He doesn't answer, just moves me closer until his lips graze my cheek and begin making their way to my mouth.

His fingers are tentative as they trace down my ribs, pulling me higher as his lips pursue mine.

When he deepens our kiss, his hands clutch me tighter to him and I can feel how this is affecting him, and I must admit that knowledge is an incredible turn on.

I know I should slow this down, but it's so difficult when he is so tempting.

Thankfully I'm saved from relying on my own willpower by my ringing phone.

I'm as reluctant to leave him as he is to let me go, but I think we could both use a cool down.

In my rush to get past Edward and reach my ringing phone I lose my balance and catch myself on Edward. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, except this time, my hand goes straight for his lap, grazing a pretty prominent erection as I grab his thigh.

His moan is clear, as is the gentle upward thrust of his hips.

I'm frozen. Part of me desperately wants to keep going and the other part knows that's pushing him way too soon.

Edward's eyes meet mine and they are filled with clear desire and confusion.

"I...my...phone. I need to—" I can't get a sentence out in my flustered state and turn and hurry to my phone.

"Hey, you busy?" Alice's chipper voice sounds as soon as the receiver hits my ear.

"Just a little. Is there something you need?"

"Nope, just calling to see how the date went."

"I'm still on it, Alice."

"Oh, I thought it was yesterday." The too innocent tone to her voice tells me otherwise.

"Right. I'll call you tomorrow, Alice."

She merely laughs at my dismissal before the line goes dead.

When I return to the couch, Edward is sitting up, his head leaned back, eyes closed taking slow, deep breaths.

He doesn't move when I sit down slowly beside him.

"Are you alright?"

He takes another deep breath before opening his eyes and answering me.

"Yes," he tells me, though the slight quiver in his voice says that might not be entirely true.

We finish the remainder of the movie in silence. I think he pays as much attention to the end as the beginning, instead focusing his attention on my hand; he's been toying with it since I returned from my phone call.

It's not long after the movie ends I'm telling Edward goodnight. He seems a bit distracted, but I can't really say anything as I'm feeling distracted myself.

After a lingering kiss, I watch Edward walk away until I can no longer make him out in the growing darkness.

I take the time to clean up my kitchen, though I'm not sure I see a single thing I'm doing. My mind is elsewhere, and I can still feel him warm and hard against my hand.

Once in bed, I let my mind take over, playing a thousand possibilities with Edward behind my eyelids. For the first time since meeting him, I give in to my desires, letting my hands roam a heated path across my skin, envisioning Edward's hands in their place. When the warm waves of pleasure take over, Edward's name falls from my lips again and again.

My dreams are filled with Edward—all the ways I could touch him, all the ways he could touch me, and the hope that this future comes sooner rather than later.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: My thanks to you all =)**


	25. Chapter 25

**Feral Outtake**

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N from opalaline:My beloved beta has a treat for you all, a tasty little morsel concerning Edward's thoughts about dinner in the cottage...enjoy. **

**A/N from JustineNicole6: Thank you to my lovely opalaline for letting me play with her Feralward. I had a blast! Hope y'all enjoy. ;)**

**EPOV**

It's such a nice night, a perfect night to spend with Bella. Standing on the porch, I look around, liking what I see. The sun is about to set, I can hear movement inside, and there are some fantastic smells coming from the cabin. I check my pants, smoothing them where they've wrinkled. I want to look nice for Bella; I haven't seen her all day. I've missed her.

I knock on the door and listen to her soft footsteps coming closer. When the door opens, I let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding. "Hi. You look beautiful," I say, wrapping my arms around her. I press my lips to hers, losing myself in her. She's so warm and soft I don't want to let go.

Bella moves away, asking me about dinner, but the pink color of her cheeks tells me she'd like something different. She pulls me inside and closes the door behind me.

I nod, watching her every movement and wanting to kiss her again.

We sit down to dinner, and Bella asks me about my day.

I tell her about Carmen and Eleazar's idea for a job. She doesn't seem to like it, so I try to explain. "Eleazar said it would be good for me to be out with other people . . . on my own." I'm a little nervous about it, and I tell her so.

Bella changes the subject, and I'm glad. I didn't want to upset her on our first date in her house.

"What else have you been up to? You and Jasper have been spending a lot of time together."

I finish chewing my chicken before I answer, "I like talking to him; he doesn't make me nervous."

Jasper's quiet ways are comforting to me, and he's always willing to help me when I have a question.

"Anything particular you talk about?" she asks, keeping her eyes on her plate. She's trying not to push, and I know she only wants what's best for me, so I tell her.

"Different things, but you and Alice a lot." I smile when I think about our last conversation.

"All good, I hope," Bella says, smiling and taking a bite of her dinner.

I'm so confused . . . Why would she think I would ever say something bad about her? I love her; haven't I said it enough for her to believe me? "I always say good things," I tell her, watching her face closely.

Her eyes get really wide and she takes my hand. "Edward, I'm sorry. I know you would never say anything bad about me. I was teasing. Just a joke."

A joke? But . . . that's not funny, and I tell her so, feeling even more confused than before.

"You're right, it's not. I'm sorry."

Afraid of ruining our night, I drop it. I know she'd never hurt me on purpose. I lift her hand to my mouth and kiss each fingertip gently. "Okay."

***O*o*O***

After we finish dessert—apple pie, and _so_ good—Bella picks out a movie. We snuggle together on the couch, enjoying being together. As the show goes on, I find myself watching her. Her reactions to the movie are more interesting than the film itself, and I can't keep my eyes off her. I let my fingers slip through her hair, feeling her breaths in her chest. I'm torn. I want to kiss her, but I don't want to stop watching her.

Almost like she can read my mind, Bella looks up. She asks me something, but I don't know what. Her lips look beautiful, so I do the only thing I can do. I kiss her, starting with her soft cheek, moving closer to her mouth until I find what I'm looking for. She kisses me back, and I pull her as close to me as I can get her. I feel the heat from her body. It sends tingles through me. I feel myself becoming harder, and I want . . . I want . . .

The phone rings, bringing us both to a stop. I really hate the phone.

Bella stands up quickly to grab her phone, obviously surprised by it, and she trips. I reach out to help her, but she falls through my hands into my lap. Her hand brushes against my erection, and I shudder. I've never felt anything quite like that before. I moan as she pulls herself away.

"I . . . my . . . phone. I need to—"

I'm so annoyed and turned on (I think this is what Jasper called it), I can hardly stand it. I lay my head back against the couch, taking in deep breaths, trying to calm myself. I can't hear what she's saying, but I know it's Alice on the phone. I'm going to have a thing or two to say to Jasper next time we hang out.

Suddenly, Bella is beside me on the couch, but I don't move. I'm afraid of what will happen if I do.

"Are you alright?" Bella asks.

I take another deep gulp of air and let it out before answering, "Yes."

She slides closer to me again, but this time I only hold her hand. The movie plays on, but there's an odd feeling in the air I can't seem to ease. I continue watching Bella, and it looks like I'm not the only one who isn't paying attention. When the movie ends, we stand up and begin our goodbyes. I can't really concentrate on her words; I'm too distracted by her lips. I lean forward to kiss her goodnight, letting her smell and taste surround me before pulling away.

When I walk away from the cottage, I look over my shoulder to see Bella standing in the open door, watching me.

No, you can't turn back, I tell myself. Go inside.

I force myself into the main house and make my way to the kitchen. I drink a tall glass of cold water, trying to fight back this feeling. I don't know how to make it stop. I drop the glass onto the counter, so glad Mom and Carlisle are nowhere to be seen, and run up the stairs. I can't stop thinking about Bella and the way it felt when her fingers touched my very hard "wood," as Emmett would say. I close my bedroom door behind me, wincing when it slams loudly, and twist the lock on the knob.

I move to my bed, the bed where I used to lie with Bella, and I'm assaulted again by memories of her. I turn on my iPod, listening to the music Bella helped me find and I consider running to her. Maybe she can help me. Would she turn me away? She's helped me so many times . . . in so many ways . . . she's my whole world.

I stand next to my bed listening to the music, thinking.

Before I even know how it happened, I find myself standing in front of her door. The windows are dark, and it's very quiet, other than the raindrops starting to fall through the leaves.

I can't wake her up, no matter how much I feel like I need her. I shake my head, disappointed with myself for even thinking about waking her. Just as I turn to leave, I hear a moan through the door. Unsure of what to do, I press my ear to the cold wood, listening for the sound again. I don't hear anything more, so I move around the outside of the cottage toward her window. I know it's wrong, but what if she's hurt? I could never live with myself if there was something wrong with her.

I look into her window, terrified I might see her on the floor, hurt, but I see nothing. It's too dark. The clouds shift for a moment, sending a beam of light across Bella, lying in her bed. My heart sputters before beating faster than it ever has before. When the clouds move again and her room is black once more, I can't move. I'm frozen to the ground. The rain is falling around me, but I can't hear it. I can't hear anything . . . Wait. What's that? I listen harder until I hear my name. It's quiet, but getting louder and louder, and now it's just a moan again.

I push myself away from the window, rain dripping down my face, and I run back to the house. I shiver, but I'm not cold. I kick my shoes off in the entryway and head upstairs. I lock myself in my room—again—and rip my wet clothes off to slide under the covers. Since I never turned off the iPod, the music is still playing softly. The words of the song fill me, making me feel close to Bella, even though she's not here.

"_If you ever feel lonely, and I'm not around, listen to this song and imagine me singing it to you, okay?" Her pretty skin turns pink as I watch. _

_I take her hand, holding it close to my chest. I want to thank her, but I don't know what to say. I lost my words when I looked into her eyes. Instead, I wrap my arm around her and pull her close, pressing my mouth against her lips. Keeping her hand between our bodies, I feel her breasts press against me, and I shiver. I open my mouth slowly, letting my tongue between her lips. We've only just begun kissing this way, but I like it, no I _love_ it, and I don't ever want to stop. Bella pulls away long before I would, her breath moving fast. The tingling is back . . . _

The feeling from that day has returned, but it's so much stronger than it was before. The picture of Bella sprawled out in her bed only moments ago, her hand buried between her legs, her face so . . . so . . . _turned on_, keeps flashing before me.

My hand slides down my body to touch my penis. It's so hard and so hot. I've touched myself before, but never when I've felt like this. I wrap my fingers around it and I moan. My hand moves with no direction from me, up and down, up and down. I keep thinking of Bella and all the times she's kissed me, touched me, looked at me with her big brown eyes, and my movements quicken.

"Mmmm," I moan. "Bella . . ."

I want her here right now. I want to do things with her we've never done before . . . I want to see her naked. I want to hear her say my name again, just like she said it in the cottage.

"Oh, Bella!" I try to keep quiet, but there is so much heat and pressure building I can't keep it down.

I kick the covers down and look at myself, at my hand moving, and suddenly, it's Bella's hand. Her pretty face is watching me and my hand is in her hair. Her tiny hand moves in ways I never imagined and I can't hold it back anymore. A shudder rips through my body as hot wetness streams through my fingers, covering my chest. Slowly, I drift back to my bed, back to reality.

Flickers of light move behind my eyelids as I become aware of time and space once more. There is still music playing, rain is tapping against the window, and I discover I'm covered in sweat. Fascinated, I watch my erection, so hard just a moment ago, soften and shrink. Who knew it grew that much?

I lie in bed, listening to the songs Bella picked out for me, lying in the blankets Bella washed for me, feeling the emotions Bella given me . . . there is nothing she hasn't done—or wouldn't do—for me. I'm so lucky. I sigh, thinking of my perfect girl.

After a bit of time has passed, I feel the need for a shower. The itch I was feeling has gone and I'm left with a bit of a mess. I look down at my chest and run my fingers through the sticky white stuff, wondering how it could possibly make a baby. Carlisle knows a lot, but on this, he must be wrong. I shake my head and climb out of bed to grab my robe. After it's tied tightly around my waist, I tiptoe quietly down the hall to the bathroom. Just as I'm about to open the door, my mother steps from her room, her hair a complete mess and her face surprised.

"Oh, Edward! I didn't expect to see you up so late." She looks at my hand and blushes bright red.

I quickly shove my hand into my pocket. "Oh . . . I'm just taking a shower," I tell her, feeling very stupid.

"Yes, well . . . goodnight," she says before turning and running back into her room.

I feel my face turn very hot and slam the bathroom door behind me. For the first time ever, I think I might like to live in my own house . . . or in a house with Bella. I smile, thinking of her again, and step into the tub to clean myself, wondering how long it will be before something like that could happen.

***O*o*O***

**A/N: Please leave my dear beta some love! :)**


	26. Chapter 26

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thanks so much to my fabulous beta and friend, Justine, you are the definition of awesome! Thank you all my lovely reader for the lovely words you left for the previous chapter - Justine and I both truly appreciate them!**

**~XXXX~**

**EPOV**

"How are you feeling today?"

That is always the first thing Eleazar asks every time I see him.

"Good," I tell him.

"I think you can do a little better than that," Eleazar says to me, smiling.

I feel a hundred things at once, but I'm not sure how to tell him that.

"You look overwhelmed, Edward. Why don't you start with what you've done recently."

"I met my new tutor."

"Yes, Carmen told me she was going to recommend Garrett to your mother. He is highly respected in the field of adult education. What do you think of him?"

"I like him. He is like Jasper - easy to be around."

Eleazar smiles at me. "What do you feel about the things you're learning?"

I'm not sure what he means and I guess it shows.

"Do you feel challenged?" he asks. "Are there things coming back to you?"

"Yes. A few."

"Would you care to share any of them with me, Edward?"

"Some math...some social studies. It's confusing, trying to fit...to fit all the pieces together."

Eleazar leans toward me, smiling again.

"That's to be expected."

"Will I ever fit them all in?"

"It's hard to say, Edward. You are making amazing progress, and I think you are putting a lot of the pieces into place, but there really is no way to completely make up for all those years you lost."

Eleazar is always honest with me; I like that.

"You seem distracted today, Edward. Is there something else on your mind?"

"Masturbation."

Eleazar coughs a few times and adjusts how he's sitting in his chair. His eyes look...what's the word? Amused? Yes...I think that's it.

"Anything specific about it, or just in general?"

"I tried it. I...I liked it...a lot."

Eleazar laughs out loud.

I don't understand what's funny.

"You certainly have no secrets, Edward. Do you have any questions or feelings about your experience?"

"Is...is it like that for everyone?"

"I'm not sure what you mean? Like what?" Eleazar asks.

I'm not even sure I can tell Eleazar my feelings...there were so many.

"Amazing. It felt amazing and relaxing, and I want more."

Again, Eleazar laughs. "You are a refreshing person to talk to, Edward."

**~xx~**

Bella waves at me from the steps of the cottage. Alice leans toward her and says something and they both laugh. I watch until they are both just tiny figures in the rear window.

Jasper and Emmett are taking me to a baseball game in Seattle. I loved baseball when I was a kid, loved playing catch with my dad, but…we never got to go to a game together. Thinking of him makes me sad. I don't stop myself. Eleazar says it's good for me to think of him, to work through the emotions and keep his memory alive.

I've never seen so many people, except on television. They're loud and pushy. I feel uncomfortable.

I like our seats; no one sits behind us and I sit on the end. Jasper is the only person next to me.

The rules of the game come back to me while I watch, and the noise around me fades away until it's just me and the game.

"Edward! You want anything?" Emmett's voice is even louder than the crowd around us.

I look at him, confused. I'm not sure what he wants.

"Dude, do you want food?" he asks when I don't answer.

Looking around me, I see several people eating. Now that Emmett has brought up food, I notice the hunger in my stomach.

I nod at him and he gives me a thumbs-up before taking off into the crowd.

"You enjoying the game?" Jasper asks over the noise.

"Yes," I tell him.

"You seem like you're off in your own world - everything alright?"

"Remembering."

Jasper bobs his head, and I think he understands. I like that about him. I never have to explain...it's the same with Bella.

"Here you go, man. One chili cheese dog with onions and a beer."

Emmett passes me the hot dog, but Jasper keeps the drink.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Edward's nineteen; you can't be buying him beer."

"Seriously? I thought he was older."

Emmett takes the drink back from Jasper and downs the whole cup at once.

"No worries, Edward. When you hit twenty-one, we'll take you out for real celebration - booze and boobs. It'll be awesome."

Emmett turns back to the game and I'm left wondering why anyone would drink the sour smelling liquid, though I see lots of people are, and what boobs have to do with birthdays.

It begins to rain on the drive home and I still can't get Emmett's comment out if my mind.

"What did you mean by booze and boobs?"

Emmett turns to look at me, his face surprised.

"You really don't understand what I meant, do you?"

I don't like the look that crosses Emmett's face when I shake my head. I can tell he feels bad for me.

"_Booze_ is a slang term for liquor - like the beer Emmett had." Jasper laughs when he sees my wrinkled nose in the tiny mirror on the front window. "And _boobs_ is a slang term for women's breasts."

"I don't understand why they would go together?"

Emmett starts to speak, but Jasper interrupts. "They don't, not really. They are both frequently enjoyed by Emmett."

"I still don't understand."

"I drink because I like to, and boobs are just awesome," Emmett tells me.

"Why?"

"'Cause they're fun as hell, bro." Emmett laughs loudly as he speaks.

"Fun how?"

"Because of all the things you can do with them; the way they feel against your chest and in your hands . . . and, oh, under your tongue." He stops and sighs. "You're missing out, man. You need to do some exploring, and Bella will thank you—trust me."

My head feels heavy with all this new information, words and images mixing all together. I'm not sure if I'm more confused now or before I asked.

I feel hot and almost dizzy thinking about how Bella touched herself. Would she let me touch her like that? Does she want to touch me?

More and more questions fill my mind as I watch the trees speed past my window.

**~xx~**

"What are you thinking about?"

Bella stops watching the clouds and looks at me; she is blushing.

"You, actually," she says.

"Tell me."

She blushes darker and turns over so her face is hidden in the grass.

"No...no - too embarrassing."

"Please."

Bella looks up at me. She is smiling and still blushing.

"I'll tell you if you tell me the things you think about."

I smile at her and she sits up, facing me in the tall grass.

"I think about kissing you...holding you...touching you."

Her voice gets softer with each thing she adds. She looks down for a moment and then back up, but she doesn't look straight at me - she looks at me through her eyelashes(.) She's never done that before.

It gives me a warm feeling inside; my heart beats faster and my breath is quicker.

"Me too," I tell her. "I think about that, too."

"You do?"

Bella's eyes go wide and she looks excited.

"Yes."

She scoots closer, moving her hand over mine.

"I think about you touching me, too." Her voice is so soft I can hardly hear her.

I think of that night I saw her in her room, the sound of her moans, the moonlight on her pink skin. My penis starts growing in my pants with these thoughts.

"Where?" I ask. "Where do you think about me touching you?"

Bella's hand tightens on mine and she moves them together, skimming up her thigh and over her hip, slowly up her waist until my fingers slide over her breast.

"Here." Her voice is a whisper...and her eyes...her eyes are different then I've seen them. They have something...more in them.

I look back and forth from her eyes to my hand, unsure what to do next.

She moves her hand from mine and rests it against my cheek.

"Edward, it's alright if you touch me. I want you to."

My heart beats faster and my fingers shake when I move them to cover her breast.

Bella closes her eyes and sighs quietly before her lips touch mine.

Her cold fingers go under my shirt and slide up my stomach until her hands are pressed against my chest.

Bella presses more kisses to my mouth before pulling away to look in my eyes.

"Is everything alright?" she asks.

I pull my hand back, fearing I've done something wrong.

"Edward? Are you okay?"

"I...I don't know what you want." I feel upset - upset with myself and confused and turned on.

"Hey…" Bella moves her hands from my chest to my face. "Edward I only want you."

"But I don't know what I'm doing."

I pull away from Bella and turn my back. I don't want her to see how frustrated I am.

As soon as my back is turned, I feel Bella's arms around my shoulders and her lips on my neck.

"Edward, will you turn toward me, please?"

I do as she asks, though I keep my eyes down.

I feel her fingers in my hair and her kisses on my cheek.

"Will you look at me, please?"

Again, I do as she asks.

"What happened? Why did you pull away?"

Bella's eyes look soft...understanding.

"I didn't know what to do next. What you wanted…how to touch you."

Her smile is big when she hugs me tight and kisses me again and again, making me feel even more confused.

"You beautiful man, is that what's bothering you? You think you did something wrong?" She doesn't wait for me to answer before she speaks again. "Edward, there is no right way to be with someone. I love all your touches because they are from _you_. What you were doing was perfect."

My heart feels full. I didn't do anything wrong.

I still feel nervous, but my fingers don't shake when I reach for her this time and pull her tight against me.

I let my hand wander back up past her waist, over her stomach to the edge of her breast. Bella's eyes are fixed on mine and I can see excitement in them. I slide my hand completely over her breast and squeeze just a little to see what happens. Her breath catches and she pushes closer to me.

A few seconds pass and my heart is beating so hard I know Bella must hear it.

"Nothing you do will be wrong," she whispers.

I'm amazed how Bella always knows what I'm thinking. Her words make me feel good, and I try something I've seen Jasper do several times. I let the hand that's still on her waist drift down until it's covering her bottom and then I pull her tight against me. The feel of her pressed against my hard penis is beyond any words I have. Bella's smile is even bigger. She pulls my face down and kisses me slow and deep.

I could happily stay like this all night, rubbing her breast, pressed together at the hip.

It's almost dark when I head back to the house after leaving Bella at the cottage and I feel I can't get to my room soon enough for some alone time.

**~xx~**

It's been three weeks since the baseball game with Jasper and Emmett, though it feels like much longer.

I have been working long hours with my tutor, some days it feels like my brain will give up.

Carlisle is still helping me with a job search, though both he and my tutor think there's no rush.

Jasper comes to Forks several times a week, and I enjoy talking to him about things that confuse me; he has a way of answering my questions that doesn't make me feel stupid for asking. I think some of my questions embarrass him, like when I asked about the white goo that comes out of my penis—he blushed a lot, but explained how the sperm live in the goo.

Mom and Bella have been extra busy lately; there have been so many people, it makes me very nervous...and annoyed. The guests take up a lot of our time. Time I would rather Bella was spending with me.

I tell Eleazar about my nervous and annoyed feelings. He tells me both are very normal, that I may never feel comfortable around crowds, and when you love someone it is often annoying to not spend as much time with them as you wish.

When he asked me if I had other things on my mind, I wasn't able to explain my growing frustration to him. How can I tell him what is frustrating me when I don't even know? It feels like everything.

**~xx~**

Rain is coming down hard and fast...like a shower, but outside.

Mom and Carlisle went up to bed an hour ago, and I've just been watching TV. I'm too restless to lie down.

When I go up to my room, I can't relax. I try listening to music and playing with Max - neither help. I have something inside me that won't calm down. It feels like my insides are running around in circles, like Max when he tries to bite his own tail.

I even try touching myself, but stop before I finish. It's not _my_ touch I want.

The clock says twelve-thirty; I've been trying to relax for two hours - nothing is working.

"Max, come...shhh." I tiptoe down the hall, past mom's closed door and down the stairs. Max is not so quiet as he runs down the stairs to the front door.

I slip my raincoat on and close the door quietly behind me before stepping into the rain.

I head through the dark hoping Bella is still awake. I don't know what I'm feeling tonight, the only thing I know is Bella can help me...she always helps me.

I tap softly on the cottage door and wait - nothing happens. I knock louder the second time. This time I see a light come on inside and a few seconds later I see the curtain in the window next to the door move. When Bella opens the door Max runs in and shakes in the middle of the living room. Bella is rubbing her eyes and I can't say a word, she never wore anything like what she is wearing now when she slept with me. The white t-shirt she has on goes to mid thigh and it hides very little. I can see her breasts, her small, pink nipples, and bright green underwater.

"Edward? Is everythi-"

I'm in the door, wrapping my arms around her waist, and kissing her hard before she can finish.

I can feel some of the frustration and annoyance leave my body. Just holding Bella makes me feel better.

When Bella pulls back, I can see the rain from my coat has soaked her shirt, making her body more visible and my already hard penis press tighter in my pants.

"Can I sleep here tonight?" I ask quietly, my heart pounding, my mouth dry. "With you?"

Bella's "Of course." is a whisper.

After hanging up my coat, I follow Bella to her bedroom where she is setting a blanket for Max in the corner.

I can't take my eyes off her as she pats the blanket into a mound and then stands to cross the room.

"Give me just a second, I need to change." Bella pulls gray pants and a purple top from her dresser.

I grab her hand before she goes into the bathroom. "Just the shirt."

She looks at me with her lips parted and whispers, "Oh . . ." before leaving her pants on a nearby chair, a blush turning her cheeks a bright pink.

I strip down to my underwear while Bella changes in the bathroom. I've never slept with her and been in so little clothing. It was always lounge pants and a t-shirt.

When Bella steps out of the bathroom she doesn't say a word, just turns out the light and climbs into her bed.

I crawl in next to her and curl my body around hers, my front to her back.

Her fingers stroke the hairs on my arm so lightly it makes me shiver.

"Are you okay?" I can hear the worry in her voice.

"I just need you."

Bella wraps her arms over mine, hugging them to her and causing my hand to brush her breast.

I have touched her breasts many times the last few weeks, but not like this - not without her bra on... They feel completely different.

They were soft before, but now...I don't have a word for how they feel in my hands.

Her nipple gets hard and stands out when I brush my fingers over it and I wonder how it feels to her.

"What does it feel like when I do this?" and I brush my fingers over her again.

Bella sighs. "Heavenly."

"I want to touch more of you," I tell her.

Bella puts her hand over mine and slides it off her breast. For a moment I'm disappointed - I've asked too much.

She moves my hand to the bottom of her t-shirt and slips both of them underneath.

Her skin is warm on my hand.

She keeps our hands moving until they are back on her breast - her bare breast.

My heart pounds harder when she presses my fingers to her nipple and moves them in small circles. It's surprisingly bumpy and it changes as I touch - from smooth to raised, soft to hard.

"The other one..."

Bella's voice is soft and...breathy? I think that's the word.

I spread my fingers and smooth my hand across her body, finding her other nipple already stiff.

Bella's hand leaves mine and I feel it on my hip, pulling me closer until my erection brushes her bottom.

My heart beats faster, my breathing speeds, and I press into her even closer.

"Pull it—just a little, with your fingertips."

I follow her directions, making sure I'm gentle.

She makes a humming noise and her fingers grip my thigh right below my boxers, nudging me against her. The feeling is unbelievable.

I want more.

"More," I breathe across Bella's neck.

She moves her hand from my leg and begins sliding it up - my penis starts to throb the closer she gets.

Her hand slides over my erection, her fingers tracing the edges.

My body freezes - even my breathing - waiting to see what she will do next.

She grips me tighter, moving her hand upward and it's the most wonderful thing I've ever felt.

My breath leaves my body in a moan and I push more of myself into her hand.

Bella moves her hand again, pushing it down to the base then back up again, very slowly.

Bella pulls my unused hand to her and smoothes it down her body until my fingers are pressed between her legs.

Her breath catches as soon as I make contact; her underwear are warm and damp as she moves our fingers together in small circles over the cloth.

Her hand on me moves faster and I push harder against her.

Our breathing comes in short pants, her hand moving over me...mine over her.

The now familiar sensation begins in my stomach and works its way through my body, until all the feeling and energy gather in my penis and rocket from my body.

I hold Bella close to me, continuing to thrust against her as warm liquid soaks my boxers.

Bella continues breathing heavily. "Please keep going," she moans to me and pushes my fingers to rub faster.

It's only moments before I feel her body begin to shake in my arms, my name whispered on her lips, and then a low, loud moan before her whole body goes limp.

Bella lets go of my now soft penis and turns in my arms, kissing me softly on the lips.

I'm tired and my eyes feel heavy.

"I'm so glad you came down tonight," she says, hugging me tighter.

I can only smile and kiss the top of her head. I have too many thoughts and feelings to be able to talk.

I roll back until I'm flat, pulling Bella with me. She lays her head on my chest, our arms and legs wrapped around each other.

"I love you," I whisper into her hair.

Bella strokes my chest a few times and places kisses over my heart whispering her "I love you" against my skin.

The last half hour plays in my mind as I drift to sleep and I know I never want to sleep anywhere except next to Bella.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: :D Thank you all for reading!**


	27. Chapter 27

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you so very much to my wonderful friend and beta, Justine - you are amazing. I can't say enough thank yous to all of you that read, you all blow me away with your pimping and kind reviews.**

****I don't condone derogatory nicknames or prejudice, but sadly they both exist :( **

**~XXXX~**

**BPOV**

"Earth to Bella." Alice's fingers snap in front of my eyes, bringing my attention back to her face. "So? What do you say?" Alice's face has a pleading, expectant look and I feel bad that I have no idea what she is talking about.

"Ummm..."

Alice eyes me with suspicion - she knows I wasn't listening.

"Club Twilight. This Saturday. Under twenty-one night. Any of this ringing a bell?"

My first instinct is to say no, but something stops me and makes me consider Alice's words. Edward is a grown adult and becoming more aware of that fact; I have no right to speak for him.

"I'll talk to Edward and see what he thinks."

"Really?" Alice is genuinely surprised. I think she assumed I would just answer for us both, and that kind of bothers me. I don't ever want Edward to feel he doesn't have choices in his life.

"Yeah. Who knows?" I shrug. "Might be fun."

Alice claps her hands with the gleeful expression of a child before setting her chin in her hands, eyes inquisitive.

"Spill the beans, you. Why so distracted?"

I can feel the smile cross my face at the memory of the last several nights. My hands on Edward, his hands on me.

"Just thinking about Edward," I tell her.

"Uh huh, and what about him?" Not a chance is Alice giving this up.

"He's been coming down to the cottage every night for the past several days...and staying all night."

Alice is leaning on the coffee shop table, anticipation practically oozing out of her.

"_And_?" she all but yells, causing several people to look our way. Alice ignores the stares; all of her attention is focused on me.

"Come on, Bella. I _know_ there is more than that. You're just teasing me to see if my head will explode."

I shake my head at Alice - she is too much sometimes.

"Well, I'm not giving you details. I'll only say we did sleep in the same bed and he is eager to please."

Alice's earsplitting squeal has the entire coffee shop eyeing us now.

I know she is expecting more, but I want to keep exactly what's between Edward and me private right now.

Alice shoots me stink-eye across the table when I don't speak. "Fine, keep your secrets, but that off-in-dreamland look doesn't come from snuggling."

All I can do is smile at her assessment and go back to sipping my coffee.

**EPOV**

"Stop! Stop! Jesus Christ, Edward! Hit the fucking brake!" Jasper is gripping the door handle, his face is white, and he looks frightened.

I feel..._alive_. My heart beats fast and my stomach is tight, but it feels good and I want to go faster.

"I'm serious, Edward. I won't teach you anymore if you don't stop this car right fucking now!"

I know Jasper means it. He is yelling and swearing, and I have never heard him do that. I press the brake hard until the car comes to a stop. I miss the speed as soon as it's gone.

"Switch places with me," Jasper says as he unbuckles his seat belt and climbs out of the car.

I feel disappointed when I settle into my seat. Jasper has been teaching me all the rules of driving and even letting drive up and down the long dirt driveway. Today was my first time on the road.

Jasper turns the car, going back the way we came.

"What were you thinking, Edward?" I don't like the feeling of Jasper being upset with me.

"I just wanted to go fast - I like how it feels."

Jasper looks at me quickly before looking back at the road. He isn't angry at all - he's laughing.

"Just remember you need to follow the speed limit regardless of how you feel. Okay?"

I nod, but it isn't as fun.

**~xx~**

"Are you nervous?" Carlisle's voice breaks into my thoughts. I blink a few times, thinking about his question.

Carlisle has found a job for me, working in the cafeteria at the hospital wiping tables, washing dishes. Today is meant to be a "try it" day. If I like it, I can keep going. If not, I don't have to.

"No," I tell him, and I'm not. I wasn't thinking about the job at all, I was thinking about Bella. Thinking about being back in her bed...touching her.

"Well, if you have any problems, don't hesitate to have them call me."

I nod as he pulls his car into the parking lot.

I follow Carlisle through the halls and try not to let it bother me when several nurses wave at Carlisle and then whisper and stare at me when he looks the other way.

Carlisle gives me a pat on the shoulder and walks away after introducing me to the kitchen supervisor, a short man with little eyes and big glasses.

I'm taken to a room where I can hang up my coat. _Break Room_ is what the sign on the door says, and then I'm taken to the kitchen.

My first task is wiping down tables. I'm given an apron, a plastic tub, and a rag. I'm told to gather dishes and clean all food from the tables. After my tub is full, I take it to the kitchen for the dishwashers and get another tub.

The work is easy, but I run out of tables to clear quickly - there aren't a lot of people in the cafeteria.

I take my half-full tub to the kitchen and set it where I was told to. The guy working the dishwasher doesn't say anything, just grabs the tub and loads the dishes into a tray and shoves the tray in the dishwasher.

The rest of the day is the same thing over and over again: put dishes in the tub, wipe the tables, take the tub to the kitchen. The only thing that is different is lunchtime.

I eat my lunch in the break room, just like I have been told to. Five other people eat lunch the same time I do, but the only one who talks to me is the guy who washes the dishes.

He says hello and asks me my name. I learn his name is Paul, he grew up in La Push, and has been working here at the hospital for a year.

I'm proud of talking to Paul. Eleazar told me I need to engage people...ask questions, not just answer questions they ask me.

When Carlisle comes for me at the end of the day, I tell him I like the job and I want to go back.

**BPOV**

"Hey, are you okay?" I ask Edward as I come up behind him and slide my arms around him, placing kisses on his back.

"Yeah."

"That wasn't convincing at all," I tell him, ducking under his arm in order to see his face.

"I'm just trying to figure some things out."

My immediate reaction is to want to fix it, but at Edward's last appointment with Eleazar, he and I had a private discussion and Eleazar asked me to try and let Edward work out as many things as he can on his own.

Taking a deep breath I swallow my stream of questions. "I'm here if you want to talk about anything."

He gives me a dazzling smile, but remains silent.

**~xx~**

"Bella. Are you awake?" His voice and a light shake drag me awake.

"I am now," I tell him as I turn to face him.

"I have a question."

I can't even be annoyed with him for waking me, his face is so sweet and happy.

"Did you just think of it now or didn't you go to sleep?"

"I haven't slept yet."

I reach for my phone to check and see if it's as late at it feels.

"Edward, it's two a.m.. What in the world have you been doing for the last four hours?"

"Thinking and watching you sleep."

I'm honestly not sure whether I'm flattered or a little bit creeped out...a little of both, really.

"Why were you watching me sleep?"

"Because you are beautiful when you sleep."

His innocent adorableness melts me and I want to kiss him until we're both breathless, but his wide, expectant gaze stops me...I almost forgot the reason he woke me up.

"What's your question?"

"What does 'Special Ed' mean?"

My stomach churns a little. Please don't let this be what I fear it is.

"Where did you hear that term?"

"At work. It's a nickname."

"Who calls you that?" I ask, my anger making my voice harsher then I mean it to be.

"A couple of the guys, they said its funny, but I don't understand why."

I'm caught between anger and sadness - he has no idea they are making fun of him.

"When did this start?" I ask, trying to calm my voice. I don't want Edward to think I'm mad at him.

"Second day. One of the guys was telling jokes and I didn't laugh, and they've been calling me Special Ed since then."

My poor, innocent man. I don't know what to say to him, but I suppose the truth is the best way to go.

I reach for him, stroking my fingers down his face, hoping my touch will ease the painful truth I'm about to tell him.

"They are laughing at you, Edward. It's not a nickname, they are making fun of you." I can barely choke out the last part because of the hurt look on his face.

His brow is scrunched and his eyes glisten. "Why would they do that?"

"Because you are different than they are and some people think it's okay to make fun of what they don't understand."

His brow smooths, but the moisture still hangs heavy on his eyes, fat tears moments from falling.

"Is it true? Am I special?"

I take his face between my hands and kiss his forehead. "Yes, you are. You are wonderfully, beautifully special, and I love you and wouldn't have you any other way." I emphasize my words with a soft kiss on his lips.

I sink back into my pillow, pulling him with me and settling his head across my chest.

"Why do I have to be the one that's different?" His voice is muffled against my shirt.

"It's not something that matters, Edward. We are all different in our own way. Try not to let what other people think bother you too much."

He moves his head so he is looking me in the face. "Why?"

"What you think of yourself is what really matters. Are you happy with you?"

"I think so. I wish I was smarter...understood more things."

I push myself back to seated position and flick on the bedside lamp. I want to be sure he can see me and knows I am serious.

"I don't ever want you to say that again - you are very smart. A year ago you were living in a cave alone and you didn't talk. Now look at you! You're talking, you're reading, you have a job and you're learning to drive. I think you're amazing."

He gives me a little crooked grin and I think my point has been made.

"You left something out," he informs me, flashing that smile again. "A beautiful girlfriend."

"Beautiful, huh?"

"Very," he tells me, leaning in for a kiss.

A few moments later we are snuggled back against the pillows, legs intertwined, just holding each other.

I hope he takes to heart what I've said and I hope those guys stop, otherwise Edward's beautiful girlfriend may have to kick their ass.

**EPOV**

I work at the hospital three days a week, the rest of the week I help mom and Bella. Today I'm helping mom strip down beds and remake them.

"Do you and Bella have any plans for the weekend?" Mom asks as we stretch a sheet over the bed.

"We are going to a club in Seattle with Alice and Jasper."

"Really?" Her voice is high pitched, her face surprised for a moment before she clears her throat. "Just be careful, okay?"

I smile at her while we pull the blankets over the bed.

"Can I ask you something, Mom?"

"Of course, dear. You can always ask me anything."

She tosses me a pillow and I slip it in the cover. "Are you and Carlisle going to get married?"

Mom stops what she is doing, the cover half on the pillow.

"That's quite a change of subject." Mom finishes pulling the cover on the pillow. "Neither of us is ready for that now, but maybe...someday."

"I hope you do, you're happy together."

Mom's smile is huge and her face almost glowing. She gathers the sheets and puts them in a basket and we move on to the next room.

"I have a question for you, Edward."

"Okay."

"When are you going to admit you stay with Bella every night and stop sneaking out of your room?"

Her voice sounds a little annoyed, but when I look at her face she is smiling at me.

"You should have just said something to me, Edward. As hard as it is for me to grasp, you are an adult, free to come and go as you please. I want you to feel like you can talk to me about things."

I feel bad that I didn't tell her. I thought she would be upset.

"I'm sorry," I tell her. "You aren't mad?"

"Of course not, Edward. I know you and Bella love each other, and spending as much time together as you can is natural. Besides, it would be rather hypocritical of me to be upset with you when I'm doing the same thing."

We just look at each other a moment before Mom speaks again. "I hope you know you can share anything on your mind or ask me any questions."

"I know," I say.

We return to our silent bed making, several questions forming in my mind.

"How did you know when you were ready for sex?"

Mom's eyes are wide and her mouth opens and shuts several times.

She sits down on the edge of the un-made bed and pats the spot next to her.

After I sit she turns her head to look at me. "Edward, that's really something only you can answer. I'm sure your body is more than ready. Sleeping with someone is more than just the act, or it should be more. It should be about love and trust and, yes, gratification too."

I smile at her words.

"What's amusing?"

"You sound like Carlisle; he said the same thing to me."

Mom looks surprised and pleased.

The doorbell ringing interrupts our moment, but before I run downstairs to answer, Mom gives me a quick hug. "Bella is a special girl. Your heart will tell you when the time is right."

"Thank you," I tell her and return her hug before going to the living room.

I jog across the floor, so many thoughts running through my brain, and pull open the door to reveal…

"Chief Swan." I swallow thickly. "Bella isn't here. She went into town."

"I'm here to see you, actually."

I step back so he can come inside. He seems uncomfortable. So am I.

"Edward, who was at the do—?" Mom stops in the middle of the stairs, just watching Charlie.

"Everything okay, Charlie?" Mom asks, coming the rest of the way down the stairs.

"Yeah. I just came by to speak with Edward for a moment. I won't keep him long."

"You can sit in the dining room. I'll have some lunch ready in a few minutes.

"I can't stay, but maybe another time."

Mom gives Charlie a strange look. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything, Edward."

Charlie follows me into the dining room and sits in a chair across the table from me.

"Edward, I'm here to apologize to you. I haven't been fair to you or Bella. You've been good to her, and I've treated you otherwise.

I don't know what to say to him, so I say nothing.

"I'm just going to wait down by the cottage; I owe Bella an apology, too."

Charlie stands and shakes my hand before leaving. I still haven't said a word. I think I'm shocked...I'm sure that's the right word for it.

"That was quick." Mom looks around the corner from the kitchen. "Everything alright?"

"He apologized."

Mom looks as surprised as I feel.

"Wow. Well, I'm glad he came to his senses and stopped being an ass."

Mom walks to the window and pulls back the curtain. "Is he just planning on waiting there for Bella?"

"I guess so."

Mom turns back to me and puts her arm around me. "You seem stunned, dear."

"I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say."

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart. What do you say to some lunch?"

"Yes, please." I follow her back to the kitchen.

**~xx~**

When I feel arms around my waist I almost drop the tub in my hands.

"Oh my gosh, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm so sorry, Edward."

"Bella." I turn to see her standing right behind me, looking completely beautiful.

I don't care that I have water on my apron, or that there are people still in the cafeteria, I pull her to me and hug her tight.

She kisses me on the neck and whispers against my skin, "People are staring."

"I don't care." I don't want to let her go. She smells too good...feels too good...everything about her is good.

Bella giggles and pulls away just a little, and I reluctantly let her go.

"Carlisle's nurse called me. He's stuck in surgery, so I'm driving you home today."

Bella follows me into the kitchen so I can put away my things.

"Damn, who's the hottie, Edward?" Paul stops loading dishes and stares at Bella.

"Bella. My girlfriend," I tell him, setting down my dish tub and blocking his view of Bella - I don't like the way he looks at her.

"Yeah, right. Good one, Special Ed."

I feel my fingers curl without my brain telling them to. I have asked him not to call me that, told him I know he's making fun of me, and he laughed in my face. I ignore him everyday and usually he doesn't bother me, but hearing him call me that in front of Bella...it feels like something broke loose inside me and I hit him as hard as I can, right in the mouth.

"Edward!" Bella's voice is high and sharp behind me and I feel her tugging on my arm.

Paul is backed against the dishwasher, blood running from his mouth and fear in his eyes. I look around me, the rest of the kitchen staff is staring. Bella has her hands over her mouth, eyes wide in surprise.

I drop my raised fist and reach for the cloth in the dish tub, handing it to Paul.

"Fuck off, freak show! Stay away from me!" Paul shouts at me and shoves past me out of the kitchen.

"Are you alright?"

I nod my answer to Bella.

"Am I in trouble?"

"Probably," she tells me.

"What do I do now?"

"We go home. The ball is in Paul's court now."

I don't know what that means, but I trust Bella and I let her take my hand and lead me from the kitchen and outside to the car.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask her once we're on our way.

"Not at all," she says. "I'm proud of you."

"You are?"

"Yeah. You stood up for yourself. The guy is a butthead; he had it coming."

She smiles at me and I feel a bit better.

"What do you say to dinner and a movie? Sound good?"

I don't want to disappoint her, but I don't want to be around people right now. I just want her.

"Can we have a picnic in the meadow instead?"

Bella reaches for my hand and squeezes it. "Of course."

"I love you," I tell her, kissing the palm of her hand.

"And I love you, Edward."

She smiles while she drives and I can't wait to be lying in the grass holding her against me.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you all so much for reading!**


	28. Chapter 28

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you so much to the most wonderful beta on earth, JustineNicole _ you are too fabulous for words and I love you! Thanks to all of you that read, review and rec - I appreciate it so much!**

**~XXXX~  
**

**EPOV**

"I'm scared, Bella. I don't want to be in trouble."

She squeezes my hand and I notice her eyes are watery when she looks at me.

"I know. I don't want you to get in trouble either. It will be okay. It will..."

Bella's words don't make me feel better. It feels more like she is talking to herself than me.

"Edward, they're ready for you now." The secretary speaks softy and smiles at me.

Bella kisses me on the lips and whispers, "I'll be right here. I love you, no matter what."

I hug Bella tight, pressing my face to her, wishing I didn't have to go into that office.

Bella lets me go and steps back. She tries to smile, but I know she is worried.

I walk through the door marked _Hospital Administrator_, my nerves making me feel ill.

Mr. Alistair, the hospital administrator, watches me enter and motions for me to take a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk. I sit in the only chair left; Paul is sitting in one, Carlisle in another.

I'm glad I get to have Carlisle in here with me. He will make sure I don't mess up.

"Alright, gentlemen, I think we need to examine the events that occurred recently to determine exactly what happened."

Mr. Alistair slides a piece of paper across the desk. "Paul has lodged a complaint against you, Edward. He states that you struck him in the face without provocation. Is this true?"

I feel panic twisting my stomach and look to Carlisle. He leans close and speaks where only I can hear, "Provocation means reason. Did you have a reason for hitting Paul?"

"No. I had a reason," I inform Mr. Alistair. I look to Carlisle again and he nods at me. Bella and I already explained everything to Carlisle, and he told me it's very important that I explain everything to Mr. Alistair.

I tell him about my first day. I tell him about the jokes and how I didn't understand them, and Paul giving me the name Special Ed. I tell Mr. Alistair about Bella explaining how Paul was making fun of me, how I had asked him to stop, and how I had been ignoring him. Finally, I tell him about the day I punched Paul. How it was a regular day - he teased, I ignored. I tell him about Bella coming to take me home and Paul laughing at the idea of Bella being my girlfriend. I explain how Paul called me Special Ed in front of Bella and about the snapping inside me and hitting Paul.

Mr. Alistair doesn't say a word while I talk. He doesn't smile or frown, just watches me and listens. He looks at Paul. "Is everything Edward said true?"

Paul squirms in his chair, looks at the floor and doesn't answer.

Mr. Alistair looks annoyed. "Mr. Lahote, will you please answer the question?"

Paul shifts again and looks up. "It's true."

Mr. Alistair sighs loudly, looking back and forth between Paul and me.

"I should fire you both, but your supervisor spoke highly of both of you, and I don't have people beating down my door to work here."

He sighs again and begins shuffling papers across his desk. "You will each apologize to each other, to your supervisor, and the rest of the kitchen staff, and both of you will be on a probation period. Any more incidences and you will be fired. Do either of you have anything else to add?"

"I can't apologize; I'm not sorry," I state.

"Can I speak with Edward a moment?" Carlisle asks Mr. Alistair.

He gives a small nod and turns his attention to the papers on his desk.

Carlisle leans close and speaks in a whisper. "Edward, it's important that you apologize."

Carlisle's words confuse me. "But I'm not sorry," I say again.

"I understand, Edward, but sometimes we have to say things we don't want to or don't mean."

"You...you want me to lie?" I'm even more confused now.

"No, not lie exactly. Isn't part of you sorry for how things happened, even if you aren't really sorry for punching Paul?"

I'm sorry I have caused trouble for Carlisle, but not for hitting Paul, and I tell Carlisle that.

He sighs deeply. "You should tell Mr. Alistair you are quitting. It looks better than being fired."

I look away from Carlisle. He seems tired. I look at Mr. Alistair, but he's still looking at the papers on his desk. Finally I look at Paul. His eyes are on the floor. His lips are still bruised and his nose is kind of swollen. Even looking at his face, I feel no sorrow for my actions. But, looking at the tired faces of Carlisle and Mr. Alistair, I feel bad for causing trouble for them.

"I'm sorry." All eyes are on me. "I'm sorry for the trouble I caused."

Paul gives a small nod and mumbles a "Sorry" at me.

"Thank you, gentlemen. Make sure you extend these sentiments to your supervisor and your fellow employees at your earliest convenience," Mr. Alistair says. He doesn't even stop looking through the papers on his desk when he speaks.

Carlisle touches me on the shoulder, telling me it's okay for me to leave now.

**~xx~**

Bella's hug feels wonderful once I'm out of Mr. Alistair's office.

"How did it go?" she asks, her voice worried.

"Okay." I tell her everything that was said.

"Sounds like Mr. Alistair was trying to be very fair. I'm glad you didn't get in real trouble." Bella pulls away from me to look at my face. "You don't look very happy. Are you alright?"

I notice Paul and Carlisle over Bella's shoulder as I think about her question. Carlisle already told me he has patients waiting on him and he checks his Blackberry as he hurries down the hall. Paul walks past us silently, never moving his gaze from the floor in front of him.

"Yes. I'm alright. I'm just glad this is over."

Bella looks at me a moment longer. She knows I'm not telling her something, but she doesn't ask and I'm glad for that. Even though Mr. Alistair seemed pleased with my apology, I feel like I wasn't really truthful, but I just couldn't make myself be sorry for hitting Paul. So I apologized for the only thing I could - causing trouble. It still feels wrong, though, like a half-truth. I remember Mom telling me as kid to always tell the truth, but I also remember Dad telling me sometimes it's okay to tell a half-truth, like when we would have a surprise for Mom and I would have to keep it a secret.

All these thoughts make my head hurt and there is only one thing I am sure of: being an adult is hard.

**~xx~**

**BPOV**

One final look in the mirror…and I _still_ can't believe I let Alice talk me into buying this outfit.

The black leather pants fit like they were sewn onto my body - more a second skin than a piece of clothing, and the flimsy silver top shows off my minuscule cleavage...I feel virtually naked.

Slowly, so I don't break my neck in the ridiculous shoes I'm wearing, I make my way out to the living room where Edward is waiting for me. He's watching TV on the couch when I step out of the bedroom, though he shuts it off and stands up as soon as he sees me.

My breath catches in my throat when Edward stands before me. I have seen the clothes that he and Jasper picked out for the club tonight, but seeing them on the hanger and seeing them on Edward are two entirely different things.

The dark wash jeans hug his legs making them look even longer than they naturally are. The black button-down shirt he's wearing shows off his toned body, from the rolled sleeves revealing muscled arms, to the silver buttons running the length of his torso - making for a very appealing package.

When he slides on a pair of reflective sunglasses and extends his hand to me, I feel my mouth go dry and my temperature shoot up a few degrees.

On any other man that move would have looked rehearsed, but on Edward...it's perfect.

He settles an arm around me as we walk out the door.

"I like this shirt," he tells me. When I look up at him with questioning eyes his only response is to stretch his fingers further across my back. His touch is his answer. Of course he likes it...this shirt with it's low-scooped back makes it impossible for me to wear a bra and gives him unfettered access to a patch of bare skin.

Shivers crawl over my skin, but not from the nip in the night air. Edward's touch is lingering and promising; he seems excited. Perhaps going to this club won't be such a bad idea after all.

**~xx~**

I can feel the music thrumming through the concrete as we wait in line to enter Club Twilight. Alice and Jasper are just ahead of us, lost in their own world, holding each other close.

Edward has his arm around me again, his fingers tracing up and down my spine. I observe the people around us, most similar to ourselves - couples and small groups waiting their turn to get inside. Several pairs of eyes are lingering on Edward, drinking in his beauty and he is completely oblivious, his eyes are focused on me.

When it's finally our turn to enter, excitement permeates the air around us, pulsing through the crowd with a life of its own. The club mix of _Moves Like Jagger _has set everyone dancing and I'm amused at how Edward watches with fascination.

The song changes as I pull Edward along the edge of the dance floor, intent on making my way to the bar for a soda.

I don't recognize the song, but the rhythm is slow and rich, almost seductive.

Edward and I watch the couples begin to sway and grind to the beat.

"Teach me," he whispers in my ear.

"I don't know how to dance like that, Edward."

"You know how to dance, I've seen you."

I can feel the surprise cross my face. I'm always careful to make sure no one ever sees me dance.

"When have you seen me?"

"When you aren't looking." There is mischief in his eyes when I look at his face and I'm left completely speechless.

Edward moves to the dance floor, pulling me with him and finds us a spot where the crowd doesn't press too tightly.

Edward watches the people around us for a moment before pulling me flush to his body, his hand sliding to the small of my back.

"Show me," he says again.

"Put your other hand on my hip and find the beat with your body."

Edward's hand glides down to grip my hip and he moves his body along with mine. His natural grace puts me to shame.

I have no idea how long we sway to the music, long after that first song ended, and I find that I don't mind being on the dance floor. At least, as long as Edward is with me.

"Bella! Edward!" Even yelling Alice's voice can barely be heard above the music and she's only a couple feet away. "Drinks?"

I nod and only now notice Edward and I are the only ones still dancing slowly. Everyone around us is moving more vigorously to an up-tempo beat.

We join Alice and Jasper at a small table, grateful for the cool moisture of our sodas.

Alice is in her element - she enthuses about the music, the mood, and discusses half the girls' outfits in the place. Jasper just smiles his ever patient smile, holding her hand and placing the occasional kiss on her neck. Edward looks as stunned as I feel. I love Alice to death, but sometimes her never-ending chatter could wear the patience of a saint.

Edward and I stay seated after Alice and Jasper headed back to the dance floor. We don't talk, just watch. I watch the dance floor and Edward watches me. Every time I check to see if he has shifted his gaze, his eyes are fixed on me - longing clearly reflected in their depths.

We dance to a few more songs, but Edward doesn't seem as enthusiastic as before; he seems distracted.

"Are you okay?" I ask him.

"Yes. Can we leave now?"

"Of course," I respond and we find Alice and Jasper to let them know we're leaving.

Alice looks a little disappointed, but thanks us for coming up to Seattle, and before I can even assure her it was no trouble, she has melted back into the crowd of dancers.

**~xx~**

The drive home is quiet, too quiet really. I expected Edward to have a hundred questions, about the club, about the way people were dressed, or the very suggestive way some of them were dancing.

"Are you sure everything is okay?" his silence finally drives me to ask.

"Yeah. Just thinking."

"About anything particular?"

"Just some things I want to do," he tells me.

I let the subject drop, even though I'm dying to know what's going on in his head he has the right to keep his thoughts to himself.

**~xx~**

I get ready for bed the same way I always do: brush my hair, my teeth, and slip into a tank top to accompany my underwear.

When I step out of the bathroom, I'm met with anything but the typical scene. Usually Edward is waiting under the covers in his boxers in the dark. Tonight when I walk out of the bathroom, both the bedside lamps are on, filling the room with light, and, rather than lying under the blankets, Edward sits cross-legged in the middle of the bed...completely naked.

My mouth actually falls open. Does this mean he's ready to take the next step?

"Are...are you...do you…?" I manage to stutter as I step closer to the bed.

Edward doesn't answer. Instead, he rises to his knees, reaches for me, and grabs the waist of my underwear, pulling me close.

"What are y-?" Edward cuts off my question when he presses his mouth to mine, consuming my lips with his.

His hands slide up from my waist underneath my tank top, forcing it up my body.

He pulls his lips from mine to free me of my shirt.

"I want to see," he murmurs against my skin as he moves his mouth to my shoulder.

"What...what do you want to see?" I ask, barely able to form the question with the feel of his bare skin on mine.

"Everything," he tells me, pushing my underwear over the swell of my bottom.

"_Oh"_ is the only thought that comes to my mind.

Edward sits back down on the bed, pulling me with him until we are both seated facing each other.

"Lie down."

I comply with his request, taking his hand to lower him down with me.

"No. I want to see you. All of you," he tells me, pulling his hand from mine.

"I thought...never mind." I feel flustered and embarrassed that I misread his signals.

Edward is brushing the hair away from my face, fanning it out across the pillow.

"You thought we were going to have sex."

It's a statement, not a question. He knows my thoughts like he can read my mind. I confirm his statement with a nod.

"Not tonight. Is that okay?"

"Of course," I tell him, sitting up and reaching for his face. "I didn't mean to presume or rush if you aren't ready."

"Shhh." He presses his fingers over my lips, silencing me at once.

His hand cups my cheek, his thumb stroking it gently.

"I've felt what your body does when I touch you. I want to _see _what it does.

_Oh...Oh! _I think again as he nudges me back toward the pillows.

Once I lying completely flat Edward sits back on his heels and just looks at me. I fight the urge to cover myself with my hands, not because it bothers me for Edward to see me naked, but it's unnerving to have someone study me so intently.

Edward's first touch is so soft I barely feel his fingertips graze the edge of my breast. I look down my body to see him bring his thumb to my nipple and give it a gentle flick. I close my eyes at the small jolt of pleasure, pushing my head further into the pillow, and arching my back, my breasts eager for another touch.

His next touch is just as gentle, though I'm a bit surprised to feel a gentle tug at my nipple. I open my eyes and look to Edward's face. His expression is a mix of delight and fascination. Looking back to my body, I see his fingers gather my sensitive peak, give a little tug and let go. He repeats this again and again until my nipple is almost painfully erect.

His hand slides between the valley of my breasts seeking my other peak, my skin pebbles in anticipation of his touch. When both of my nipples have been brought to hard buds, Edward brings his gaze back to my face.

"Can I kiss them?"

I nod and watch him lower his face until his lips brush against my nipple. He kisses twice, his mouth pressing firmly against the skin before his lips part and my nipple disappears in his mouth. My eyes close again as his tongue draws circles on my skin. He moves to my other breast, applying a small amount of suction this time and eliciting a moan from me.

I open my eyes again when I feel his mouth leave my skin.

He is sitting back on his heels again, just looking at my body. I can see his gaze move up my legs, past my stomach and breasts until he's looking in my eyes again.

One of his dazzlingly beautiful smiles crosses his face before he scoots down to the end of the bed.

He lifts my knee gently, stretching out on his stomach, my leg hitched over his back and his face on level with my most sensitive area.

It's startling to have him down there like that. I've had sex before - twice, but in the dark with lots of fumbling. I never experienced something like this and honestly it feels more intimate.

He brings the back of his fingers to my already tingling lips and brushes up and down, sending shivers running through my body.

After several more brushes I feel the tip of his finger part my folds.

I'm torn by the desire to lie back against the pillow and concentrate on each sensation and the desire to watch Edward's face. My desire to watch Edward wins out and I push myself up. If he notices my shift in position his face doesn't betray it - he is wholly engrossed in his exploration.

His fingers continue their mission until he finds my clitoris and I can't help but let my head fall back as my breath leaves my mouth is a pleasured hiss when he strokes softly over it.

I open my eyes to see he's shifted his gaze to my face. His eyes are filled with awe and hunger. He watches my face as he continues to rub me, dipping down to collect moisture just like I have taught him.

When his fingers linger near my opening his gaze shifts to his hand momentarily and then back to my face and I can read the question in them before he even needs to ask.

"Please," I tell him and I'm surprised to hear how desperate I sound. He brought me to orgasm just two nights ago, but him watching me and me watching him watch me is infinitely more erotic then just sensation in the darkness, and it is driving me near madness with desire.

When he pushes a finger inside, a moan escapes my lips and excitement crosses his face.

He quickly finds a rhythm, pushing in and out, rubbing and always watching—watching his fingers please me and watching me watch him through a haze of pleasure.

My limbs begin to shake, beads of sweat are running between my breasts, and I'm having difficulty maintaining my gaze on Edward while I writhe and moan in his hands.

A mantra of "Oh, please, Edward, please" tumbles from my mouth as my orgasm edges closer and closer.

When my climax rolls through me, I shudder from head to toe, Edward looking on with an expression of blissful triumph.

When my mind begins to clear from my post-coital haze, I look at Edward, who has moved from between my legs.

He's sitting beside me, looking at me expectantly, like he's waiting for me to say something, and he's very obviously turned on.

I move to sit at his side facing him, capturing his lips with mine and sliding my hand over his hard-on.

He moans into my mouth at the contact and thrusts himself more urgently into my hand.

A few strokes and I pull my mouth from his. I want to watch him just like he watched me.

I move my hand slowly, watching in fascination as he jumps in my grip when my fingers run over the rim of his head. I never would have thought I would enjoy this as much as I am, but seeing what I do to him...watching him come undone at my touch, it's the single most erotic thing I've experienced.

I take a look up at Edward's face to see his heavy-lidded eyes watching my every move.

Moments later I watch in wonder as Edward's eyes squeeze shut and I feel him swell and release in my hand.

He leans heavily on me, kissing along my shoulder.

"You are amazing," he whispers to me.

I turn to look at him, smiling at the adoring look on his face.

"You're the amazing one."

After a quick trip to the bathroom, I climb back into bed with Edward and relish the feel of him when he curls his body around mine.

"I love you, Edward."

He hugs me tighter to him and I feel his breath touch my skin as he speaks. "I love you, my beautiful Bella."

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you all so much!**


	29. Chapter 29

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you from the bottom of my heart to my fabulous friend and beta, JustineNicole, for always taking time out of her busy life to help me! Love you, girl!**

**I am sooooo sorry that it took me so long to get this next chapter to you all - circumstances way beyond my control kept me from my writing. I would like to thank each and everyone of you for your continued support and patience - I can't tell you how much I appreciate both!**

**~XXXX~**

**EPOV**

Check the mirrors.

Pull slowly away from the curb...just like Jasper taught me.

Ease the gas pedal down.

I've done this many times, but not with a stranger watching my every move - it makes me nervous.

"Mr. Masen, I would like you to drive to the next traffic light and make a left-hand turn."

The instructor is a tiny woman with a hard face and huge glasses; she frightens me a little.

I bring the car to a stop, click on my turn signal, and wait for the green arrow.

The instructor scribbles something on her clipboard - I'm not sure if I should be relieved or nervous.

At the request of my instructor, I drive up and down several hills, make right turns, more left turns, and make lane changes. Each time I do something, she makes a mark on her clipboard.

"Now, Mr. Masen, I would like you to attempt parallel parking."

I have been dreading this. I have practiced and practiced and only did it right one time.

"Right between those two cars will be fine, Mr. Masen."

My stomach twists. I really don't want to hit one of these cars.

I slow down and pull next to one of the cars. I check my mirrors again, put the car in reverse, and begin to turn the wheel.

The first try doesn't go how I want, so I pull forward and try again. My second try isn't better. I go for a third try and end up putting one of the rear tires over the curb.

"That will enough for today. Please drive us back to the testing center," the instructor tells me.

I drive back to where my test started. The instructor continues to write on her clipboard, making me more and more nervous.

I park the car in front of the testing building and wait.

A few more scribbles and the instructor turns to me. "Sorry, Mr. Masen, you're going to have to come see me again in two weeks. I gave you seventy points out of one hundred, and you need eighty to pass."

I don't know what to say. I feel...embarrassed. I really wanted to pass this - to have a license...to prove I can do it. I wish there was a way I could keep it from everyone. I don't want Bella, Mom, and Carlisle to know I failed.

Mom is waiting for me when I walk into the testing center; she's smiling...until she sees me.

I know I look upset, I can feel it on my face.

Mom says nothing about my test, instead she suggests lunch and I agree with a nod.

Our drive is quiet - Mom keeps glancing at me, but doesn't say anything. When we get to the restaurant she is still silent until after we place our order.

"Can I tell you a secret, dear?"

I look at my mother with curiosity. She's smiling so I don't think her secret can be something very important. I nod eagerly and wait for her to go on.

"I had to take my driving test three times before I passed. Not even your father knew that."

"Really?" I'm surprised. Mom seems like she can do anything.

"Lots of people fail their driving test the first time, it's no big deal."

In my mind I know she's right, but I still feel disappointed.

Mom reaches across the table and takes my hand.

"You always did fret too much, even when you were a little boy. No matter how many times I would tell you something was okay, you would still turn it over and over in your mind, just picking at it - and you have the same expression on your face as you did when you were little."

A guilty smile crosses my face...she's right. I have always struggled with letting things go.

"Where did you lose points?"

"Mostly parallel parking, and she said I take corners too fast."

"Just like your father." Mom laughs. "He never slowed down on corners...not enough for my taste."

It makes me happy that I do some things like my dad, even if it is something I probably shouldn't do.

"Just keep practicing and you'll get it. And no more worrying. A year ago you didn't speak and now you're driving! You amaze me, Edward."

I feel the blush on my cheeks. "You sound like Bella."

"Smart girl," Mom says before she starts on her salad.

**Esme POV**

"Babe, are you alright?"

I hadn't wanted Carlisle to see me cry - he's home earlier than I expected.

"Yes...I'm fine," I tell him, trying to hurriedly brush the tears from my face.

He turns me around, gently lifting my chin to look him in the eyes.

"Please tell me what's bothering you."

Trying not to let the tears well in my eyes again, I tell him about the conversation I had with Mr. Laurent a couple hours ago.

"So there still hasn't been any contact made with Chelsea?" Carlisle asks as he pulls me toward our bed and sits me down.

"She refuses to see any visitors. Mr. Laurent says he is obligated to inform her that Edward has been found alive, but...but she won't see him either."

My tears are flowing freely again and I'm hiccuping with the effort to swallow my sobs.

Carlisle pulls me into his arms, stroking my hair as he speaks calming words against my cheek.

"Shh, shh, tell me what's got you so upset, babe."

I struggle to calm myself, sucking in huge gulps of air.

"This is a never ending nightmare. You would think having Edward back in my life would bring some form of closure, but having to keep dealing with this woman..."

No more words will come. My throat is choked with emotion—frustration and anger even. All these years later and it feels like Chelsea is still pulling the strings in my life, leaving me at her mercy emotionally.

Carlisle continues to hold me, allowing me sob out my frustration against his shirt.

"It will all work out, Esme - it will."

"How can it?" I ask, looking to his face with tear filled eyes. "Will it ever end when she won't hear the lawyer out? What happens in a year? Five years...ten? When she finally finds out that Edward is still alive? Will we all be dragged through another trial, having to open all those wounds again?"

Carlisle actually looks worried. I suppose I am ranting a bit.

I lay my head against him once more.

"Whatever happens, we're in this together and we'll take things a day at a time, okay?"

I suppose he's right and now I feel ridiculous having vented - there really is nothing I can do to make the process go faster. I just wish there was…

For the hundredth time since I met him I say a silent thank-you for having this man in my life. I honestly don't know what I would do without him.

**BPOV**

"Please don't look at me like that." Edward pulls me close, pressing his face against my chest, hiding the hurt and pleading look in his eyes.

"I don't want to be away from you that much." Edward's voice is muffled against my breast.

"I know. I don't want to be away that much either, but I want to finish my degree."

I knew Edward wouldn't take the news of my re-enrollment in collage easily, and adding a part time job to the mix has really freaked him out. Maybe I should have given him time to adjust to one before I added the other… "I'm sorry, Edward. I know this is a lot to take, but I really need to finish what I started."

Edward pulls back from me, looking up at my face with confused eyes.

"Why did you get another job? You have a job here."

"I know," I tell him, "but I can't depend on your mom for everything - I need to earn some of my own way."

He doesn't say anything, but his expression reveals he's still unhappy.

"I'll keep working here too, just not all day every day."

"But I'll miss you."

I pull Edward's face to mine and kiss him slowly.

"I'll miss you too, but I'm not leaving. I'll be home sleeping with you every day."

Edward smiles at that, a mollified look on his face.

"When do you start school?"

"Two weeks," I tell him.

"And your job?"

"Saturday," I whisper, knowing he will be disappointed, but weekends are the best time for me to get hours at the Port Angeles Library.

"We'll be spending all next Saturday together." I try and sound cheery, hoping to turn his mood.

He actually rolls his eyes at me and I can't help but laugh.

"Spending the day fishing with your dad is not spending time with you."

Pulling him down to the bed with me, I ask what he has in mind for spending time with together.

"Just you and me."

He stretches out on the bed, arms tucked beneath his head.

Leaning over him, I place a playful kiss on his nose.

"We can't be alone every minute, you know."

Edward pulls me down until I'm snuggled against his chest, making me giggle.

"Yeah, I know - I just wish we could."

"You've got lessons with Garrett, plus working at the hospital and helping your mom...not to mention appointments with Eleazar and Carmen. You won't have time to miss me."

"Not possible."

I cuddle closer and bring my lips to his neck, kissing him repeatedly.

"You are positively too sweet, you know that, right?"

His only answer is a heavenly smile.

**EPOV**

The road from Forks to the river we are going to fish is full of bumps and turns, jolting Bella and I in the back seat of Charlie's car. I wish we would have driven by ourselves. Charlie keeps throwing us looks in the rearview mirror...it makes me uncomfortable.

"Are we almost there, Dad? You said this place is close."

Bella is anxious to be out of the car. I can tell - her leg has been bouncing for a while.

"Didn't think you were in such a hurry to go fishing."

Bella gives her dad an annoyed look. I know she isn't looking forward to this.

Charlie asked us weeks ago if we would go fishing with him. Bella has avoided giving an answer. Even after his apology, she is still annoyed with him, but wants to try and rebuild their relationship.

"Five more minutes, Bell, promise."

When Charlie stops the car a few minutes later, Bella jumps out as soon as it's off. She must be as relieved as I am to be off that road.

We help Charlie unload the poles and tackle box and the lunch Bella packed. I walk a little ways behind Bella and her dad, trying to give them some space to talk.

As I watch them walk, I think about my mom and wonder if I spend as much time with her as I should.

I work with her every day - even the days I work at the hospital I help her in the evening, but we don't talk a lot.

Bella knows almost everything about her dad - his favorite food, his favorite shirt, and what he's most likely to do on a Saturday afternoon.

In my own way, I've gotten to know who my dad was by going through his old things, but I haven't done the same for Mom. I try and think back to when I was a kid - try and remember the things she liked.

Blue...her favorite color is blue, I remember. Dad always got her blue Delphinium for her birthday...her favorite.

I'm pleased I remembered something, but there are still so many things I don't know about her. I'm disappointed in myself for not asking her more questions.

"Edward!"

My eyes follow the sound of Bella's voice to see that I've almost walked past her and Charlie.

"Oh, sorry. I was just...thinking."

Bella steps toward me, running her hand up and down my arm. "Everything okay? You look like something's bothering you."

"Would...would you help me with something?" I ask.

"Of course."

"Will you help me make a dinner for my mom sometime? I want to get to know her better."

Bella slides her arms around my waist and hugs me tight for a moment.

"Just let me know when and what you want me to fix."

"Thank you," I whisper against her hair.

"You two gonna fish or what?"

Charlie has already thrown his line in the water and he looks as happy as I've ever seen him.

We all stand in silence for a while, each with a pole in hand.

"I signed up for some classes. I'll be starting next week."

If Charlie is surprised or happy, I can't tell - his face never changes, not even when he tells Bella, "Proud of you, kid."

Bella blushes. Charlie doesn't praise her enough; he has more to say when he isn't happy, that doesn't seem right to me.

"Your job going alright?"

Charlie takes his time answering Bella, casting out and reeling in before I hear his voice. "Quiet. Nice change from Vegas - haven't dealt with a single drunk, it's great."

Bella smiles her sweet smile. "That's awesome, Dad."

More silence. Charlie seems happy. Bella has given up the actual fishing, sitting down on a fallen log near the edge of the river. I'm still getting the hang of casting - it's kind of tricky and I haven't caught anything. I'm finding fishing to be very boring.

"How are things going with Tanya?" Bella asks Charlie - I know she has been worried about things with them lately.

For the first time since Charlie started fishing, he actually turns around and looks at Bella.

"Oh, hit and miss." Charlie turns back towards the river and casts his line out again.

"Gee, way to have a conversation, Dad." Bella stands and comes to lean against me, glaring at her dad's back as she passes.

"I don't know what to tell you, Bells. She's still pretty annoyed with me over everything that happened with you. We still get together for dinner now and then - taken in a couple Mariner's games, but things have cooled a bit."

I can tell Bella doesn't like the sound of that - she gets that little wrinkle between her eyes.

"You should do something special for her, you know. A gift...or a trip, maybe?"

Charlie nods as he listens to Bella, but he doesn't speak. And we are back to silence.

When Bella pulls out sandwiches for lunch, I'm relieved. I'm not really enjoying fishing.

Bella and I eat alone. Charlie never leaves the river; he has a sandwich in one hand and his rod in the other.

"How's you job going, Edward?"

I'm surprised by Charlie's question. Other than _hello_, this is the first he's spoken to me.

"Good."

"Hear you had a little trouble recently - everything okay?"

"Yes, it's been worked out," I tell him. I guess Carlisle must have mentioned the trouble I had.

"If you have any more trouble, give me a call."

"Wow, thanks, Dad." Bella seems really surprised at her dad's word, and I am, too.

"Thank you, Chief Swan."

Charlie gives me a nod and turns his attention back to fishing.

After another two hours of fishing and only catching one small fish, I'm really happy when I see Charlie begin packing up his gear.

Bella looks happy too. I know she's bored and she looks cold.

Charlie leads the way back to the car as a few raindrops start to fall.

"Quitting already, huh? Best fishing is in the rain."

The voices are ahead of us and I raise my head to see who's speaking.

There are two men on the path headed towards us. The first one is older and I don't recognize him; the second one I do: Jacob Black.

I was already holding Bella's hand, but I pull her closer to me and scoot us so that Jacob will pass me on the trail and not Bella.

"We're just heading out - we've already been here all day."

Charlie speaks to the older man. I'm guessing he must be Jacob's father.

"You'll have to come out with us another time then," the older man says. I'm not sure if he's only talking to Charlie or all of us.

"Nice to see you again, Bella." I don't like Jacob speaking to her and I pull her even closer. Everything in me wants to scream "Mine!" at him, just like the last time I saw him, but Eleazar has told me that not all things are appropriate to say out loud, that some things are better to leave on the inside. I settle for glaring at him as he passes, and I hope he can see how much I dislike him.

Once we're back in the car I still think about Jacob Black. It bothers me the way he looks at Bella, like he wants to reach out and take her from me...it makes me feel jealous, and I don't like it. I'm very glad Bella isn't friends with him. I don't think I could take her being around him all the time.

"Edward? Are you okay? You're glaring out the window." Bella's voice is worried.

"Just thinking how lucky I am to have you."

Bella snuggles to me side, hugging me tight.

"I'm the lucky one," she tells me.

I return her hug and kiss the top of her head, not caring at all if Charlie is watching in the mirror.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! Hugs!  
**


	30. Chapter 30

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thanks so much to my fabulous friend and beta, JustineNicole - seriously could not do this without you! As always, thank you to all my readers, I appreciate all your reviews, messages and tweets! *hug*!**

**I'm sure you have all heard about the drama on FFn - so far I have received no warning to alter or remove any of my work - if that day comes Feral can also be read on Twilighted, TwiWrite, The Writer's Coffee Shop and AO3 - I am opalaline everywhere.**

**~XXXX~**

**EPOV**

"Do you think she suspects?" I ask Bella for the third time. She smiles at me with the soft smile I've only seen her use on me. She wipes her hands down the front of her apron and wraps her arms around me.

"You're pretty darn cute when you're anxious."

I know this dinner shouldn't be a big deal, but I'm very nervous. What if it hurts Mom's feelings that I only remember a few things about her from my childhood…? What if she thinks I don't love her as much as I loved Dad?

"Stop worrying. She will be surprised, and she will love it."

I'm doing it again, just like Mom said I always did—fretting…over thinking.

Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes, I try and calm my mind, try to stop all the questions—focus on what needs to be done.

Bella lets me go after a quick kiss and returns to the garlic green beans she was working on.

I finish setting out plates and silverware and set the vase of delphiniums in the middle of the table.

I check the clock again—half an hour.

Carlisle took Mom into Seattle for the day for a shopping trip. Bella said she was thrilled to go; it's been busy here lately and she was happy for the break.

"Edward, I'm going to go ahead and go. All you have to do is set the food out, okay?"

Bella hugs me and gives me a light kiss on the cheek.

"Try not to worry - everything will be great."

I try to smile, but I don't think it works.

Max barking brings our attention to the sound of the garage door opening.

"I'll see you later. Have a good time and don't worry."

Bella kisses me once more before she heads out to the garage. She and Carlisle are going to spend the evening with Charlie.

"What's all this?" Mom asks when she enters the kitchen.

"It's for you. Bella made it...I helped. I wanted...I want to talk to you."

Mom's face looks worried. "Is everything alright with you, Edward?"

I take her hand and lead her to the table, holding out her chair while she sits down. Jasper told me a decent man always does that for a lady.

"Thank you, dear."

Mom looks at the table with a smile on her face. "This is beautiful, but what's the occasion?"

"Nothing," I tell her as I sit in my own chair across the table. "I just want to know you better."

Mom's smile gets a little bit wider and my nerves calm for the first time today.

"What do you like to do when you aren't working?"

Mom looks up from her food at my question, and she takes a quick drink before answering me.

"Well I enjoy reading and working in my gardens."

"What's your favorite book?"

"That's a tough one," she tells me. "I don't think I could pick just one. I prefer stories with a happy ending."

A few moments of silence pass before I think of my next question.

"What's your favorite kind of music?"

"Mostly classical. I like quieter music. That was actually one of the things that drove me nuts about your dad. He liked his music really loud."

"Oh" is all I can think to say.

Mom lets out a little laugh. "Don't look so crestfallen, Edward. Even the most in-love couples have things about each other they don't like."

I can't think of anything about Bella I don't like. I wonder if there are things she doesn't like about me…

"So what brought all this on? Not that I'm not enjoying it."

I chew the bite of food in my mouth and take a long drink of water.

"When we went fishing with Charlie, I noticed all the things Bella knows about him and it bothered me that I didn't know a lot of things about you."

"Oh, honey, that stuff comes in time."

"I feel bad that I took the time to find out things about Dad, but I didn't do the same for you."

Mom puts down her fork and picks up my hand from the table.

"Don't you dare feel bad, Edward. Your father is gone, and the only way to know him is through his books...his music...pictures. I'm here for years and years - we have lots of time to learn about each other."

I wonder how she does that. How do a few words make my guilt disappear? Maybe it's a mom thing, though Bella does that, too. Maybe it's a girl thing.

The night passes quickly as I ask her question after question, and I'm happy with all the things I find out.

She tells me about the ballet lessons she took and building and designing dollhouses with her grandpa. I learn that she used to have braces and one year she tried to learn to play the violin.

When we hear Bella and Carlisle, we both look up in surprise; the evening went fast, and I can't believe it's already eleven o'clock.

After we say goodnight, Bella and I head down to the cottage.

"Did you have a nice evening?" Bella asks, slipping her hand in mine.

"Yes. Mom's a good storyteller."

"I'm so glad everything went well."

"Thank you for helping me," I tell her, bringing her hand to my lips.

"Anytime, Edward."

**~xx~**

"I don't understand. Why do we have to go up right now?"

Bella is pulling me toward the door. I wanted to finish my reading assignment before we go up to the main house.

"Just trust me, okay?"

I follow Bella from the cottage willingly—of course I trust her.

There are cars all over the drive when we reach the main house - I didn't realize we had so many guests coming in.

Mom will need our help with all these people.

When we get inside the dining room is full of people, people I know.

Mom is the first one to notice us and walks to us with a smile.

"What's going on?" I ask.

Bella whispers, "Surprise," in my ear followed with a kiss on the cheek.

"I don't understand."

"It's a party for you. It's been a year since I found you."

Has it been a year? It doesn't feel like that long, though it's hard to imagine being back in that cave again.

Mom gives me a big hug. She has tears in her eyes, though she is smiling. Bella calls them "happy tears."

Bella pulls me farther into the room, and I can now see everyone who's here: Carmen and Eleazar, Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, my tutor Garrett, Charlie and Tanya, and Carlisle.

It's a little overwhelming to have all these people here for me.

Mom has the table loaded with food. I see a lot of my favorites.

Everyone is talking and people keep patting me on the back saying how proud they are.

I don't know what to say—I'm getting so much praise for all the things I've learned, but everyone here has helped me. I should be thanking them…

"Edward, are you alright?"

Bella's worried.

I smile at her and let her lead me to the table so we can eat.

I don't have much to say. I just listen to the conversations around me.

I eat way too much - I feel like my stomach will burst.

"Who's ready for cake?" Mom's voice comes from the kitchen.

She sets a large chocolate layer cake in front of me. I love her cakes, but I'm so full I don't know if I can eat more. But, I'll try. I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.

"Speech, speech," Emmett says quietly before Rosalie gives him an elbow in the side.

Bella leans into me. "You don't have to say anything; no one will care."

I know that no one will think anything if I don't speak, but I want to…for me.

When I push my chair out and stand up, all eyes are on me and everyone stops talking. Bella reaches for my hand, giving my fingers a squeeze.

I look at all the faces around me, trying to think of the right words to say.

"Thank you for helping...for believing."

I look to Mom's face for a moment and then to Bella's - they both have tears and pride in their eyes. Then Carlisle begins clapping and everyone joins him.

I feel the color in my face as I sink back into my chair and press my face into Bella's shoulder - it's unnerving having all this attention on me.

After the clapping stops, Mom wipes her eyes and says, "Who wants cake?"

When dessert is finished, people begin to leave and before long, it's Mom, Carlisle, Bella, and me.

Mom hugs me for a long time when Bella and I are ready to leave. She wipes her eyes several times and keeps saying how proud she is of me and how happy she is to have me home. I don't know what to say, so I just hug her a little tighter.

"What you said was really sweet, Edward - I think you choked everyone up."

"I meant it. I owe you all everything, especially you."

Bella pushes against me with her shoulder. "You don't owe anything, Edward."

I owe her so much - I don't think I'll ever be able to thank her enough.

**BPOV**

I'm so glad when I pull up in front of the cottage, working all day and having class all evening has worn me out, not to mention I miss Edward terribly.

Light is shining from the windows. Edward must still be awake.

When I open the door, the last thing I expect meets my eyes.

Edward is sitting on the couch and porn is playing on the TV.

He turns as soon as he hears me shut the door and his eyes hold mine. I don't know what to say besides, "What the hell!"

Edward looks surprised at the tone in my voice and shuts the television off immediately.

"Wha...what-" I try to ask what he's doing, but I seem to have lost my ability to do so.

"Emmett...he...he gave it to me. He said...it would...help me figure...figure out what to do."

Edward's face turns a brilliant red as he looks to the floor.

I step to him and take his hand, apologetic for my small outburst. "Hey, it's okay - I was just surprised."

"I...I wanted to know more. What it looks like...what it sounds like…"

He fidgets while he speaks, like he is afraid to confess this to me.

"I assume by _it_ you mean sex. Why didn't you just ask me if there were things you still wanted to know? And, just so you know, porn isn't a great representation of what sex between a couple in love will be like."

Edward's face looks like he is thinking about my words, and his expression turns smooth and somewhat confident when he leans in and kisses me lightly on the mouth. "Then you show me."

All I can do is stare at him. Is he really saying what I think he's saying?

"Bella? Did I say something wrong?" Edward asks when I still haven't spoken, his confidence wavering.

"No...no," I assure him, still not sure what to make of this new side of Edward. I want to take this next step, but I'm afraid of the consequences. "Are you sure?"

He leans in and kisses me slow and deep before pulling his mouth from mine, washing away any fear or doubt.

"Yes" is all he says.

There is no need for words as we walk hand in hand to the bedroom.

Edward's lips find mine again as soon as the bedroom door closes.

He's undressed me before and his fingers are sure as they move over my body, removing one piece of clothing at a time.

When I'm bare, he stands back at arm's length and looks me up and down.

His eyes tell me more than any words could. He wants me - all of me.

I close the distance between us, wanting to feel his naked skin against my hands.

His clothes soon join mine on the floor.

His heart hammers against my hand when my palms touch his chest, reflecting my own nerves.

"I have something I need to tell you, Edward." His eyes hold mine, waiting for me to continue. "I don't have protection, but I am on the pill and I have been tested for STD's. I want you to be comfortable and feel safe."

His lips meet mine, slow and sweet. "I trust you, Bella."

His hands circle around to my backside, pressing me closer to him while I thread my fingers into his hair, pulling his mouth to mine.

I lean my weight against him, indicating I want him to move toward the bed.

He complies and starts walking us backward until he bumps the bed.

He lowers himself slowly to the mattress, pulling me with him.

When he pulls his mouth from mine his eyes are wide and he looks a little unsure, and I know I'm going to need to make the next move.

I nudge him back gently until he's lying flat beneath me.

"Bella…" His voice is whisper soft.

My fingers caress his face, trailing down over his lips...his neck...his chest.

His hands rub gentle circles on my knees where they rest next to his thighs.

I look down at his body beneath mine, his chest rising and falling under my hand, his beautiful face watching and waiting.

I slide one hand down his abdomen, feeling the muscles quiver under his skin and brace myself with the other hand, raising my weight, shifting my body to align with his.

Lowering myself slowly onto him, my breath catches - I've wanted him for so long.

His fingers grip my legs and his eyes hold the most unbelievable look of awe.

I rock gently against him, bringing a moan from each of us.

Sliding my hands off his chest, I close them over his fingers on my legs, moving them upward until they hold my hips.

I move on him again, sliding him deeper inside; the look of wonder fades from Edward's face - raw want replacing it.

His grip tightens on my hips and we find a rhythm together.

The feelings his body is creating in mine are delicious, but it's the look on his face that fills me with warmth. His innocence is clearly reflected in his eyes, but so are need and admiration and love.

We have been through so much...come so far from that day in the cave, thinking of it now makes my eyes sting with tears.

His thumb brushes a tear that slips down my face. "Bella," he says, his voice a low murmur.

I can hear his love in the way he whispers my name, like he's cradling it...cherishing it.

I slide one if his hands up to my breast, pressing it against me hard, letting him know what I want.

His fingers knead my breast while his hips thrust against me faster - I know he won't last much longer.

When his orgasm hits, his grip tightens further. I can see the veins on his arms. His Adam's apple bobs in his throat and his eyes squeeze shut.

Leaning forward, I press my chest to his and touch my lips to his throat, kissing upward till I find his mouth.

I kiss him deep and hard, pouring all the love I feel for him into it.

When I pull back, a lazy smile is spreading across his face and I can't help but return it. He looks so adorable with his slightly glazed eyes and sheen of sweat covering his face.

I slide off him and curl against his side, running my hand back and forth over his chest.

I barely have words to describe my feelings in this moment - like I will burst at the seams with all the love I have for him.

Edward stirs at my side and I raise my eyes to his.

"Bella? Can we do that again?" he asks, a small smile on his lips.

"Right now?"

He nods his head and drops his gaze from mine.

One glance down his body tells he is definitely ready.

"Yes, of c-" and before I can finish my sentence he rolls on top of me, nestling between my legs.

His mouth descends on mine taking me by surprise. He needs no help from me this time to find where he wants to be.

We find a rhythm easily and within minutes I find myself overcome with waves of pleasure.

When Edward drops his weight onto me I know he is finished, his lungs expanding heavily under my hands.

"Bella…" His voice is sleepy as he speaks in my ear. He rolls to my side, resting his head on my shoulder. "I love you," he tells me before he falls asleep.

I do the best I can to pull some blankets over us without waking him and kiss him lightly on the forehead. "I love you, Edward."

**EPOV**

"Edward? Did you hear what I asked you?"

I blink a few times before I can focus on Eleazar - I have no idea what he asked me.

I shake my head, feeling guilty for not paying attention.

"I asked you how you are."

"Fine," I tell him.

Eleazar leans forward, his eyes full of concern. "You seem distracted today, is there something on your mind?"

There are a thousand things on my mind - all of them about Bella. Bella's sighs...Bella's moans...her hands on my chest...the feel of her nipples on the palm of my hand.

"Bella," is all I manage to tell him.

"May I ask what it is about her that has got your mind so preoccupied?"

How can I tell him everything on my mind?

Ever since we made love, I can't think of anything but her and each night when she comes home I can hardly wait to make love with her again.

The image of Bella rocking on top of me is burned in my mind...burned onto my skin.

Do I tell Eleazar this? Is it right to tell him?

He continues to watch me, and I know he is waiting for my answer.

"Bella and I made love."

Eleazar coughs and looks a bit stunned before laughing quietly.

"You are truly the most honest person I've met, Edward."

"Okay," is all I say - I'm uncertain how I should respond.

"Do you have any thoughts or feelings you would like to share?"

"It's wonderful," I say, though that doesn't seem enough. If there are words to describe what being with Bella is like, I've never heard them - _wonderful_ is the best I can do.

"Any questions I can answer for you?"

"Does it feel the same for everyone?" I ask him.

"You mean does it feel wonderful for everyone?"

I nod in response.

"For most people."

"And the want? Does everyone have that all the time?"

Eleazar smiles at me. "Not everyone all the time, but considering that you are a nineteen-year-old male, yes, it's normal for you."

I'm not sure why it's normal for me and not everyone, but I don't ask.

"Sex is often quite distracting to anybody - it will get less distracting over time. The want, however, is always there. Carmen and I have been together for twenty years, and I want her as much now as I ever did."

Eleazar's words make me smile. I can't imagine my want for Bella ever being less.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading! :)  
**


	31. Chapter 31

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you to my beta and friend, JustineNicole - your are complete awesomeness!**

**I'm sure you can all tell the story is winding to an end...I'm thinking 5-6 more chapters. Thank you all for the support you have given this story and me!**

**~XXXX~**

**Six Weeks Later**

**BPOV**

Of course on a day I'm running late I can't find a place to park. This the seventh time in the two months I've been attending Peninsula College that I've been running late to class.

My entire day has been that way. I left the house late this morning - it's so hard leaving Edward naked in the bed, he's so tempting, and I lingered in bed longer than I should have. And, of course, because I was late to work, my boss made me stay fifteen minutes late to make up my time, and now I'm here frantically trying to find a parking spot so I can sprint across campus to my class.

I finally find a spot a block from campus and on the complete opposite side of where I need to be. What else can go wrong today?

"Hey, Bella."

The booming voice sounds behind me, startling me enough that I drop my backpack and send my books flying across the pavement.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

I look up as the voice closes in where I kneel on the ground - oh shit, Jacob Black.

"Umm, hello."

Jacob picks up several of my books that I quickly snatch from his hands.

"Thanks, but I really don't need help," I tell him, hoping he take the hint from my cold dismissal.

"You have time for a cup of coffee or something?"

"No, Jacob, I don't. I'm already late for my class, so if you'll excuse me…"

"After your class?"

"No."

"Another time, then?"

I turn to look at him, furious he is pursuing me.

"Not another time—not _ever_."

He looks back at me, undeterred. "Why not?"

"Because I don't want to, and I have a boyfriend - not looking for another one."

I turn away from him once again, setting a fast pace.

"Wait, it would just be as friends!" he shouts after me.

"We aren't friends!" is my returning yell.

"We could be."

I stop and whirl to face him.

"No, we couldn't. You are a presumptuous ass and a borderline stalker."

He stares at me, surprise clear on his face. "I'm not stalking you, I go to school here, too."

I groan inwardly. I don't want running into him to become a regular occurrence.

"Just stay away from me, Jacob. I don't want to have coffee or lunch or anything else with you, and I have no desire to know you better, or be your friend."

With that, I hurry off to class, but I swear I hear _bitch_ mumbled at my back as I leave.

**~xx~**

"Bella, I was beginning to worry about you - you're twenty minutes late. What happened?" Alice's face reflects the worry in her voice.

"Sorry," I say, slipping into the booth across from her and Rosalie.

"I...umm, got caught up with Edward."

Rosalie quirks her eyebrow and Alice openly laughs.

"Caught up? Is that what they're calling it now?" There is humor in Rosalie's tone and I can't help the blush I feel creeping across my skin.

"Oh my God! You did it, didn't you!" Alice screams, causing several people to turn and stare, and me to sink down into the booth.

"Keep your voice down, please. The whole restaurant doesn't need to know my private life."

Alice leans forward across the table, excitement radiating off her.

"So when? And how was it? I need details, woman."

"A month and a half ago and that's all the details you're getting, Miss Nosey."

Alice gives me the someone-just-ran-over-my-dog look.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me, I'm your best friend."

I feel a twinge of guilt looking at Alice. She is really hurt that I didn't tell her.

"Hey, I wasn't trying to hide it, but it's not like I was going to send you a text saying 'Guess what?' It's more of a face-to-face conversation, and I haven't seen you in a while. Sorry."

I let my words hang in the air, waiting for Alice's reaction.

"Sorry to pounce on you. I know you've been super busy lately, but seriously...you aren't gonna give me even one little detail?"

This pulls laughter from both me and Rosalie—only Alice would ask that.

"Alright, let's get this girls' night started - what are you having to drink, Bella?" Alice pushes the drink menu at me.

"Nothing for me, I'll stick with iced tea."

"Don't be such a stick-in-the-mud," Rosalie tells me. "You've been working hard, have a little fun."

"I'll keep my fun to watching your drunken antics," I tell her, pushing the menu away.

"You really aren't drinking with us?" Alice whines.

"Nope, maybe next time. I'm still getting used to my crazy schedule. If I drink anything I will fall asleep on the table.

"Fine, but you're still singing karaoke."

"Not a chance, Alice, but I'll be happy to get video of you...blackmail."

I can't help but laugh at the look of feigned shock on Alice's face.

Our girls' night passes quickly. It's nice to just sit and laugh and not worry about getting to the next place - the last couple months have been _rushrushrush_ for me.

Alice and Rosalie have both drunk way too much, and watching them trip over their own feet and slur out the words to _Cherry Bomb_ kind of makes me never want to drink again.

**~xx~**

"Hey, Dad. It's just me - you in the kitchen?"

I round the corner into the kitchen before my dad answers...I should have waited longer.

"Hi, Bella." Tanya's greeting is friendly, but she is straightening her shirt and my dad looks like a kid caught in the cookie jar. I don't even want to know what I interrupted, ignorance being bliss and all.

"Hi, Tanya."

She gives me a quick smile before she heads upstairs, mumbling something about getting her stuff.

"We were just..."

"Don't want to know, Dad," I interject before he can explain further.

I give him a quick hug, grab a soda from the fridge, and drop into one of the kitchen chairs.

My dad picks up his coffee cup from the counter and joins me at the table.

"You look terrible, Bells."

"Gee, thanks, dad. You sure know how to deflate a girl's ego.

"I just meant you look real worn out."

When I look up at him I can see the concern in his eyes.

"I am feeling a bit worn out; my schedule is just crazy right now. I'm hoping I can adjust my hours at the library to fit my class schedule better. Most days I barely have time to get to class after work."

"Maybe you're pushing yourself too hard."

"I just need time to adjust to this new schedule."

My dad watched me for a moment. "Maybe you're coming down with something."

"I need to get more sleep," I tell him.

"Okay, Bells. I'm just worried about you. I don't like seeing you this exhausted."

"Thanks, Dad, I'll be okay."

Tanya steps back into the kitchen asking if we are ready for breakfast.

My dad and I both nod and follow Tanya from the house.

I wish Edward could have joined us for breakfast, but he had to work this morning - it bothers me I don't get to spend as much time with him as I'd like.

**EPOV**

"Why do you say my name when we make love?"

I lift my head from Bella's breasts and meet her eye.

Bella blushes. I like when she does that.

"Do you mean when I have an orgasm?"

"Yes."

Bella shifts under me, forcing us onto our sides. I miss her body as soon as there is space between us.

She looks in my eyes, her hand stroking my face.

"Your name is all I can think when we're together. It's like you're all that exists."

I feel like Bella read my thoughts, and she put it better than I could have.

"How do you do that?" I ask.

Bella's eyes show confusion. "Do what?"

"Know exactly what I'm thinking."

"Exactly what you're thinking, huh?" Bella's voice is soft and her breath brushes across my face as she scoots closer to me.

"Yes. You are all that exists to me, Bella."

A tear slides down her cheek.

I hold her close to me and brush the hair from her face.

"Why are you crying, Bella?"

"You are so amazingly sweet. They're happy tears, believe me, very happy tears."

Bella tries to roll me on top of her, but I want to see her.

I grab her hips and easily pull her on top of me.

I love to see her on top me. To see her breasts bounce over me. To feel her hips roll under my hands.

"I want you on me. I like to see."

Bella's smile lights up her face as she slides my body into hers.

Every part of me is hers - all I want is to please her...to hear her…to see her.

She rocks her body with mine - so perfect.

Her breasts bounce in front of me and I want them, too.

"Edward."

Her voice is full of pleasure when I rub my hands over her nipples.

"Again. Say my name again."

She leans forward and whispers in my ear, "Edward."

Her voice is full of want.

It's all I need.

Bella surrounds me. Pleasure surrounds me.

Bella is my pleasure.

**Esme POV**

"How do you think we should tell Edward?"

Carlisle looks at me over the top of his reading glasses.

"I suppose the same way we did when we told him I was moving in here." He lays down his paper and sets his glasses aside. "Come to bed and tell me what you're thinking about."

I slip in under the sheets next to him, propping myself against my pillows.

"I'm worried how Edward will react," I confess.

"He was fine with us living together. I don't see why he would have a problem with us getting married."

"I'm worried he'll think you're trying to replace his father."

Carlisle puts his arm around me and pulls me closer to him.

"I don't think Edward will think that. He knows we love each other and support each other. I think he will be happy for us."

His words do little to calm my fretting - I still feel worry knotting my stomach.

Carlisle turns me in his arms so I can see his face.

"Is this what you want, Esme? We don't have to get married. It will change nothing about the way I feel for you. If it's too soon or causes you too much worry then we will wait. My heart is committed to you, that's the only part that matters to me."

Tears threaten to spill from my eyes. "Of course I want to marry you. I'm probably just overreacting...overthinking, like I accuse Edward of doing all the time - guess he must get that from me."

Carlisle's soft laughter fills the room. I'm feeling rather foolish now.

"How about we try tomorrow at dinner? Edward and Bella will both be there, so we can tell them at the same time."

I smile up at Carlisle, nodding at his suggestion.

**~xx~**

"How's school going, Bella?" I ask, setting the salad on the table.

"Umm, good. Real busy. It's nice to have a night off."

"You look tired, dear. Be careful not to push yourself too hard."

Bella smiles at me, promising she will try and sleep more.

Dinner is quiet - Edward and Carlisle are both absorbed in their plates, and Bella is pushing her food around more than she's eating.

"I have something I want to share." I bring my eyes to Edward's face and reach for Carlisle's hand. Taking a deep breath, I continue, "Carlisle and I have decided to get married."

There is a beat of silence before Bella speaks up, saying how wonderful that is.

I glance at her for a moment, smiling, but it's Edward's reaction I'm really wanting.

He gets up slowly from his seat and comes around the table until he's standing behind our chairs, and in a move that surprises us both, he drops to his knees and puts an arm around each of us.

"I'm happy for you. Both of you."

Relief and joy feel my heart and hug my guys to me.

A small sniffle across the room reminds me Bella is here as well.

"Come join us, Bella - you are part of the family too."

She puts her arms around Edward's neck and for a moment, we all hold each other locked in our little bubble of happiness.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading!**

**Fic Rec: Snowbound by Edward's Eternal**


	32. Chapter 32

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you so much to my friend and beta, JustineNicole - you are the bomb! Thank you to all my readers, I appreciate all of your reviews and messages!**

**~XXXX~**

**BPOV**

My hands shake as I open up the plastic packaging and I almost drop the stupid stick three times. After I finally manage to pee on it, I sit here in the stall for the three longest, most agonizing minutes of my life.

When I gather my courage to look down at the results, I feel like the floor drops out from under me.

Two pink lines.

Two pink lines means pregnant.

I feel like I'm going to pass out, or throw up...maybe both.

I wrap the telltale stick in toilet paper and shove it into my purse.

I don't even have time to sit and freak out right now, I'm already late to class...again.

**~xx~**

"Bella, are you okay? You look...frantic," Alice tells me as soon as she opens her door.

I don't feel frantic - I feel like I'm losing my damn mind.

"Is Jasper here?" I ask her.

"No, it's just us. What the heck is up, Bella? You're kind of freaking me out here."

Alice motions me to the couch. She takes a seat on the side opposite me, curling her legs under and turning her expectant eyes to me.

There is no way to ease the bombshell I'm about to drop, so I just blurt it out.

"I'm pregnant."

Alice just sits there blinking, not saying a word.

"Are...are you sure?" she finally stutters.

I reach in my purse and pull out the pregnancy test, holding it for her to see.

"How...?" Alice begins, until I shoot her the are-you-really-asking-me-that? look.

Alice laughs, looking more like herself again.

"Okay, I know how. I meant how did that happen with you on the pill?"

"I don't know. I haven't missed a pill...I take them at the same time every day. I just don't know," I tell her, letting my head fall into my hands in frustration.

"I guess Edward has really strong swimmers," Alice laughs.

"This isn't funny, Alice."

"Okay, I know it's not. Have you told Edward yet?"

I pull my fingers through my hair. "Not yet. He trusted me, Alice. What am I going to say to him?"

"Just be honest. I think he'll understand."

Alice takes a hold of my hand, giving my fingers a squeeze. "It will be okay, Bella - _it_ _will_."

I want to believe her, and looking into her hopeful, encouraging eyes makes me feel calmer.

"I need to get headed home," I say.

"But you just got here - you can't hang out for a little bit?"

"Not today. I just needed to tell someone. I've got a lot of thinking to do."

Alice wraps me in a hug before I walk out the door. "I'm here anytime you need to talk, okay?"

I nod, very appreciative of her support.

**~xx~**

"But, I don't understand _why_," Edward says, his face reflecting his confusion.

I don't know how to explain to him the reason I want to go back to Las Vegas - it sounds crazy, even to me. I'm sure if Edward knew that I want to see his father's killer face-to-face, he would be very upset. I'm not even certain I can go through with it, but something in me is compelling me to try. After letting the idea of a mini-Edward growing inside me settle for a few days, I began to think of another, more pressing worry. It's been gnawing at me. And before I can tell anyone else about the baby, I need to know why Chelsea destroyed Edward's family. I need to ease my mind that she worked alone and the new little life growing inside me isn't at risk.

"I need to do this for me," is the best answer I can come up with.

Edward pulls me close, ducking his head until his forehead touches mine.

"I don't want you to go – I'll miss you," he whispers against me.

"I'll miss you, too. I don't want to go, Edward, but I need to, for me."

"Take me with you."

"I can't. I need to do this on my own."

I hate hearing the despairing tone in his voice and I hate even more that I'm the one who put it there.

"Is the trip what you need to do on your own?" he asks.

"No. There is something I need to do in Las Vegas."

"Let me come with you. I don't want you traveling alone."

I should tell him no. I should tell him I'll be fine and not to worry, but I don't. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him tight.

"Okay."

"'Okay' I can come?"

"Yes," I tell him.

Edward kisses me gently before asking, "What made you change your mind?"

"I think I'll need you," I tell him.

**~xx~**

When I told Carlisle and Esme what I was doing, they looked at me in confusion. I knew no one would really understand, but they were glad I wasn't traveling alone.

I didn't explain to anyone the true reason I was going - I know they would all think I've lost my mind.

Edward has been a godsend on the road; there have been so many times I almost chickened out and turned back, but every time I looked in his eyes I could imagine us with a green eyed baby and my resolve would harden.

I need some answers.

**~xx~**

"Are you sure you have to do this alone?" Edward asks, leaning to kiss me for the fifth time.

"Yes. I won't be long, alright?"

He nods and reluctantly lets me go.

Edward amazes me with his understanding and trust. He never once asked where I was going, just kept telling me to be careful and hurry back.

I'm so lucky to have him in my life.

When I pull up to the prison, it takes me a few minutes to calm myself before I can walk through the door to see what waits.

**Chelsea POV**

"We're back, love. It's so much better in our room, isn't it, Eddie?"

Eddie sighs with me when we stretch out on the mattress - it's our favorite place to be.

"Afton. You got a visitor."

We have told the guards many times we will see no one - they all know Eddie and I don't like our time disrupted.

Turning on the mattress, I ignore the guard.

The sound of the door rattling turns my attention to the barred door; the guard is shaking the door to draw my attention.

"Send them away. We don't want to see anyone."

The scuff of shoes on concrete tells me the guard is gone.

Eddie wraps me in his warmth - I feel him on every inch of my skin.

We speak of our life together, in complete bliss.

"Afton."

The guard is back - relentless cunt.

"We don't care who it is. We will see no one!" I yell at the guard. "No lawyers, no interviews."

"This one isn't a lawyer or a reporter - she said she's a fan."

"A fan? An admirer?" I ask, sitting up on the mattress.

"I guess so. Do you want me to tell her to leave or not?"

We are intrigued. Is she separated from her love like Eddie and I were?

"We will see her."

The guard fastens handcuffs to my wrists before opening the door and she follows behind me as I walk toward the visitor area.

"She's at number four," the guard says and I walk hesitantly to the fourth window.

On the other side of the glass is a young woman - pretty enough, with brown hair and brown eyes.

She stares at me as I sit down in the chair, a thick pane of glass separating us.

I pick up the phone on my side of the glass at the same time as the young woman across from me.

"You are a fan?" I ask.

"I want to know everything about what you did. Why? How? Did you have help?"

She is direct.

She seems fired up - this is good, it will serve her well in her quest.

She holds my gaze.

She appears determined to find out my methods.

"You have someone you love, don't you?" I ask.

She nods.

"Eddie and I met when he was studying at Texas A&M. I worked at a cafe near the school.

He would come in for breakfast every Saturday, always ordered pancakes. I knew the first time I saw him we were destined to be together."

"Did you date?" the woman asks me.

"For a while. Until that man-stealing whore showed up."

The hate surges through me, just as strong as it did years ago.

The woman is looking at me in confusion, waiting for me to explain.

"I never blamed Eddie. It wasn't his fault - she bewitched him. She convinced him that he didn't love me...that I was crazy. Crazy! I never felt more sure of my destiny than when Eddie was ripped from my life. Nothing and no one would keep me from him - no sacrifice was too great to ensure we were together.

"What...what happened?" the woman asks quietly.

I almost forgot she was there...that she's waiting to hear how I got my Eddie back.

"She conned him into to moving away, and even into getting married. I tried staying in contact, but he stopped taking my calls, even had my number blocked. But I knew. I knew it was all her. I knew my Eddie would want me to help him, to rescue him."

"How did you do that?" the woman asked.

"I followed him, of course. For years. I watched. I waited. I planned. It was hard sometimes to watch their life. To see the wedding that should have been mine. The house. The baby."

The woman shuddered - exactly how I felt seeing everything that was stolen from me.

"I knew what I had to do for my beloved, and what I would do to her. I was going to make her pay, make her pay for the suffering I was going through, make her pay for the suffering Eddie was going through."

"How? How did you do it?"

The woman is at the edge of her seat, very eager.

"I bought us a house - it took me awhile, but I did it. I wanted everything prepared for when I finally got a chance to bring my Eddie home. I decorated our home just how I knew he would love. I even prepared things for his son. We were going to be a family, just like we should have from the beginning."

Sadness and anger cross the woman's face; she feels my loss.

"When Eddie began planning his camping trip with his son, I knew that would be the perfect time to bring him home. It was like he was sending me a secret message - one _she_ couldn't understand."

"How did you know that was the right time?" Curiosity burns in the woman's face; she wants to hear my methods.

"There are so many ways to find out about someone's life. For instance, people are remarkably trusting of the repair people they let into their home."

The woman nods - she understands.

"Vigilance is key, as well as being solitary. Things of this nature can't be trusted to anyone but yourself."

"And wh—what happened that day?" Her intensity is obvious - she is desperate to know what happened.

"The day was perfect - Eddie and his son had a few days together. The boy was so much like his dad, and it was sweet to see them interact. I knew posing as the damsel in distress would work beautifully. My Eddie is always a gentleman. I was excited I would finally have everything I wanted. I would have Eddie, and _his_ son would soon be _our_ son, and _she_ would suffer - I would take everything from her."

"What went wrong?" the woman asked.

"Wrong? Nothing went wrong." And people say I'm crazy?

"But...your Eddie is dead. You killed him."

The woman's eyes are piercing—full of tension. She's desperate to hear what I have to say next.

"I set him free. He was a prisoner to that woman. She poisoned him against me, made him think he didn't want me anymore. He actually _told_ me he didn't want me! _Can you believe that!_ After all I did for us...all I sacrificed for us. I knew I had to release him the only way I could. I took his life from _her_ with the gun, and kept it for me with the knife."

I'm excited reliving Eddie's release. I feel the same thrill as the day it happened, the same satisfaction.

The woman's eyes are cast down, but I can see her tears, no doubt tears of joy for me and my beloved.

"I don't understand why you used the knife if you had already shot him?" she asks with a sniffle. How much this girl must admire me, to want to know every last detail.

So, I explain, "His heart. I soaked him into me, bathed in the force of his life. Coated myself in his blood."

"And the boy?" the woman asks.

"Ran off into the desert. I'm sure the coyotes got him. But, the boy never mattered much to me. I had my Eddie, and I had taken everything from _her_—everything that should have been mine in the first place."

The woman has raises her eyes, looking directly into mine. "You're wrong," she tells me.

**BPOV**

I surprise myself when I speak up, telling Chelsea she is wrong - what am I _thinking_?

When I came in, I never had any intention of revealing my connection to Edward's family, but as I sit listening to her talk about her all-consuming obsession...her stalking Edward's family for years...the ease and pride she took in killing his father, I just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted her to know that she didn't win; she did some damage to his family, but she did not destroy it.

"Wrong? What do you mean wrong?" Chelsea questions.

Her expression has totally changed. Gone is the satisfaction and arrogance she had when describing Edward Sr.'s murder, now her face holds suspicion.

"Edward is alive," I tell her.

"Only for me," she insists. "He is just for me."

"No, Edward—the son—is alive."

I take great pleasure in the look of disbelief that crosses her face.

"You lie," she tells me.

Rummaging through my bag, I find my wallet and pull out the picture of Edward I keep there.

"He is very much alive," I inform her, pressing the photo against the glass.

Fury fills her face and she stands up abruptly. "_Lies!_ I ended that family! _Me!_"

My own rage burns through me. I want her to know her hopes of having destroyed Esme are in vain.

"Look at the picture! Look at him! This is Edward, the little boy you left for dead. He is alive and back with his mother. They are happy and strong - the only thing you destroyed was the one thing you wanted...Eddie."

Chelsea leans forward, dropping the phone, her fingers trying to grip the photo through the window with little success.

"Lies!"

Her spit covers the glass and her screams fill the air as she continues to yell at me.

Two guards approach her, each grabbing an arm and trying to force her from the glass that separates us.

Their efforts accomplish little, as Chelsea struggles against them, kicking and continuing to scream.

I should feel bad for creating this kind of disturbance, but I don't.

I feel vindicated and even a little proud.

I wish I could tell Edward and Esme that I inflicted some sort of pain on this woman who took so much from them, but I don't know that they would understand or that it would do anything but dredge up more painful memories.

As the guards pull Chelsea from the visitor's area, I pat my stomach. "That was for you, little one."

Once back in the car, the rush of adrenaline fades from my body and I just feel tired and anxious to get back to Edward.

Edward is watching TV when I get back to our hotel room; he shuts it off and rises to wrap me in a hug as soon as I'm in the door.

I lean heavily against him, feeling physically and emotionally exhausted, and knowing I still need to talk to Edward about the baby.

"Are you okay?" Edward whispers against my hair.

I wish I had an easy answer for him, but there is no easy answer.

"Let's sit down and talk, okay?"

I pull Edward to the bed and sit down beside him. I don't even know how to begin this conversation.

"Bella, you look worried."

Edward holds my hands, rubbing them between his own.

His eyes reflect the worry he's feeling with the lack of my response.

"Edward...I'm...I'm pregnant. We are going to have baby."

He doesn't move or say anything for a few moments, but his face has lost a lot if it's color, and I can see the wheels turning in his head.

His expression crumbles and he slides down the bed, burying his face in my lap, his arms secured tight around my waist.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

Of all the reactions that I imagined Edward having, this is not one of them.

"Edward, will you please look at me?" I ask, brushing my fingers through his hair.

He doesn't raise his head, just keeps mumbling "I'm sorry" against my jeans.

I move my hands to his face, urging it upwards.

He sits back up, though he keeps his eyes down cast.

"Why are you sorry?" I ask, brushing my fingers along his jaw.

"I...I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."

"Edward," I whisper before kissing his lips softly, "we did this together, no one is at fault."

His eyes finally meet mine, looking confused and upset.

"Are you angry with me?" he asks.

Taking his face in both my hands I look him square in the eye.

"I am not mad at you. I promise. I'm surprised, and a little scared, but not mad."

Lying back on the bed, I pull Edward along with me, both of us settling on our sides.

"What are you thinking?" I ask quietly.

"I...I don't know how to be a dad."

"I don't know how to be a mom. We'll have to learn together."

Edward's only response is a nod.

"If you don't want to be involved, you don't have to be." I nearly choke as the words leave my mouth—I can't even think about Edward not being in my life. I don't know how I would cope with that, but I don't want him to feel like he doesn't have a choice. I won't force him into a role he's not comfortable with.

His hand moves to my face and his eyes have lost their confusion; they still look fearful, but there is a softness to them now.

"We're a family now."

I can't stop the tears that spring to my eyes. Edward never ceases to surprise me with his sweet and simple outlook on life.

"Yeah, I guess we are." And I can't stop the smile that crosses my face saying that.

"Can I...?" Edward hesitates, his hand pausing before he touches my stomach.

I press his fingers below the waist of my jeans.

"The baby is down here."

"Can you feel it in there?"

"No, not until it gets a lot bigger. You'll be able to feel it, too."

His eyes grow wide and he looks a little excited. "I will?"

I laugh and nod at his delight.

"Bella, will we still be able to be together?"

"Of course," I tell him as I bring my hands back to his face and pull his lips to mine.

His hands travel up underneath my shirt...searching for where they want to be.

Our bodies worship each others. No words are needed...each kiss...each touch a promise to take things step by step together.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you so much for continuing to read.**


	33. Chapter 33

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you so much to my dear friend and beta, JustineNicole, I couldn't do this without her!**

**Just a few more chapters left - I can't thank you all enough for taking this journey with me.**

**~XXXX~**

**EPOV**

Mom and Carlisle are just staring at us, not saying a word.

Bella's hand is gripping mine tightly and she looks like she might throw up.

Carlisle finally speaks up, "How far along?"

"Two months...I think. I haven't been to the doctor yet," Bella whispers.

"How are you feeling?" Mom asks.

Bella looks nervous when she raises her eyes. "Okay. Mostly tired."

Mom takes a deep breath and moves from the chair she was sitting in.

She comes to stand in front of us, placing a hand on each of our shoulders.

"I'm happy for you both," she says.

"You aren't upset?" Bella asks quietly.

Mom returns to her chair. "No, not at all. I'm surprised...I didn't realize...that you were, well...you know."

Mom and Bella are both blushing, Carlisle looks like he's holding in a laugh, and I feel a little lost. I think Mom is talking about sex, but I don't understand why she would be embarrassed, or why Bella would be either.

"Having sex?" I ask.

Bella and Mom turn a darker shade of pink and Carlisle laughs out loud.

"Yes...that's what I meant," Mom says stiffly, not looking at either of us.

"Yeah we have since..."

Bella pokes me in the side with her elbow. "Edward!" she hisses at me.

I'm not sure why she doesn't want me talking about sex right now. Looking at everyone's faces, I decide I'll ask her later.

"What are your plans?" Carlisle asks, breaking the awkward silence in the room.

"We don't really have any yet," Bella tells him.

Mom speaks up and looks at her with a small frown on her face. "I know one thing you should do, Bella; you should quit your job. You are running yourself ragged."

I agree with my mother—Bella has been working way too hard. Her skin is paler than normal and her eyes have dark rings under them.

"I don't know," Bella says.

"We always have plenty of work here, and I would welcome having your help again."

"You already won't let me pay any rent…I don't want to take advantage of you."

Mom gets back up from her seat and kneels in front of Bella, taking the hand I'm not holding.

"Bella, you have given me more than I can ever possibly thank you for. You gave me back my son, something I couldn't even dream of; you brought Carlisle into my life," she says, turning to smile at him before returning her gaze to both of us, "and now I'm going to be a grandma - my heart is full."

A few tears slip from the corners of her eyes, and she stands to wrap Bella in a hug, pulling on my hand to join them. Our arms all wind around each other, filling me with warmth. We stand for I-don't-know-how-long before Carlisle steps behind my mother, closing his arms around her waist, hugging her tightly.

I feel happy with us all together - we are a true family.

**~xx~**

"Miss Swan," the nurse calls, and both Bella and I stand up and follow her to a small room.

The nurse has Bella step onto a scale and then tells her she will take her blood pressure, all the while writing everything on a clipboard.

"Fill the cup and leave it on the counter. The bathroom is right there," the nurse says pointing to a door in a corner of the room.

After the nurse leaves, I question Bella about the little plastic cup she's holding.

"I have to pee in it," she tells me.

I think my confusion must show on my face because Bella is giggling.

"They will run tests on it, and it will tell them things about my body...if it's working like it's supposed to."

"Oh…okay." I nod slowly, but I'm not sure I really understand.

A few days ago, Bella had a blood test. I didn't like seeing them poke her with a needle, and she didn't seem to like it either. There seems to be a lot of tests for having babies.

When Bella returns from the bathroom, she sits on the bed, her hands twisting in her lap.

"Are you scared?" I ask, standing to take her hand.

"A little bit," she whispers.

"It will all be okay, Bella. I'm here - you aren't alone."

She smiles up at me, just a little smile, but I'm happy to see it.

She cries a lot now. I'm not always sure what to do for her other than hold her, but that does seem to help.

When the doctor comes in she introduces herself as Tia Amun. She has long black hair and a friendly smile with a soft voice.

Doctor Amun asks Bella how she is feeling.

Bella explains to her about being so tired and not having much of an appetite and all the crying.

Doctor Amun tells her all those things are normal for the first trimester of pregnancy and should ease in the second trimester. I don't know what a trimester is, but I intend to find out. Maybe Carlisle has some books I can read…

"Shall we take a peek at this little one?" Doctor Amun asks, pulling my attention from my thoughts.

Bella nods, some excitement showing in her eyes.

I'm completely confused about how we're going to see the baby.

I turn my eyes to Bella and I can see she understands my question before I even ask it.

"You'll see," she whispers, squeezing my fingers before letting them go and lying back on the bed.

I thread my fingers back through hers once she is laid out on her back.

Doctor Amun wheels a machine out of a closet - it looks a bit like a computer - and I'm still confused. She brings the machine closer to the bed, opposite the side I stand.

"Can you pull your shirt up for me, dear? And you are going to need to lower your pants just a bit," Doctor Amun tells Bella.

She pulls her hand from mine and tucks her t-shirt up into the bottom of her bra and then unbuttons and unzips her jeans, rolling them down until I see her hip bones and the top of her underwear.

"This is going to be cold," Doctor Amun warns Bella before she squeezes clear gel onto her stomach.

Doctor Amun hits a few keys on the keyboard and then presses something that looks like a microphone to Bella's stomach, smoothing the gel around as she moves the device lower.

Crackling noise fills the room and the computer screen swims with gray blips.

"There's your baby. Do you hear the heartbeat?"

Bella shakes her head, her eyes worried. I don't hear anything but the crackle.

Doctor Amun presses a few more keys and moves the thing on Bella's stomach.

A different sound fills the room - a fast thumping - the crackle sound is still there, but the thump is louder and very fast.

"That's your baby's heartbeat."

Bella's hand reaches for mine and I hold it tightly in my own.

Doctor Amun hits a few more keys again.

"Here it is," she tells us tapping the computer screen.

The screen is covered in gray blips, except in the middle where there is a black oval, and in the black oval is a gray bean shape - that is where Doctor Amun is pointing - that is our baby.

Bella has tears in her eyes and she is kissing my fingers.

I lean in to kiss her forehead because it seems like the right thing to do, but I don't understand. That doesn't look like a baby at all.

"How many pictures would you like?" Doctor Amun asks.

"Three, please," Bella tells her.

Doctor Amun hangs the microphone thing up and wipes Bella's stomach with a cloth as the machine prints out the pictures and she hands them to Bella.

"I would like to see you back in a month, Bella. You can make your appointment at the desk. I'll leave a prescription for prenatal vitamins at the front desk too. Make sure you get plenty of rest and take it easy on yourself - let your body tell you what it needs. Take your time looking over the pictures. Congratulations."

When she shuts the door, Bella sits up on the bed and pulls me into a hug.

"Bella, I don't understand," I tell her, hugging her back.

"Don't understand what?" she asks in a gentle voice, pulling away from me.

"This doesn't look like a baby," I tell her as I pull the pictures from her hand.

"Not yet," she tells me, running her hand along my jaw. "But it will grow. What were you expecting to see?"

"I don't know. I didn't know we would be able to see it, but when I thought about it inside you I thought it would look like a baby, just tiny."

Bella smiles and kisses me softly. "I love how your mind works."

I look back down at the pictures in my hand trying to see if I can see how this will be a baby. Bella slides one hand over mine and with the other she points out things on the picture.

"This part is the head and—see the darker spot?—that will be an eye. These little nubs will become arms and hands and this part here will become the legs and feet."

She watches me as I look at the picture - trying to make out the things Bella pointed to.

"Are you disappointed?" she asks.

"No. Just surprised - I didn't know what was going to happen today. I didn't know babies started like that."

Bella slides off the bed and wraps both her arms around me.

"We both have a lot to learn, but we're in this together - we'll learn together."

Bella always knows what to say to make me feel better - to make me feel smarter.

"Can we go home now?" I ask.

"Of course. Are you okay, Edward?"

"Yes. I just want to be alone with you."

Bella smiles at me. "I think we can arrange that."

She takes my hand and we leave the clinic to head home, and I feel better in my mind. I believe in Bella and she believes in me - we can do this.

**~xx~**

"You don't have to go if you don't want to," Bella tells me as we climb into the car.

"I'm not letting you go alone."

Bella has been so worried about seeing Charlie she insisted we meet him in public and that we invite Tanya, also.

"Bella, you're shaking. Let me drive."

She doesn't argue, just hands me the keys and moves to the passenger seat.

I'm still a little nervous behind the wheel. I haven't driven the highway many times since getting my license, and we are headed to Port Angeles tonight.

I'm sure I'll be okay; Bella just looked like she shouldn't be driving.

When we arrive at the restaurant, Bella is looking like she might be ill.

"Are you going to be okay?" I ask her.

"Yeah, let's just get this over with."

I take Bella's hand in mine as we walk into the restaurant.

Bella said this is Charlie's favorite and she's hoping a stomach full of steak and potatoes will put him in a good mood before we tell him our news.

Dinner passes quickly with just a little talk about jobs, Bella's school, and my tutoring and therapy.

Tanya tells me how proud she is of my progress, my reading...my driving. Even Charlie adds his praise.

It feels nice to have so many people cheering for me. I know I am still behind most people my age, but I'm feeling more confident moving around in public now.

"You're still looking pale, Bella, and you hardly ate a thing tonight. You sure you're okay, kid?" Charlie asks.

Bella takes a deep breath and her hand trembles when she reaches into her purse. I know she has one of the pictures of the baby for Charlie. She told me she is going to give it to him today.

I wonder if Charlie will be happy and tape his on the refrigerator like Mom and Bella did. Mom was so happy to get her picture she cried and hugged us both.

Bella slides the picture towards Charlie, telling him, "I'm pregnant" in a shaky voice.

He just stares at her, not blinking. He looks like he doesn't understand what she said.

Tanya breaks the silence, reaching for Bella's hand and telling us congratulations.

Charlie still hasn't spoken; he just stares.

Bella looks ill again and is shaking. I put my arm around her and pull her close to me - I'm worried for her.

My movement catches Charlie's eye and his face changes.

Tears fill his eyes, but they are not happy tears like Mom's were - these tears are angry.

"What more are you going to take from her?"

"Charlie!" Tanya says loudly.

He doesn't seem like he hears her, just keeps staring at me.

"She quit school for you, moved for you, and now you get her _pregnant_!"

Charlie's face is red and Tanya and Bella both have tears in their eyes.

"This isn't Edward's fault," Bella says. She sounds so sad and so tired.

It makes me feel angry to hear how sad she is.

"The hell it isn't!"

Charlie is yelling now and several other people in the restaurant turn to look at us.

"It is no one's fault...it...it's a miracle."

"It's a stupid mistake."

Tanya and Bella both gasp, and tears fall freely from Bella's eyes.

"You are an ass, Charlie. If Bella never speaks to you again it will be no more than you deserve."

Tanya gets up from the table, grabbing her coat and purse.

"I'm sorry to leave so soon, Bella and Edward, but I can't listen to this. If you ever grow the hell up, Charlie, give me a call." And Tanya leaves the restaurant quickly.

Bella starts to get up too, but I hold her to me.

Her tears hurt me. I'm angry with Charlie for how he spoke.

"This isn't a mistake."

Charlie is looking hard at me as I speak.

"I love Bella and she loves me - we love our baby."

"I'm sure you think you do, but -"

I don't let Charlie finish.

"I _do _love them," I tell him bringing my other hand to rest on Bella's lower stomach.

"I'm not stupid, Mr. Swan, I know how I feel."

"And how the hell are you going to support her and this baby?"

Bella is crying softly against me.

"Please stop, Dad. If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me," she mutters quietly.

"I'm mad at you too, young lady - what were you thinking?"

I feel hot on the inside, my anger stronger.

"Don't talk to her like that. You...should be kind."

I'm having a hard time thinking of the best way to express my feelings.

"Bella loves you. Why do you want to hurt her with your anger? Bella's tired. She's scared, and she is worried. Why are you making it worse? She needs your love right now, not your anger."

Taking a deep breath, I go on while the words are still in my head.

"We don't have an answer for everything yet, but we'll learn together, and we'll work together. I'm not leaving her alone—ever."

feel relief just getting these words out. My anger has gone down somewhat, and I just want to get Bella out of here.

Charlie just looks at me, his mouth hanging open. His face is still red, but he doesn't look angry - he looks embarrassed.

I help Bella from her seat; there are still tears in her eyes.

She doesn't look at Charlie as we leave, and he makes no move to stop us or speak, just sits staring at the spot we were sitting in.

Bella lets me lead her to the car and help her inside.

She remains silent the whole way home. I'm not sure what I should do for her or what I should say.

**~xx~**

When we are settled in bed, Bella props herself up on her elbow, looking down at me with a small smile on her face.

"You were amazing tonight."

I look at her in confusion and she giggles, running her fingers over the crease in my brow.

"The way you spoke to Charlie...the way you stuck up for us. I'm really proud of you."

I pull her closer to me, close enough to feel her breath on my skin.

"He shouldn't have talked to you like that."

Bella presses her hand to my cheek. "He shouldn't have spoken to you like that - he had no right to scold you. I'm sorry for what he said."

I smile, looking into her loving eyes.

Charlie's words did not hurt me; him hurting Bella hurt me.

"I love you, Edward," she whispers, bringing her lips to mine.

I love feeling our lips move together. I love when her tongue brushes mine. And I love the want that fills me.

Her hand runs down my body, hot on my already warm skin.

"Can I try something?"

Bella's breath tickles my skin when her lips move down my neck.

"Yes."

Her hands and lips keep traveling down my body, heating me up, making me want her more.

When Bella's lips touch the tip of my penis, my breath catches in my throat.

Leaning forward, I watch as she slips more of me into her mouth.

I don't know the words to describe what I feel right now. This pleasure is almost more overwhelming than the first time Bella and I made love. The softness of her tongue runs along every inch of my erection, massaging and sucking.

"Bella…" It's the only word I can think...the only word I can say.

She removes her mouth and smiles. "Is this okay?"

I open my mouth to speak, but no words come. I can only nod. I want her mouth on me again.

She slides me into her mouth again, deeper this time and she sucks harder.

My arms can no longer support my weight. I fall back on the bed, pure pleasure the only thing I know.

My fingers hold tight to the blankets, my body wanting to thrust, push more of me—all of me—into her mouth.

My body feels tighter than it's ever felt before. Every touch of her lips, her tongue, her hands is more intense. The world away from her mouth blurs.

When my body reaches its peak, everything stills for just a moment and then explodes, leaving my body limp and drained.

I didn't notice Bella had left the bed until she is coming back from the bathroom. My mind is still coming back into focus.

She slides back into the bed next to me and pulls the covers over us both and scoots in close to my side.

"That was...I don't even have a word for it."

I can feel Bella's smile as she lays her head on my chest.

"Thank you for today," she whispers against me.

I pull her tighter to me, needing to feel her in my arms.

"I love you, Bella. I will always be on your side."

She kisses my chest lightly. "I love you more than I can tell you, Edward. You are going to be a great dad."

Her belief in me makes my heart ache in a good way.

I feel her even breathing, knowing she is already asleep.

I kiss the top of her head gently so I don't wake her.

Life is perfect right now.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading!**


	34. Chapter 34

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N: Thank you so much to my beta and friend, JustineNicole - you are complete awesomeness!**

**Thank you all so much for sticking with this despite my slow posting - I do truly appreciate it!**

**There will be one more chapter after this and an epilogue.**

**~XXXX~**

**EPOV**

"Thank you, Mr. Laurent. That's a relief...I guess."

Mom hangs up the phone and moves to the counter where Bella and I stand punching out biscuits.

"Everything alright?" Bella asks.

Mom looks stunned as she comes to the counter.

"That was Mr. Laurent and...he said Chelsea is dead."

"Really?" Bella says, going around the counter to stand in front of Mom.

"Did he tell you what happened?"

Mom takes a seat on one of the stools along the bar, still looking completely dazed.

"She...she hung herself with her own clothing."

Bella stares open-mouthed at Mom, like she can't even believe what she heard.

We all look at each other in disbelief, blinking mutely.

I don't know about them, but I don't even know what to think about this information.

_Dead_.

I let the word roll through my brain.

_Dead_..._dead_.

It doesn't feel right to be happy - she was a human being, but I have no sadness either.

Mom lets out a choked laugh and I look to her face. Tears run from her eyes and a small smile is on her lips.

"It's over. It's really over."

Her hand covers her mouth as another nervous laugh leaves her.

Bella and Mom hug one another - each crying, each laughing.

I look on in confusion; I don't understand the laughter or the tears.

When they pull apart Bella turns to me. "What are you thinking, Edward?"

"I'm not sure."

"Aren't you relieved?" she asks.

"I guess so. I think...justice has been served. She didn't deserve to have all those years."

Bella and Mom nod. I know they understand my feelings.

I've been feeling very angry lately, about everything that happened to my father, and to me.

I have been seeing Eleazar more often, and he assures me my feelings are very normal.

We have done several different exercises that help me vent some of these feelings.

In the past, we worked on getting the emotion out, but now he wants me to do more than just punch a dummy. He wants me to figure out the _why_ behind the feeling.

I have a journal that Eleazar encourages me to write in and get my thoughts and feelings down where I can look at them.

Bella comes to my side and slides her arm around my waist.

"Do you want to talk about it at all?"

I shake my head - I don't feel like I have any more to say right now. I need more time to think...to get used the idea that someone who caused so much terror is really gone.

Bella gives my waist a squeeze and goes back to punching out her biscuits.

Mom reaches across the counter and pats my hand gently.

"I understand how you feel, son. It's a strange thing to have something that's consumed so much of your life suddenly gone - even if it is a good thing. I'm sure you may still have a lot of wondering feelings - I still have those myself. I'm here when or if you ever feel like talking."

She smiles warmly at me before going back to the stove to work on the food she was making before the phone rang.

I feel like all my thoughts and feelings are tumbling over each other - I will definitely be writing in my journal tonight.

**~xx~**

"Are you ready to find out the sex of your baby?" Doctor Amun asks.

Bella looks to me, her eyes asking, "Are you sure?"

I nod at her - we already decided we both want to know.

"We're ready," Bella says.

I'm excited for the sonogram now that I know what to expect.

I have been doing a lot of reading about pregnancy - we picked up a book that talks about your baby's world inside the womb; what organs and senses it's developing, what it perceives of the outside world.

I have enjoyed looking at the drawings and photographs, and Bella and I have enjoyed talking about what our baby might be doing inside her.

The black and gray blips show on the computer screen as Doctor Amun moves the wand over Bella's stomach.

"We have an arm here," Doctor Amun points out on the screen.

Bella's face is excited and I feel excitement building in me too.

"Here's the heart; you can see it beating."

Right where Doctor Amun points I can see a fluttering - it's the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

Bella's hand grips mine tightly as Doctor Amun taps a few keys on the keyboard and moves the wand again.

"Here's the spine," Doctor Amun says, running her finger along the thin white line.

It's amazing to see all the parts - just like in the book, but now, instead of an interesting picture, there is feeling...so much feeling.

Pride, love, and joy all feel like they will burst out of me.

Doctor Amun moves the wand to show us the head. We can see the profile of our baby - the little nose and lips and the little hand curled up under its chin.

It's an amazing thing to peek into your unborn child's world.

Looking down at Bella, I can see she is feeling emotional too. Tears are forming at the corners of her eyes and she looks lovingly at the computer screen.

Doctor Amun moves the wand again, taps a few more keys, then points to a spot on the screen.

"Looks like you're having a boy."

I follow her finger to the screen, and I see it— a tiny, little penis.

A boy.

We're having a boy.

My grip tightens on Bella's hand.

"We're having a boy," she says. Her voice holding the same awe I feel inside.

Doctor Amun cleans off Bella's stomach and lays the wand down and quietly leaves the room.

I help Bella sit up and pull her into my arms, stoking her hair.

"What are you feeling?" Bella asks me softly.

"Awe."

Bella pulls back from me and looks up into my face.

"I know what you mean - that was so amazing."

"It was," I tell her. "I thought looking at all those pictures would prepare me, but seeing _our_ child was just so..."

Bella smiles at me and hugs me tightly. I know she understands what I can't find the words to describe.

Bella gathers up her things, including the pictures that Doctor Amun left for us, and we head out of the clinic and to the car.

"Do you mind if we stop at the baby store?" Bella asks.

I know she has been dying to get some things for the baby, but she wanted to know the sex first.

"Of course."

She smiles widely at me and it makes me happy to see her so excited after so many tears the first couple of months.

Once at the baby store we both have fun looking through all the little clothes and toys and coming to some decisions on colors and theme for the baby's room.

We agree on brown and green with forest creatures for the nursery. We pick out a comforter and some decorations for the wall and a little pair of jeans with a green plaid shirt and I have to admit I'm pretty excited about seeing our baby in it.

**~xx~**

Bella's breath is soft against my chest - I love holding her against me after we make love.

I love the feel of her in my arms and her breasts pressed against my side.

"What are you thinking?" she asks quietly.

"Thinking about you and the baby."

"What about us?" she asks, propping herself on her elbow.

"How much I love you both. How I can't wait to meet our son."

I let my hand settle on the swell of her stomach.

I have loved reading about all the changes she is going through and seeing the evidence before me.

I feel the small movements inside her belly - he always seems to be active after we have had sex.

It's the most unbelievable feeling to be interacting with my son even before he is born.

"I can't wait to meet him either - I hope he looks just like you."

I smile at the sparkle in Bella's eyes. I can't wait to see her cradling our son in her arms.

"Have you been thinking about any names?" she asks, laying her head back on my chest.

"A few."

"Am I allowed to know what they are?" I can hear the smile in her voice.

"I like the names Caleb and Daniel a lot. What about you? Have you thought of any?"

"I really like Henry or Aidan," she says with a yawn.

"I guess we'll have to talk about it, see which name we like best, okay?"

My question is met with silence.

"Bella? Bella?"

Her chest rises and falls gently against me - she has fallen asleep.

I smile as I think of how her face looks when she sleeps. I have watched her sleep so many times I can see her in my mind without using my eyes - she always looks so peaceful.

I'm so lucky to have her in my life; she and my son are the most important things to me.

**~xx~**

Mom looks lovely as she comes down the stairs in her simple cream colored dress.

Alice and Bella have had her upstairs most of the morning, putting on make-up, curling her hair, and adding flowers to the curls.

I can tell by the look on Carlisle's face that he is very happy with the results.

Mom and Carlisle just wanted a simple wedding - no fuss, no gifts, no big ceremony.

The couches and tables have been moved from the living room and chairs have been set up for the few guests.

A CD of piano music plays as mom walks between the chairs to where Carlisle stands.

When he takes her hand, I feel Bella's fingers tighten around mine and hear a quiet sniffle from her.

I listened to them exchange their words of love with a smile on my face. I'm happy my mom has someone in her life who loves her like I love Bella.

After the minister pronounces them man and wife, everyone claps and stands to offer their congratulations.

I've had a fun time working on this wedding with Mom and Bella - we have done most of the work ourselves.

Mom and Bella arranged all the flowers and the three of us spent the last several days cooking and baking for this party.

There is only one dark spot on this day; the tension between Bella and Charlie.

It's been a few months since the last time we saw him.

I can see by his face he's surprised to see how much bigger Bella's stomach has gotten.

I know Bella wishes things were better with her and Charlie; their situation has been eating at her.

She had been hoping that Charlie would respond when we sent him the latest sonogram picture telling him we're having a boy, but to Bella's disappointment, he didn't.

Bella had gone to see Eleazar; she was conflicted about making the first move in patching things up with Charlie.

He told her the ball was in Charlie's court now - she had been up front with him and he was the one choosing to be immature about the entire situation.

That seems to have helped her find some peace in her mind, which makes me happy - I don't like seeing her anxious.

I still don't understand what made Charlie so upset in the first place; I love Bella more than anything - isn't that what all people want for their children?

"What are you brooding about over here?" Bella asks, moving to my side and slipping her hand in mine.

"What do you mean?"

"You're thinking about something," she says.

"Yeah. Trying to figure your dad out."

"Let me know if you do," she tells me, glancing to where Charlie stands talking with Doctor Uley.

"Does he really dislike me that much?"

"I don't know, Edward. I think he just doesn't understand our relationship - I'm not sure he ever has."

We are silent a few moments - both of us still looking toward Charlie.

"Come on, let's not worry about any of that today - it's a happy day. Let's go watch your mom and Carlisle cut their cake," Bella says, pulling me to the other side of the room.

**~xx~**

It took Bella and me several hours to clean up after the reception.

I was proud of myself for how I handled the day - I'm still not completely comfortable around crowds of people, but it's getting easier for me.

The house seems extra quiet as Bella and I lock up and head down to the cottage.

No one is at the big house tonight, not even mom or Carlisle, they went to Vancouver for their honeymoon.

It's past midnight when we finally get in bed. Even though my body is tired, my mind is still going.

I think about the words the minister said to Carlisle and mom - words about unity and unending love.

They make me think of Bella - of my love for her.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" Her voice is sleepy. Tonight is one of her tired nights - on other nights we barely make it to the bedroom before she is pulling my clothes off.

"Do you want a day like today?"

"What do you mean?" she asks, sitting up quickly.

"Do you...want to have a wedding?"

"Edward, are you asking me to marry you?"

"Yeah, I guess I am."

Bella's face looks serious and she turns toward me, taking my hands in hers.

"I do want to marry you someday, Edward, but not right now. We have so much going on in our lives now...maybe after the baby is born. What do you think about that?"

"I just want to be with you, Bella; if you want to get married tomorrow, I'm happy with that. If you never want to get married, I'm happy with that too. I just saw how happy you were getting everything ready with Mom—the dress, the flowers, the cake...I thought maybe you wanted all those things too."

She moves to her knees, bringing her hands to my face. "I don't care about any of those things - I only care about you. I do want to marry you, if _we_ decide that's what we want. I don't want you to do it because you think it's what I want. You're the only thing I want."

I pull her against me, holding her tight.

"I want it, Bella, but I don't really want the party - can we do that?"

She smiles widely at me. "We can do whatever we want."

I like the idea of that.

I settle us back down on our pillows with her held to my chest.

My mind is quiet now and sleep comes easy as thoughts of marrying my Bella fill my mind.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	35. Chapter 35

**DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**A/N:First let me start with a humongous thank you to my bestie and beta, JustineNicole - you are the frosting on my cupcake, the cheese on my cracker...I could not do this without your amazingness! Another huge thank you to Betti Gefecht for the brilliant banner that fueled this story - there would literally be no Feral without her! Above all I want to thank all of my lovely readers. Your reviews, tweets, posts and pms have encouraged me along the way and brightened my day and your overwhelming support has blown me away!**

**~XXXX~**

**EPOV**

"Bring your arms around your partner and let her relax against you. Now everyone breathe together. Three short breaths in, one long breath out."

I follow the directions of the Lamaze instructor, gently pulling Bella back to lean against my chest.

Bella lets out a deep sigh as she relaxes against me. Her stomach has gotten so big that it's hard for her to move - I know she is definitely tired of being pregnant.

I love having my hands on her stomach, it's so..._alive_.

Our son moves against my hand. I love when he pushes against me. It's like we have a special bond already.

It's so amazing to me that just eight months ago our son didn't exist, and now he's almost here - a whole new person.

I breathe with Bella as she relaxes in my arms. I know she is nervous about the birth. She's worried the pain will be too much for her and she won't be able to go through with the natural birth she wants.

The instructor talks about other relaxation techniques - like music or having familiar things around.

The rest of our Lamaze class passes quickly, bringing us one step closer to meeting our son.

**~xx~**

"Are you surprised?" I whisper in Bella's ear as I lead her to the couch.

"Yes. When did you plan all this?"

"Alice and Mom have been working on this for a couple weeks - they're very excited."

Bella looks around at the smiling faces gathered for our couple's baby shower.

"I can see that," she tells me.

Alice had wanted this to be an all-girls party, but I didn't like the idea of something for our son not including me, so she agreed to a couple's event.

Mom has made tons of food - little bite size things - and she made a beautiful cake decorated with the woodland animals we chose for the nursery.

After we all eat Alice sets us to playing some games. The first game we play is "Guess the Baby Food" - one person in each couple is blindfolded and is fed a sample of baby food by their partner and tries to guess what it is.

To everyone's surprise, Carlisle is the winner - he identified all ten foods correctly.

The next thing we do is decorate diapers - Alice has each one of us use markers to draw a picture or write a saying on plain white disposable diapers.

Bella loves the idea; she thinks it's a great personal touch to, what she informs me is an unpleasant task.

The last game Alice has for us is to guess how big Bella's stomach is.

We each measure out and cut off a length of yarn that we think will fit around her and the closest wins.

Carmen is the closet and I'm second with only an inch of difference between our guesses.

When we open our gifts there are a lot of great things we need; more diapers, clothes, blankets and soaps.

Bella and I are both excited with all the new things, and I know we are both looking forward to using the stuff on our little guy.

**~xx~**

"Edward...Edward." Bella is shaking me from a sound sleep.

"What's wrong?" I ask, trying to clear the sleep from my brain as I sit up.

"I think I'm having contractions," she says and the panic in her voice is evident.

"What!?" My mind snaps to attention - contractions equal baby.

I hurry out of bed and slip into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

"How far apart are your contractions?" I ask.

"The last one was five minutes ago and the first one was eight minutes before that."

"Have you had any other labor signs?"

I can see Bella going through symptoms in her mind.

"Not really. Do you think this could just be false labor?" she asks and I can see tears forming at the corners of her eyes.

I pull her to me and stoke her hair gently.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," she says between sniffles.

"I'm glad you did - I wouldn't want you up worrying alone. Do you want me to take you up to the hospital just to be sure?"

I push back a little, looking down at her face, and I can see she's unsure. I know part of her wants to go, but knowing Bella, she won't want to be a bother.

"Would you like me to call Carlisle? See what he says?" I offer.

She nods and relief crosses her face.

Carlisle answers the phone quickly and I feel a little bad knowing I'm waking Mom up too.

I quickly explain things to Carlisle and he says it's most likely false labor but he is happy to come down and check, just to be on the safe side.

It's only a few minutes until Carlisle is knocking at the door.

Bella has gotten into some pajamas and moved to the couch and Carlisle sits down beside her after coming inside.

Carlisle takes her pulse and asks her about the contraction.

"The last one was fifteen minutes ago," she tells him.

"And how many did you have?"

"Just the two," Bella informs him.

"You haven't had any more since moving out here from the bedroom?"

"No, just the two."

Carlisle stands, a small smile on his lips.

"I would say you are experiencing some false labor - very common in the later stages of pregnancy. I'm glad you called, though. It's always best to be on the safe side."

Carlisle tells us good night and heads back up to the big house and I help Bella from the couch back into our bed.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" I ask.

"Do you mind making me a cup of warm milk?"

I smile to myself as I head to the kitchen. Warm milk with a little honey has been one of Bella's favorites lately.

After heating a cup of milk in the microwave, I add a spoonful of honey and carefully carry it back to Bella.

When I walk into the bedroom, Bella's eyes are just starting to close.

I set the mug on the nightstand and pull the comforter over her shoulders.

"Sorry about tonight," she whispers sleepily.

"I'm not, I'm glad you woke me."

"Still sorry...you were...tired." She seems to be having a hard time getting her thoughts out through the exhaustion.

"I'll put your milk back in the kitchen for you."

She tries to sit back up but I stop her. "Lay back down, you can hardly keep your eyes open."

She sinks back into her pillow with a smile and she's asleep in moments.

I return the cup to the kitchen and put it in the fridge before going back to the bedroom.

I climb carefully back into bed and make sure not to jostle Bella too much. She presses her back into me as I move my arm around her stomach.

I love how she's aware of me even when she's asleep.

I feel a nudge against my palm as I smooth my hand across her skin.

"Hi, buddy, I can't wait to meet you," I whisper. "Try and move carefully - Mommy is already sleeping and she's really tired."

He pushes again and it's almost like he's answering me.

"I love you, little man."

I try to imagine what it will be like to hold him and kiss his tiny cheeks and I feel like my heart will burst with all the love I have for my son and Bella.

**~xx~**

"Honey, you don't need to be out here - Edward and I can take care of this," Mom tells Bella as she tries to help her off her knees where she is weeding.

"I'm fine. I just need to do something - I can't sit in the house anymore...I'm going stir-crazy."

I knew Mom was fighting a losing battle. Doctor Amun talked to us about the nesting instinct and Bella is definitely nesting - she can barely sit still this week.

Mom lets Bella be and heads to a different flower bed, but she keeps throwing anxious glances over her shoulder.

I take a break from splitting wood and kneel on the ground next to Bella.

"Will you please take it easy?"

Bella looks up at me, pushing stray hair from her eyes. "Just let me finish this area and then I promise to rest."

"Thank you," I tell her, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

I head back to the chopping block, hoping Bella will take her rest soon.

After splitting several more logs I notice Bella starting to get up and it makes me happy that she is going to take a break.

I watch her walk toward the porch but she stops halfway there, clutching at her stomach.

I plant the ax in the chopping block and rush to Bella's side.

"Are you okay?"

Bella grabs for my hand and I can tell by her grip she is not okay.

"Contraction - definitely not false," she tells me through gritted teeth as I help her to the porch.

I help her sit in one of the rocking chairs on the porch and watch as relief came to her face.

"Tell me when the next one hits and I'll start timing them."

Bella starts rocking slowly and I watch her face for signs of pain.

She closes her eyes and leans her head back against the chair.

A few minutes later, I see her fingers dig into the arm of the chair and she croaks out, "Contraction," through clenched teeth.

I look at my watch, taking note of the time. Bella breathes in through her nose and out through her mouth slowly.

I can see on her face when the contraction stops, her whole expression relaxes.

Now it's just a waiting game - waiting to see if she has more regular contractions, or if this is another false labor.

Bella looks anxious - I know she's hoping this is the real thing...I know she is as ready for this baby as I am.

Her fingers curl on the arm of the chair and I see the pain return to her expression. "Eight minutes," I say out loud, letting Bella know how long it's been since the last contraction.

I watch the pain fade from her expression again.

"I'll go get our bag and then we'll tell Mom we're going to the hospital," I tell her, rising from the chair next to her.

"No, let's wait for one more, just to make sure," she says reaching for my hand.

I stand next to her, holding her hand. It's been six-and-a-half minutes since the last contraction.

I rub my thumb over her hand - waiting.

At seven minutes and fifty seconds from the last contraction, Bella's hand tightens on mine.

"Contraction?"

She nods, her pain clear.

When the pain subsides, I tell her I'm going to get my mom to sit with her while I get our bag and the car.

I hurry down to where Mom is, completely immersed in her weeding.

I tell her about Bella's contractions and how far apart they are. She hurries off her knees, brushing dirt off herself as we hurry back to Bella.

Mom sits next to her, speaking to her in a low, calming voice.

I walk down to the cottage at a quick pace, trying to keep my mind focused on the task at hand.

It only takes me ten minutes to grab our bag and get the car and pull it up in front of the house.

Mom tells me Bella had another contraction while I was gone.

I help Bella into the car, making sure she's as comfortable as possible.

Mom pulls me into a hug. "I have a few things to square away here, and I'll make sure Max gets fed, and then I'll come up to the hospital."

"Thanks, Mom, I'll see you there."

I can barely contain my eagerness to jump into the car and speed down the road.

Bella is sending Charlie a text when I get into the car - they aren't to the point where they're really talking yet, but they do text on occasion.

I guide the car carefully down the dirt road as Bella sends more texts - I assume to Alice and Rosalie.

The trip to the hospital is nerve-wracking - Bella has two more contractions on the way there and I'm finding it difficult to keep my mind on the road with Bella in obvious pain beside me.

Once at the hospital, I park the car and grab the bag before helping Bella from the car.

I wrap my arm around her waist, supporting her as another contraction hits.

It only takes a few minutes to get Bella checked in and into a room.

The nurse gives us a few minutes so that I can help Bella change into her nightgown before she hooks her up to the monitors that will measure the strength and frequency of her contractions.

Bella's nurse is a really nice woman, a little bit older, a very motherly type and she is sweet to both Bella and me.

Dr. Amun comes to see us after a little while and is pleased with Bella's progress.

She asks Bella again if she sure she wants to go through a natural birth and Bella assures her that she does.

Time seems to slow down as we wait for Bella to progress.

People go in and out of the room as the minutes and hours tick by.

Mom stops in after a while to check on us and see if there is anything we need.

I am amazed by Bella's strength, even as her contractions get stronger and longer she doesn't complain - she just grips my hand tightly and does her breathing.

After several hours of labor with little more progress, Dr. Amun breaks Bella's water, hoping it will force her into hard labor.

It works, and her labor intensifies, hopefully bringing our son into the world sooner.

I feel very useless; there is little I can do to help ease her discomfort. I keep speaking words of love to her and wipe her face with a cool cloth.

When Bella is close to fully dilated, the room comes alive with activity. Dr. Amun arrives in her scrubs and her and the nurse set about getting things ready.

The end of the bed Bella lies in folds away, giving Dr. Amun access between her legs.

I'm not sure what to do as I watch Dr. Amun and several nurses hurry around the room.

I have read all the books I could get my hands on, watched a video of a delivery, attended Lamaze with Bella, but now that we are in the moment, I don't feel prepared enough. I feel like I'm missing something...like there is something more I should be doing.

Dr. Amun checks Bella again and looks up at us with a smile. "You're fully dilated. Are you ready to start pushing?"

Bella nods, her expression a mixture of anxiety and relief. This is the moment we've been waiting for...working for and, even though it will be painful, I know Bella is happy the time has come to meet our baby.

"Edward, I want you to help Bella sit up. Nurse Kebi will help hold Bella's other leg and you hold the one near you."

I can feel the exhaustion in Bella's body as I help her sit up and my fingers grip over hers as together we pull her knee back.

"Alright, Bella, here comes another contraction - I want you to push for five counts."

Bella bears down and I feel the effort she is putting forth as her body trembles while she pushes.

"Great job, Bella. Take a little rest and then we'll push again."

Bella leans back slightly, sweat starting to bead on her forehead and looking even more pale than normal.

"Here comes another one - give me another big push, Bella."

I help Bella sit forward again and she pushes and strains once more, bringing our son a little closer.

We repeat our actions again and again. Each time, I see Bella getting a little more exhausted.

"I can't do this anymore, Edward. I'm so tired."

Tears of fatigue and pain run down her face as she leans her forehead against my arm.

"You're doing great Bella. He's almost here - I can see his head. You can do it," I encourage, rubbing my hand along her thigh.

"I can't, Edward. I can't."

"Yes you can. Look at me, Bella, please."

Her eyes focus on me with difficulty.

"I am so proud of you. You are doing great - just a few more pushes and he'll be here and you can hold him."

A fresh wave of tears runs down her face and she puts her hands back on her knees to push again.

"His head is out. One more big push, Bella, and you've got this," Dr. Amun encourages.

Bella bears down again. I can see the strain on her face as she pushes as hard as she can.

Dr. Amun pulls him the rest of the way out and uses a bulb syringe to clear his throat as Bella falls back against her pillows.

"Edward, do you want to come cut the cord?"

Dr. Amun hands me a pair of scissors, telling me to cut between the clamps.

It's an odd sensation cutting through the spongy umbilical cord.

My son is only making little cries as Dr. Amun lays him in my arms.

I'm overwhelmed when I look down at the brand new person in my arms. No amount of reading could have prepared me for this moment - he is absolutely perfect.

I press my lips to his dark matted hair. I've never been so proud in my life, not even relearning to speak and learning to drive can compare.

Bella and I created this beautiful creature together - I don't even try to stop the tears that are forming in my eyes.

I cradle my son gently in my arms, taking him to Bella and laying him in her arms.

She has never looked more beautiful than she does in this moment - pale and sweaty, with a little smudge of blood on her face where she nuzzled our son. She _is _an angel.

"Does he have a name yet?" Dr. Amun asks, coming to my side.

"Daniel Henry Masen," Bella says softly, running her finger down his cheek.

My heart is so full right now - I feel like I'll burst.

The nurse steps up to Bella's bedside, telling her she needs to take Daniel's measurements and have the pediatrician check him over.

I can see how much Bella doesn't want to let go as she hands Daniel to Nurse Kebi.

I follow the nurse as she takes Daniel to a small bed with a bright light over it.

A kind-faced man with Dr. Benjamin stitched on his coat comes to Daniel's side as Nurse Kebi lays him on the bed - I assume the man is the pediatrician.

He listens to Daniel's chest and stomach with a stethoscope and then runs his fingers over his limbs and head.

"He's a bit jaundiced. He's going to need to go to the nursery for a bit and lay under the Bili-lamp after he's cleaned up."

Dr. Benjamin gives both Bella and me a smile. "Don't worry, it's very common. You have a very healthy little boy."

Bella's relief is visible on her face - I'm sure mine is as well.

"Go with him," Bella's weary voice sounds from the bed.

I take her hand in mine. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," she says quietly. "I don't want him to be alone."

I press a kiss to her forehead and follow Nurse Kebi as she wheels Daniel from the room in the little bed.

It's only a short walk to the nursery. Once inside, Nurse Kebi wheels his bed to a station with a lamp over it.

"I'm going to get some water and then you can give your son his first bath," Nurse Kebi tells me as she walks away.

He's brought his little fist to his mouth and is trying to find a place to suck, soft noises coming from him as he does.

I run my finger gently up and down his stomach and chest, feeling his little heartbeat against my fingertips.

He's the most amazing thing I've ever seen, and I can't quite wrap my head around the fact that I helped create him - he's so beautiful.

Nurse Kebi returns wheeling another cart - it looks very similar to the one Daniel is in, only instead of a little bed there is a clear tub half full of water.

"Alright, Mr. Masen, you ready to give your son a bath?"

"I...I think so."

Nurse Kebi shows me how to cradle him in the water so his head stays up and his bottom rests in the water. She gives me a soft cloth and tells me to gently wash the blood and goop from his body.

When I get to his head he lets out a loud, angry wail and I feel like it rips my heart in two. I have a new appreciation of my mom and what she must have suffered in my absence. I know with certainty there is nothing I wouldn't do to keep Daniel safe.

When he's washed, I lay him in a towel that Nurse Kebi is holding and she shows me how to put on his diaper, being careful not to bump his belly button too much. She talks with me about the care of his belly bottom as she attaches a monitor to him and turns on the bright lamp.

"Would you like to stay here or go back to Bella?" she asks me.

"I think I'll stay here for a bit." She pulls a rocking chair next to his bed for me to sit in.

"He'll need to be under this light for an hour, then we'll take him back to the room and see if he will nurse."

Now that he's out of the water, he has stopped crying and is sucking his fist once again.

I just sit watching him. I can't take my eyes from him—he's absolutely perfect.

Now that he's washed and dried, I can see that his hair is brown, a bit lighter than Bella's and it curls just a little.

I'm feeling tired as I sit rocking. It's been a long day, but I can't take my eyes off Daniel.

"Mr. Masen…" Nurse Kebi is tapping me lightly on the shoulder, I didn't realize I had fallen asleep. "Daniel can go back to the room now."

Daniel is no longer in just a diaper; he is now wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt with little pouches covering his fists and tiny white socks.

I follow Nurse Kebi from the nursery and back down the hall to Bella's room.

Bella is sitting up eating when we walk in and she smiles weakly at us. She looks so exhausted.

I move to her side and press a kiss to her forehead.

"Are you ready to try nursing?" Nurse Kebi asks, bringing Daniel to Bella's outstretched arms.

Bella takes Daniel gently and cradles him against her, guiding her breast into his mouth.

I'm in awe as I watch the two of them - they are beautiful together.

**~xx~**

I can't believe two months have already gone by since Daniel was born.

I love everything about being a dad. I love the little sounds he makes and the way he smells. I don't even mind the middle of the night feedings or the dirty diapers.

"Do you want to get married?" I ask Bella from where I stand in the nursery doorway, watching her rock Daniel.

"What?"

"Do you want to marry me?"

"Of course. We have plenty of time for that," she says, rising from the rocker and settling Daniel in his bed.

"I meant now."

"Now?"

"Not _now_ now," I tell her, coming to stand behind her next to Daniel's bed. "But soon. I know I want you forever, Bella. I want you to be mine officially."

I slide my arms around her waist and press my face against her hair.

"Okay," she says. "Let's do it - let's get married."

"I don't have a ring. Does that bother you?"

Bella turns in my arms looking up into my face.

"It doesn't bother me at all. Nothing about us has ever been traditional - I don't need a ring. All I need is you and Daniel."

I lean in, kissing her slowly. I can't wait to marry her.

I pull her out of Daniel's room and toward our room, freeing her of her clothes as our lips meet in a heated kiss.

She tugs on my clothes, just as eager as I am.

I pull her down on me as we tumble back onto the bed.

I'm more than ready when she slides down onto me and my hands slip down her silky skin, coming to a rest on her hips, our bodies moving together in such a way I feel shivers race through my limbs.

I love to see her body move and bounce, to hear her sighs and moans.

I love the way she makes my body feel and my heart - she owns every part of me.

We come to a shuttering release together and I pull her face down to mine, kissing her long and slow.

"What kind of wedding do you want?" I ask pulling my lips from hers and rolling us to our sides.

"Just small and simple - our families and a few friends."

"I like the sound of that," I tell her, kissing along her hairline.

"Do you have a date in mind?" she asks.

"Is a couple months too soon?"

"Not for a simple wedding," she says.

"Bella, don't make it simple just because I want to get married soon."

"Edward I want something simple. I've never been a fancy person," she tells me with a sleepy smile.

"Okay, we can tell Mom in the morning. She'll be excited. Will you invite Charlie?"

"Of course, but I'm done worrying about his reaction to everything. He can be a part of our lives or not, that's up to him. I think Daniel is helping things along. Whether he'll admit it or not, I think he likes being a grandpa."

She was right, things had come a long way with Charlie. I think Daniel melted his stubbornness the first time he held him.

**~xx~**

Three months pass quickly - Bella and I have both been so busy it feels like we hardly see each other.

Daniel takes up a good chunk of our time and with my job and the bed and breakfast…it's a good thing we are having a simple wedding.

When the morning of our wedding comes it's a typical foggy Washington morning; mist in the air and dew on the grass.

We have breakfast up at the big house with Mom and Carlisle - you can feel the excitement in the air. Bella and I just can't stop smiling.

Bella planned the wedding for midmorning with a luncheon following, so none of us lingered over breakfast.

I walk back down to the cottage alone to change my clothes. Bella and Daniel will stay at the big house to change. I will meet them in the meadow Bella and I like at ten-thirty.

After a shower, I dress in dark blue jeans and a white button-down shirt, leaving it un-tucked per Bella's request.

I walk back toward the main house where Carlisle meets me out front. We walk out to the meadow together. He has agreed to stand up for me and I couldn't think of a better best man.

He told me he was honored to do this for me, but I am the one who's honored - he's a great friend, mentor, and step-father.

A blue and white balloon arch, the minister, and our few guests are the only sign that this is a wedding.

I take my place under the balloon arch and look out at the guests gathered; family and friends...people that have helped us get to this point.

It isn't long before I see Alice walking into the meadow wearing a simple blue sundress, and behind her is my Bella.

Her hair is down around her shoulders and her white sundress fits her body perfectly.

In one hand, she carries a simple bouquet of white tulips and the other supports Daniel where he rests against her hip.

Daniel is dressed just like me - dark jeans and a tiny white button down shirt.

We decided against having any music - Bella and Alice walk to their own beat.

Bella also decided to forgo the tradition of Charlie giving her away. She said it just didn't feel right, but I know she's thrilled that's he's at least here.

My heart beats excitedly in my chest when Bella reaches me, hands her flowers to Alice and takes my hand.

The minister speaks traditional vows and we never take our eyes from each other.

When we are pronounced man and wife, I feel a deep satisfaction, like I'm complete - she is truly my other half.

Our friends and family gather around us hugging and congratulating.

Jasper snaps pictures of us as we hold Daniel between us.

Alice is snapping another set of pictures; each guest is writing a well wish for us on one of the balloons and before they release their balloon into the air, Alice takes a picture of their wish and will put them all together in a book for us.

Slowly people start making their way back to the main house to enjoy the food that Mom and Bella have prepared.

We let everyone else go on ahead of us. I want to enjoy this moment with just the three of us.

"Today has been like a fairytale...this is our happily ever after," Bella says to me, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"I don't believe in happily ever after," I tell her.

"You don't?"

"Nope. In fairy tales happily ever after is the end of the story...this is just the beginning."

Bella wraps her arms around my waist, hugging me tightly.

This is our beginning. I know with Bella and our little boy by my side, we have a wonderful life ahead of us.

**The End**

~XXXX~

**A/N: Thank you for reading and please keep me on your author alerts for future projects  
**


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